Tiny Toon Specials

by Artist1990

Special episodes that place during Fifi's Tiny Toon Adventures. They include holiday specials (Halloween, Christmas, etc.), anniversary specials and even a Monty Python tribute, plus more.

Here it is, the first special episode of Fifi's New Tiny Toon Adventures; a Monty Python tribute. As I mentioned, I wanted to put this in a fanfiction upload separate from the rest of the series so that the normal Season 4 fic can keep its T Rating. Especially cause if I'm making it a Terry Jones tribute, the Mr. Creosote sketch has to be included. It should also be a special since its twice as long as a normal "episode" since I'm cramming so many sketches. So anyway, enjoy reading this special episode where the cast of Tiny Toon Adventures reenact certain Monty Python moments I've selected. I made sure to put plenty of Terry Jones sketches in honor of him after he recently passed away.

Fifi's New Tiny Toon Adventures

Written and Illustrated by Artist1990

Based on "Tiny Toon Adventures" created by Tom Ruegger and produced by Warner Bros. Animation and Amblin

Special: Tiny Toons' Flying Circus

(A Monty Python 50th Anniversary Tribute)

Sketch #1: How Not to be Seen

In this cartoon, there are forty-seven toons. None of them can't be seen. In this cartoon, we hope to show you how not to be seen. This is Dizzy Devil. He cannot be seen. Now, I'm going to ask him to stand up. Dizzy Devil, will you stand up please?

Dizzy Devil stood up, only to be shot dead.

This demonstrates the value of not being seen. In this picture, we cannot see Elmyra Duff. Elmyra, will you stand up please?

The said toon stood up. But just like Dizzy Devil, she was shot too.

This is Montana Max. Monty, will you stand up please?

A few seconds passed, but Montana Max didn't stand up.

Montana Max has learned the first lesson of not being seen. Not to stand up. However, he has chosen an obvious piece of cover.

Suddenly, a bush exploded and Monty's scream was heard.

Plucky Duck has presented us with a poser. We do not know which bush he is behind. But we can soon find out.

The bush on the left exploded. The bush on the right exploded afterwards. And finally, the third one exploded and Plucky's scream could be heard. His feathers were sent flying everywhere.

Yes, it was the middle one. Fowlmouth has concealed himself extremely well. He could be almost anywhere. He could be behind the wall, inside the water barrel, beneath a pile of leaves, up in the tree, squatting down behind the car, concealed in a hollow, or crouched behind any one of a hundred bushes. However we happen to know he's in the water barrel.

The said water barrel then exploded and all you could see were his feathers.

Mr. and Mrs. Duff, chose a very cunning way of not being seen. When we called at their house, we found that they had gone away on two weeks holiday. They had not left any forwarding address, and they had bolted and barred the house to prevent us from getting in. However, a neighbor told us where there were.

The cabin they were staying at suddenly exploded and they screamed.

And here is the neighbor who told us where they were.

Calamity Coyote suddenly exploded, leaving only his shoes.

Nobody likes a snitch. And here is where he lived.

His house suddenly exploded.

And this is where he was born.

The desert was suddenly engulfed in an atomic explosion. Buster Bunny was laughing hysterically. He was the announcer of the sketch. He then regained his composure. "And now for something completely different," said Buster. Suddenly, he exploded. Next, we see Gogo Dodo with a shaggy, gray beard. "It's . . . ," said Gogo. He exploded too.

We then see a spoof of the MGM logo, with Babs in place of the lion. Babs then let out a loud roar.

(Insert "Monty Python Theme")

(We see flowers growing. When they bloom, you see the words of the title.)

Plucky: Tiny Toons' Flying Circus!

(The flowers continue to grow as the camera zooms out, to reveal the flowers are growing on Elmer Fudd's head. The foot of Cupid then flattens Elmer.)

(We then see a factory where we see Montana Max's body began taken apart and his torso is replaced with a chicken's torso. He's kicked on a conveyer belt and is packed in a box, which is picked up by a hand.

(The hand puts the box down and it opens to reveal Buster Bunny's face with a wide mouth with teeth. His mouth opens and Plucky's head comes out and splits apart to reveal an egg shaped like Elmyra's head, being held by another hand.)

(The Elmyra egg is put under Fowlmouth. The egg hatches into chicken Montana Max, sending Fowlmouth flying. Montana Max flies to the left, dragging a banner that reads "Tiny Toons' Flying Circus". He is then flattened by the foot of Cupid, complete with a farting sound.)

"Hello Tiny Toon fans, Buster Bunny here," said Buster. "And Babs Bunny. No relation," said Babs. "Ahnd Fifi La Fume," said Fifi. "As you saw in today's episode, we toons are going to do a tribute to one of the funniest British comedy shows ever made; Monty Python's Flying Circus," said Babs. "The show's been cracking people up for fifty years and we're going to reenact our favorite Monty Python sketches as well as favorite songs and movie moments," said Buster. "Een ahddeetion, ziss epeesahde will pay treebute to ze recently pahssed ahway membair of ze group; Terry Jahnes. He wahs a great mahn. He may be gahne, but he wahn't be fahrgotten," said Fifi. "So why don't we start things off with a re-enactment of a sketch featuring Terry Jones himself?" asked Buster. "Wee," said Fifi. She then turned to Hamton, who was completely naked, but wearing a bowtie and collar. He played an organ to signal the beginning of the next sketch.

Sketch #2: The Bishop

Montana Max was at his mansion counting his money when a crook slams onto the desk. And one holding the crook was Plucky dressed as a bishop. "Okay, Monty! Don't move!" said Plucky. "The bishop!" cried Monty, looking horrified.

'C. OF E. FILMS'

'IN ASSOCIATION WITH THE SUNDAY SCHOOLS BOARD'

'PRESENT'

'THE BISHOP'

'STARRING THE REVEREND E, PLUCKY'

'AND INTRODUCING F. B. GRIMSBY URQHART-WRIGHT AS THE VOICE OF GOD'

'SPECIAL EFFECTS BY THE MODERATOR OF THE CHURCH OF ACME ACRES'

'DIRECTED BY PREBENDARY 'CHOPPER' HARRIS'

At a beautiful English church, birds were singing, a hymn was being sung in the church. Suddenly, an open-top American car screeched to a halt outside the church. The bishop leapt out along with his four helpers, vicars with shades, clerical suits and dog collars. They raced up the driveway toward the church. As they do so the hymn that is heard came to an end. The vicar (who was played by Furrball) climbed up into pulpit. "I take as my text for today . . . ," said Furrball. Suddenly, the Bishop burst into the hall. "The text, vic! Don't say the text!" said the Bishop. "Leviticus 3-14 . . . ," said Furrball. Suddenly, the pulpit exploded and Furrball was sent flying into the air, screeching. Some of the people were in panic due to what happened. "We was too late. The Reverend Grundy bit the ceiling," said Plucky. Then, the end of Plucky's crook suddenly started flashing. He lifted the flashing end off and it stopped. Using it like a telephone receiver, he spoke into the staff. "Hello? . . . What? . . . We'll be right over!" said Plucky.

Plucky and helpers arrived to another church, where a baptism party was taking place. An innocent vicar (played by Foghorn Leghorn) was just testing the water. The parents were a couple of shifty crooks and the two godmothers were obviously all-in wrestlers in drag. As the vicar took the baby it starts to tick loudly. "And it is for this reason that the Christian Church lays upon you, the godparents, the obligation of seeing this child is brought up in the Christian faith. Therefore, I name this child . . . ," said Foghorn. Suddenly, the Plucky the Bishop and his vicars rushed in. "Don't say the kid's name, vic!" said Plucky. "Francesco Luigi . . . ," said Foghorn. Suddenly, the child opened to reveal "he" was really a bomb. The bomb exploded, blasting Foghorn Leghorn into nothing but feathers. The people gathered panicked like in the last church. "We was too late . . . The Rev. Foghorn saw the light," said Plucky.

At another church, a wedding was under way. It was between Elmyra and Montana Max, with the vicar being Elmer Fudd. Plucky and his helpers arrived. "The ring, vic! Don't touch the ring!" said Plucky. But it was too late. As soon as Elmer Fudd touched the ring, a sixteen-ton weight fell on top of him with a mighty crunch, shaking the place.

At yet another church, Calamity Coyote as a bell ringer pulled the rope, ringing the bells. Suddenly, the other one, Little Beeper pulled his, causing Calamity to rise off the floor, hanged by the neck by a part of the rope. Plucky and his vicars arrived too late, again. "Hey vic!" said Plucky. He then realized he was too late. Plucky snapped his fingers in frustration. At a graveside, Hugh Test as a vicar was saying a funeral speech. " . . . dust to dust, ashes to ashes. Suddenly, a huge cannon rose out of the grave until its mighty, twelve inch wide barrel was pointing right in his face. He didn't not notice, until it was too late! BOOM! The cannon blasted Mr. Test to bits. The bishop's car arrived, but backed away when saw they were too late, again.

Outside of a shop, the four clerics were lounging against a wall when Plucky the Bishop walked out. He and his helpers began to walk down the street. Suddenly, he stopped when he began to hear somebody cry "help!" They looked up toward a window where a vicar (played by Sylvester) was looking down, still crying for "help!" Plucky and his helpers ran toward the building to help Sylvester. They ran past Fowlmouth, who was shaking for some reason. Suddenly, he turned into a Scotsman and began to run into the distance, with his right fist forward. Plucky and his helpers ran through the door and ran up the stairs. Plucky tried to open the door, but it was locked. "Come on," said Plucky. Three of the vicars grabbed the fourth one and began to use him as a battering ram. And they rammed the door, breaking it open.

Sketch #3: People Falling Out of a High Building

Meanwhile, in an office in a high building on Goswell Road, Fifi La Fume and Shirley the Loon were typing. Then, Elmyra Duff fell past the window. "Hey, did you see that?" asked Fifi. "Hmm?" asked Shirley. "Did you see somebody go past the window?" asked Fifi. "What?" asked Shirley. "Somebody just went past the window. That way," said Fifi, pointing down. "Oh. Oh," said Shirley, flatly. The female loon went back to work. Fifi looked for a little before resuming her work.

Suddenly, Dora Winifred Read (a.k.a. D.W.) went hurtling past the window. "Another one," said Fifi. "Hmm?" asked Shirley. "Another one just went past downwards," said Fifi. "What?" asked Shirley. "Two people have just fallen out of that window to their almost certain death," said Fifi. "Fine, fine, fine," said Shirley. "Look! Two people . . . ," said Fifi. Then, the mouse from 'Canned Fued' fell. "Three people have just fallen past that window," said Fifi. "Like, must be a board meeting," said Shirley, "Oh yeah," said Fifi.

The next one to fall was Jimmy, but Fifi couldn't tell clearly. "Hey. That was Bendy of finance," said Fifi. "Oh, no, that was Jimmy," said Shirley. "Bendy," said Fifi. "Jimmy," said Shirley. "Bendy," said Fifi. "Jimmy," said Shirley. Suddenly, Bendy fell past the window. "That was Bendy," said Fifi. "That was Bendy. He was a good, good, er, golfer, Bendy," said Shirley. "Very good golfer. Very good golfer. Rotten at finance. It'll be Lindsay next," said Fifi. "Bet you it won't," said Shirley. "How much," said Fifi. "What?" asked Shirley. "How much do you bet it won't? Fiver?" asked Fifi. "All right," said Shirley. "Done," said Fifi. "You're on," said Shirley. "Fine," said Fifi. The two shook hands and looked at the window. "Come on Lindsay," said Fifi. "Don't do it Lindsay," said Shirley. "Come on Lindsay. Jump Lindsay. Jump," said Fifi. "Come on now be sensible Lindsay," said Shirley. Meanwhile, Mrs. Lovejoy was writing a complaint letter that said the following;

Dear Sir,

I am writing to complain about that sketch about people failing out of a high building. I have worked all my life in such a building and have never once . . .

"Arrgghhh!" screamed Mrs. Lovejoy as she fell out the window. She landed on the pavement with a splat, killing her. "Lindsay!" cried Fifi. "Lovejoy!" cried Shirley.

Sketch #4: Crunchy Frog

Elsewhere, at the Whizzo Chocolate Company HQ, Mr. Hilton (Played by Plucky), the head of the company was sitting at his office desk when Inspector Buster and Constable Glutton (Played by Dizzy Devil) arrived. "'ELLO!" said Buster. "'Ello," said Mr. Hilton. "Mr. Hilton?" asked Buster. "A-yes?" asked Mr. Hilton. "You are the sole proprietor and owner of the Whizzo Chocolate Company?" asked Buster. "I am, yes," said Plucky. "Constable Glutton and I are from the 'ygiene squad, and we'd like to have a word with you about your box of chocolates you manufactured entitled the 'Whizzo Quality Assortment'," said Buster as Glutton opened the box. "Ah, good. Yes," said Mr. Hilton.

"If I may begin at the beginning. First there is the Cherry Fondue. Now this is extremely nasty," said Buster. He paused. "But we can't prosecute you for that," said Buster. "Ah, agreed," said Mr. Hilton. "Then we have number four. Number four: Crunchy Frog," said Buster. "Yes," said Mr. Hilton. "Am I right in thinking there's a real frog in 'ere?" asked Buster. "Yes, a little one," said Mr. Hilton. "What sort of frog?" asked Buster. "A . . . a *dead* frog," said Mr. Hilton. "Is it cooked?" asked Buster. "No," said Mr. Hilton. "What, a RAW frog?!" asked Buster. "Oh, we use only the finest baby frogs, dew-picked and flown from Swaziland, cleansed in the finest quality spring water, lightly killed, and sealed in a succulent, Swiss, quintuple-smooth, treble-milk chocolate envelope, and lovingly frosted with glucose," said Mr. Hilton. "That's as may be, but it's still a frog!" said Buster. "What else?" asked Mr. Hilton. "Well, don't you even take the bones out?" asked Buster. "If we took the bones out, it wouldn't be crunchy, would it?" asked Mr. Hilton. "Constable Glutton et one of those!" said Buster. "Uh, would you excuse Glutton for a moment?" asked Glutton. "Not right at the moment?" asked Buster. Suddenly, Glutton began to let off a loud fart. Just when he think he finished, he started to fart again. Inspector Buster started at Constable Glutton. "Why didn't you say why you wanted to be excused?!" asked Buster. He poked Constable Glutton in the eye, causing him to yelp.

"It says crunchy frog quite clearly," said Mr. Hilton. "We have to protect the public! People aren't going to think there's a real frog in chocolate! Constable Glutton thought it was an almond whirl! They're bound to expect some sort of mock frog!" said Buster. "MOCK frog!? We use NO artificial additives or preservatives of ANY kind!" said Mr. Hilton, feeling outraged. "Nevertheless, I advise you in future to replace the words 'Crunchy Frog' with the label, 'Crunchy, Raw, Unboned Real Dead Frog' if you wish to avoid prosecution!" said Buster. "What about our sales?" asked Mr. Hilton. "Bleep your sales! We've got to protect the public!" said Buster.

"Now what about this one, number five, it was number five, wasn't it? Number five: Ram's Bladder Cup. Now, what sort of confectionery is that?" asked Buster. "Oh, we use only the finest juicy chunks of fresh Cornish Ram's bladder, emptied, steamed, flavored with sesame seeds, whipped into a fondue, and garnished with lark's vomit," said Mr. Hilton. "Lark's vomit?!" asked Buster. "No, no, no . . . that's not right. I mean, mouse poo," said Mr. Hilton. "MOUSE POO?!" asked Buster at the top of his lungs. Constable Glutton handed Inspector Buster the box and ran someplace else to puke. "Correct," said Mr. Hilton. "It doesn't say anything here about mouse poo on the box!" said Buster. "Ah, it does, on the bottom of the box, after 'monosodium glutamate'," said Mr. Hilton. "Well, I hardly think that's good enough! I think it's be more appropriate if the box bore a great red label: 'WARNING: CONTAINS MOUSE POO!'" said Buster. "Our sales would plummet!" cried Mr. Hilton.

