A/N okay so I know i've been off this thing for AGES and I apologise loads, but this whole worldwide quarantine thing has made me sit down with some old stories and start off with them again. this is one I uploaded a while ago actually but I've gone back over it and I'm changing it so I'm re uploading. Some stuff has changed so read it and give me a good ol' review. Hope everyone is doing okay, stay safe in this tough time. xx

L'appel Du Vide

L'appel du vide, literally "the call of the void", is a French phrase used to refer to intrusive thoughts, or the urge to engage in destructive behaviours during everyday life

Chapter One: The Ground Opens For Us All

"I set fire to the moon's shape."

April 29th

Sirius Black stood on the edge. There was no longer anything stopping him; he had nothing left. The wind blew fierce torrents, lashing across his face and causing his dark hair to whip up in a wild frenzy, blinding him momentarily. That didn't matter though; Sirius had already seen what lay before him, the dark abyss that had opened up in the earth, threatening to swallow him whole and his pain with it. The sadness he felt was smothered by the urge to jump, to end it all in one heartbeat. He knew it wasn't a question of whether he was brave enough, the dominant part of his brain was telling him to do it, waiting to see if he could. The urge was overpowering. Sirius leant forwards, testing his resolve. His balance became more and more compromised before he finally let go.

Sirius Black woke, bolting upright in his bed, covered in sweat grasping at the dream he had woken from, that had been like so many others he had been having recently. He was shirtless and breathing heavily as he looked around the room, trying to collect himself.

The room in which him and the other seventh year boys slept looked exactly the same as normal, its scarlet hangings and warm light from the fire an instant source of comfort. His friends slept peacefully in their beds, even though there were the faint traces of light from beyond the curtain. Remus and Peter both had the hangings drawn around them so they were concealed from view, liking their privacy when sleeping, but James lay sprawled out over his bed, one arm thrown over the side so it dangled off the edge, fingers twitching as he slept and messy hair covering his face.

Sirius sunk back onto the pillows, knowing that it would be no use trying to get any morsel of sleep now. Glancing over at his clock on the nightstand, he saw that the time was 6:15 in the morning. Knowing that it would be hours till any of the boys got up from their slumbers, since it was a Saturday, and knowing that it was highly unlikely that he would be getting any more sleep being so wired from that dream, Sirius pushed the sheets off, grabbed his Gryffindor Quidditch jumper with the surname 'BLACK" printed in gold letters across the back and pulled it over his head.

Stepping as quietly as he could, Sirius made his way across the room and opened the door to the dormitory the marauders lived in. They had originally shared it with a fifth boy, Andrew Perkins, but he had been transferred to Beauxbatons Academy of Magic when his parents immigrated to France. Since then, the boys had had it all to themselves and had taken full advantage of the situation. Sirius had to dodge multiple boxes of Zonko's goods and various objects that were most commonly used for their multiple plans for causing havoc among the population of Hogwarts, as well as the large table in the centre of the room which was a rather new addition, Remus having conjured it a couple of years ago so they could create their most prized possession, the marauders map, in the privacy of their own room.

Sirius padded down the stone steps, his bare feet making little noise against the cold flagstones. At the bottom, he emerged into the common room and came to an abrupt standstill. Lily Evans was sitting next to the fire, a pair of knitting needles thrown to one side and a book open in her lap. She was curled up on the sofa like a cat, wearing fluffy socks and pyjamas with little cartoon fawns scattered about on them, much to his amusement. She might be dating James, but so far as Sirius knew, she had no idea what her boyfriend did every full moon so the irony was not lost on him.

"Hey Lilykins!" he announced loudly, causing her to jump bolt upright in shock and stare at him with wide eyes. Sirius smirked at her as she realised who he was and relaxed, breathing out a loud breath.

"Bloody hell Sirius, you frightened the life out of me." She gave him a narrowed glance. "Don't you know it's rude to sneak up on people?"

Sirius pretended to think hard on that for a moment, and then nodded slowly, "Yes, that statement does ring a bell." He grinned and flopped down next to the redhead who quickly moved the knitting needles from next to her before he landed on them. "What are you down here this early on a Saturday morning?"

Lily yawned and shook her head, "Waiting up for Marlene. We couldn't sleep so she went down to the kitchens for food."

Sirius replied to this with a non-committal grunt, silently approving of the thought that Mckinnon would shortly be back with food and wondering if he could hassle her into giving him some. He bet he could.

Lily shot him a suspicious look. "Try not to wind her up, it's too early in the morning."

Sirius gaped, "I don't do anything!" he tried to appear outraged at such an accusation but really he knew Lily had a point. His relationship with Marlene was fairly new, considering he hadn't actually paid her much attention until Lily and James had started dating a couple of months previously. Now that she had started to spend a lot more time hanging out with the marauders, he had been forced to get to know her better, or at least get along with her. She had always been relatively close to James in past years because they had grown up living very near to each other, but Sirius had never been involved in that particular friendship: he knew that he made her nervous, and he had always enjoyed that more than he should.

