History is a Harsh Mistress

A Why the Hell are You Here, Sensei? (Nande Koko Ni Sensei Ga?) Fanfiction

By Soapfiction

Chapter 1: A Chaotic Commute

A digital alarm clock went off at 7:30 AM, bringing with it some random radio music. A teenage boy stirred in his bed until the Japanese pop music had simply become too much to bear any longer. He slammed his hand down on the clock radio, got out of bed, and headed for the bathroom in a huff. Flicking on the lights, he got a good look at the bedhead in his reflection, his already unkempt strawberry-blonde hair fright for the eyes. He stepped into the shower to fix that right up.

As he made his way downstairs, he was finishing up his school uniform, which included a blazer and necktie, when he got an earful.

"Hey, Kevin!" came the cry from his younger sister over in the kitchen. "You're gonna be late if you don't hurry!"

"Yeah, yeah!" he replied, fastening his tie as he reached the bottom of the stairs. "I've got plenty of time!" He made his way to the counter where his sister was making breakfast. He gobbled his down before opening the fridge and grabbing a bottle from inside. After that, he headed for the door.

"Dad says he's gonna be late getting home tonight again, so it's up to you to handle dinner" his sister said.

"No problem. See you tonight!" He closed the door and bound over the gate to their house before heading down the neighborhood street.

My name is Kevin Kowalski, and I'm an American Ex-Pat living in Japan. My dad moved us here because his company transferred him. My mother passed away before we moved, so it's been just me, Dad and my sister Claire living here for the last seven years. I'm seventeen now, and about to start my second year of high school at Kawanuma West High School. Little did I know that this would be the day that changed my life forever…

He exited the neighborhood, moving onto the main street, where there was already plenty of traffic and pedestrians about. He knew he had enough time to get to the station before his train left, but he felt like moving fast anyway. He was actually looking forward to starting his second year and was feeling rather good. It was a beautiful day, and, given the time of year, the cherry blossoms were in full bloom. He opened the bottle of sports drink he had grabbed from the fridge earlier and took a swig. As he came to an intersection, he turned a corner, still moving quite fast. So fast, in fact, that he couldn't stop in time before colliding with a person standing right around said corner.

Despite his best efforts to put on the brakes, he could only do enough to glimpse the horrified look on the woman's face before they both went to the ground in a crash. When the dust settled, he tried to push himself to his feet. "Sorry!" he said in fluent Japanese. "I'm so sorry, I didn't look where I was going! Here, let me help you…up…"

His voice trailed off as he noticed something that made his heart stop. When he had put his hand down to push himself up, he had expected it to come into contact with the concrete of the sidewalk. Instead, it had come into contact with something soft; very soft, in fact. And not only soft, he noticed, but wet as well.

He finally got a good look at the person below him. It was a woman, one who was rather…generously endowed, he noticed. He noticed quite well, in fact, because the sports drink he had been carrying had spilled out during their little tumble and had soaked through part of her white shirt. The results were quite…revealing, to say the least. And one of his hands was pressed against it all.

Oh shit, he thought, before looking up and seeing the glare on the woman's face. Snapping out of his stupor, he took his hand away, bolted to his feet, and bowed a very quick bow of apology before continuing down the street. "Very sorry about that, ma'am! But I have to go!" He didn't dare look back, and even though he could hear her yelling at him from behind, he didn't make out what she said. There was no way he was sticking around to get into further trouble. Plus, of he did, he would be late for school. Please forgive me, ma'am, but I have no choice!

Soon enough, he made it to the station, and breathed a sigh of relief. Made it! And with plenty of time to spare! He clutched his commuter's pass in his hand. Maybe I could go and buy another drink while I wait…He reached his hand down to scratch an itch…only to fell a bit of wetness. He looked down and saw that the sports drink he had spilled earlier had spilled on him as well, right on the crotch area of his jeans. It was quite noticeable.

Dammit! Why didn't I feel that earlier? He looked around and saw the public restroom a few dozen feet away. Maybe I can sop up some of the sogginess…He headed for the restroom.

