CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE

(BPOV)

I walked into the funeral home and slowly pulled my hand from Jacobs when we parted ways just inside the doors, his warm fingers reluctant to let go of mine as he headed into the back office with the pack where Leanne was waiting for him to get things in order and the service under way. I gave him a subtle nod of encouragement and began displaying the dozens of photos next to the white and silver guest book that lay untouched on the greeting table in front of me. I gingerly picked up the pen and wrote my name down on the first page before I placed them all there. I delicately organized them in the best order I could and fought back the tears that welled from the precious moments he'd shared with her. I could almost envision how some of the photos had been taken, what moments in time had led up to their development and how truly unfair it was that they would never get the chance to take another. A familiar voice from behind me made me turn back around when it called my name then.

"Bella."

Paul stood there with a humbled expression as he wearily approached me, his eyes catching mine when he unexpectedly embraced me, his hold tight and reminding me of Jacob in the way his strong arms held me.

"Paul...-"

"I know we've had our differences in the past but that was a long time ago. I deserved that slap and if I recall the altercation correctly, you had a mean left hook back in the day? Still the case?" He sighed, releasing me with a huff.

"I wouldn't know. Haven't had to use it since. That was a lifetime ago and you're right, you did deserve it." I softly countered, catching his guilty and somewhat mischievous smirk.

"That's fair that you agree, anyway, I want you to know I'm glad you're here for Jacob. He needs all the support he can get right now."

I could plainly hear the sincerity in his rich baritone and I nodded to him in response.

"He's lucky to have all of you by his side. I've been away so long that I forgot just how solid that bond is. You guys are truly like a family."

"Always will be." Paul solidly replied, his hand gently squeezing my forearm when he looked toward the many pictures on display. "Thank you for doing all this for him. You're part of our family, too."

I looked away from him and shook my head at this, unable to hold his darkened gaze for any longer.

Paul cleared his throat and wrapped an arm around my shoulders as I tried to ignore the pit forming in my stomach.

"I left all of you behind when I moved to Maine."

"That doesn't mean we don't still consider you family. You'll always be one of our own."

Sam soon stood by the door and beckoned Paul with a wave as he helped Emily and sweet Clarissa come inside to escape the cold. Emily smiled weakly at me, her tears not hidden when she hugged Sam tightly and he lovingly kissed the side of her face that would forever bare the scars of his change.

Clarissa was wrapped in a white blanket to ward off the chill in the funeral home, her face innocent and her eyes already heavy as Emily cradled her close. She'd dressed her in what appeared to be a christening outfit, the lace trim of it was beautiful and I struggled to keep my composure when she silently handed her over to me so she could take off her coat. Sam made sure Emily was okay before he left with Paul and retreated back down the hall where the others were waiting.

"She's been awake all morning so I think she'll fall asleep soon. It's about time for her nap."

"Her outfit is beautiful, Emily."

"Jacob left it at the house for her before he went home this morning. He found it in her closet. Lillian chose it for her to wear at her christening a few months ago and it still fits, albeit a bit snug, but it will serve it's purpose for today anyway. She just had a bottle, too."

I smiled down at Clarissa and went to hand her back to Emily, but she began to cry when I released her and Emily stopped me with a warm smile. "She wants to stay with you. She's pretty picky about who she lets hold her when she's this tired. She must be content with you, Bella. Babies have always been excellent judges of character in that way."

I stilled when I felt Clarissa's head come to rest on my shoulder, her tiny frame appearing so delicate, as I wrapped the blanket around her and saw the tears glide down Emily's cheeks.

"I'm sorry, Bella. I did so well to hold myself together but now that we're here it's so hard. Lilly and I had become really close this last year. I considered her like a sister and a true friend."

"It's okay, Emily." I replied, taking her by the hand and making our way into the seating area ahead of us.

I took my seat beside Charlie and Billy, careful not to jostle Clarissa while she began to fall fast asleep in my arms. Charlie touched Clarissa's cheek and we silently watched the pews beside us fill with people. I recognized none of them, but saw the strong resemblance they all held to Lillian, their faces heart shaped in the same gorgeous and alluring way when they turned and gazed in our direction. The taller man who seated himself on the end studied me closely for some time, before he stood back up and crossed the aisle with an outstretched hand to Billy first.

"You're Jacobs father, Billy Black?"

"Yes, that's me." Billy somberly replied, taking hold of the young mans outstretched hand with a faint smile in greeting. "And you must be Ethan. So nice to finally put a face to the name we've heard so much about."

