One day Miles Edgeworth was in prsion whipping Manfred von Karma when he got a phonecall from his good friend Pheoinx Wright
"Hey bro" said Phefnix "me and Maya are having our date night tonighjt could you babysit Pearl for us"
"Of course Write" replys Edgeworth "I'd be delighted"
"Kool thanks" said Pheonics "I knew I could count on you Miley"
Edgeworth snapped his cellphone shut and looked down coldy at the welts on von Karma's bloodied back.
"We shall resume our torture session tomorrow... father" and Edgy.
Manfrid looked over his shoulder with dull, lifeless eyes "I'll be waiting... son"
Later that night, Edgeworks had jsut finished giving Pearl her dinner. After making sure she said her praires he tucked her into bed.
"Good night Pearl" he said turning to leave
"Wait Uncle Edgeworth" said Pearl "Arent u going to read me a story. Mr. Nick and Mystick Maya always read me a story at bed time"
"I;m not your uncle, Pearl, as I share no familial relationship with either of your caretakers"
"o" seid Pearl
Edge smirked "Hmph but I suppose I could read you a story before bed"
"yay read this one" she said, and she took dog-eared book off the shelf and handed it to him
"My goodness" say eggword "This book is fiflthy. How disgraceful to let a book get into such a condition!"
"But mystical Mays said that my book looking like that is okay because it means I love it alot" said Pear "Its my favorite book in the whole ride world"
Edgeworth planted himself gracefuly on a stool next to her bed. "Hmm very well" he said "If it's your favorite" The title of the book was "Alice in Wonderland". Edgeworth skimmed through the book and let out a disgustied cry.
"Why, this book contain no logic at all!" he exclaimed. "It's full of contradictions! A talking cat? Mushrooms that cause people to grow or srink? Tweedle dee and Tweedle dumb? I can't belive Write lets you be exposed to this twaddle. And an abridged version at that!" Edgeworth throwed the book into the air and it went down his dog Frank's throat and into his lungs
Pearl was cryin "Noooo that was my favorite beddy bye story"
"Now now child" said Edgeworth soothingly "I have a much better story for you. It's an instructive, educational story, and imparts important moral and life lessons. It should serve as a nice counterbalance to that Alice in Aliceland story."
"Oh goody" said pearl "I like learning morals. Mystic Maya reads me stuff like that from the bible all the time. Whats your story about Mr. Edgeworth?"
"It's about a sweet little girl just like you" said Miles "who goes to a magical land of pure logic and critical thinking called Edgeworthland"
Edgeworth began his story. "One day Pearl and her family went for a pincic in the park. Pearl rested beneath the shade of a willow tree as Phoenix Wright and Maya Fay chased eachuther around the park playing grabass. Pearl watched them and said, 'They are very immature and bad, they are not proper caretakers at all. I wish that Phoenix and Maya were dead or in jail and that District Attorney Miles Edgeworth was my father instead.'"
"Um I didn't say that Mr. Edgeworth" said Pearl in real life getting freaked out. She looked around for a way to escape but all the doors and windows had bars on them "Your story is weird"
"Don't fret, child, it's merely a story" he replied "It's not reflective of how things are in real life, but rather how they should be. Now please remain quite and do not iterrupt the story again."
Anyway back to the story. Suddenly fake story Pearl saw Miles Edgeworth's dog Frank and she follwed the dog and she fell into A HOLE and she fell for a long long time until she landed in the middle of an enchanted forest
"Urhh" said pearl "where am I?"
"Your in Edgeworth land pal" said jestershoe the kindly jester "a land of pure logic and smart. But sadly things haven't been going too hot lately."
"y is that scruffy?" she asked.
"Because King Edgeworth was kidnapped by an evil wizard named Phoenix Wright and a whorish witch named Maya Fay. Basically they took over edgeworth land and are using black magic to make everything not logical anymore." He pointed at an evidence tree. "Normally the evidence on that tree would be logical and consistent with the facts but ever sense the wizard took over all the evidence has been forged and isnt admissiable in court. Now no one has faith in our criminal justice system anymore because of the evil lawyer i mean the evil wizard and all the criminals are being aloud to walk free."
"Um thats bad an all" Pearl said nervously "but i should really be getting back home to America"
"Sorry pal" said Jestershoe "but the only one who can send you back to America is King Edgeworth. And, well, he's being held captive in the wizard's cassle, so..."
Pearl rooled up her sleef "Then we must go safe him scruffy!" she said. "We cant let that evil wizard and that evil witch ruin Edgeworthland!"
"Yeah!" exclaimed jestershoe "yeah! you're right! wow, no has ever thouhht to stand up the wizard before. For a kid you got a lot of balls"
"Thanks" said Perl "My name is Pearl Fay btw"
"Cool my name is Jestershoe"
"So how do we get to the cassle, jestershoe?"