As soon as he walked in, however, he was greeted by an unexpected sight: a woman right in the middle of changing her clothes.

Reacting in instinct, he apologized, and bolted out of the room. "Sorry!" However, he looked back at the door, and saw that, sure enough, it was the men's restroom. After hesitating, he walked back inside. He saw that the woman was still there. "Excuse me, ma'am, I'm sorry to bother you, but it seems there's been a…"

That's when he noticed it wasn't just any woman. It was the same woman he had run into earlier. And she was still in the middle of changing into a new white shirt. The two looked at each other in shock before reacting.

"Why you! Not once but twice!" the woman shouted, trying to hide herself.

Kevin put a hand up to block his vision. "I'm sorry! But like I was saying, this is the men's room! What are you doing here?"

"I had to come in here! The women's room is out of order!" she retorted.

"Oh," Kevin said. Opening the door to check, he saw that, sure enough, there was a sign indicating the women's room was closed off.

"Anyway, please leave! It's your fault I'm like this anyway!"

"But I just need to-" Kevin tried to say.

"Leave! I mean it-"

That was when he heard voices from outside. More men were about to enter the restroom. If people see us like this, they'll get the wrong idea! Panicking, Kevin grabbed the woman by the wrist and dragged her into one of the bathroom stalls before closing the door behind them. It was only after they were locked in, however, that he realized he had likely made a mistake. The bathroom stalls were actually quite narrow, and clearly not meant for two people. He had used them before, but the little detail had slipped his mind. He also understood why she had likely decided to change her clothes outside of them. As a result, they were cramped together in the stall, pressed against each other with no clear way out.

"You idiot! What on earth were you thinking?" the woman whispered angrily. Kevin couldn't bring himself to answer. He admittedly hadn't been thinking when he'd dragged them both into a bathroom stall they barely fit in. Not only that, she hadn't buttoned up her shirt, so her ample, bra-clad breasts were pressing against his chest. He tried not to look, but he couldn't help himself.

"I'm sorry! I just panicked! If they saw me in here with you like that, who knows what they would have thought!"

She groaned. "It can't be helped! Anyway, it sounds like they've gone, so let us out!"

Kevin nodded in agreement. You don't have to tell me…

Kevin tried to reach behind but found that he couldn't move his arms behind his back in the narrow space. And since he was pressed against her, he couldn't turn around. His arms were stuck, with his right hand clutching his train pass.

"What are you waiting for?"

"I can't reach the lock! It's too cramped in here!"

"That can't be!" said the woman. "I'm going to miss my train!"

You and me both, lady.

She sighed in anger. "Fine then! I'll reach for it!" She tried to move her arm, pressing herself harder into Kevin in the process.

"Hold it, hold it! If you move too much, my arm's gonna-"

It was too late. Kevin ended up dropping his train pass, where it fell…right into the woman's abundant cleavage.

This just keeps getting better and better, Kevin thought. He was about to snatch it up, but the woman's movement caused it to fall in deeper, where he could no longer see it. Damn it all!

The woman had noticed as well. "Baka! What did you just drop in there?"

"It's my train pass."

"Well, wait until we get out of here! Now, move back more so that I can reach the-"

That was when they both heard it. The announcer was making the last call for the train that Kevin needed to catch to reach school in time. Kevin took a deep breath and closed his eyes in resignation. The woman looked at him wearily.

"Ma'am…I'm sorry, but I have no other choice. Please forgive me."

"What? What are you talking about-"

It was over in a flash. Kevin reached in with his arm, and snatched his train pass out from between her breasts. He didn't have the time or mental capacity to appreciate the soft, pleasant feeling, because his mind was entirely focused on getting away from this woman and reaching his train. He then reached up and grabbed the top of the stall walls and pulled himself out of the stall, leaping over onto the restroom floor. After that, he was away like a shot.

Even if a small part of him could hear her as she yelled after him, he ignored it. He was too focused on making it to the train before it left. Before he knew it, he was through the gates, had scanned his pass, and was through the train doors. He even found a seat that was unoccupied. He breathed another sigh of relief, and soon enough the doors closed, and the train started to move.

