This is based on a story idea from a different writer, back in 2016, who wrote a whiterose story about Ruby having clinical depression. I like that idea, but the way the story was done actively bothered me. The relationships are fundamentally unhealthy, the way self harm is handled makes no sense, and I just don't like it. So I'm gonna make my own version.

A few notes here before we really begin, The Fall of Beacon won't happen until way later, unless this story is finished before I get to that point. I'm not plotting this out ahead of time, this is just a writing exercise for me. If people like it, I'll keep it up.

Huge content warning for some serious self harm and depression shit. I won't post this every chapter, this is for the whole story, not just this chapter.

"Hey mom..." I started, standing over her memorial. "I'm sorry it's been a while, I've been so busy with school. I have new friends! I haven't told them much about my depression, but I'm gonna get there, I promise. Oh, right! Their names! Weiss is a short, angry ball of pomp, but she's nice once you get close to her. Blake is super kind but she's very quiet. She's a cat faunus, but don't tell anyone I said that!" I looked at the memorial. "Right..."

I collapsed, crying. It hurt, everything hurt. Daily life is a constant fight to stuff down my feelings, but out here no one can hear me. I cried, I screamed, I pounded the ground. A whole semester of being trapped inside my own mind was too much. I got up, slowly. My crying attracted grimm, a small pack of beowulfs.

I wanted to forget it all, I wanted a distraction. I screamed, like a damned soul, unholstered Crescent Rose, and threw myself at them. I lost time, maybe the fight lasted 10 minutes, maybe an hour.

By the end of it, I was beginning to finally feel myself again, not that that was a good thing. I started to walk back to beacon, but then stopped dead in my tracks. I walked slowly back to my mother's memorial stone, and sat down next to it.

"I'm going to have to go, I'm sorry. It's getting dark and I need to be back before curfew." My voice wavered a little as I marshalled my feelings back behind the mask I used in public. "Goodbye, mom."

I considered throwing myself off the cliff, but I knew that wasn't going to happen. Suicidal ideations are just that, ideations. I'd never attempted to fulfill them, because people depended on me. I made my way back to Beacon slowly, allowing myself to get my emotions under control. Not all of them, of course. I really did feel happy, a lot of the time. And I really did have good days. It's not as simple as just being sad, all the time. I had this urge, like a voice in the back of my head all the time, whispering in my ear.

"You're worthless, you're worthless, you're worthless," it said. "You need to hurt, you need to die." I of course knew that wasn't true, not in a literal sense. I don't think a person could have actual literal worth, not quantifiably anyway, but knowing that didn't stop the voice. I knew I didn't need any more pain, especially not physically, but damned if that stupid voice understood.

I made my way into the room only a few minutes before sundown, just in time for dinner. My condition had gotten worse and my appetite followed behind it. I got myself a small part of the stew Ren had made in the common kitchen and sat down at the table with my team to eat. This was a weekly ritual, Ren cooked dinner on Fridays to save everyone in the same dorm wing as him from the cafeteria dinners.

"Ruby, you got so little," Weiss remarked. "Are you feeling okay?"

For some reason, I was always nervous around Weiss. She yelled at me the first day of school, demanded I step down as team leader, and generally acted terrible until over a month into school. She was nice to me now but I felt scared of disappointing her, even with something as small as how much I was eating.

"Uh, yeah, I uh..." The lie formed in my head just in time to be a little believable. "I had a big lunch."

Weiss looked at me suspiciously, but seemed to accept the excuse.

Yang looked worried but said nothing beyond "Hiya Ruby, how was your walk?"

"It was okay, pretty uneventful." It wasn't that I'd forgotten about the beowulf attack, it just didn't seem that important to mention.

"I read in the school newspaper that grimm attacks are getting worse in the forest, maybe you shouldn't be going out alone," Blake said. "It's not that I don't think you can take care of yourself, but you never know what could come up."

"I like the time alone," I said, "but you may be right." I didn't like that. But if I was gonna make those trips regular like I wanted to, then I'd need to take Yang with me. She was the only person other than Dad or Qrow I trusted to really see me. "Yang, you wanna go next week with me?"

Yang looked at me quizzically. "Why don't you take Weiss?" I thought carefully about that. I wanted to be closer to Weiss, but what if she made fun of me for talking to my mom?

I alternated rapidly between feeling betrayed and annoyed. But Weiss looked at me expectantly. I shot Yang a don't-do-this-to-me look, but relented. "Weiss, you wanna go?"

"Yes, of course, a nice walk every week might help me unwind," she replied. She looked a little more relieved than I'd expect but Weiss has always been hard to read.

"Awesome, we'll leave after classes on Friday. Does that work?" I asked, hoping she'd have something else to do.

"That works fine. It's a date."

I felt taken aback. "It's a what?"

"Oh, I didn't mean-" she started. "It's just a figure of speech."

I didn't know whether to feel relieved or disappointed. "Ah, alright," I said.

I ate the rest of my dinner in silence as the other three talked amongst themselves. Before bed, I brushed my teeth and took my pills, some antidepressant with a long name, and a melatonin tablet to help me sleep. I made my way up to the top bunk, and fell asleep almost as soon as my head hit the pillow.

I was at the cliff at my mom's memorial. But the memorial wasn't there. Nothing was there. "What?" I said, looking around. Then I blinked, and when my eyes open a hooded figure appeared. Her hood was like mine, but white as snow...

I gasped. "Mom?!" She turned around, and took off her hood, revealing Weiss's face. "Weiss?" I said, "Why are you wearing..."

She screamed. I watched her collapse, I watched blood pool around her.

I tried to come closer to her, but she faded into dust as I approached. I looked down to see my mother's memorial stone, with another next to it.

"Weiss Schnee: Wife, Mother, Huntress. You will be missed."

I gasped awake, falling out of the bed.

"What was that light?" someone shoute. "What's going on?"

Thank you for reading chapter one. I know my writing is a little clunky but I haven't written seriously in years, so cut me some slack, eh?

Anyway yes in this little alternate timeline Ruby uses her magic little rip-off Sharingan because of a dream, I promise I'm going somewhere with this.