Jestershoe parted some bushes and beckoned her forward. He pointed to a yellow bricked road. "we gotta follow that shit and it'll lead us to the cassle"
"Okay" said Pearl and they walked through the bushes and down a slope to the road "why is it yellow anyway"
"I don't know" said Jestershoe. "Some say that its made of gold but others say that its just made of yellow"
"o I see"
They walked for a while and then the road split off into two different paths. One path led to the cassle, and the other path lead to die. Two old goblin-like creathurs stood near the fork in the road. One creature, when asked a question, would tell the truth. But the other creature would tell only bad lies meant to deceive. The problem was that Pearl and Jestershoe didn't know which creature was good!
Jestershoe started cryin "now we'll never get to the cassle, we dont which path to take or whose good and whose bad"
"Don't worry Jestershoe" seaid pearl "We'll just use LOGIC" and she arrested the creature who only told lies and put him in prison. Then they asked the truthful creature which path to take and went on they're marry way
meanwhile at the cassle Maya Fay was watching them in her crystal balls "Bad news Nick" she said "They past the first trial of logic"
Phoeinx lagued in his throne "Dont worry that trial was easy" he said "it was 50/50 wheter they took the right road anyway. The next trial will stump them for sure." And he laughed evilly and drunk alochol.
"Hmph" said the good king Edgeworth under his breath. He was sitting in a birdcage suspended from the ceiling. "It seems like Pearl could use some help" He took some doves out of his pockets and sprinkled them with his essence "Go now my doves, go forth and help Pearl pass the challenges which await her" and the birds flew out the window
Meanwhile, Pearl and Jestershoe follwed the yellow brick road and presently it lead them into a village. A bald old man in a dress way crying in front of a bunch of men in orange jumpsuits
"What's wrong, beared gentlman?" asked Pearl
the judge sniffed "Oh nothing my life is just kinda stressful right now? You see, one of these men is a criminal, but I don't know which. And until we find the true criminal, the town is cursed, and there's an invisible barrier that prevents anyone from leaving or entering. We'll be starved."
"And we won't be able to follow the brick road, pal!" said Jestershoe.
"Hmm, maybe i can help" said Pearl. She looked over the men carefully. "Oh, I know, we can use the process of elimination to find the true criminal" and she had the judge and Jestershoe burn the men alive until there was only one left.
"NOOOOOOO dont kill me" the last man said. "Yes I admit it, I'm the criminal" and the baliff took him away and put him in jail for 3 days for stealing his neighbor's chicken and coveting his ass.
"Wow nice work" said the judge. And he gave her a Junior Judge's badge and she pinned it to her shirt. "That badge has magical properties btw. If you ask the badge for food, it will give you food."
Now that the criminal had been caught, the barriar that had been preventing their progress collapsed. However, as it was now late in the afternoon, Pearl and Jestershoe decided to stay at the inn for the night.
"And shall you be wanting dinner" asked the inn keeper, Winston Payne.
"No thanks pal" said Jestershoe "We have magic badge that make food"
Impossible thought the inn keeper. But he watched them through a telescope in the wall as they had their dinner, and sure enough, as soon Pearl rubbed the badge and asked for food an entire feast appeared on the table
"I must steal this treasure for my own evilness" Winston said evilly. "I will sneak into their room tonight and cut off Pearl's head and steal the badge" But Edgeworth's doves were sitting on his shoulders, and later that night they opened the door to pearl's room and whispered into her ear and told her about Winston's devilous plan
Pearl got out of her bed and shook Jestershoe awake. "Jestershoe, switch beds with me"
"OK pal" he said sleeply. He went over the the other bed and lay down.
"No, lie down the other way" she said "So that your feet are where your head is now. Oh and take your shirt off"
Jestershoe oblighed, and Pearl went to her new bed and fell asleep. Later at midnight, Winston Payne sneaked into the roon with a huge executioner's axe. He approached the bed in which Pearl should have been sleeping and brought the axe down. Then he reached under the covers and ripped something off Jestershoe's chest.
The next morning, Jestershoe lifted the covers and saw that his feet had been cut off. "Whoa pal" he said. "Why are my feet dead"
And Pearl explained what the doves had told her. Then they nailed Jestershoe's feet back on and went downstairs. The inn keeper was shocked to see Pearl still alive.
"B-b-but h-how...?" he sputtered.
Pearl let out a yawn. "Ahhhh I had a great sleep last night. But my neck itches a litle."
Winston got scared and peed himself because he thought pearl must be a powerful witch. Then she said, "Oh, I'm pretty hungry" and rubbed the badge. Suddenly a bowl of Steel Samurai cereal appeared out of thin air.
"WHHHHHAAATTTTT IMPOSSIBLE" said Winston. "If you have the badge, whats this I took from your room last night?" And he held up Gumshoe's bloody nipple.
"You got tricked you silly man" said Pearl. Then the doves flew out of her sleeves and pecked his eyes out as punishment. After that, Pearl and Jestershoe continued following the yellow brick road on the way to the cassle. Eventually the road entered into the mouth of a huge cave. At the entrance to the cave was a distrissted looking man.