"I am." He kindly replied, before reaching out to gently stroke Clarissa's hair. His eyes were nothing but kind when he addressed Charlie and I. "I'm sorry, I don't think we've had the pleasure of meeting before? I'm Lillians older brother and the two across the way there are Charlotte and Evalyn. They are my sisters. We've only seen pictures of our niece until now. She's precious and everything Lillian said she was."

I nervously shook his hand and glanced over at them to behold their striking beauty, all of them dressed to the nines and wearing jewelry that probably cost more than the mortgage on my house back in Maine. Charlotte smiled our way and Evalyn quickly followed after her, both of them offering us a wave before returning their attention to some of the other unknown family members who were steadily piling in now.

"Nice to meet you, Ethan. I'm Charlie Swan and this is my daughter, Bella. We're very sorry for the loss of your dear sister. We all loved her. She will be greatly missed."

"Thank you for your kind words. Pleasures all mine, sir. Jacob tells us you're a well known and respected officer of the law in these parts. Thank you for your service here."

I lifted my head to get a better look at him and took immediate notice of the way he stood and of the way he carried himself. Ethan wasn't wearing just any suit to his sisters funeral, he was dressed in an Army Service Uniform and countless pins colorfully decorated either side of his jacket.

Charlie got to his feet and firmly gripped Ethans hand again, his words sincere when he spoke.

"No, thank you for your service to this Country. I had no idea you were in the Army."

"I just returned from my second tour in Afghanistan. Got back three days ago for the holiday season. I wasn't able to make it home last year. I wish now more than ever that I had." He despondently stated, looking ahead toward the front where several florists could be seen placing varying arrangements all around Lillian's casket. They were lush with Chrysanthemums and the vibrancy of their yellow and white colors took my breath away at the sight of them.

"Those were Lillian's favorite. Jacob placed the order for them this morning. I'm so glad they were able to come through for him." Billy whispered in my ear.

"They're so beautiful."

"It was nice to formerly meet all of you. Hope to talk some more after the service? Jacob informed us that there would be a small gathering on the Reservation in La'Push to follow?" Ethan asked, his blue eyes roaming to me once more before Billy could reply.

"Yes, there will be a gathering at Sam Uley's house. You and your sisters are more than welcome to follow us back there if you'd like Ethan?"

"We'd like that very much, Billy. Thank you."

"Of course, Ethan. Of course." Billy obliged.

I watched Ethan return to his seat and offer comfort to his sobbing sisters when he wrapped an arm around them. They took one look at Clarissa in my arms and became inconsolable. I couldn't help but become emotional at the witness of their devout sadness. They hadn't even had the chance to hold their own niece yet.

Charlie sensed my concern and leaned in closer to me, his whispered words low enough so that only I could hear them.

"She's comfortable with you right now. Passing her over to them would only scare her. I'm sure Jacob will get them acquainted once the service is over. You're not doing anything wrong by holding her. Their little bodies can feel stress just like ours can. I know you know that. Today will be hard for her, too. Even if she's far too young to grasp it all yet."

"Thank you, I needed that reminder." I replied, as Emily took hold of my hand and wiped at her tears while she looked ahead to Lillians casket. I shuddered when I caught sight of Martha and Shawn, the two of them in tears when they embraced Lillians siblings and set down across from us. A man walked down the center aisle then, adjusting his suit and tie as he went. He stood at the front and almost instantly, a hushed silence fell over the entire crowded room in response to just his presence. The funeral conductor began with an opening greeting, followed by a prayer and it was then that I stopped trying to push down the raw emotion that silently ran unchecked down my cheeks. I held onto Clarissa tightly when Jacob and the entire pack slowly walked down the aisle and took their reserved seats in the front two pews. Sam sat next to Jacob and placed a firm hand on his shoulder as the service began.

Stories of Lillians life were shared by many. Some of them from her family and others from close friends that truly cherished her memory with their inspirational tales of how she'd helped them all somehow, been a shoulder for them to cry on or a loyal companion for all the many sports they used to play together, the many movies they attended or the painting classes they'd all gone to with her. Each story was heartbreakingly beautiful to listen to and they all carried such sentimental meaning with them that by the time Shawn stood to speak his final words about the treasured grandchild he had to lay to rest much too soon, I was leaning into Charlie for support unable to stifle the emotion his words brought forth among us all.