"Well why don't you move into more conventional areas of confectionary?!" asked Buster. Constable Glutton returned after puking. "Like Praline, or, or Lime Creme, or Strawberry Delight, or a very popular flavor, I'm lead to understand. Or Raspberry Delite. I mean, look at this lot. What's this one, what's this one? 'Ere we are: Cockroach Cluster! Anthrax Ripple!" said Buster. Constable Glutton took off his helmet. "MMMMWWWAAAAAGGGGGHHHH!" cried Glutton as he barfed into his helmet. Buster turned to Constable Glutton. "Take the box. Take the box," said Buster. Constable Glutton reluctantly put his helmet back on, which got his head covered in puke. He took the box of chocolates. "And what is this one: Spring Surprise?" asked Buster. "Ah, that's one of our specialities. Covered in dark, velvety chocolate, when you pop it into your mouth, stainless steel bolts spring out and plunge straight through both cheeks," said Plucky.

"Well where's the pleasure in THAT?! If people pop a nice little chockie into their mouth, they don't expect to get their cheeks pierced! In any case, it is an inadequate description of the sweetmeat. I shall have to ask you to accompany me to Scotland Yard," said Buster. "It's a fair cop," said Mr. Hilton, standing up. "And DON'T talk to the readers," said Buster. "Why not?" asked Mr. Hilton. "It's contrary to section 28 of the sketch comedy act," said Buster.

Gilliamation #1: Conrad Poohs' and his Dancing Deeth

Several feet were stomping on several toons until you hear Babs' voice. "Hello? Tired of the sound of dancing feet? Then listen to the sound of dancing teeth," said Babs. Then, Fowlmouth appeared on stage as an announcer. "Yes, mothers! It's time, once again, for Conrad Poohs' and his Dancing Teeth!" said Fowlmouth. A foot then squished him and the curtains lifted up to reveal Conrad Pooh's face (Played by Hamton Pig). His teeth moved up and down like keys, and then in a more elaborate dance. After the teeth finished dancing, he was booed off stage.

Sketch #5: Kate Ewing and her Musical Mice

After Conrad Poohs was booed off stage, Plucky Duck appeared. "Thank you, thank you, Conrad Poohs and His Exploding Teeth. A smile, two fangs and an "Excuse me". And next tonight, gentletoons and ladies . . . here at the Peephole Club for the very first time . . . we're very proud to welcome . . . Kate Ewing and her Musical Mice," said Plucky. Everybody began to clap as Kate Ewing (Played by Elmyra Duff) walked onto the stage. She had a box with her.

"Thank you, thank you. Ladies and gentletoons, I have in this box . . . mice which I have painstakingly trained . . . over the past few years . . . to squeak at a selected pitch," said Kate. She picked up the mouse from "Canned Feud" as well as Little Sneezer. "This one is 'A'-Sharp...

and this one is 'G' 'G', 'A'-Sharp. You get the general idea," said Kate. She put the mice back into the box. "Now, these mice are so arranged upon this rack . . . that when played in the correct order . . . they will squeak . . . 'Three Blinded White Mice.' Ladies and gentletoons, I give you, on the mouse organ . . . 'Three Blinded White Mice.' Thank you," said Kate, taking out two wooden mallets.

Suddenly, Kate began hitting the mice while singing quietly the song quietly. Each downward stroke of the mallet brought a terrible squashing sound and the expiring squeak. It was quite clear that he was slaughtering the mice. The musical effect was poor. "Oh, my gosh!" cried Buster. "Great horny toads!" cried Yosemite Sam. "Somebody, like, stop her!" cried Shirley. Then, Gogo Dodo and Dizzy Devil grabbed Kate and began to drag her away. But she continued to squish the mice. She broke free of the guards and began to squish more mice. But Dizzy and Gogo grabbed Kate again. "Stahp hair! Stahp zat bleep!" cried Fifi. Then, everybody in the night club began to chase after Kate. Kate screamed as she ran out of the night club.

Sketch #6: Tchaikovsky's First Piano Concerto in a burlap bag

"Here to play Tchaikahvsky's first piano cwancerto een b-flaht meenahr ees ze wahrld's fahmous sahloist, Bustair Bunny," said Fifi. The crowd began to applaud. "During the performance, he will escape from a sack, three padlocks and a pair of handcuffs," said Fifi.

(Insert "Tchaikovsky's First Piano Concerto")

As the other instruments started to play, Buster rolled onto the stage in his sack. It was tied with chains and three padlocks. He struggled to break free and managed to get the handcuffs off. Once his hands were free, he started to play the piano. Then, Babs Bunny appeared on stage wearing a stage girl outfit. Buster got his upper body free of the sack as he continued playing the piano. And finally, he was fully free from the sack. After finishing the song, he stood up and took a bow.

(End Music)

Suddenly, Buster and Babs heard voices. "There she is!" said one of the voices. Then, Kate Ewig ran on stage, still being chased by the angry mob. "Get her! Stop her! She's a murderer! Come back, you fiend! Fiend! She's a murderer!" said the mob as they chased Kate.

Gilliamation #2: Announcement

The crowd cheered loudly. The curtains then came down and Hamton Pig walked onto the stage. "Wasn't that terrific, ladies and gentletoons? Really great. Now the next item on the program . . . ," said Hamton. Suddenly, his mouth peeled off his face. "I can't stand it, man. Really, now. I had it with this idiot. Every night, making say the most . . . ," said Hamton's mouth. Suddenly, Hamton moved in front of his mouth and resumed saying what he was going to announce. " . . . really terrific act. The next item on the . . . ," said Hamton. But once again, his mouth peeled off his face and began to speak on its own again. "Hey, man, I'm off, gone, split, through, eh?" asked the mouth. Hamton began to chase after his own mouth while it was speaking.

"Gonna find a gig elsewhere. Somewhere that's a bit cooler, man. I mean, it's terrible the way I hide. I think this Christmas I'm gonna cool down. I'm gonna get with a guy who really, you know, digs me you know? A man who feels . . . really feels the same way I do, man . . . ," said Hamton's mouth. Suddenly, Hamton grabbed his mouth and nailed it back onto his face. Since his mouth was nailed on, Hamton couldn't speak. So, he took out a sign that read, "AND NOW . . . The Fish Slapping Dance".

Sketch #7: The Fish-Slapping Dance

(Insert "Merrymakers Dance")

At a quayside, both Calamity and Furrball were dressed in tropical gear and solar toupees. Calamity stood while Furrball danced up and down before him to the music. He held two tiny fish and from time to time during the dance, he slapped Calamity lightly, across the cheeks with them.

(End Music)

Suddenly, Calamity took out a huge fish and slapped Furrball with it. The cat fell off the quay and into the water.

Sketch #8: The Dead Parrot Sketch

A Furrball paper cutout sunk to the bottom of a fish tank at pet shop run by Plucky Duck. At that moment, Montana Max entered the shop, carrying a cage containing a pink parrot that resembled Sweetie Pie. "'Ello, I wish to register a complaint," said Monty. Plucky didn't respond. "'Ello, Miss?" asked Monty. "What do you mean 'miss'? Do I look like a 'miss' to you?" asked Plucky. "I'm sorry, I have a cold. I wish to make a complaint!" said Monty. "We're closin' for lunch," said Plucky. "Never mind that, my lad. I wish to complain about this parrot what I purchased not half an hour ago from this very boutique," said Monty. "Oh yes, the, uh, the Norwegian Pink . . . What's,uh . . . What's wrong with it?" asked Plucky. "I'll tell you what's wrong with it, my lad. She's dead, that's what's wrong with it!" said Monty.

"No, no, 'e's uh, . . . she's resting," said Plucky. "Look, matey, I know a dead parrot when I see one, and I'm looking at one right now," said Monty. "No, no, she's not dead, he's, he's restin'!" insisted Plucky. "Resting?!" asked Monty. "Remarkable bird, the Norwegian Pink, idn'it, she? Beautiful plumage!" said Plucky. "The plumage don't enter into it. It's stone dead," said Monty. "Nononono, no, no! She's resting!" said Plucky. "All right then, if she's restin', I'll wake her up!" said Monty.

Montana Max began to shout into the cage "'Ello, Miss Polly Parrot! I've got a lovely fresh cuttle fish for you if you wake up, Ms. Parrot . . . ," said Monty. Suddenly, Plucky hit the cage. "There, she moved!" said Plucky. "No, she didn't, that was you hitting the cage!" said Monty. "I never!" said Plucky. "Yes, you did!" said Monty. "I never, never did anything . . . ," said Plucky. "'ELLO POLLY! POLLY! Wakey wakey!" said Monty as he banged the cage. Then, Monty took out the dead parrot and began banging her head on the counter. "Rise and shine! Wake up, polly parrot! Testing! Testing! Testing! Testing! This is your nine o'clock alarm call! Polly!" yelled Monty. He threw it up in the air and he and Plucky watched it plummet to the floor. "Now that's what I call a dead parrot," said Monty.

"No, no . . . No, she's stunned!" said Plucky. "STUNNED?!" yelled Monty. "Yeah! You stunned er, just as she was wakin' up! Norwegian Pinks stun easily, major," said Plucky. "Um . . . now look . . . now look, mate, I've definitely 'ad enough of this. That parrot is definitely deceased, and when I purchased it not 'alf an hour ago, you assured me that its total lack of movement was due to it bein' tired and shagged out following a prolonged squawk," said Monty. "Well, she's . . . she's, ah . . . probably pining for the fjords," said Plucky. "PININ' for the FJORDS?! What kind of talk is that? Look, why did she fall flat on his back the moment I got her home?" asked Monty. "The Norwegian Pink prefers keepin' on it's back! Remarkable bird, id'nit, squire? Lovely plumage!" said Plucky.

"Look, I took the liberty of examining that parrot when I got it home, and I discovered the only reason that it had been sitting on its perch in the first place was that it had been NAILED there," said Monty. "Well, o'course it was nailed there! If I hadn't nailed that bird down, it would have nuzzled up to those bars, bent 'em apart with its beak, and VOOM! Feeweeweewee!" said Plucky. "'VOOM'?! Mate, this bird wouldn't 'voom' if you put four million volts through it! She's bleedin' demised!" said Monty.

"No no! It's not! She's pining!" said Plucky. "She's not pinin'! She's passed on! This parrot is no more! She has ceased to be! She's expired and gone to meet 'is maker! This is a late parrot! She's a stiff! Bereft of life, she rests in peace! If you hadn't nailed her to the perch she'd be pushing up the daisies! Her metabolic processes are now 'istory! She's off the twig! She's bought the farm! She's on the wrong side of the grass, she's taking a dirt nap to feed the worms! She's kicked the bucket, she's shuffled off 'is mortal coil, run down the curtain and joined the bleedin' choir invisible! THIS IS AN EX-PARROT!" yelled Monty.

"Well, I'd better replace it, then," said Plucky. He went to the back room. "If you want to get anything done in this country, you've got to complain till you're blue in the mouth," said Monty. Plucky returned. "Sorry squire, I've had a look 'round the back of the shop, and uh, we're right out of parrots," said Plucky. "I see. I see, I get the picture," said Monty. "I got a slug," said Plucky. "Pray, does it talk?" asked Monty. "Nnnnot really," said Plucky. "WELL IT'S HARDLY A BLOODY REPLACEMENT, IS IT?!" asked Monty.

Song #1: The Lumberjack Song

"Listen, I didn't want to work in a pet shop. I wanted to be a system analyst," said Plucky. "Sorry. This is irrelevant," said Monty. "Yes, but then, I got a postcard from Canada. That's when I realized that what I wanted to be was . . . a lumberjack!" said Plucky as he changed into a lumberjack's uniform. "Leaping from tree to tree as they float down the mighty rivers of British Columbia! The giant redwood! The larch! The fir! The mighty Scots pine!" said Plucky. "What about my bloody parrot?!" asked Monty.

Plucky continued to say names of trees, many of them were fictional. "The lofty flowering cherry! The plucky little aspen! The limping Roo Tree of Nigeria! The towering Wattle of Aldershot! The Maidenhead Weeping Water Plant! The naughty Leicestershire Flashing Oak! The flatulent Elm of West Ruislip! The Quercus Maximus Bamber Gascoigni! The Epigillus! The Barter Hughius Greenus! The smell of fresh cut timber! The crash of mighty trees! With my best girl by my side, we'd sing, sing, sing!" said Plucky. Shirley the Loon appeared. And then, he began to sing one of the catchiest songs in Monty Python. Singing with him were Shirley and a mountie chorus played by his fellow Tiny Toons. Elmer Fudd was one of them too.

Plucky: I'm a lumberjack and I'm OK

I sleep all night and I work all day

Mounties & Shirley: He's a lumberjack and he's OK

He sleeps all night and he works all day

Plucky: I cut down trees, I eat my lunch

I go to the lavatory

On Wednesdays I go shopping

And have buttered scones for tea

Mounties & Shirley: He cuts down trees, he eat his lunch

He goes to the lavatory

On Wednesdays he goes shopping

And has buttered scones for tea

He's a lumberjack and he's OK

He sleeps all night and he works all day

Plucky: I cut down trees, I skip and jump

I like to press wild flowers

I put on women's clothing

And hang around in bars

Mounties & Shirley: He cuts down trees, he skips and jumps

He likes to press wild flowers

He puts on women's clothing?

And hangs around in bars?

He's a lumberjack and he's OK

He sleeps all night and he works all day

Plucky: I cut down trees, I wear high heels

Suspendies and a bra

I wish I'd been a girlie,

just like my dear Papa

Mounties: He cuts down trees, he wears high heels?

Suspendies and a bra?!

All the mounties began to leave. "Disgusting!" said Furrball. "Le eew!" said Fifi. "I wish I'd been a girlie, just like my dear Papa," sang Plucky. "Oh, Plucky! And I thought you were so butch!" said Shirley. And she left. Then, Plucky started to get pelted by rotten fruit and vegetables. "Oh, you pansy!" said Dizzy. Plucky fled. Plucky ran by Arnold the Pit Bull and Montana Max, who were roasting Buster over a fire. "And now for something completely different," said Buster.

Gilliamation #3: Cannibal Baby Carriage

Montana Max, dressed in a trench coat and hat was pushing a baby carriage for some reason. He pushed the stroller until he stopped in front of Elmyra Duff. "Oh, isn't he a lovely little . . . ," said Elmyra. Suddenly, Elmyra was pulled into the baby carriage. She screamed as the carriage was actually eating her alive. The carriage let out a small burp. Monty resumed pushing the baby carriage until he approached a second Elmyra Duff. "Oh, what a lovely little . . . ," said Elmyra #2. But just like the first Elmyra, the second one was gobbled up by the baby carriage. The baby carriage let out a louder burp. Monty then approached a third Elmyra. "Oh, isn't he lovely . . . ," said Elmyra #3. "Wait a minute, buckawoos," said Elmer's voice suddenly. "This has gone faw enough," said Elmer. His hand appeared and turned the baby carriage until it was facing Montana Max. The baby carriage began to chase after Montana Max, chomping its "jaws". "Oh, no, no, take it away from me! Take it away! Oh, get it away! Get it away!" cried Monty as he ran.

Gilliamation #4: David Statue

Just then, an orange dump truck rolled up, carrying a sign that read "Coming soon! Extensive Civic Beautification Project". The sign was put over Elmyra Duff and was nailed over her. The dump truck left, but not for long. The dump truck returned carrying a statue. It took Elmyra and left the statue in her place. It resembled the statue of David by Michelangelo. But it looked like Hamton and it had a fig leaf covering his naughty bits. A hand started to reach out for the fig leaf, but the statue slapped the hand, causing the person to yelp. The hand then tried to grab the leaf a second time, but he stopped yet again when the statue slapped the hand. The hand started to reach for the leaf for a third time. However, it stopped and started to withdraw. Suddenly, the hand shot forward and grabbed at the leaf. But the statue's hand grabbed at the leaf too. The two tugged at the leaf until the hand swiped the leaf. But instead of the statue's naughty bits, there was Shirley's head. "Cut! That's it! We're not going to, like, allow this sort of smut to be shown on the screen! This depraved and degrading spectacle is going to stop right now; do you hear me?! Stop it! Put an end to this immediately!" said Shirley. "Dang! Just as it was getting good!" said a voice. He turned the page of a magazine.