It had been a rough and hairy few minutes, but he was on the train. He would not be late to the first day of school. He smiled in triumph and relaxed himself as the train picked up speed. It was then that he realized a number of people were looking at him, and not in a good way.

He wondered why. It couldn't have been that he was a foreigner. He'd ridden this train several times, and although overall rare, foreigners were common enough that they didn't get looks like the ones he was getting now. What are they looking at me like that for? He realized he was still clutching his train pass, so he moved to put it away…and saw that it wasn't the only thing he was holding.

Clasped in his right hand, along with his commuter's pass, was a strap of some sort. He lifted up his hand and saw what was hanging from it – a bra.

And a rather large bra, at that.

Kevin's entire body went cold and his eyes widened. Why the hell am I holding this? Where could it have – OH, FUCK ME!

He must have inadvertently grabbed it when he had reached for his train pass. He was in such a hurry to reach the train that he hadn't noticed it until now. Kevin gulped as his mind started racing. He had to do something about it, and fast. He had lived in Japan long enough to be more than familiar with the concept of train molesters and how they were viewed by Japanese society and being mistaken for one was the absolute LAST thing he ever wanted to happen to him.

Seeing he was very close to a door that led to another train car, he got up and headed for it, ignoring the very large likelihood that people were still watching him. He made his way through the crowd of people and reached the door. Once through it, he stuffed the bra into his bag to hide it. He would have to get rid of it later when no one was around. However much he wished he could return it to the woman to whom it belonged, he was unlikely to ever see her again, and even if he could, he wasn't sure he wanted to, given how very angry she likely was at him right about now.

The train eventually came to his stop, and he got out of there as fast and inconspicuously as he could. He didn't want to be around long enough for some suspicious commuter to point him out to the local police. He decided to move behind the closest bathroom and dispose of the bra in a trash can.

I sure hope this thing wasn't expensive, he thought as he took it out of his bag. As he moved it closer to the trash can, he took a longer look at it. It was dark blue, with a flower pattern. He wondered if there was a label indicating cup size on it-

He shook his head. "Don't think about that crap, Kevin!" he said to himself. "You're not a molester! Just get rid of it and pretend this whole thing never happened-"

"Oi."

Once again, Kevin's body went cold when he heard a familiar voice. Slowly turning his head, he saw her. He was face to face with the woman whom he had accidentally taken the bra from; the woman he had accidentally splashed sports drink on to begin his morning, causing the whole mess that would follow. And she was looking at him with a look that could kill.

That's impossible! How the hell did she get here so fast! He noticed that despite her composure, she appeared to be breathing a bit heavier than normal for most people. She had likely run to catch the train as well. I guess she was even more motivated than I was…

Before he could say anything, she approached him with an outstretched hand. "That belongs to me. Please give it back." The voice was no longer even angry, but simply cold and serious.

Kevin immediately handed it over to the woman, who stuffed in into her bag. It was now that Kevin realized he hadn't had the chance to actually take the time to get a good look at her until now. She was shorter than him, if only by less than a head, but still commanded quite a presence. Her hair was jet black, and hung long and straight over her shoulders, not unlike that of a traditional Japanese princess. This was complimented by her face of near-perfect features, including beautifully curved cheekbones. Her eyes were dark, in stark contrast to his own blue eyes. And her figure…well, he was already a bit familiar with it, but that didn't make her any less attractive.

Or she would have been attractive, if not for the situation they were in right now.

"Listen," Kevin said, trying not to stammer. "I want you to know that this was an accident. I was only trying to grab my train pass. I didn't realize that I had-"

"I believe you," she said, the same cold demeanor in her voice.

Kevin stopped in surprise. "You do?"

"Yes."

He breathed a sigh of relief.

"However…" she said darkly.

"Huh?"

SLAP!

Kevin was in shock for a solid moment before he felt the sting from where she had slapped him across the face. He reached up to feel it before looking at the woman in front of him. She was standing very close to him, her hand outstretched and a venomous glare on her face.