Lily opened her mouth to speak but before she could, the portrait hole opened to reveal McKinnon's curly blonde hair.

"Morning McKinnon," Sirius called out to her and she looked up sharply as if he'd just electrocuted her.

"Black," she had regained some composure now and was watching him carefully. "What are you doing down here?"

Sirius shrugged and patted the seat next to him, smirking as he watched her squirm at this gesture; not wanting to accept his offer, but too polite to decline it. In the end, she parked herself opposite him and refused to meet his eyes over the table which she was now laying with food she pulled from a bag.

"You got quite a haul there McKinnon," Sirius remarked. "I didn't think breaking curfew was really your thing."

"It's not exactly breaking curfew though is it?" Marlene replied, now looking up at him with cool blue eyes. "It's 6:30 in the morning, people will be getting up soon."

Sirius sighed and lent forwards to snag himself a croissant without invitation which he could see irked Marlene. "Good point," he muttered and caught Lily watching him. "What?"

"Nothing," Lily smirked, helping herself to a piece of apple pie that had evidently been left over from last night's dinner.

Sirius shot her a last look before turning and tucking into the pretty decent haul McKinnon had gathered. He was begrudgingly inclined to be impressed. "Not a bad lot my dear McKitten," he said, looking up at her just as a small blush crept onto her cheeks, making them a warm rose tinted colour at the unexpected compliment.

Marlene opened her mouth to reply but Lily said quickly, "I think me and Marlene are going to take this food upstairs so we can surprise Dorcas with it." she stood up, ignoring Sirius's groans of protest about them taking the food away and looked over her shoulder at Marlene, "You coming Marls?"

"Yeah," Marlene said, gathering up the remainder of the food quickly and following her friend. As Lily's red hair disappeared up the staircase, Marlene suddenly stopped and turned around again. Then, much to the surprise of Sirius, she walked towards him until she stood at his feet which were stretched out on the rug.

She seemed to struggle with whatever it was she wanted to say for a moment as Sirius watched her curiously, eyebrows raised and munching slowly on the last of his croissant. Finally, she straightened her shoulders and looked up at him, the middle of her forehead creased in a frown. "Is everything okay?"

Sirius gaped at her momentarily, "What do you mean?" he asked before he could tell his mouth to stay shut.

Marlene looked him right in the eye then and for the first time ever, Sirius was the one of them feeling uncomfortable. "You look tired," was all she said.

Sirius swallowed his mouthful of food slowly then blinked and considered her question. He could lie and avoid the question by teasing her about her niceness, but for some reason he didn't want to. However, she wasn't exactly the person he would've chosen to complain to about the sleepless nights he'd been having, or the dreams he had when he did drift off, so he settled for a compromise. "I'm fine McKinnon, just haven't been getting much sleep that's all." As he said it, he heard the tiredness in his voice and wondered how much it showed on his face for Marlene to ask him if he was okay.

Marlene didn't seem altogether satisfied with this answer but she seemed to comprehend that was all she would get from him so she just nodded and darted up the stairs to the girl's dormitories after her friend.

Sirius watched her go thoughtfully, wondering what on earth that had been about.

"Come on, Pads," James was urging him to get off his arse but Sirius just couldn't really be bothered. He sat in the comfiest armchair with his feet up on the pedestal in front of him and was immersed in a muggle motorbike magazine. "Just one hour and then you can come back to do whatever it is you're doing."

Sirius slammed the magazine down onto his lap, causing Peter to jump from where he was sitting playing chess with Remus, and looked up at his best mate. "Don't you have a girlfriend to go and annoy?"

James frowned, "You know what, I almost forgot about Lily – I'll just go and disturb her in the library where she is studying for exams with Alice shall I?"

Sirius shrugged, "How much more pissed off with you can she get after all these years?" he asked. "And besides, I'm not going outside, it's raining."

Remus snorted and Sirius shot him a death glare that the sandy haired prefect didn't see because he wasn't looking at Sirius, probably on purpose.

"But I'm so bored!" James complained loudly into the silence.

This was met with more silence, interrupted only by quiet murmurings of Remus and Pete as they played a game of chess. James descended into a sulky muteness that Sirius knew would last until he got a distraction.

That distraction arrived, ten minutes later, in the form of Lily Evans and Alice Prewett. Sirius let his magazine fall to his lap and looked up at the two girls. "Where's McKinnon?" he asked, without fully acknowledging the words before they were out of his mouth. Lily was distracted by James, who had leapt up from his seat like the insane puppy he became whenever she was around, and didn't reply but Alice said carefully, "She's out having a smoke – why?"