Movie Moment #1: The Black Knight

In a dark and very expensive forest, King Arthur (Played by Buster Bunny) and Patsy (Played by Concord the Vulture) were exploring the forest. Patsy was banging two coconut halves to make the noise of horse hooves clopping. At another part of the forest, a fight was going between a knight dressed black (Played by Plucky Duck) and a knight dressed in green (Played by Bendy). Their swords clanged as they fought. At one point, King Arthur and Pasty arrived at the sight of the fight. The two knights' swords clanged again. The Green Knight forced their swords down to the ground and kicked the Black Knight. He then banged the end of his sword handle on the black knight's helmet, forcing him back.

The Green Knight tried to slash the Black Knight, but he blocked his blow. The Black Knight then hit the Green Knight in the gut with his sword handle. Plucky hit him again, knocking him down onto the ground. The Black Knight tried to stab the Green Knight, but he executed a dodge roll. King Arthur looked at Patsy. At one point during the fight, the Black Knight kicked the Green Knight in the crotch. The Green Knight yelped as he dropped his sword. The Black Knight tried to slice the Green Knight, but he dodged again. The Green Knight executed an axe handle punch, knocking the Black Knight down.

The Green Knight tried to smash the Black Knight with a chain mace, but the Black Knight grabbed at it and threw the Green Knight onto the ground. The Green Knight swung the mace again, but the Black Knight quickly grabbed his sword and blocked it. The mace was tangled around the sword. The Black Knight then threw the Green Knight onto the ground again. Letting out a battle cry, the Green Knight charged at the Black Knight with an axe. The Black Knight threw his sword, which when through the opening in the Green Knight's helmet and stabbed him in the face. Blood leaked out of the helmet and the Green Knight fell dead. The Black Knight walked up to the dead knight and pulled the sword out of his foe's head.

King Arthur and Patsy approached the Black Knight. "You fight with the strength of many men, Sir Knight," said King Arthur. The Black Knight was silent. "I am Arthur, King of the Britons," said King Arthur. The Black Knight still didn't speak. "I seek the finest and the bravest knights in the land to join me in my Court of Camelot," said King Arthur. The Black Knight continued to give King Arthur the silent treatment. "You have proved yourself worthy; will you join me?" asked King Arthur. The Black Knight still didn't answer. "You make me sad. So be it. Come, Patsy," said King Arthur. The two began to walk, but suddenly, the Black Knight finally spoke. "None shall pass," said the Black Knight. "What?" asked King Arthur. "None shall pass," said the Black Knight. "I have no quarrel with you, good Sir Knight, but I must cross this bridge," said King Arthur. "Then you shall die," said the Black Knight. "I command you as King of the Britons to stand aside!" said King Arthur. "I move for no man," said the Black Knight. "So be it!" said King Arthur.

King Arthur drew out his sword and he and the Black Knight began to fight. Their swords clanged as they tried to strike each other. Patsy hid behind a tree. Sometimes, King Arthur would dodged the Black Knight's attacks rather than blocking them. Suddenly, the King of the Britons bonked the Black Knight in the head with the handle of his sword. The two resumed fighting and then, King Arthur chopped off the Black Knight's left arm. Blood dripped from the bloody stump. "Now stand aside, worthy adversary," said King Arthur. "'Tis but a scratch," said King Arthur. "A scratch!? Your arm's off!" said King Arthur. "No, it isn't," said the Black Knight dumbly. "Well, what's that then?" asked King Arthur, pointing at the chopped off arm. The Black Knight looked down at the ground and saw his left arm. "I've had worse," said the Black Knight. "You liar!" said King Arthur. "Come on you pansy!" said the Black Knight.

The two resumed their sword fight. The Black Knight recklessly charged at King Arthur, with his sword facing forward. King Arthur just simply stepped aside and hacked off his right arm. More blood gushed out. The Black Knight was now disarmed, literally. "Victory is mine!" said King Arthur. King Arthur kneeled down and began to do a prayer to the Lord. "We thank thee Lord, that in thy merc-," prayed King Arthur. But then, he was rudely interrupted when the Black Knight kicked him. "Come on then," said the Black Knight as he continued kicking his foe. "What?" asked King Arthur in disbelief. "Have at you!" said the Black Knight. King Arthur got back up. "You are indeed brave, Sir knight, but the fight is mine," said King Arthur. "Oh, had enough, eh?" asked the Black Knight. "Look, you stupid bleep, you've got no arms left," said King Arthur. "Yes I have," said the Black Knight. "Look!" said King Arthur. "Just a flesh wound," said the Black Knight.

The Black Knight resumed kicking King Arthur. "Look, stop that," said King Arthur. "Chicken! Chicken!" said the Black Knight. "Look, I'll have your leg," said King Arthur. The Black Knight continued to kick King Arthur. "Right!" said King Arthur. He sliced off the Black Knight's right leg. "Right, I'll do you for that!" said the Black Knight. "You'll what?" asked King Arthur. "Come 'ere!" said the Black Knight. "What are you going to do, bleed on me?" asked King Arthur. "I'm invincible!" said the Black Knight. "You're a loony," said King Arthur. "The Black Knight always triumphs! Have at you! Come on then," said the Black Knight. King Arthur slashed off the Black Knight's left leg. The Black Knight was now completely limbless. "All right; we'll call it a draw," said the Black Knight. "Come, Patsy and the rest of you heroes," said King Arthur. The large group began to leave the forest. "Oh, oh, I see, running away then. You yellow bleeps! Come back here and take what's coming to you. I'll bite your legs off!" ranted the Black Knight.

Sketch #9: The Restaurant Sketch (Dirty Fork)

At a fancy restaurant, Hamton Pig sat down at a table where Fifi La Fume was at. Hamton Pig was wearing a tuxedo, while Fifi was wearing her favorite pink & red dress and makeup. "Sorry I'm so late, Fifi,"said Hamton. "Zat's ahll right, dahrleeng. I'm twenty meenutes lahte myself," said Fifi. "Let's not start worrying about that," said Hamton. "Eet's nice here, eesn't eet?" asked Fifi. "Oh, very good restaurant, three stars you know," said Fifi. "Really?" asked Fifi. "Oh yes. Terrific reputation," said Hamton.

Just then, a waiter, who was Buster Bunny arrived. "Good evening, sir! Good evening, madam!" said Buster, handing Fifi and Hamton menus. "And may I say what a pleasure it is to see you here again, sir!" said Buster. "Oh thank you," said Hamton. He turned to Fifi. "Well there you are dear. Have a look there, anything you like. The boeuf en croute is fantastic," said Hamton. "Oh if I may suggest, sir . . . the pheasant à la reine, the sauce is one of the chefs most famous creations," said Buster. "Em . . . that sounds good. Anyway just have a look . . . take your time," said Hamton.

He turned his attention back to Buster. "Oh, er by the way, I got a bit of a dirty fork, could you . . . er . . . get me another one please?" asked Hamton, picking up his fork. "I beg your pardon?" asked Buster. "Oh it's nothing . . . er, I've got a fork a little bit dirty. Could you get me another one? Thank you," said Hamton. "Oh . . . sir, I do apologize," said Buster. "Oh, no need to apologize, it doesn't worry me," said Hamton. "Oh no, no, no, I do apologize. I will fetch the head waiter immediatement," said Buster. "Oh, there's no need to do that!" said Hamton. "Oh, no no . . . I'm sure the head waiter, he will want to apologize to you himself, personally. I cannot think how this has happened. I will fetch him at once," said Buster. And he left to fetch the head waiter. "Well, you certainly get good service here, yes?" asked Fifi. "They really look after you . . . yes," said Hamton.

Buster came back with the head waiter, who was Fowlmouth. "Excuse me monsieur and madame," said Fowlmouth. He examined the fork. "This is filthy, Buster. Who the bleep washes up? Find out who washes up and give them their cards immediately. No, on second thought, we can't afford to take any chances, sack the entire washing-up staff," said Fowlmouth. "No, please, look I don't want to make any trouble," said Hamton. "Oh, no please, no trouble. It's quite right that you should point these kind of things out," said Fowlmouth. He turned back to Buster. "Buster, tell the manager what has happened immediately!" said Fowlmouth. Buster ran off to fetch the manager.

"Oh, no I don't want to cause any fuss," said Hamton. "Please, it's no fuss. I quite simply wish to ensure that nothing interferes with your complete enjoyment of the meal," said Fowlmouth. "Oh I'm sure it won't, it was only a dirty fork," said Hamton. "I know. And I'm sorry, bitterly sorry, but I know that . . . no apologies I can make can alter the fact that in our restaurant you have been given a dirty, filthy, smelly piece of cutlery," said Fowlmouth. "It wasn't smelly," said Hamton. "You sure eet wahs ze fahrk ahnd naht moi?" asked Fifi. "It was smelly, and obscene and disgusting and I hate it, I hate it," said Fowlmouth. "That's enough, Fowlmouth," said the manger, who was Plucky Duck. "Nasty, grubby, dirty, mingy, scrubby little fork. Oh . . . oh . . . oh . . . ," said Fowlmouth. The chicken then went away.

"Good evening, sir, good evening, madam. I am the manager. I've only just heard. May I sit down?" asked Plucky. "Yes, of course," said Hamton. "Wee," said Fifi. "I want to apologize, humbly, deeply, and sincerely about the fork," said Plucky. "Oh please, it's only a tiny bit. I couldn't see it," said Hamton. "Ah you're good kind fine people, for saying that, but I can see it. To me it's like a boulder . . . no . . . a mountain, a vast bowl of pus," said Plucky. "It's not as bad as that," said Hamton. "It gets me here. I can't give you any excuses for it . . . there are no excuses. I've been meaning to spend more time in the restaurant recently, but I haven't been too well," said Plucky. He started to get all emotional. "Things aren't going very well back there. The poor cook's son has been put away again, and poor old Shirley, who does the washing up and prepares the salads can hardly move her poor, swollen fingers, and then there's Fowlmouth's war wound, but they're good people, and they're kind people, and together we were beginning to get over this bad, dark patch. There was light at the end of the tunnel . . . when this . . . when this happened!" said Plucky. He began to sob pathetically. "Can I get you some water?" asked Hamton. "It's the end of the road!" said Plucky.

Just the, the cook, Mungo (Arnold the Pit Bull) comes in, carrying a meat cleaver. "You bleeps!" shouted Mungo. "You mean us?" asked Hamton. "You vicious, heartless bastards!" yelled Mungo. Hamton laughed nervously. "Look what you've done to him! He's worked his fingers to the bone to make this place what it is, and you come in with your petty feeble quibbling and you grind him into the dirt, this fine, honorable duck, whose webbed feet you are not worthy to kiss. Oh, it makes me mad. Mad!" yelled Mungo as he slammed his cleaver into the table. Fifi let out a yelp.

Fowlmouth returned to the scene. "Easy, Mungo, easy . . . Mungo . . . ," said Fowlmouth. "Stark, stirring mad," said Mungo. "No, Mungo," said Fowlmouth. Suddenly, Fowlmouth clutched his head in agony. "The war wound! . . . the wound . . . the wound . . . ," said Fowlmouth. "They've destroyed him!" said Mungo. "This is the end! The end! Aaargh!" cried Plucky as he stabbed himself in the crotch with fork, killing him. "He's dead! They killed him! Revenge!" cried Mungo. Mungo grabbed his meat cleaver, but Fowlmouth tried to restrain him. "No Mungo . . . never kill a customer," said Fowlmouth. But once again, Fowlmouth's war wound kicked in. "Oh . . . the wound again! The wound!" cried Fowlmouth. Buster then grappled withMungo and both fell over.

And now . . . the punchline

"Lucky we didn't say anything about the dirty knife," said Hamton. Suddenly, the readers began to boo at Hamton. Fifi La Fume just stared at Hamton. "Really?" asked Fifi, sounding annoyed.

Cut to Arnold the Pit Bull as Colonel Pickering. "Now, I've noticed a tendency for zhis fanfiction chapter to get rather silly. Now I do my best to keep things moving along, but I'm not having things getting silly. Zat last sketch about restaurant staff throwing a fit over a dirty fork vas very silly. And zhe punch line to zat sketch vas even sillier. Now, nobody likes a good laugh more than I do . . . except perhaps my vife and some of her friends . . . oh yes and Captain Johnston. Come to think of it, most people like a good laugh more than I do. But zhat's beside zhe point. Now, let's have a good clean healthy outdoor sketch. Get some air into your lungs. Ten, nine, eight and all that," said Col. Pickering.

Sketch #10: Upper Class Twit of the Year

At a sporting field, in particular, a running track, a competition featuring five competitors was about to begin. Fifi La Fume was the commentator for this competition. "Good ahfternoon ahnd welcahme to Hurleenghahm Pahrk. You join us just ahs ze cahmpeteetahrs ahre runneeng out onto ze field on ziss lahvely weentair's ahfternoon here, weeth ze going firm underfoot ahnd very leettle sign of rain. Well eet certainly looks ahs zough we're een fahr a splendeed ahfternoon's spahrt een ziss ze 127th Upperclahss Tweet of ze Year Show. Well ze cahmpeteetahrs will be off een a mahment so let me just identeefy fahr you," said Fifi.

The competitors were the TTG versions of the Teen Titans. "Ze cahmpeteetahrs ahre ze Tweet Teetahns. Rahbeen hahs ahn o-level een chemo-hygiene. Cybahrg, mahrried to a very ahttrahctive tahble lahmp. Rahven, hair best friend ees a tree, ahnd een hair spahre time she's a stahckbrokair. Stahrfireis een ze guards, ahnd hair fahthair uses hair ahs a wahstepahpair bahsket. Ahnd finahlly Beast boy, hahrrow ahnd ze guards, zought by mahny to be ziss year's outstahndeeng tweet. now zey're moving up to ze stahrteeng line, zere's a jahlly good crowd here tahday. now zey're undair stahrtair's orders . . . ," said Fifi. The starter, who was the Roadrunner fired the gun. " . . . and they're off!" said Fifi. But they didn't move.

"Ahh no, zey're naht. no, zey deedn't realize zey were suppahsed to stahrt. Nevair mind, we'll soon sahrt zat out, ze judge ees explaineeng eet to zem now. I sink Rahven ahnd Stahrfire hahve gaht ze idea. Ahll set to go," said Fifi. Roadrunner fired the gun again and Teen Titans began to move off erratically. "Oh, ahnd zey're off ahnd eet's a fahst stahrt ziss year. Beast Boy runneeng a beet wide zere ahnd now zey're cahmeeng eento zeir first test, ze straight line," said Fifi. The Twit Titans approached five lines. "Zey've gaht to wahlk ahlahng ziss straight line weethout faileeng ovair ahnd Beast Boy's ovair aht ze bahck zere, air, Cybahrg's cahmeeng through quite fahst on ze outside, I sink Cybahrg ahnd Rahven, bahth of zem cahmeeng through very fahst. Zere's rahven zere. No. Three, I'm sahrry, ahnd on ze outside zere's Stahrfire cahmeeng through just out of shaht ahnd now, ze pahseetion . . . ," said Fifi.

After crossing the lines, the Teen Titans approached a line of matchboxes, piled three high. "Cybahrg ahnd Rahbeen aht ze frahnt cahmeeng to ze mahtchbahx jump. Three layers of mahtchbahxes to clear . . . ahnd Cybahrg's ovair ahnd Rahbeen's ovair beauteefully, oh ahnd ze jump of a lifetime, eef only hees ahdahpted fahthair could understahnd. Here's Rahven . . . ahnd now Stahrfire ees ovair she's, air, Rahven ees ovair, ahnd eet's Stahrfire, Stahrfire ees going to jump eet, ees eet, no he's jumped ze wrahng way, zere he goes, Rahven's ovair, beauteefully. Now eet's only Beast boy. Beast Boy . . . ahnd Stahrfire . . . oh bahd luck. Ahnd now eet's keeckeeng ze beggahr," said Fifi. The Twit Titans were now kicking a beggar, who was Mr. Krabs.