"Your behavior was nonetheless inexcusable! Not once but twice you got me into trouble and ran away without taking responsibility for your actions! You may not be a molester, but you still behaved like an uncouth barbarian! Because of you, I've been greatly inconvenienced and even humiliated! Please never bother me again! Good day!"

She took off in a huff, not even bothering to look back at him. Kevin watched her go in stunned silence.

When Kevin finally reached his high school, he sighed in defeat. The gates were closing, and the bell had already rung. He was late on his first day, something he'd been dead sent against happening. He was still mad about what happened earlier. That still smarts, he thought to himself as he reached up to massage his cheek again. She didn't have to hit me, god dammit! I was only trying to get to school on time!

As he made his way inside the building, he found his shoe locker – he could tell is was different from all the others from the fact that it lacked any kanji in spelling out his name – and replaced his shoes with his assigned uwabaki, or indoor shoes. He ran up to the second floor and found his assigned classroom, with the door already closed. He took a deep breath.

The moment of truth. He slid the classroom door open a crack and peeked inside. The students were all there…but no sign of the teacher.

He couldn't believe it. "I did it. I'm in the clear!"

"Oh, is that so?" an ominous voice said.

Kevin tensed up at the sudden presence he felt behind him. He slowly turned around and saw the last face he had wanted to see.

"K-Kojima sensei…"

Kana Kojima, the Japanese Language teacher, infamous for her very strict nature and cut-throat manner of handling rule-breakers, was standing right in front of him. She had a menacing aura surrounding her and deadly glare on her face, aimed directly at him. In that moment, Kevin was reminded of why she had earned the name of "Kojima the Demon".

"Kowalski-kun, care to explain why you are just now getting to your homeroom class?" she hissed.

"D-does this mean that you're our homeroom teacher this year?" he asked, nearly sputtering.

"That's right! And I don't tolerate late arrivals! Stand out in the hall!"

And that's exactly what Kevin did for the next twenty minutes or so. He stood outside the classroom, clutching pails of water. He couldn't help but wonder if he'd seen this sort of thing in a comic book somewhere. Inside, he could hear the other students murmuring to each other.

"He was late to class on the first day! Kojima's never gonna let him forget it!"

"Do they still make you stand out in the hall with pails if you are late? What is this, the Showa era?"

"That's Kojima for you! She's so strict and old-fashioned!"

Kevin groaned as he listened to their gossip. Could this day get any worse?

Eventually, he was back in the classroom. After one period, Kojima stood in front of the class to make an announcement. The students stood at attention.

"Everyone pay attention. I have someone to introduce you to." She looked to the door. "Come on in."

The door opened, and in walked a woman. And Kevin's jaw dropped when he saw who it was.

"My name is Fumiko Fujikawa, and starting this year, I will be teaching Japanese History. I hope to get along with all of you." She bowed, and the students bowed back. Kevin was a bit late on his bow due to his sheer shock at seeing the same woman who he had run into multiple times that morning in his classroom announcing herself as his new teacher, but he bowed all the same. The teacher must have noticed this, because she immediately looked his way…and her own eyes and mouth went wide as she recognized him.

"Ahh! You!" She shouted, pointing at him. Kojima and the other students all looked back at him, wondering what was going on. Kevin could do nothing but stand in his continued shock.

Why the hell is she here?!

Well, I hope you all enjoyed that! I realize I've been a bit rusty on publishing fanfiction these days, it's just that things have gotten a bit busy for me the past few years, and I haven't had as much time to write as I had in the past. My more recent fics tended to be longer and more epic in scale, and it's just not easy to work on those when you don't have that much free time. However, I think working on something a little smaller that doesn't take as much time might get me back into the writing groove, so I thought about writing something a little more humorous and episodic. I found Why the hell are you here, Teacher?! to be a surprisingly fun series, and I figured I'd give it a try.

I have plans to get back to my other current story, as well as a few others I'm thinking about publishing, but for now, I hope you can find some enjoyment in this little story. Happy trails!