"Whats wrong mister" asked Pearl
"Oh hello little girl" said Will Powers. "My poor, sweet little daughter was kidnapped by the bandits that live in this cave. She's about your age. You see I used to be the leader of the bandits but King Edgeworth came to me in a dream and told me to give up my life of crime so I broke off with the bandits and became a farmer. It's hard work but its honest and Im setting a good example for little Bonnie. But the bandits were angry because they thought I had stolen from them, so they took my daughter away. And now I'm afraid thay will kill her or worse turn her into a bandit." The man opened a locket with a picture of his daughter in it and started crying.
"Whoa pal stop talking so much" said jestershoe. "Me and this kid are heros. We'll save your daughter."
"Oh, thank you" thanked the man. "Your great people."
Anyways they entered the cave. They walked alot and the cave was confusing with lots of different winding path's but as long as they followed the yellow piss road they were find. Eventually they saw a light in the distance which was the exit but suddenly a huge shadow appeared and blocked out the light.
"Feefy fie foe fom" sayed the monster "I am the monsterer and the wizard told me not to let any person passed!"
Pearl smiled "Oh but I'm not Any Person I'm pearl fay"
"Yeah I'm not Any Person either im jestershoe" said Jestershoe
"Duh" said monstar "then who is any person?"
Pearl pointed to Will Powers "hes Any Person" and while the monster was killing and eating Will powers, Pearl and Jestershoe sneaked out of the cave and followed the yellow brick road to cassle. After a few more hours they finally reached the cassle. But it was sorrounded by water and the drawbridge was up.
"Oh no" said Perl "Now how will we save king edgeworth?" She thougt rely hard and then she had a brane blast. "Eureka! That's it!" She rubbed the magic badge and wished for an axe. Then she cut off one of Jestershoe's arms and gave it to a dove. The dove flew over the moat and used the arm to operate the crank and lower the bridge.
"Wow you got a good head on your shoudlers" said Jestershoe "but can i have my arm back now?"
Pearl threw it into the moat "No its dirty from the bird touching it you dont want it anymore"
and then they entered the cassle and climbed the stairs to the throne room where they found phoenix the wizard looking at Maya's balls.
"Whoa look at that" he said "It almost looks like there in the cassel"
"Nick look" said Maya "Pearl and Jestershoe have entered the cassle"
"What" wizard say "but how"
Pearl smirked and bowed like Franziska. "It was easy, whenever I was confrotned with a problem, I used logic. It was what King Edgeworth would do."
"Atta girl" said King Edgeworth with pride.
"Hmph" said pheoinx wizard "it doesnt matter NOW YOU DIE" and he took out his wand and sent a death curse at Pearl but it hit jestershoe instead.
"NOOOOOOOO jestershoe!" cried Pearl. And she cryed over his corpse.
"Ha" said Phoenix "What now little girl"
Pearl took out her cellphone "Easy I'll do what a child is supposed to do when the parents of Edgeworthland are bad I'LL CALL CPS." and she called CPS and they took away Phoenix Wright and Maya Fay for being bad parents and not taking proper care of Edgeworthland.
"Good work Pearl" said Edgeworth not in a cage anymore "Now I could send you back to America if you like"
"Um actually King Edgeworth sir" she began
"Plese... call me father"
"Father could you adopt me and let me stay in your cassle forever"
The good king threw back his head and laughed "Of course that would be a delight. In fact I'm not sure I would have let you leave anyway."
"Good thing i want to stay" pearl joked. Then Jestershoe came back to life and Pearl became princess of Edgeworthland and would one day ascend to the throne and follow in her father's footsteps and assure that Logic and Critical Thanking remained the watchwords of the land forever.
Edgeworth in real life stood up. "And they all lived happily ever after except for those who died."
"Um..." said pearl
"And how did you like my story?" he arched an eyebrow "Was it not far supurior to that tripe you asked me to read?"
"Alice is better" said Perl "I think your story was wierd and i dont understand it"
"How dare you!" Edgeworth marched anrgily to the door. "Your grounded forever!" He stepped outside and slammed the door. But he listened at the door and heard Pearl sobbing so he opened it and peeked inside.
"You know what, I changed my mind your not grounded forever"
Pearl wiped her tears away and smile "Tank you Mr Edgeworth I love"
He smiled and slowly closed the door. Then he heard the sounds of car doors slamming in the driveway and went downstairs.
"Oh hai Edgy" said Pheinx "I hope pearl wasnt to much a handful"
And Edgeworth told Phonics and Maya all about the story he told Pearl
"Wow!" said Maya. "Edgeworthland sounds fun! I wanna go there!"
Edgeworth turned away in pain. "No... you dont..." he said. "The real Edgeworthland is a dark, cold place..." and he took his dog and went home.
The next day when he went to prison, Manfred von Karma assumed the position.
"I'm readey to be whipped as punishment for my sins Miles" said Manfred von Karma, not daring to look him in the eyes
But instead of his usual icy glare, today Edgeworth favored his mentor with a more kindly look. He took out a book. "Actually, sir, I was thinking that today, instead of whipping you, I would read you this story you told me when I was a child. It's called Miles in Von Karmaland"
Von Karma smiled and his eyes crinkled and happy tears streamed down his face. "Thats my favorite story" he said.
The end