"Cybahrg's zere ahnd he's putteeng ze boot een, ahnd naht terreebly hahrd, but he's going down ahnd Cybahrg cahn mahve on. Now Rahbeen's zere. Rahbeen ees zere ahnd waiteeng fahr a chahnce. Here he cahmes, oh a piledreevair, a real piledreevair, ahnd now Cybahrg's on no. l, Rahbeen 2, Rahven 3, Stahrfire on 4 ahnd Beast Boy breengeeng up ze rear. Ahh zere's Beast Boy," said Fifi. Beast Boy still hadn't jumped over the matchboxes. "Zere's Beast Boy now, he's aht ze bahck. I sink he's hahveeng a leettle trouble weeth hees old brain eenjury, he's going to hahve a go, no, no, bahd luck, he's up, he doesn't know when he's beaten, ziss boy, he doesn't know when he's weenneeng eithair. He doesn't hahve ahny sahrt of sensahry ahppahratus. Oh zere's Stahrfire," said Fifi. Starfire was still kicking Mr. Krabs. "Ahnd she's putteeng ze boot een zere ahnd she's gaht ze beggahr down ahnd ze stewahrd's geeving hair a leettle beet of ahdvice, yes, she cahn mahve on now, she cahn mahve on to ze hunt phahtograhph. She's off, Stahrfire ees zere ahnd Beast Boy's steell aht ze bahck hahveeng trouble weeth ze mahtchbahxes," said Fifi.

The Twit Titans approached a table with Babs and Shirley and a photographer. Whenever one of the girls approached the table, Buster and Plucky would swap out with the girls. "Now here's ze hunt bahll phahtograhph ahnd ze first here's Cybahrg, he's going to enjoy a jahke weeth Bahbs Bunny. She hahpes to go eento films, ahnd Rahbeen's through zere ahnd, air, Rahven's zere enjoying a jahke weeth Plucky Duck. Rahbeen Streamrahllair Ahdahms Pie Beescuit Ahftershahve Gahre Streengbahttom Smeeth," said Fifi. Now, the next thing the Twit Titans had to do was to run over a cardboard cut-out of D.W. "Ahnd zere's, zere's Cybahrg now een ze spahrts cahr, he's reversed eento ze leettle geerl, he's caught hair ahbsahlutely beauteefully. Now he's going to ahccelerahte fahrwahrd zere to wahke up ze neighbahr. Zere's rahbeen I sink, no Rahbeen's lahst hees keys, no zere's Rahbeen, he's gaht ze leettle geerl, slowly but surely right een ze meedreeff, ahnd here he ees. here he ees to wahke up ze neighbahr now," said Fifi.

The neighbor was Patrick Star who was in his bed. "Cybahrg right een ze lead, cahmfortahbly een ze lead, but he cahn't get ziss neighbahr wahken up. He's slahmmeeng ahway zere ahs best he cahn. He's getteeng ahbsahlutely no reaction aht ahll. Zere, he's wahken heem up ahnd Cybahrg's through," said Fifi. "It's the apocalypse!" cried Patrick. "Here cahmes Rahbeen, Rahbeen to slahm ze door, ahnd zere we ahre bahck aht ze hunt bahll, I sink zat's Stahrfire zere, zat's Stahrfire going through zere, ahnd here, here cahmes Beast Boy, brahve Beast Boy. Ees he going to mahke eet to ze tahble, no I dahn't sink he ees, yes he ees," said Fifi. But Beast Boy fell over the table, spilling everything on it too. "He deed eet, ohh. Ahnd ze crowd ahre reesing to heem zere, ahnd zere I cahn see, who ees zat zere, yes zat's Rahven, Rahven hahs wahken ze neighbahr! My gahsh ziss ees exceeting. Rahven's gaht very excited ahnd she's going through ahnd here cahmes Stahrfire. Stahrfire, oh no ziss ees, air, out een ze frahnt zere ees Cybahrg who ees suppahsed to eensult ze waitair ahnd he's fahrgotten. Ahnd . . . ," said Fifi as Cyborg ran past a waiter, standing with a tray. Suddenly, Fifi saw Beast Boy in front of the car, with its wheels were over him, with one on his head. "Sahcrebleu! Beast Boy hahs run heemself ovair! Whaht a great tweet!" cried Fifi.

"Ahnd now here cahmes Rahbeen, Rahbeen to eensult ze waitair, ahnd he ees heapeeng ahbuse on heem, ahnd he ees humeeliateeng heem, zere ahnd he's gahne eento ze lead. Cybahrg's naht weeth heem, no Rahbeen's een frahnt of heem aht ze bahr," said Fifi. The Twit Titans next had to go under a bar of wood five feet off the ground. But some of them kept bonking their heads. "Cybahrg's gaht to get undair ziss bahr ahnd ziss ees extremely deeffeecult ahs eet requires Ahbsahlutely expert co-ordeenahtion between mind ahnd bahdy. No, Rahbeen eesn't zere. Here we go ahgain ahnd Cybahrg's fahllen bahckwards. Here's Rahven, she's treepped, Rahven hahs treepped, ahnd she's undair ahnd Cybahrg fails ahgain, air, here ees Stahrfire, ahnd Cybahrg ees through by ahccident. Here's Stahrfire to be ze lahst one ovair, zere we ahre, here's Rahven right aht ze head of ze field," said Fifi.

The Twit Titans approached five Nudibranchs staked out on the ground. "Ahnd now she's going to shoot ze nudeebrahnchs, ahnd zese nudeebrahnchs hahve been tied to ze ground, ahnd zey're going to be a beet freesky, ahnd ziss ees only a one-day event," said Fifi. The Twit Titans started shooting at the Nudibranches with shotguns "Ahnd zey're blahzeeng ahway zere. Zey're naht getteeng quite ze results zat zey might, Stahrfire ees een zere trying to bahsh eet to death weeth ze butt of hees reefle, ahnd I sink Rahven's een zere weeth hair bahre hahnds, but zey're naht getteeng ze results zat zey might, but eet ees a leettle beet meesty tahday ahnd zey must be shooteeng frahm a rahnge of aht least one foot. But zey've hahd a couple of heets zere I sink, yes, zey've hahd a couple of heets, ahnd ze whahle field ees up ahgain ahnd here zey ahre," said Fifi.

Now, the Twit Titans were approaching a line of shop window dummies each wearing only a bra. "Zey're cahmeeng up to ze debs, Stahrfire first, Rahbeen secahnd, Cybahrg sird. Ahnd now zey've gaht to tahke ze brahs off frahm ze frahnt, ziss ees really deeffeecult, ziss ees really ze mahst, ze mahst deeffeecult pahrt of ze entire cahmpeteetion, ahnd zey're hahveeng a beet of trouble een zere I sink, zey're really trying now ahnd ze crowd ees getteeng excited, ahnd I sink sahme of ze tweets ahre getteeng rahthair excited too," said Fifi. The Twit Titans were indeed having trouble removing the bras. Some of the dummies' heads were coming off. "Rahbeen ees zere, Rahbeen ees cahmeeng through, Cybahrg's een secahnd plahce, ahnd, no zere's Beast Boy, he's dead. But he's naht necessahreely out of eet. Zere goes Rahven, no she's lahst sahmetheeng, ahnd Stahrfire runneeng through to ziss finahl obstahcle," said Fifi.

The final obstacle was a table with five revolvers laid out on it. "Mow ahll zey hahve to do here to ween ze teetle ees to shoot zemselves. Cybahrg hahs a shaht. bahd luck, he meesses. Rahbeen meesses. Now zere's Stahrfire, ahnd Stahrfire hahs shaht herself! Stahrfire ees Upperclahss Tweet of ze Year. Zere's Rahven, she's shaht Rahbeen by meestahke, Rahbeen ees secahnd. Ahnd zere's Rahven, Rahven's shaht herself: Rahven ees sird een ziss fine ahnd mahst exceeting Upperclahss Tweet of ze Year Show I've evair seen. Cybahrg's clubbed heemself eento fourth plahce," said Fifi. After the competition, the bodies of the three first competitors were put in three coffins with medals and ribbons on them. "Ahnd so ze finahl results; ze Upperclahss Tweet of ze Year; Stahrfire. Runnair up; Rahbeen. Sird; Rahven. Well zere'll certainly be sahme cahr door slahmmeeng een ze streets of Kenseengtahn tahnight," said Fifi.

Gilliamation #5: Prince Plucky and the Black Spot

Fifi went home after announcing the upper class twit of the year and took out a book. She began to turned to the audience. "Bonjour and tonight, I'd like to read to you a story," said Fifi. She began to read it.

Wance upahn a time, zere wahs ahn enchahnted preence nahmed Plucky, who ruled ze lahnds beyond ze wahbbles. One day, he deescahvered a spaht on hees fahce. Fooleeshly, he ignahred eet. Ahnd three years lahtair, he died of cahncair. "Ugh!" cried Plucky. Ze spaht, howevair, floureeshed. eet soon set out to seek eets fahrtune.

The spot hopped up and down the road, exploring the land around itself. It passed by a sign that said, "To the Big City". In front of a billboard, Elmer Fudd stood, saying, "Bwah, bwah, bwah, bwah." Suddenly, the spot jumped and went splat all over Elmer Fudd's face. Fowlmouth began laughing at Elmer. Without warning, the spot jumped from Elmer's face and hit Fowlmouth, knocking him down, off screen. Glass crashing could be heard as Fowlmouth squawked. Elmer Fudd resumed say, "Bwah, bwah, bwah, bwah" as the spot moved on.

The spot began to hop into the park when it passed by a female spot, sitting on the bench. The spot turned around and it was love at first sight. The male spot sat next to the female spot and the two kissed. Eventually, they got married and moved into a complex of apartments. "Agnes, did you see who moved in next door?" asked Buster, in drag. "Yes, black as the ace of spades," said Hamton, also in drag. "There goes the neighborhood," said Buster. "Them and their smelly cooking," said Hamton. "And the noise," said Buster. Suddenly, all the apartments but the one the spots moved in cracked and fell apart. A large broom swept the pieces away, transitioning to the next sketch.

Song #2: Knights of the Round Table

Ever since his fight with the Black Knight, King Arthur gathered more knights. Sir Bedevere the Wise (Calamity Coyote), Sir Galahad the Pure (Hamton Pig), Sir Lancelot the Brave (Plucky Duck), Sir Robin the Not So Quite as Brave as Sir Lancelot (Furrball), who slew the vicious Chicken of Bristol and who nearly fought the Dragon of Angnor, who slew the vicious Chicken of Bristol and who personally wet himself at the Battle of Badon Hill. And the actually named, Sir Not Appearing in this fanfiction (Elmyra Duff).

"And that, my liege, is how we know the Earth to be banana-shaped," said Sir Bedevere. "This new learning amazes me, Sir Bedevere. Explain again how sheep's bladders may be employed to prevent earthquakes," said King Arthur. "Oh, certainly, sir," said Sir Bedevere. "Look, my liege!" said Lancelot. There standing before the group was the castle of Camelot. "Camelot!" said King Arthur. "Camelot!" said Sir Galahad. "Camelot!" said Sir Lancelot. "It's only a drawing," said Patsy. "Shhh! Knights, I bid you welcome to your new home. Let us ride . . . to Camelot," said King Arthur.

We're Knights of the Round Table.

We dance whene'er we're able.

We do routines and chorus scenes

With footwork impeccable.

We dine well here in Camelot.

We eat ham and jam and spam a lot.

We're Knights of the Round Table.

Our shows are formidable,

But many times we're given rhymes

That are quite unsingable.

We're opera mad in Camelot.

We sing from the diaphragm a lot.

Everybody was having fun, even Elmyra Duff, who was shackled to a dungeon wall was clapping to the tune of the song. Fifi La Fume was using some knights' helmets as drums and she accidentally bonked DeeDee on the head. "Ooh!" cried DeeDee as she was bonked.

In war we're tough and able,

(Scrapper the Cat screeches as he's stepped on.)

Quite indefatigable.

Between our quests we sequin vests and impersonate Clark Gable.

It's a busy life in Camelot.

I have to push the pram a lot.

"Well, on second thought, let's not go to Camelot, it is a silly place," said King Arthur. "Right," said the other knights. And they left.

Sketch #11: The Detective Sketch

At a drawing room in a large English country house, sitting around are Sylvester, Fifi La Fume, Buster and Babs Bunny. They were drinking tea and reading. Just then, Inspector Tiger (Played by Plucky Duck) entered the room. "This house is surrounded. I'm afraid I must not ask anyone to leave the room. No, I must ask nobody . . . no, I must ask everybody to . . . I must not ask anyone to leave the room. No one must be asked by me to leave the room. No, no one must ask the room to leave. I . . . I . . . ask the room shall by someone be left. Not. Ask nobody the room somebody leave shall I. Shall I leave the room? Everyone must leave the room . . . as it is . . . with them in it. Phew. Understand?" asked Plucky. "You don't want anybody to leave the room," said Sylvester. Inspector Tiger clicked his fingers to indicate Sylvester has hit the nail on the head.

"Now, alduce me to introlow myslef. I'm sorry. Alself me to myduce introlow myslef. Introme -to-lose mlow alself. Alme to you introselff mylowduce. Excuse me a moment," said Inspector Tiger. He banbed himself on the side of the head. "Allow me to introduce myself. I'm afraid I must ask that no one leave the room. Allow me to introduce myself. I'm Inspector Tiger," said Inspector Tiger. "Tiger?" asked everybody. "Where? Where? What? Ah. Me Tiger. You Jane. Grrr. Beg your pardon, allow me to introduce myself I'm afraid I must ask that no one leave the room," said Inspector Tiger. "Why naht?" asked Fifi. "Elementary. Since the body was found in this room, and no one has left it. Therefore . . . the murderer must be somebody in this room," said Inspector Tiger.

"What body?" asked Sylvester. "Somebody. In this room. Must the murderer be. The murderer of the body is somebody in this room, which nobody must leave . . . leave the body in the room not to be left by anybody. Nobody leaves anybody or the body with somebody. Everybody who is anybody shall leave the body in the room body. Take the tablets Tiger. Anybody with a body but not the body is nobody. Nobody leaves the body in the . . . ," said Plucky. He took some pill tablets. "Albody me introbody albodyduce," said Plucky. At that moment, a surgeon, who was Calamity Coyote with two nurses, who were Shirley the Loon and Mary Melody started to operate on his head using a saw.

The Same Drawing Room. One Lobotomy Later . . .

After the surgery was done, the surgeon and nurses left. Inspector Tiger's head was bandaged. "Now for Sir Gerald," said Calamity. "That's better, now I'm Inspector Tiger and I must ask that nobody leave the room," said Inspector Tiger. He gave a thumbs up to Calamity, who was at the door. "Now someone has committed a murder here, and that murderer is someone in this room. The question is . . . who?" asked Inspector Tiger. "Look, there hasn't been a murder," said Sylvester. "No murder?" asked Inspector Tiger. "No," said everybody. "Oh. I don't like it. It's too simple, too clear cut. I'd better wait," said Inspector Tiger. He sat down on the sofa. "No, too simple, too clear cut," said Plucky.

Then, the lights went out. It was quiet, but not for long. Inspector Tiger screamed and the sound of a gun firing was heard. The lights went back on. Inspector Tiger was dead. He had a bullet hole in his forehead, an arrow through his neck, a bottle marked poison in his lap, an axe on his head, which had been chopped off by the same axe and a sword through his chest. "Thufferin thuccotash, he was right!" cried Sylvester.

At that moment, Chief Superintendent Lookout (played by Fowlmouth) entered with constable (played by Montana Max). "This house is surrounded. I must ask that no one leave the room. I'm Chief Superintendent Lookout," said Fowlmouth. "Look out?" asked Fifi. "What, where, oh, me, Lookout. Lookout of the Yard," said Lookout. "Why, whaht would we see?" asked Fifi. "I'm sorry?" asked Lookout. "Whaht would we see eef we look out of ze yard?" asked Fifi. " . . . I'm afraid I don't follow that at all. Ah ha. The body. So the murderer must be somebody in this room. Unless he had very long arms. Say thirty or forty feet. I think we can discount that one. Ha, ha, ha," said Fowlmouth. He began to laugh for real.

"Lookout of the Yard. Very good. Right. Now, we'll reconstruct the crime. I'll sit down here. Constable, you turn off the lights," said Lookout. The constable did as he said. "Good. Now then, there was a scream," said Lookout. He screamed. " . . . then just before the lights went up there was a shot,"s said Lookout. A gun shot sounded again. When the lights went up, Chief Superintendent Lookout is sitting dead, bullet hole, arrow and all.