Sirius ignored her, firstly because he didn't have a valid answer to her question, and secondly because he was quite shocked at the thought of the McKinnon girl smoking. He didn't know that about her. Instantly, his curiosity was sparked and he got to his feet.

James was now preoccupied with Lily and didn't seem to either notice or care where Sirius was going, but Remus lifted his head and said suspiciously "Where are you off to?"

"Nowhere," Sirius lied quickly without even knowing why he was lying. "Just need to stretch my legs, that's all."

Remus narrowed his eyes but said nothing and Sirius turned and walked out of the portrait hole, digging into his back pocket for the map as it swung closed behind him.

It didn't take him long to locate Marlene's dot on the parchment. Sirius was well aware of the prime smoking spots so that narrowed it down a lot. She wasn't in one of his more regular haunts however and this, he supposed, is why he never saw her smoking. A part of him wondered why he even cared, but the little interaction they had had this morning had made him curious about her for the first time in years.

She was standing at the front of the castle in the outside corridor area, sheltered from the rain and leaning against the stone, back towards him and looking out at the grey weather. It was April but still chilly so Sirius pulled his jacket tighter around himself to conserve warmth. Marlene was just wearing a dress of dark blue material and an oversized button up shirt over the top, obviously in an attempt to down dress somewhat and didn't seem affected by the chill in the air at all. She was obviously one of those girls that didn't feel the cold.

Pulling out his own cigarette, Sirius walked over to join her. Marlene didn't even jump – which was rare wherever he was concerned – she just looked over at him, cigarette sticking out of the corner of her mouth at an angle.

Sirius let out a cough, suddenly feeling a tiny bit self-conscious. She seemed more relaxed than he was used to seeing her, possibly due to the effects of the cigarette she was smoking. Sirius sighed and lit up his own. "You going on a date?" he asked finally, indicating her dress.

"Yes," Marlene replied shortly, not looking at him and just staring out over the courtyard like she had been doing before he had arrived.

Sirius raised his eyebrows at that information. "Who's the lucky fellow?" he asked curiously, with only a hint of sarcasm.

Marlene's eyes were narrowed suspiciously, obviously expecting him to lecture her on safe sex or something and embarrass her. True enough, under any other circumstances, Sirius would have done just that, but these were not normal circumstances. For whatever reason be it, Sirius had been the one to seek out Marlene's company so he just waited patiently for her to answer.

After some seconds of scrutiny, Marlene seemed to come to the conclusion that Sirius was genuinely interested. "Max Zabini," she replied with only slight trepidation in her voice.

"Where's he taking you?" Sirius asked.

Marlene shrugged, visibly loosening up now she was sure Sirius wasn't going to start teasing her. "Don't know, but it'll be somewhere around the castle – it's not like there's a grand number of places to go."

Sirius frowned, "I don't know about that, if I were taking a girl on a date, I'd probably sneak us both into Hogsmead."

Marlene looked at him this time, eyebrows raised and cigarette dangling between two fingers, forgotten.

Sirius saw her look and sniffed, reconsidering slightly, "Well, it depends who the girl was I suppose...I only take the fun ones to Hogsmead." He threw a wink in her direction for emphasis. Marlene blushed slightly and looked away again. And suddenly she was back to the Marlene he knew; shy and easily flustered.

Over the top of her head, Sirius spotted the blonde and haughty Ravenclaw Zabini approaching. His neat countenance had always bugged Sirius slightly, he was a posh breed; pure-bloods that went back almost as far as the Potters and almost always landed in Slytherin, and this one knew it. Still, he sent Marlene a winning smile as she turned to face him. "Hello Marlene," he looked at Sirius over Marlene's shoulder and narrowed his eyes, "Black." The disdain was clear in his voice, but Sirius wasn't surprised; most purebloods who hadn't already been outed as blood traitors hated him for being disowned. He came to expect it and it didn't usually bother him anymore.

Sirius only acknowledged him with a tilt of his head, leaning back against one of the stone pillars. He grinned down at Marlene, feeling Zabini's eyes on him the whole time. "Have fun, McKitten," he said, allowing his usual teasing to resurface.

Marlene shot him a look Sirius couldn't decipher and stomped out her cigarette before turning to follow the Ravenclaw down the corridor in the opposite direction to that which Sirius would take when he wanted to go back to Gryffindor Tower, which he didn't really want to quite yet.

Turning to look at the rain splashing into puddles on the ground of the courtyard, thoughts of what Max Zabini and Marlene would be doing on their date tonight passed through his mind, before he remembered that he didn't care. Sirius grimaced and shook his head, "What a wanker," he muttered, throwing his half burnt out cigarette into the puddles on the other side of the wall and turning to leave the way he had come.

A/N I will be posting the next chapter next week! I hope you like it, leave a review and let me know.