"My Lillian was one of the bright lights we'd been given in this world. From the time she was a little girl, she had big dreams and she followed through with them, but none of those held any weight in comparison to being the proud wife and new mother she was. For those of you who had the privilege of knowing our sweet Lillian, you knew that to know her was to love her. You couldn't help but want to be near that smile she always offered or that never ending optimism she gave out freely to anyone she came in contact with. Lillian would want nothing more than for her young life to be remembered and thought back on with that same bright smile. She would want all of us to do just as we're doing here today. Not to mourn her, but to celebrate the life she got to live, to share the fondest of memories we had with her, and to carry her with us the rest of our days with a warmth in our hearts that can't be removed. One of our Lillians most beloved sayings was the well known Latin phrase of 'Carpe Diem'. It's meaning of seize the day is used in all kinds of ways these days, but for Lillian, she would often throw out this catch phrase of hers whenever life would inevitably sprawl out a difficult or unexpected challenge in front of her. She was fearless our girl. Oh, was she ever fearless. Her grandmother and I would often joke that she would argue that the sky was purple when everyone else said it was blue, because to Lillian, her perception of this world was nothing shy of beautiful. It was truly nothing short of breath taking. She believed in love and she believed in it's power to right the wrong and fix the broken within anything. We will forever carry on her memory by trying to live life to the fullest just as she did. Her time here may have been shorter than what any of us wanted, but I can promise you that our Lillian isn't gone. She lives on in the hearts and souls of each and every one of us in this room and no one more than her sweet Clarissa. Lillians light will never dim as long as we continue to let it shine out from us. She would truly want nothing less. Martha and I had the blessing of getting to watch her grow up and turn into the wonderful woman she was, the kind of woman who could make your day better with a sincere smile or a hug. She always said that one of the best feelings in the world was to stumble across the kind of love that gave you butterflies and she found that and so much more with Jacob."

Shawn briefly paused and I heard the sob come from Billy as Emily wrapped an arm around him, the two of them crying together while he tearfully carried on.

"Jacob, you gave our Lillian the warmth back in her smile. Your love for her put a fire in her soul and she felt unstoppable with you by her side. She couldn't even say your name to us without grinning over the phone. We could hear it in her sweet voice when she called and the day you married her, her life took on new meaning. She once told us that she had finally found where she belonged and that it was enough to last her a lifetime. Don't forget that, son. You will always be part of our family. It is with a heavy heart that we all say a final goodbye to our Lillian but please, lets all hold her memory with us by showing the same acts of kindness she would want us to show every day."

Shawn stepped down and slowly approached Lillians casket, his shaking hands reaching out to touch her pale cheek as he whispered his parting words to her. "Fly high baby girl. You're finally free to fly high and remember, Grammie and I love you to the moon and back and we will treasure you in our hearts forever. I know you will be up there watching over us among the stars."

Charlie's tears dripped down his chin and I placed a hand over my mouth in an attempt to silence the sob that was building from hearing Mr. Dawsons last words.

Jacob stood then, his approach to Shawn causing everyone to look up and follow his movements, as he embraced him in a tight hug and began to speak. His voice quavered and with his every word, I felt my own heart crumble into tiny fragments.

"Lillian taught me what true love was. She showed it in the way she lived her life. She showed it in the sense of adventure she held and in the spontanuity she created in the every day. I know I'm supposed to share a favorite memory of us or our song, but the truth is that if I stood here and told you all of my favorite memories with her, we'd be here past dark. So, I'll share the one memory that made me fall in love with her. The moment that I knew she was who I wanted to spend forever with. Who I wanted to grow old with." He paused at this, his emotion making it hard for him to continue as he looked to Sam, the two of them briefly sharing an assured glance that gave him the strength to keep going. "It was raining and if you live here, you know that's fairly common in these parts, but this Summer storm was different. The winds were strong and on the night we were supposed to have our second date, she came over to my house on the reservation and made us dinner, but half way through, the power went out and the rain poured and instead of letting it ruin the entire evening, she pulled me outside with her in the rain and started dancing like no one was watching. Her smile was radiant and she told me that sometimes, even when it's pouring, you have to find a way to dance in the rain. That was the first of many memories we made and I will carry them all with me all the days of my life."

Jacob's tears welled up and spilled over on the last few words and he turned to Lillian's casket with a choked sob that made me bury my face into Charlie's arm.

"I'll keep you with me always, sweetheart. I promise."

A/N: Hard chapter. For real. I need a night to recover but I wanted to post another update as promised. The music that inspired this chapter is David Tolk - Morning Light. For those of you who want to get a real feel for this one, give it a listen to. Thanks for reading and please leave an update if you'd like. Till Next Time...