After that, Assistant Chief Constable Theresamanbehindyer, played by Dizzy Devil arrived. "All right . . . all right, the house is surrounded and nobody leave the room and all the rest of it. Allow me to introduce myself. Me Assistant Chief Constable Theresamanbehindyer," said Theresamanbehindyer. "Theresamanbehindyer?" asked everybody. "Ah, you not going to catch me with old one like that. Right, let's reconstruct the crime. Constable you be Inspector Tiger," said Theresamanbehindyer. "Right, sir. Nobody leave the room ask shall . . . somebody I leave nobody in the room body shall, take the tablets Tigerbody. Alself me to my duce introlow left body in the roomself," said the Constable. "Very good. Just sit down there. Right now we'll pretend the lights have gone out. Constable, you scream," said Theresamanbehindyer. The Constable screamed. "Somebody shoots you . . . ," said Theresamanbehindyer. He shot the colonel with a gun through the head. " . . . and door opens . . . ," said Theresamanbehindyer.

Another Chief Constable (Played by Hamton Pig) appeared. "Nobody move! I'm Chief Constable Fire," said the Chief Constable. "Fire?" asked everybody. "Where?" asked Chief Constable Fire, getting all jumpy. "We'll come back for the conclusion of this sketch a little later," said Buster.

Sketch #12: How to Defend Yourself Against Fresh Fruit

At a self defense class, Arnold the Pit Bull was a self defense teacher. Fowlmouth, Elmyra Duff, Plucky Duck and Hamton Pig were his students. "Good evening, class," said Arnold. "Good evening," mumbled his students. "Vhere's all the others, then?" asked Arnold. "They're not here," said the students. "I can see zhat. Vhat's zhe matter vith zhem?" asked Arnold. "Dunno," said the students. "Perhaps they've got 'flu," said Hamton. "Huh! 'Flu, eh? Zhey been eating too much fresh fruit. Ha. Right. Now, self-defense. Tonight I shall be carrying on from vhere ve got to last veek when I vas showing you how to defend yourselves against anyone vho attacks you vith armed vith a piece of fresh fruit," said Arnold.

The students groaned. "Oh, you promised you wouldn't do fruit this week," said Plucky. "Vhat do you mean?" asked Arnold. "We've done fruit the last nine weeks," said Fowlmouth. "Vhat's vrong vith fruit? You think you know it all, eh?" asked Arnold. "Can't we do something else?" asked Plucky. "Like someone who attacks you with a pointed stick?" asked Elmyra. "Pointed sticks? Oh, oh, oh. Ve vant to learn how to defend ourselves against pointed sticks, do ve? Getting all high and mighty, eh? Fresh fruit not good enough for you eh? Oh, oh, oh, oh. Vell let me tell you something my lass. Vhen you're valking home tonight and some great homicidal maniac comes after you vith a bunch of loganberries, don't come crying to me!" yelled Arnold. And he went back to his position.

"Right, the passion fruit. Vhen your assailant lunges at you vith a passion fruit, zhus . . . ," said Arnold. "We done the passion fruit," said the students. "Vhat?" asked Arnold. "We done the passion fruit," said Hamton. "We done oranges, apples, grapefruit . . . ," said Plucky. "Whole and segments," said Fowlmouth. "Pomegranates, greengages . . . ," said Plucky. "Grapes, passion fruit . . . ," said Hamton. "Lemons . . . ," said Plucky. "Plums . . . ," said Fowlmouth. "Yeah, and mangoes in syrup . . . ," said Hamton. "How about cherries?" asked Arnold. "We done them," said the students. "Red and black?" asked Arnold. "Yes!" said the students. "All right, bananas," said Arnold. The students groaned. "We haven't done them, have we?" asked Arnold. "No," said the students. "Right. Bananas. How to defend yourself against a man armed vith a banana. Here, you, take this. Catch!" said Arnold as he tossed a banana to Hamton. "Now, it's quite simple to defend yourself against a man armed vith a banana. First of all, you force him to drop the banana; then, second, you eat the banana, thus disarming him. You have now rendered him 'elpless," said Arnold.

"Suppose he's got a bunch," said Plucky. "Shut up," said Arnold. "Suppose he's got a pointed stick," said Elmyra. "Shut up. Right now you, Mr. Huckleberry," said Arnold. "Hamton," said Hamton. "Oh. Sorry, Mr. 'Amton. Come at me vith that banana. Come on, attack me vith it. As hard as you like. Come on," said Arnold. Hamton was walking slowly. "No, no, no, no, no. Put something into it for pete sake. Hold it like zhat," said Arnold, raising his arm. "Now scream!" said Arnold. Hamton did a short scream. "Now, come on. Come on, attack me. Come on, come on. Come on," said Arnold. Hamton let out a scream as he charged at Arnold. Suddenly, Arnold pulled out a gun and shot Hamton with it. Hamton fell to the ground, dead. "Now . . . ," said Arnold. He picked up the banana. "Now, I eat zhe banana," said Arnold. He unpeeled the peels and began to eat the banana. "You shot him!" said Plucky. "He's dead!" cried Fowlmouth. "Piggy's completely dead!" said Hamton. "Completely dead," said Plucky. "I have now eaten zhe banana. Zhe deceased, Mr. Huckleberry, is now 'elpless.

"You shot him. You shot him dead," said Plucky. "Well, he was attacking me with a banana," said Arnold. "But you told him to," said Fowlmouth. "Look, I'm only doing me job. I have to show you how to defend yourselves against fresh fruit," said Arnold. "And pointed sticks," said Elmyra. "Shut up," said Arnold. "Suppose I'm attacked by a man with a banana and I haven't got a gun?" asked Plucky. "Run for it," said Arnold. "You could stand and scream for help," said Fowlmouth. "Yeah, you try that vith a pineapple down your vindpipe," said Arnold. "A pineapple?" asked Fowlmouth. "Vhere? Vhere? Vhere?" asked Arnold, looking around. "Nowhere. I just said: a pineapple," said Fowlmouth. "Oh. Blimey, I thought my number vas on zhat one," said Arnold. "What, on the pineapple?" asked Fowlmouth. "Vhere? Vhere?" asked Arnold, looking around again. "No, I was just repeating it," said Fowlmouth. "Oh. Oh. I see. Right. Phew. Right zhat's bananas zhen. Now zhe raspberry." said Arnold.

He picked up and raspberry. "Zhere we are. 'Armless looking thing, isn't it? Now you, Mr. Finger Lime," said Arnold. "Fowlmouth," said Fowlmouth, taking the raspberry. "Fowlmouth. Come at me vith zhat raspberry. Come on. Be as wicious as you like vith it," said Arnold. "No," said Fowlmouth. "Vhy not?" asked Arnold. "You'll shoot me," said Fowlmouth. "I von't," said Arnold. "You shot Hamton," said Fowlmouth. "Zhat vas self-defense. Now come on. I promise I von't shoot you," said Arnold. "You promised you'd tell us about pointed sticks," said Elmyra. "Shut up. Come on, brandish zhat, brandish zhat raspberry. Come at me vith it. Give me bleep. Come on, be as wicious as you like. Come on," said Arnold. "No. Throw the gun away," said Fowlmouth. "I haven't got a gun," said Arnold. "You have," said Fowlmouth. "Haven't," said Arnold. "You have. You shot Hamton with it," said Fowlmouth. "Oh, zhat gun," said Arnold. "Throw it away," said Fowlmouth. "Oh, all right," said Arnold. He tossed the gun away. "How to defend yourself against a raspberry . . . vithout a gun," said Arnold. "You were going to shoot me!" asked Fowlmouth. "I vasn't, I vasn't, I vasn't," sad Arnold. "You were!" said Fowlmouth. "No, I wasn't, I wasn't. Come on then. Come at me. Come on you vorm! You vorm, do your vorst! Come on, you puny little chicken. You vorm . . . ," said Arnold. Arnold the Pit Bull pulled a lever in the wall and a 16-ton weight fell on Fowlmouth. Fowlmouth squawked as he got squashed by the 16 ton weight. Feathers were sent flying too as he was crushed.

"If anyone ever attacks you vith a raspberry, just pull zhe lever and zhe 16-ton veight vill drop on his or her head. I learnt that in Malaya," said Arnold. "Suppose you haven't got a 16-ton weight?" asked Plucky. "Vell that's planning, isn't it? Forethought." asked Arnold. "Well how many 16-ton weights are zhere?" asked Plucky dumbly. "Look, look, smarty pants. Zhe 16-ton veight is just one vay, just one vay of dealing vith a raspberry killer. Zhere are millions of others!" said Arnold. "Like what?" asked Plucky. "Shootin' him?" asked Arnold. "Well what if you haven't got a gun or a 16-ton weight?" asked Plucky. "Look, look. All right, smarty-pants. All right, smarty-pants," said Arnold. He grabbed two small baskets or raspberries. "You two, you two, come at me then vith raspberries. Come on, both of you, vhole basket each," said Arnold.

"No guns?" asked Plucky. "No," said Arnold. "No 16-ton weights?" asked Plucky. "No," said Arnold. "No pointed sticks?" asked Elmyra. "Shut up," said Arnold. "No rocks up in the ceiling?" asked Plucky. "No," said Arnold. "And you won't kill us?" asked Plucky. "I won't," said Arnold. "Promise?" asked Plucky. "I promise I von't kill you. Now. Are you going to attack me?" asked Arnold. "Oh, all right," said Plucky & Elmyra. "Right, now don't rush me this time.

I'm going to turn me back so you stalk me, right? Come up as quietly as you can, right, close up behind me," said Arnold. Then, in with the raspberries, right? Starting moving," said Arnold. Both Plucky and Elmyra began to creep up behind Arnold. "Now zhe first thing to do vhen you're being stalked by an ugly mob with raspberries is to . . . , release zhe tiger!" said Arnold. Suddenly, Arnold pulled another lever and a tiger charged at both Elmyra and Plucky. They screamed as they tiger attacked and mauled them. "Bad kitty! Bad kitty!" cried Elmyra. "The great adwantage of the tiger in unarmed combat is zhat he eats not only the raspberry-laden foe, but also the raspberries. Tigers however do not relish zhe peach. Zhe peach assailant should be attacked vith a crocodile," said Arnold.

Arnold then began to look around. "Right, now, zhe rest of you, vhere are you? I know you're hiding somewhere. Lurking under the floorboards vith your damsons and prunes. Hiding behind the vall boards with your quinces. Vell, I'm ready for you. I've wired meself up to 200 tons of gelignite, and if any one of you so much as makes a move ve'll all go up together! Right, right. I varned you. I varned you That's it!" said Arnold. He set off an explosion that destroyed the place and fried him in the process.

Sketch #11.5: Detective Sketch Conclusion

"And now let's take a look at the state of play in the Detective Sketch," said Buster. By now, there were a lot of dead bodies. The current inspector that was now investigating was Elmyra Duff. "Alself me to introlow mybody," said Elmyra. Another gun shot was executed and Elmyra fell dead, on top of the other dead constables. Constables-13. Superintendents-9. A crowd cheered loudly.

Gilliamation #6: Blowing Nose

A lot of people were gathered at a public dinner party, talking to each other. "Sorry, I can't hear a word you say," said one guest. Fifi La Fume was one of the guests. "Very ahmuseeng, Lahrd Keemble. But would you excuse me fahr a mahment? I wahnt to powdair my nahse," said Fifi. The skunkette then went into the bathroom. If one were to pass by the door, they would hear some loud nose blowing. This last for almost 30 seconds. Afterwards, Fifi exited the room. "Ahh, zat's bettair," said Fifi.

Sketch #13: The Spanish Inquisition

Jarrow- New Year's Eve 1911

Jarrow-1912

Shirley was knitting when she heard a knock on the door. "Come in," said Shirley. The one who knocked was Plucky. He opened the door and entered the room. "Trouble at mill," said Plucky. "Oh no. What sort of trouble?" asked Shirley. "One on't cross beams gone owt askew on treddle," said Plucky. "Pardon?" asked Shirley. "One on't cross beams gone owt askew on treddle," said Plucky. "I don't understand what you're saying," said Shirley. "One of the cross beams has gone out askew on the treddle," said Plucky, sounding more irritated. "Well what on earth does that mean?" asked Shirley. "I don't know. Mr Wentworth just told me to come in here and say that there was trouble at the mill, that's all. I didn't expect a kind of Spanish Inquisition," said Plucky.

Suddenly, at the sound of a jarring chord, bursting through the doors were Cardinal Ximinez (Montana Max), Cardinal Biggles (Dizzy Devil) and Cardinal Fang (Calamity Coyote). "NOBODY expects the Spanish Inquisition! Our chief weapon is surprise...surprise and fear . . . fear and surprise . . . Our two weapons are fear and surprise . . . and ruthless efficiency . . . Our three weapons are fear, and surprise, and ruthless efficiency . . . and an almost fanatical devotion to the Pope . . . Our four . . . no . . . Amongst our weapons . . . ," said Ximinez. Plucky and Shirley just stared at three. "Amongst our weaponry . . . are such elements as fear, surprise . . . I'll come in again," said Ximinez. And he and his cronies exited out of the room.

"I didn't expect a kind of Spanish Inquisition," said Plucky. The Spanish Inquisition entered the room again. "NOBODY expects the Spanish Inquisition! Amongst our weaponry are such diverse elements as: fear, surprise, ruthless efficiency, an almost fanatical devotion to the Pope, and nice red uniforms . . . Oh bleep!" said Ximinez. He turned to Cardinal Biggles. "I can't say it, you'll have to say it," said Ximinez. "What?" asked Biggles. "You'll have to say the bit about 'Our chief weapons are . . . '," said Ximinez. "I couldn't do that . . . ," said Ximinez. And he and the other cardinals went outside again.

"I didn't expect a kind of Spanish Inquisition," said Plucky. The Spanish Inquisition burst in a third time. "Er . . . Nobody . . . um . . . ," said Biggles. "Expects . . . ," said Ximinez. "Expects . . . Nobody expects the . . . um . . . the Spanish . . . um . . . ," said Biggles. "Inquisition," said Ximinez. "I know, I know! Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition. In fact, those who do expect . . . ," said Biggles. "Our chief weapons are . . . ," said Ximinez. "Our chief weapons are . . . um . . . er . . . ," said Biggles. "Surprise . . . ," said Ximinez. "Surprise and . . . ," said Biggles. "Okay, stop. Stop. Stop there, stop there. Stop. Phew! Ah! . . . our chief weapons are surprise . . . blah blah blah. Cardinal, read the charges," said Ximinez.

Cardinal Fang took out a scroll. "You are hereby charged that you did on diverse dates commit heresy against the Holy Church. 'My old man said follow the . . . ," said Fang. "That's enough," said Ximinez. He turned to Shirley. "Now, how do you plead?" asked Ximinez. "We're innocent," said Shirley. "Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!" laughed Ximinez diabolically. "We'll soon change your mind about that!" said Ximinez, doing diabolical acting. "Fear, surprise, and a most ruthless . . . Ooooh! Now, Cardinal . . . fetch the rack!" said Ximinez.

Then, Cardinal Biggles produced what was actually a plastic-coating dish-drying rack. Ximinez looked at it and clenched his teeth in an effort not to lose control. He hums heavily to cover his anger. "You . . . Right! Tie her down to the rack," said Ximinez. Fang and Biggles made a pathetic attempt to tie Shirley on to the drying rack. "Right! How do you plead?" asked Ximinez. "Innocent," said Shirley. "Ha! Right! Cardinal, give the rack (oh dear) give the rack a turn," said Ximinez. Biggles stood there awkwardly and shrugged his shoulders. "I . . . ," said Biggles. Ximinez gritted his teeth. "I know, I know you can't. I didn't want to say anything. I just wanted to try and ignore your crass mistake," said Ximinez. "I . . . ," said Biggles. "It makes it all seem so stupid," said Ximinez. "Shall I . . . ?" asked Biggles. "Oh, go on, just pretend for God's sake. Ha! Ha! Ha!" said Ximinez. Biggles turned an imaginary handle on the side of the dish-rack.

