Rose
I don't know why I did it. I don't know why I felt the need to do it. I just couldn't be around her anymore – Not because she did something bad. No. It was because she was using her gift with no acknowledgment of what it was doing to me. The sleepless night. Wise awake, trying to take some darkness from her – all her negative thoughts filling my own, causing restless, peaceless sleep. Dimitri didn't understand what was going on inside my head – but to be fair, I was hiding the effects from everyone. I would wake him up with my restlessness so when I knew I was going to take some darkness, it was always after Dimitri fell asleep beside me, so I could get up and leave the bed so I wouldn't disturb him.
Today was my day off. I didn't need to be shadowing Lissa as she worked at court, so I went to the gym, slowly taking her darkness rom her in little waves, punching, moving, sparring and running through the effects. That was until she suddenly, unknowingly used too much. I lost control of slowly taking her darkness little by little and suddenly I was overcome with the negativity. My chest moved fast as I tried to suck some ear into my contracting lungs, my eyes water as I try to calm down. I ran as fast as I could, I punched the punching bag as hard as I could, but nothing was helping.
Dimitri was work, along with Eddie, Mia, Adrian and Christian. Lissa in meetings all day. There was no one around to try and talk her out of anything, to talk me down. I clenched my fists until my knuckles turned white and my palm was decorated into little red crescent moons. I grabbed my gym bag in a hurry and back to my house – the house I shared with Dimitri.
Once I unlocked the door, I dumped my bag by the door and threw the keys on the table beside the door. I l I locked the door before I ran up to my and Dimitri's room, turned on the shower, stripped my clothes off and hopped in. The boiling water washed over me, casing me to flinch, but I didn't turn it down. I stood there, allowing the water to cover me, my head down and the arms pressed against the wall.
You shouldn't even been here.
I took in a deep breath, trying to ignore the little voices. I clenched my jaw and threw my head back as I tried to clear my thoughts as I started to was my body.
What makes you so special that you lived?
I took my shampoo and massaged my scalp. Changing the temperature of the water from boiling to freezing. Trying to ignore the voices that were pounding against my temple. Noise mainly, but there were a few thoughts that slipped through the cracks. More darkness started to enter my mind and I knew I was taking more darkness, more than I can handle.
No one wants you here. The only thing you'll be good at is being a blood whore.
I turned off the water and got out of the shower, wiping the steam from the bathroom mirror. My eyes were too dark, flashing purple when the light flickered over them at certain angles. There was too much darkness, too much anger. Too much.
I pulled on clothes, leaving my discarded clothes on the floor of our room. I closed the bedroom door with a slam, hoping to relieve some darkness, but it didn't work. It kept coming. I tried to breath, I tried to ignore it. I grabbed my keys from the table, slammed and locked my door before moving toward my car. I got in and headed for the Court gates.
"Hey, Hathaway!" I was greeted at the gate by two Guardians, both around 30 years old. Hans and Blake. "I didn't think you were going on a field trip."
"Last minute decison." I replied, gripping the steering wheel. "Open the gates, please. Come one, it's my day off."
Hans nodded and opened the gates.
"Be safe." I nodded at both of them before driving out.
On the long road leading away from Court, my vision was clouding. Dark clouds formed the edges. I gripped the wheel as tightly as I could, blinking back the darkness as I fought to control myself.
Stay the speed limit.
No one would care if anything happened to you.
Breath, in and out.
Go faster. Faster. Don't stop for anything. Everyone would be better off.
Ten, nine, eight...
Blood whore.
Slut.
No one loves you.
"Get out of my head!" I slammed my hand against the steering wheel, blinking back the darkness, breathing through the anger.
The voices stopped.
I slowed down even thought I was still below the speed limit. My mind was clear, my breathing became normal and I suddenly became aware on my surroundings. It was dark outside, not just the sun setting dark, but dark enough for the sun to have gone down a long time ago. I looked at my gas meter and cursed. I was running low. I pulled into the side of the road, before I started to pat round the seats for my phone. I checked the glovebox- nothing. I check the chairs, underneath the seats – nothing. I left my phone at home.
"Well, looks like you have to keep going until you find somewhere." I mumbled to myself as I indicated before pulling out, slowly starting to pick up speed until I was just below the speed limit. I turned on the car radio, drummed my fingers on the wheel as I drove, keeping an eye out for signs of a gas station.
That's when the bright light engulfed my vision, blinding me. I tried to slow down, to stop, but the blinding lights came closer and closer. My heart started to beat faster, memories flood through my mind of Lissa's parents' car crash where I had died and Lissa brought me back to life. I saw myself, throwing a book at out kindergarten teacher, screaming matches with my mom, meeting Dimitri, meeting my dad, forgiving my mom.
The impact came slow in my mind, there was no sound. I was thrown to the side, the seatbelt cutting into my chest as it held me tightly to my seat, the airbags causing black stars to shoot through my eyes. My hair was flying, rolling and then – blank.
I slowly came too, unable to open my eyes properly, the pain in my head screaming at me. My sore chest crying out, then the sound came rushing in. There was a load screeching sound of sirens, there was the sound of people screaming. I couldn't move. Where was I? What happened?
"Hey! I think she's moving!" Someone yelled. The whiling stopped. Then there was black.
I opened my eyes slowly. The ceiling above me was moving fast, my head hurt. There was something in my arm. There were loud voices screaming. My head refused to roll to the side, it was strapped so all I could do was look straight up.
What's going on? What is happening?
The blackness didn't slowly turn back into vague awareness this time, when my eyes closed again, they didn't open for a long time.