"You are accused of heresy on three counts, heresy by thought, heresy by word, heresy by deed, and heresy by action, four counts. Do you confess?" asked Ximinez. "I don't understand what I'm accused of," said Shirley. "Ha! Then we shall make you understand! Biggles! Fetch . . . the cushions!" said Ximinez. Biggles took out two ordinary modern household cushions. "Here they are, lord," said Biggles. "Now, lady, you have one last chance. Confess the heinous sin of heresy, reject the works of the ungodly, two last chances. And you shall be free . . . three last chances. You have three last chances, the nature of which I have divulged in my previous utterance," said Ximinez. "I don't know what you're talking about," said Shirley. "Right! If that's the way you want it . . . Cardinal! Poke her with the soft cushions!" said Ximinez. Biggles started to poke Shirley with the cushions, but it wasn't doing anything. "Confess! Confess! Confess!" said Ximinez. "It doesn't seem to be hurting her, lord," said Biggles. "Have you got all the stuffing up one end?" asked Ximinez. "Yes, lord," said Biggles. "Hm! She is made of harder stuff!" said Ximinez, throwing the cushions aside.

Cardinal Ximinez turned to Cardinal Fang. "Fetch . . . THE COMFY CHAIR!" said Ximinez. Cardinal Fang's grin turned into that of horror. "The Comfy Chair?!" asked Fang, terrified. Cardinal Fang then brought out the comfy chair, a really plush one. "So you think you are strong because you can survive the soft cushions. Well, we shall see. Biggles! Put her in the Comfy Chair!" said Ximinez. The Spanish Inquisition put Shirley in the comfy chair. "Now . . . you will stay in the Comfy Chair until lunch time, with only a cup of coffee at eleven," said Ximinez. He turned to Biggles. ""Is that really all it is?" asked Ximinez. "Yes, lord," said Biggles. "I see. I suppose we make it worse by shouting a lot, do we? Confess, woman. Confess! Confess! Confess! Confess!" said Ximinez. "I confess!" said Biggles. "Not you!" said Ximinez.

"Very well. If you won't talk, we shall use . . . the fridge! So you want to remain silent," said Ximinez. He turned to Cardinal Biggles. "Cardinal, go to the fridge . . . and give her . . . a glass of cold milk," said Ximinez.

Song #3: The Galaxy Song

But when Biggles opened the fridge, out came Babs Bunny. The Spanish Inquisition were surprised by this. Babs then began to sing as the Spanish Inquisition went into the fridge as part of their exit.

Whenever life gets you down, Shirley,

And things seem hard or tough,

And people are stupid, obnoxious or daft,

And you feel that you've had quite eno-o-o-o-o-ough,

Just remember that you're standing on a planet that's evolving

And revolving at 900 miles an hour.

It's orbiting at 19 miles a second, so it's reckoned,

The sun that is the source of all our power.

Now the sun, and you and me, and all the stars that we can see,

Are moving at a million miles a day,

In the outer spiral arm, at 40, 000 miles an hour,

Of a galaxy we call the Milky Way.

Our galaxy itself contains a hundred billion stars;

It's a hundred thousand light-years side to side;

It bulges in the middle sixteen thousand light-years thick,

But out by us it's just three thousand light-years wide.

We're thirty thousand light-years from Galactic Central Point,

We go 'round every two hundred million years;

And our galaxy itself is one of millions of billions

In this amazing and expanding universe.

Our universe itself keeps on expanding and expanding,

In all of the directions it can whiz;

As fast as it can go, at the speed of light, you know,

Twelve million miles a minute and that's the fastest speed there is.

So remember, when you're feeling very small and insecure,

How amazingly unlikely is your birth;

And pray that there's intelligent life somewhere out in space,

'Cause there's bugger all down here on Earth!

After the song was finished, the screen was turned off cause it was actually being watched by Bart and Lisa Simpson. "That song's scientifically inaccurate. The sun isn't our source of power, it's heat. Everything in the song is wrong," said Lisa. "Who cares about what you say? All that matters is that it's a catchy song," said Bart. "What do you know? You're just a stu . . . ," said Lisa. But she was interrupted when a 16 ton weight came out of nowhere and squashed her flat. "Ouch," said Lisa. Bart laughed at what happened to her sister. "A lot of TV shows show inaccuracy to science. Get used to it, like you should," said Bart. And he resumed laughing.

Gilliamation #6: Sit Up

"Sit up!" said Babs to Plucky. She banged at Plucky's shoulder. But he didn't. "Sit up," said Babs. She banged at Plucky two more times. "Sit up!" said Babs. She banged Plucky until she bounced him around and sent him crashing to the sound of glass smashing, off screen. Now Plucky was sitting next to Shirley. "Sit up," said Shirley. She grabbed at Plucky, causing him to stretch his torso and yelped.

Elmyra was sitting on a table wearing a dress with a large skirt. For some reason, there were some people under Elmyra's skirt, moving about underneath. Suddenly, Elmyra was pulled into her dress. "Ooh!" cried Elmyra. A scuffle began to occur within Elmyra's dress. "Oh, help me. Oh, no. Please, stop it. Oh," said Elmyra. Just then, Sweetie Pie began to skip by. "Shh. There's somebody out there," said Elmyra. "Huh?" asked the men. Suddenly, a head emerged from the dress. But it wasn't Elmyra's. It was Furrball's.

"Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah," said Furrball. Suddenly, Elmyra forced Furrball's mouth open with her hand. "Help, help me. I'm trapped in his body. Oh, please help me out," said Elmyra. Suddenly, Furrball bit off Elmyra's fingers, causing her to scream and fall. Elmyra began to run around in Furrball's body until she opened up part of the medals he wore, peeking through. "Help me, oh please, help me out. Oh, help," said elmyra. Then, the medals closed up the opening. "Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah," continued Furrball. If one were to pass by, they would hear the sound of a buzz saw. Suddenly, the top of Furrball's head popped off. "I'm free! I'm free! I'm free!" cried Elmyra. Suddenly, Furrball put on a hat to cover the hole in his head, trapping Elmyra again.

Wilford Wolf and Minerva Mink were sitting about. Then, Wilford removed Minerva's dress to reveal her naked body. Wilford also put on a mask as Minerva put her arms behind her head. Just then, the two heard Arnold the Pit Bull as a cop coming and Wilford put Minerva's dress back on and took off his mask before he arrived. "Just checking. Just checking," said Arnold. After he left, Wilford removed Minerva's dress again and put his mask back on.

Bunny Bunny was just minding his business when his ears began to flap by themselves and his head detached from his neck. "Oh, no, you don't," said Babs as she emerged from Buster's neck stump and put the head back in place.

Fifi La Fume turned a handle, causing Shirley's head to spin around as organ music played. The skunkette removed the handle and Shirley's head continued spinning. Hamton and Plucky dressed as soldiers danced to the rhythm of the music. At one point, their legs became shorter. Then, they went into their hats and the hats floated in mid air. At that moment, Fifi and Shirley were dancing nearby when they were pulled into the hats by Hamton and Plucky. "Oh!" cried the girls. Just then, Sweetie was skipping along again. "Shh! Shh! Shh! There's somebody out there," said Shirley. Suddenly, Plucky got shot. "Oh!" cried Plucky. Fifi and Shirley giggled.

Montana Max sat in a chair near a small table. He began to hear some faint footsteps. They were getting louder and louder as whatever was coming was getting closer and closer. Monty moved his eyes around nervously, trying to figure out what was going on. The footsteps stopped at one point. He then heard oinking as a really fat Hamton came down, crushing him. "Ugh!" cried Monty.

Movie Moment #2: Mr. Creosote with Dizzy Devil as said character. Buster as Maître D

At a fancy restaurant, Dizzy Devil came in, looking monstrously fat. Some fish in a tank nearby saw him coming. "Oh, shoot! It's Mr. Creosote," said a Fish. Buster as a Maître D approached Mr. Creosote. "Ah, good afternoon, sir, and how are we today?" asked Buster. "Better," said Mr. Creosote. "Better?" asked Buster. "Better get a bucket. Me going to throw up," said Buster. "Uh, Plucky! A bucket for monsieur," said Buster. Plucky went to fetch a bucket. Buster showed Mr. Creosote to his table. "There you are, monsieur," said Buster. Buster snapped his fingers and Plucky arrived with the bucket. Mr. Creosote gushed puke out of his mouth and into the bucket. "Merci, Gaston," said Buster. "I haven't finished," said Mr. Creosote. "Oh! Pardon. Gaston! A thousand pardons, monsieur," said Plucky. "Uhh," said Mr. Creosote. He then barfed again.

"Now, zis afternoon, we have monsieur's favorite: ze jugged hare. Ze hare is very high, and ze sauce is very rich with truffles, anchovies, Grand Marnier, bacon, and cream. Thank you, Plucky," said Buster. Plucky was about to pick up the bucket when Mr. Creosote spoke. "There's still more," said Mr. Creosote. "Oh! Allow me," said Buster. He picked up the bucket. "A new bucket for monsieur, . . . ," said Buster. As soon as Plucky left, Mr. Creosote puked on the floor. " . . . and ze cleaning woman, . . . and maintenant. Would monsieur care for an apéritif, or would he prefer to order straight away?" asked Buster. Suddenly, Mr. Creosote puked on the menu. "Oh," said Mr. Creosote. "Uh, today we have, uh, for appetizers: Excuse me. Mhmm. Uh, moules marinières, pâté de foie gras, beluga caviar, eggs Benedictine, tart de poireaux; that's leek tart, frogs' legs amandine, or oeufs de caille Richard Shepherd, c'est à dire, little quails' eggs on a bed of puréed mushroom. It's very delicate. Very subtle," said Buster.

"Me have the lot," said Mr. Creosote. "A wise choice, monsieur. And now, how would you like it served? All, uh, mixed up togezer in a bucket?" asked Buster. "Yeah, . . . with the eggs on top," said Mr. Creosote. "But of course, avec les oeufs frites," said Buster. "Yeah, and don't skimp on the pâté," said Mr. Creosote. "Oh, monsieur, I assure you, just because it is mixed up wis all ze other things, we would not dream of giving you less than ze full amount. In fact, I will personally make sure you have a double helping. Maintenant quelque chose à boire. Something to drink, monsieur?" asked Buster. "Yeah, me have six bottles of Château Latour Forty-five . . . ," said Mr. Creosote. "Forty-five," said Buster. " . . . and a double Jeroboam of champagne," said Mr. Creosote. "Bon, and the usual brown ales?" asked Buster. "Yeah. No, wait a minute. Me think me can only manage six crates today. "Tsk tsk tsk tsk. I hope monsieur was not overdoing it last night," said Buster. "Shut up!" said Mr. Creosote.

"D'accord," said Buster. Just then, Buster saw Plucky with a new bucket and Shirley coming. "Ah! Ze new bucket and ze cleaning woman. Suddenly, Mr. Creosote puked on Shirley's back, four times as she was cleaning. Buster went to attend to the other costumers. "Monsieur, is there something wrong with the food?" asked Buster. "No, the food was excellent," said Porky. "Perhaps you're not . . . happy with the service?" asked Buster. "No, no. No c-c-complaints," said Porky. "It's just that we have to go. I'm having rather a heavy period," said Petunia. "Hmm," said Bugs. "Mm mm." said Lola. "And . . . we . . . have . . . a . . . train to catch," said Porky. "Ah," said Buster. "Oh. Yes. Yes, of course. We have a train to catch, and I don't want to start bleeding all over the seats. Ha, hm hm hm," said Petunia. "Madam?" asked Buster. "Perhaps we should be going," said Porky. "Oh," said Petunia. "Oh! Very well, monsieur. Thank you so much. So nice to see you, and I hope very much we will see you again very soon. Au revoir, monsieur," said Buster as Bugs, Lola, Porky and Petunia left.

Suddenly, Buster heard a clunk and he saw that his foot was in Mr. Creosote's bucket. "Oh, dear. I have trodden in monsieur's bucket," said Buster. Buster lifted up his shoe, which was covered in puke. "Another bucket for monsieur . . . ," said Buster. Mr. Creosote hurled once again, but on Buster's pants, which he actually was wearing. " . . . and perhaps a hose. M-hm," said Buster. Suddenly, Montana Max puked a little bit. "Oh, Max. Really!" said Elmyra. A nearby person hiccuped.

Minutes later, Mr. Creosote had finished eating all the food he ordered. "And finally, monsieur, a wafer-thin mint," said Buster. "Nah," said Mr. Creosote. "Oh, sir, it's only a tiny, little, thin one," said Buster. 'No. Bleep off. Me full," said Mr. Creosote. "Oh, sir. Hmm?" asked Buster. Mr. Creosote groaned. "It's only wafer thin," said Buster. "Look. Me couldn't eat another thing. ME absolutely stuffed. Bugger off," said Mr. Creosote. "Oh, sir, just . . . just one," said Buster. "All right. Just one," groaned Mr. Creosote. "Just the one, monsieur. Voilà," said Buster. He put the wafer in Mr. Creosote's mouth. "Bon appétit," said Buster. Mr. Creosote groaned as he ate the wafer.

But then, Buster ran off quickly and hid behind the desk. And he had good reason to. For Mr. Creosote's stomach began to bulge and inflate. It grew bigger and bigger and bigger. The buttons on Mr. Creosote's shirt started to pop off too. Buster watched as this was happening. As Mr. Creosote's stomach was over inflating, it caused his table to tip over, spilling the dishes and leftover food on it. This was followed by a loud explosion. Puke and flesh flew everywhere, including the other customers. Everybody began to groan and scream due to what happened. They even puked themselves. "Le ew, ew, ew, ewwww!" cried Fifi. Mr. Creosote was amazingly still alive, but his chest cavity and abdomen are now blasted open, revealing his spread ribs and intact, still-beating heart, and viscera. "Thank you, sir, and now, here's ze check," said Buster.

Sketch #14: Rachael Obvious

There is an epic quality about the sea which has throughout history stirred the hearts and minds of Englishmen of all nations. Sir Francis Drake, Captain Webb, Nelson of Trafalgar and Scott of the Antartic, all rose to the challenge of the mighty ocean. And today another Englishman may add his name to the golden roll of history. Or rather, the first Englishwoman. Ms. Rachael Obvious of Neaps End. For today, Rachael Obvious hopes to be the first woman to jump the Channel.

Rachael Obvious (Elmyra) ran to a group of cheering supporters. Among one of them was Buster Bunny, as a reporter. "Rachael, now let's just get this quite clear; you're intending to jump across the English Channel?" asked Buster. "Oh yes, that is correct, yes," said Elmyra. "And, er, just how far is that?" asked Buster. "Oh, well I think it's twenty-six miles from here to Calais," said Rachael. "Er, that's to the beach at Calais?" asked Buster. "Well, no, no, provided I get a good lift off and maybe a gust of breeze over the French coast, I shall be jumping into the centre of Calais itself," said Elmyra.

There were indeed people waiting at Calais. They had a banner that read 'Fin de Cross-Channel jump'. Fifi was among one of the spectators at Calais.

"Rachael are you using any special techniques to jump this great distance?" asked Buster. "Oh no, no. I shall be using an ordinary two-footed jump, er, straight up in the air and across the Channel," said Rachael. I see. Er, Ron, what is the furthest distance that you've jumped, er, so far?" asked Buster. "Er, oh, eleven foot six inches at Motspur Park on July 22nd. Er, but I have done nearly twelve feet unofficially," said Rachael. Rachael began to make training-type moves. "I see. Er, Ron, Ron, Ron, aren't you worried Ron, aren't you worried jumping twenty-six miles across the sea?" asked Buster. "Oh, well no, no, no, no. It is in fact easier to jump over sea than over dry land," said Rachael. "Well how is that?" asked Buster. "Er, well my manager explained it to me. You see if you're five miles out over the English Channel, with nothing but sea underneath you, er, there is a very great impetus to say in the air," said Rachael. "I see. Well, er, thank you very much Ron and the very best of luck," said Buster. "Thank you. Thank you," said Rachael.

Buster began to walked toward Elmyra's manager (Montana Max). He wore a mafia shirt and sunglasses. "The man behind Rachael's cross-Channel jump is her manager Mr Luigi Vercotti," said Buster. He turned to Mr. Vercotti. "Mr Vercotti, er Mr Vercotti . . . Mr Vercotti . . . ," said buster. "What? I never been . . . I don't know what you're talking about," said Mr. Vercotti. "Er, no, we're from the BBC, Mr Vercotti," said Buster. "Who?" asked Mr. Vercotti. "The BBC," said Buster. "Oh, oh. I see. I thought, I thought you were the er . . . I like the police a lot, I've got a lot of time for them," said Mr. Vercotti. "Mr, er, Mr Vercotti, what is your chief task as Rachael's manager?" asked Buster. "Well my main task is, er, to fix a sponsor for the big jump," said Mr. Vercotti. "And who is the sponsor?" asked Buster. "The Chippenham Brick Company. Ah, they, er, pay all the bills, er, in return for which Ron will be carrying half a hundredweight of their bricks," said Mr. Vercotti.

At that moment, a Passport officer was checking Rachael's passport. "I see. Well, er, it looks as if Rachael is ready now. He's got the bricks. He's had his passport checked and he's all set to go," said Buster. Rachael began to run down the beach. "And he's off on the first ever cross-Channel jump," said Mr. Vercotti. She jumped, but unfortunately, she landed about four feet into the water. "Will Rachael be trying the cross-Channel jump again soon?" asked Buster. "No. No. I'm taking her off the jumps, Er, because I've got something lined up for Rachael next week that I think is very much more up her street," said Mr. Vercotti. "Er, what's that?" asked Buster. "Er, Rachael is going to eat Chichester Cathedral," said Mr. Vercotti.

A week has passed and it was time for Rachael Obvious to do her next thing. "Well, there she goes, Rachael Obvious of Neaps End, in an attempt which could make her the first woman ever to eat an entire Anglican Cathedral," said Buster. Rachael Obvious was brushing her teeth in preparation as she walked up to the buttress of the cathedral. Stuck to part of it, were some teeth from a man's previous attempt to the eat the building. Then, she tied a bib around her neck. After that, she took out a bottle of ketchup and mustard and slathered it on part of the buttress. Rachael then took out a fork and knife and attempt to slice off a piece of the cathedral. But unfortunately, the fork and knife broke. So, Rachael resorted to taking a hefty bite out of the buttress. But unfortunately, she broke her jaw. She screamed in pain as she clutched her mouth.

With the attempt to eat Chichester Cathedral a failure, Mr. Vercotti decided to have Rachael Obvious tunnel to Java. Buster and Mr. Vercotti were near a map. "Well, er, I think, Buster, this is something which Rachael and myself are really keen on. Rachael is going to tunnel from Godalming here to Java here," said Mr. Vercotti, pointing to the map. But part of the draw line was inaccurate. "Java," said Buster. "Yeah, er, I, I personally think this is going to make Rachael a household name overnight," said Mr. Vercotti. "And how far has he got?" asked Buster. "Er, well, he's quite far now, Buster, well on the way. Well on the way, yeah," said Mr. Vercotti. "Well where is he exactly?" asked Buster. "Yeah," said Mr. Vercotti. "Where?" asked Buster. "Oh, er, well, er, you know, it's difficult to say exactly. He's er, you know, in the area of er . . . ," said Mr. Vercotti. He turned to hole that Rachael Obvious had dug. Ron, how far have you got?" asked Mr. Vercotti. Rachael emerged from the hole. She had her jaws wired shut ever since she broke them trying to eat Chichester Cathedral. "Oh about two foot six, Mr Vercotti," said Rachael. "Yeah well keep digging lad, keep digging," said Mr. Vercotti. "Mr Vercotti are you sure there isn't a spade?" asked Rachael.

A few days later, Buster and Mr. Vercotti got off at a station from a passenger train, which was being pulled by Duck the Great Western Engine. "Er, Mr Verccotti, what do you say to people who accuse you of exploiting Rachael for your own purposes?" asked Buster. "Well, it's totally untrue, Buster. Ever since I left Sicily I've been trying to do the best for Rachael. I know what Rachael wants to do, I believe in her and I'm just trying to create the opportunities for Rachael to do the kind of things she wants to do," said Mr. Vercotti. "And what's she going to do today?" asked Buster. "She's going to split a railway carriage with her nose," said Mr. Vercotti. "Split a railway carriage with her nose? How can anybody do that?" asked Duck. Suddenly, all three heard a loud scream. This was followed by James the Red Engine calling out, "Sorry!"

Now, Rachael Obvious was going to attempt at "Running to Mercury". "The only difficult bit for Rachael is getting out of the Earth's atmosphere. Er, once she's in orbit she'll be able to run straight to Mercury," said Mr. Vercotti. A heavily bandaged Rachael began to walk up a ramp, with a crutch for support. She leapt off the platform, when the frame froze suddenly in mid-jump, followed by another loud scream.

That leap had obviously killed Rachael Obvious so she was now buried in the Toon cemetery. Her tombstone read "Rachael Obvious 1941-1969 - very talented". "I am now extremely hopeful that Rachael will break the world record for remaining underground. She's a wonderful girl this, she's got this really enormous talent, this really huge talent," said Mr. Vercotti. And he left the graveyard. "Oh, that's a bit sad, isn't it?" asked Babs. "Shh. It's satire," said Shirley. "No it isn't. This is zany, madcap humor," said Babs. "Oh, is it?" asked Shirley.

Gilliamation #7: Graveyard

Deep within the graveyard, there were a series of coffins. In one of the coffins, a a man and woman's giggling could be heard. "Shh! I think my wife's beginning to suspect," said Dead Man #1. "You! Shut up, up there!" said Dead Man #2. "What do you mean, shut up, up there? You shut up," said Dead Man #3. "Oh, shut up, will you!" said Woman #2. "Be quiet!" said Man #4. "Shut up! Shut your . . . ," said Dead Man #5.

Suddenly, Bugs Bunny as a cop banged on the ground until the coffins were out of view from the camera. "Ehh, I apologize for that. But I think you'll find this, a bit more interesting," said Bugs. Then, Bugs Bunny opened his police jacket to reveal a dress! The camera zoomed in on Bugs and then zoomed out to reveal Fifi La Fume in a very revealing out.

"Ehh, I apologize for that. But I think you'll find this, a bit more interesting," said Bugs. Then, Bugs Bunny opened his police jacket to reveal a dress! The camera zoomed in on Bugs and then zoomed out to reveal Fifi La Fume in a very revealing outfit.

"Ehh, I apologize for that. But I think you'll find this, a bit more interesting," said Bugs. Then, Bugs Bunny opened his police jacket to reveal a dress!

The BBC would like to apologize for the constant repetition in this show. The BBC would like to apologize for the constant repetition in this show.

Sketch #15: The Money Programme

sung by Daffy Duck

Plucky Duck sat at a desk between Buster Bunny and Hamton Pig. He began to speak, quietly at first. But as he spoke he became increasingly agitated. "Good evening, and welcome to The Money Programme. Tonight on The Money Programme, we're going to look at money. Lots of it. On film, and in the studio. Some of it in nice piles, others in lovely clanky bits of loose change. Some of it neatly counted into fat little hundreds, delicate fivers stuffed into bulging wallets, nice crisp clean checks, pert pieces of copper coinage thrust deep into trouser pockets, romantic foreign money rolling against the thigh with rough familiarity, beautiful wayward curlicued banknotes, filigreed copper plating cheek by jowl with tumbly rubbing gently against the terse leather of beautifully balanced bank books!" said Plucky. He looked around in surprised realization that he's panting and screaming.

"I'm sorry. But I love money. All money. I've always wanted money. To handle! To touch! The smell of the rain-washed florin! The lure of the lira! The glitter and the glory of the guinea!" said Plucky. He stood up. "The romance of the ruble!" said Plucky. Now, he stood up on his chair. "The feel of the franc!" said Plucky as he stood on his desk. "The heel of the deutschmark!" said Plucky, stomping his foot. "The cold antiseptic sting of the Swiss franc! And the sunburnt splendor of the Australian dollar!" said Plucky, slapping his knee. Then, he began to sing a catchy song, with others joining in.

I've got ninety thousand pounds in my pajamas.

I've got forty thousand French francs in my fridge.

I've got lots and lots of lira,

Now the deutschmark's getting dearer,

And my dollar bills would buy the Brooklyn Bridge.

There is nothing quite as wonderful as money!

There is nothing quite as beautiful as cash!

Some people say it's folly,

but I'd rather have the lolly,

With money you can make a splash!

There is nothing quite as wonderful as money!

(Money, money, money)

There is nothing like a newly minted pound!

(Money, money, money)

Everyone must hanker for the butchness of a banker

It's the currency that makes the world go round!

(Round, round, round)

You can keep your Marxist ways, for it's only just a phase

For it's Money, money, money makes the world go round!

Money! Money! Money! Money! Money! Money! Money! Money! Money!

Sketch #16: Hell's Grannies

Narrated by Elmer Fudd

This is a fwightened city. Over these houses, over these stweets hangs a paww of fear. Fear of a new kind of violence which is tewwowizing the city. Yes, gangs of old wadies attacking defensewess fit young toons, especiawwy cats that chase wittle birds.

Sylvester and Sam the Cat were chasing Tweety Bird, until they were beaten up by an army of four Grannies using their purses. The four grannies were walking aggressively along the street, pushing passers-by aside as they walked.

"Well they come up to you, like, and push you, shove you off the pavement, like. There's usually four or five of them," said Buster. "Yeah, th-this used to be a nice neighborhood before the old ladies started moving in. Nowadays some of us daren't even go down to the shops," said Hamton. "Well Mr. Johnson's son Kevin, he don't go out any more. He comes back from wrestling and locks himself in his room," said Plucky. The grannies were smoking when Elmyra Duff was walking past them, one of them used her feet to cause her to stumble, but she didn't fall fully. They laughed at Elmyra.

What are they in it for, these old hoodwums, these wayabouts in wace?

"Well it's something to do isn't it?" said Granny #1. "It's good fun," said Granny #2. "It's like you know, well, innit, eh?" asked Granny #3.

Favorite targets for the old wadies are tewephone kiosks.

After Fifi La Fume finished making a call and left, the grannies began to carry the telephone away. After that, they began painting a message on the wall that said, "make tea, not love". That is, until Yosemite Sam as a cop came along. "Well come on, come on, off with you. Clear out, come on get out of it!" said Sam. Sam turned to the camera. "We have a lot of trouble with these oldies. Pension day's the worst - they go mad. As soon as they get their hands on their money they blow it all on milk, bread, tea, bags of seeds for the bird," said Sam.

"Ehh, well of course they come here for the two o'clock matinee, all the old bags out in there, especially if it's something like 'The Sound of Music'. We get seats ripped up, hearing aids broken, all that sort of thing," said Bugs. Just then, a police officer hustled two grannies out of the cinema.

As it turned, the narrator was Elmyra Fudd as a reporter, walking along the streets. "The whole pwobwem of these senile dewinquents wies in their compwete rejection of the values of contempowawy society. They've seen their chiwdwen gwow up and become accountants, stockbrokers and even sociowogists, and they begin to wonder if it is all weawwy worth it? Is all . . . ARGGH!" screamed Elmer as she suddenly disappeared out of view. As it turned out, he fell into a man hole that had the cover removed. The grannies laughed as they replaced the manhole cover.

Hamton was being interviewed next. Fifi La Fume was next to him. "Oh well we sometimes feel we're to blame in some way for what our gran's become. I mean she used to be happy here until she, she started on the crochet," said Hamton. "Cwochet?" asked Elmer. "Yeah. Now she can't do without it. Twenty balls of wool a day, sometimes. If she can't get the wool she gets violent. What can we do about it?" asked Hamton.

The grannies were now riding on motorcycles down the streets and through a shop. One of them had the words, "Hell's Grannies" on her jacket.

But this is not just an old ladies' town. There are other equally dangerous gangs, such as the baby snatchers.

Mr. and Mrs. Turner pushed their baby carriage to the outside of a grocery store. Mrs. Turner went into the shop while Mr. Turner watched the baby. Suddenly, five toons dressed in baby outfits appeared and grabbed at Mr. Turner. "Hey! What are you doing?! Put me down!" cried Mr. Turner as he was carried away.

"I just left my husband out here while I went in to do some shopping and I came back and he was gone. He was only forty-seven," said Mrs. Turner. And she began to cry.

"And worst of all . . . ," said Elmer. Suddenly, a yellow car actually leapt from the bushes and squashed him flat.

Gilliamation #8: The Killer Cars

Narrated by Shirley the Loon.

Yes, the killer cars. For years the city had been, like, plagued by ever-increasing pedestrian congestion. In an attempt to eliminate this problem, certain fanatical cars had taken the law into their own hands.

As a group of a people were walking, Bendy lagged behind and a red car leapt from the corner and squashed him, killing him. After that, a yellow car leapt from a tree and squashed D.W. And then, a white car squashed Jimmy.

Many attempts were made to rid the city of the killer cars. But have worked so far. They even resorted to calling the Teen Titans. But since they didn't take their jobs seriously, the killer cars eliminated them, one by one.

A pack of five killer cars squashed all five members of the TTG versions of the Teen Titans, one at a time.

But the days of the killer cars were, like, numbered, thanks to the miracle of atomic mutation.

Some stomping was heard and the one making the stomping walked into view. It was a giant sized Furrball the cat. A blue car jumped and flattened Elmyra Duff. Then, a third yellow car came out and crushed Goofball John McGee. Furrball stomped into the area and the two cars drove away in terror. "Oh, thank you. You've saved our city," said Daffy.

But at what cost?

Furrball then began to gobble up a nearby building. After eating it up, he let out a loud belch. He was about to consume another building when a giant hand appeared and smacked into the ground until he was defeated.

"Oh, thank you, thank you. You've saved our city," said Daffy. The crowd with him cheered. Then, the giant hand crushed them.

Sketch #17: Girls in Bikinis

In the middle of the forest, Minerva Mink was standing in a sexy pose wearing a bikini. As she was posing, you could hear the sound of a lecherous male slavering. There was also Hello Nurse, Julie Bruin, Bimbette Skunk, Jessica Rabbit and Lorelei of the Kanto Elite Four. Just then, the camera pans to reveal Buster Bunny in a bikini, causing the lecherous man to let out a "bleah!" "And now for something completely different," said Buster.

Sketch #18: The Funniest Joke in the World (The Killer Joke Sketch)

Narrated by Babs Bunny

This man is Ernest Scribbler . . . writer of jokes. In a few moments, he will have written the funniest joke in the world . . . and, as a consequence, he will die . . . laughing.

Inside a suburban house in a boring looking street, inside a small room upstairs, Ernest Scribbler (Montana Max) was writing some jokes on a piece of paper. He stopped writing and paused to look at what he has writing. A smile slowly spread across his face, turning very, very slowly to uncontrolled hysterical laughter. He staggered to his feet and reels across room helpless with mounting mirth and eventually collapsed and died on the floor.

It was obvious that this joke was lethal . . . no one could read it and live . . . Scribbler's girlfriend, alarmed by the unusual sounds of merriment . . . entered the room and found what was, apparently . . . a suicide note.

Ernest's girlfriend (Elmyra Duff) entered and sees him dead. She gave a little cry of horror and bent over his body, weeping. Brokenly she notices the piece of paper in his hand and picks it up and reads it between her sobs. Immediately she broke out into hysterical laughter, leaps three feet into the air, and fa11s down dead without more ado.

Fifi La Fume was outside, reporting at what just happened. "Ziss mahrneeng, shahrtly ahftair eleven o'clahck, cahmedy struck ziss leettle house een deebley road. Sudden . . . violent . . . cahmedy. Pahlice hahve sealed off ze ahrea, ahnd Scahtlahnd Yard's crahck eenspectahr ees weeth me now," said Fifi. The inspector was Hamton Pig. "I shall enter the house and attempt to remove the joke," said Hamton. An upstairs window was flung open and Bendy, rears his head out, hysterical with laughter and died hanging over the window sill. Fifi and Hamton looked up and then continue as if they were used to such sights.

"I shall be aided by the sound of sombre music, played on gramophone records, and also by the chanting of laments by the men of Q Division . . . ," said Hamton. He pointed to a group of three, dour looking policemen, standing nearby. They were Buster, Plucky and Calamity Coyote. "The atmosphere thus created should protect me in the eventuality of me reading the joke," said Hamton. He gave the signal and the cops started groaning and chanting biblical laments. The Dead March is played on the record. The inspector squared his shoulders and bravely started walking into the house. "Well, zere goes a brahve mahn. Whethair he cahmes out ahlive or naht, ziss will surely be remembered ahs one of ze mahst courahgeous ahnd gahllant ahcts een pahlice heestahry," said Fifi. Suddenly, the inspector appeared at the door, helpless with laughter, but holding the joke. He collapsed and died as a result. Buster, Plucky and Calamity stopped moaning and took off their hats.

It was not long before the Army became interested in the military potential of the Killer Joke. Under top security, the joke was hurried to a meeting of Allied Commanders at the Ministry of War.

Little Beeper stood on guard at Ham House. Dizzy Devil came, carrying an armored box. Although the notice on the door read "Conference. No admittance", Dizzy went in anyway. From outside, one would be able to mighty roars of laughter as well as a series of thumps as the commanders hit the floor or table, dead. The Soldier outside doesn't move a muscle.

Top brass were impressed. Tests on Salisbury Plain confirmed the joke's devastating effectiveness at a range of up to fifty yards.

At the Salisbury Plain, Bugs Bunny and Daffy Duck peeked outside of a pillbox to see the test. Furrball, feeling cold and miserable stood waiting to see what was going to happen. Fifi La Fume and Shirley the Loon were in position near a blackboard on an easel covered with a cloth. They turned to Buster Bunny, who stood on top of another pillbox, waving a flag. Fifi and Shirley revealed the joke without looking at it themselves. Furrball read the joke, thought about its meaning and sniggered before falling dead. "Fantastic," said Bugs & Daffy.

"All through the winter of '43 we had translators working, in joke-proof conditions, to try and produce a German version of the joke. They worked on one word each for greater safety. One of them saw two words of the joke and spent several weeks in hospital. But apart from that things went pretty quickly, and we soon had the joke by January, in a form which our troops couldn't understand but which the Germans could," said Bugs.

So, on July 8th, I944, the joke was first told to the enemy in the Ardennes . . .

At a trench in the Ardennes, the joke brigade were crouched, holding pieces of paper with the joke on them as the Germans fired their gun. They consisted of Buster, Plucky, Hamton, Babs and Shirley. "Squad, get the joker," said Buster. Everybody got their pieces of paper. "Squad, tell the . . . joke," said Buster. And then, they began to read the joker. "Wenn ist das Nunstruck git und Slotermeyer? Ja! . . . Beiherhund das Oder die Flipperwaldt gersput!" said the joke brigade. The Germans stopped firing their guns. There was a pause as the Germans began to gossip about the meaning of the joke. And then, the Germans reared up in hysterics. The Germans were the Perfecto Prep students. They died laughing due to the joke.

It was a fantastic success. Over sixty thousand times as powerful as Britain's great pre-war joke . . . and one which Hider just couldn't match.

"My Dog's got no nose," said Hitler. "How does he smell?" asked a young soldier. "Awful," said Hitler.

In action it was deadly.

Fifi La Fume was leading a squad with rifles through a forest. Suddenly, she sees something and gave a signal at which they all dive for cover. From the cover of a tree, she read out the joke. "Wenn ist das Nunstruck git und Slotermeyer? Ja! .. Beiherhund das Oder die Flipperwaldt gersput!" said Fifi. Suddenly, a sniper, which was Lt. Pug fell out of the tree, laughing and fell dead.

Another time, the joker brigade were telling the joke as they charged in the middle of a battlefield where gunfire was occurring. "Wenn ist das Nunstruck git und Slotermeyer? Ja! ... Beiherhund das Oder die Flipperwaldt gersput," said the soldiers. This time, the victims were the TTG Teen Titans. They entered a laughing fit before they fell to the ground dead, one by one.

The German casualties were appalling.

At a German hospital, there was a ward full of casualties still laughing hysterically before falling dead. They consisted of D.W., Vernon, Jimmy, Sarah, Kevin and Scrappy-Doo.

Later, Furrball was captured by the Nazis to be interrogated. The ones interrogating him were Arnold the Pit Bull and Cecil Tortoise. Cecil wore a sign that read "A Gestapo Officer." "Vott is ze big joke?" asked Arnold. "I can only give you name, rank, and why did the chicken cross the road?" replied Furrball. "Zat's not funny!" said Arnold. He slapped Furrball. "I vant to know the joke," said Arnold. "All right. How do you make a Nazi cross?" asked Furrball. "I don't know . . . how do you make a Nazi cross?" asked Arnold. "Tread on his corns," said Furrball. He stomped on his foot, causing Arnold to clutch his foot. "Gott in Hiramell Zat's not funny!" said Arnold. He began to slap Furrball a few more times while Cecil clapped his hands in rhythm.

"Now if you don't tell me ze joke, I shall hit you properly," said Arnold. "I can stand physical pain, you know," said Furrball. "Ah . . . you're no fun. All right, Otto," said Arnold. Cecil took out a feather. "Oh no, anything but that please no," said Furrball. Cecil began to tickle Furrball, causing him to laugh. "All right I'll tell you," said Furrball. "Quick Otto. Ze typevriter," said Arnold. Cecil went to the typewriter and began to type the joker as Furrball said it. "Wenn ist das Nunstruck git und Slotermeyer? Ja! ... Beiherhund das Oder die Flipperwaldt gersput," said Furrball. Suddenly, Cecil Tortoise exploded with laughter and ran out of the cell laughing before dropping dead. "Zat's not funny!" said Arnold.

But even after he said that, he began to laugh himself. "Die Flipperwaldt," said Arnold. And he continued laughing before he jumped backwards and fell dead. When he hit the ground, it shook the cell due to his large body build. Suddenly, Sweetie Pie burst in with a machine gun. Furrball leapt onto the table. "Wenn ist das Nunstruck git und Slotermeyer? Ja! .. Beiherhund das Oder die Flipperwaldt gersput," said Furrball in lightning speed. Sweetie Pie let out a snicker before kicking the bucket. Furrball then escaped.

But at Peenemunde in the Autumn of '44, the Germans were working on a joke of their own.

Yosemite Sam, as a German general was seated at an imposing desk. Behind him stood Cecil Tortoise, labelled 'A Different Gestapo Officer'. Dr. Gene Splicer came in the room. He cleared his throat and began to read the joke. "Die ist ein Kinnerhunder und zwei Mackel uber und der bitte schon ist den Wunderhaus sprechensie. 'Nein' sprecht der Herren 'Ist aufern borger mit zveitingen'," said Dr. Gene Splicer. Sam and Cecil looked at each other. "Ve let you know," said Cecil. He shot Dr. Gene Splicer and fell dead, onto a pile of other dead scientists. The other dead scientists were the Kanker sisters and Burne Thompson.

But by December their joke was ready, and Hitler gave the order for the German V-Joke to be broadcast in English.

Taz the Tasmanian Devil and the Tasmanian She Devil were turning in on the radio when the joke was broadcast. "Der ver zwei peanuts, valking down der strasse, and von vas . . . assaulted! peanut. Ho-ho-ho-ho," said the radio announcer. The radio began to play 'Deutschland Uber Alles'. Taz and She Taz look at each other and then in blank amazement at the radio.

"In 1945 Peace broke out. It was the end of the Joke. Joke warfare was banned at a special session of the Geneva Convention, and in I950 the last remaining copy of the joke was laid to rest here in the Berkshire countryside, never to be told again," said Babs. She walked away, revealing a monument on which is written: 'To the unknown Joke'.

Gillimatian #9: Curtains

Then, some curtains came down, covering the screen. Hamton Pig appeared on stage. "Wasn't that just great, ladies and gentletoons? But wait a minute, we've got something else I know you're just going to love. The curtains opened up to reveal another layer of curtains. Then those curtains opened to reveal a third set, then a fourth and then a fifth. The fifth had the words, "Safety Curtain". "Yes, sir. Coming up right up, the Vocational Guidance Counselor sketch," said Hamton. The safety curtain lifted up to reveal a sixth layer of curtains. After that, it opened to reveal a seventh, then an eighth and then a ninth that read "Act 2." And then, a tenth layer of curtains was revealed and it lifted to reveal a black screen.

Sketch #19: Vocational Guidance Counselor

Vocational guidance counselor

Vocational guidance counselor

Vocational guidance counselor

Vocational guidance counselor

The title Vocational Guidance Counselor was Fifi La Fume. She was at her desk when Mr. Anchovy (Plucky Duck) arrived. "Ahh, Mr. Ahnchahvy. Do seet down," said Fifi. Mr. Anchovy sat down. "Thank you. Take the weight off the feet, eh?" asked Mr. Anchovy. "Yes, yes," said Fifi. Plucky laughed. "Lovely weather for the time of year, I must say," said Mr. Anchovy. "Enough of ziss gay bahntair. Ahnd now Måahnsieur Ahnchahvy, you ahsked us to ahdvise you wheech jahb een life you were best suited fahr," said Fifi. "That is correct, yes," said Mr. Anchovy. "Well I now hahve ze results here of ze eenterviews ahnd ze ahpteetude tests zat you took lahst week, ahnd frahm zem we've built up a pretty clear peecture of ze sahrt of persahn zat you ahre. Ahnd 1 sink I cahn say, weethout fear of cahntrahdeection, zat ze ideal jahb fahr you ees chahrtered ahccountahncy," said Mr. Anchovy. "But I am a chartered accountant," said Mr. Anchovy. "Jahlly good. well bahck to ze office weeth you zen," said Fifi.

"No! No! No! You don't understand. I've been a chartered accountant for the last twenty years. I want a new job. Something exciting that will let me live," said Plucky. "Well chahrtered ahccountahncy ees rahthair exceeting eesn't eet?" asked Fifi. "Exciting? No it's not. It's dull. Dull. Dull. My gosh it's dull, it's so desperately dull and tedious and stuffy and boring and des-per-ate-ly DULL," said Mr. Anchovy. "Well, air, yes Måahnsieur Ahnchahvy, but you see your repahrt here says zat you ahre ahn extremely dull persahn. You see, our experts describe you ahs ahn ahppahlleengly dull fellow, uneemahgeenahtive, teemid, lahckeeng een eeneetiative, spineless, easeely dahmeenahted, no sense of humahr, tedious cahmpahny ahnd eerrepresseebly drahb ahnd ahwful. Ahnd whereas een mahst prahfessions zese would be cahnsiderahble drahwbacks, een chahrtered ahccountahncy zey ahre a pahseetive boon," said Mr. Anchovy. "But don't you see, I came here to find a new job, a new life, a new meaning to my existence. Can't you help me?" asked Mr. Anchovy. "Well, do you hahve ahny idea of whaht you wahnt to do?" asked Fifi. "Yes, yes I have," said Mr. Anchovy. "Whaht?" asked Fifi. "Lion taming," said Mr. Anchovy, boldly.

"Well yes. Yes. Of course, eet's a beet of a jump eesn't eet? I mean, air, chahrtered ahccountahncy to lion tahmeeng een one go. You dahn't sink eet might be bettair eef you wahrked your way towahrds lion tahmeeng, say, via bahnkeeng' or . . . ?" said Fifi. "No, no, no, no. No. I don't want to wait. At nine o'clock tomorrow I want to be in there, taming," interrupted Mr. Anchovy. "Fine, fine. But do you, do you hahve ahny qualeeficahtions?" asked Fifi. "Yes, I've got a hat," said Mr. Anchovy. "A haht?" asked Fifi. "Yes, a hat. A lion taming hat. A hat with 'lion tamer' on it. I got it at Harrods. And it lights up saying 'lion tamer' in great big neon letters, so that you can tame them after dark when they're less stroppy," said Mr. Anchovy. "I see, I see," said Fifi. "And you can switch it off during the day time, and claim reasonable wear and tear as allowable professional expenses under paragraph 335C . .. ," said Mr. Anchovy.

"Yes, yes, yes, I do fahllow, Måahnsieur ahnchahvy, but you see ze snahg ees . . . eef I now cahll Måahnsieur Cheepperfield ahnd say to heem, 'look here, I've gaht a fahrty-five-year-old chahrtered ahccountahnt weeth me who wahnts to becahme a lion tahmair', hees first question ees naht going to be 'does he hahve hees own haht?' He's going to ahsk whaht sahrt of experience you've hahd weeth lions," said Fifi. "Well I . . . I've seen them at the zoo," said Plucky. "Good, good, good," said Fifi. "Lively brown furry things with short stumpy legs and great long noses. I don't know what all the fuss is about, I could tame one of those. They look pretty tame to start with," said Plucky. "Ahnd zese, air, zese lions . . . how high ahre zey?" asked Fifi. "Well they're about so high, you know. They don't frighten me at all," said Plucky, indicating a height of one foot. "Really. Ahnd do zese lions eat ahnts?" asked Fifi. "Yes, that's right," said Mr. Anchovy.

"Air, well, Måahnsieur Ahnchahvy . . . I'm ahfraid whaht you've gaht hahld of zere ees ahn ahnteatair," said Fifi. "A what?" asked Mr. Anchovy. "Ahn ahnteatair. Naht a lion. You see a lion ees a huge sahvage beast, ahbout five feet high, ten feet lahng, weigheeng ahbout four hundred pounds, runneeng fahrty miles pair hour, weeth mahsses of shahrp pointed teeth ahnd nahsty lahng rahzahr-shahrp clahws zat cahn reep your belly open befahre you cahn say 'Ereec Rahbeensahn', ahnd zey look like ziss," said Fifi. Suddenly, appearing on screen is footage of Mufasa from The Lion King (original version) roaring. Mr. Anchovy screamed and passed out.

Finale: Always Look on the Bright Side of Life

A few minutes later, Mr. Anchovy woke up. "Aww man. If I had known what lions really look like, I wouldn't have wanted to be a lion tamer to begin with," said Mr. Anchovy. "Aaw, cheair up Måahnsieur Ahnchahvy. You know whaht zey say," said Fifi. She then began to sing, with the other Tiny Toons joining in later.

Fifi: Sahme sings een life ahre bahd

Zey cahn really mahke you mahd

Othair sings just mahke you swear ahnd curse

When you're cheweeng on life's greestle

Dahn't grumble, give a wheestle

Ahnd ziss'll help sings turn out fahr ze best

Ahnd ahlways look on ze bright side of life

Ahlways look on ze light side of life

Eef life seems jahlly rahtten

Zere's sahmetheeng you've fahrgotten

Ahnd zat's to laugh ahnd smile ahnd dahnce ahnd seeng

When you're feeleeng een ze dumps

Dahn't be seelly chumps

Just purse your leeps ahnd wheestle, zat's ze sing

All: And always look on the bright side of life

Always look on the right side of life

Buster: For life is quite absurd

And death's the final word

You must always face the curtain with a bow

Babs: Forget about your sin

Give the audience a grin

Plucky: Enjoy it, it's your last chance anyhow

Shirley: So, always look on the bright side of death

A-just before you draw your terminal breath

Fowlmouth: Life's a piece of bleep

When you look at it

Elmyra: Life's a laugh and death's a joke, it's true

Monty: You'll see it's all a show

Keep 'em laughing as you go

Furrball: Just remember that the last laugh is on you

And always look on the bright side of life

Always look on the right side of life

Always look on the bright side of life!

Always look on the bright side of life!

Side of life!

Side of life!

(Insert "Monty Python Theme")

Gag Credits #1: Character Kill Count; Elmyra-8, Nudibranches-5, Plucky Duck-5, Bendy-4, Montana Max-3, D.W.-3, Jimmy-3, TTG Teen Titans-3 each, Calamity Coyote-2, Fowlmouth-2, Hamton Pig-2, Sweetie Pie-2, Buster Bunny-1, Foghorn Leghorn-1, Elmer Fudd-1, Hugh Test-1, Helen Lovejoy-1, Lisa Simpson-1, Goofball John McGee-1, Perfecto Prep Students-1, Lt. Pug-1, Sarah-1, Kevin-1, Arnold the Pit Bull-1, Cecil Tortoise-1, Scrappy-Doo-1, Vernon-1

Gag Credits #2: Happy 50th Anniversary, Monty Python! So bleep off!

Gag Credits #3: James the Red Engine and Duck the Great Western Engine's appearances courtesy of the Sir Topham Hatt and the North Western Railway.

Gag Credits #4: Mufasa footage provided by Pride Rock

In memory of Terry Jones: 1 February 1942 – 21 January 2020

Buster, Babs, Plucky and Fifi: (In Spanish) "Look out, there are llamas!"

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Anyway, I hope you enjoyed reading this first Tiny Toons Special. I'm also planning a 30th Anniversary special too. In the meantime, I'm going to write more episodes of Fifi's New Tiny Toon Adventures.