Dear Harry,
I know you are all going to wonder where I am, but I need time. After everything, I just need time. I hope you can all understand; I'll still write when I can. I just can't look any of you in the eyes right now. The memories are far too fresh. When I look at George, I see Fred, when I look at Teddy, I see Remus and Tonks. It hurts my soul. When I close my eyes in the dark, I see Bellatrix; I feel that knife every time I look at my arm. Molly means well, but her hovering only makes me feel like I can't breathe. So, I'm going away. I have to if I have any hope of regaining some semblance of sanity. I promise I'll be safe. I need space and time. Please respect that. I'm not sure when I'll come back, or even if I'll come back. But you need to know that I'll always be your friend, that will never change. You are a brother to me, and I hate to see you caught up in the problems I'm having. I hate having to watch you grapple with the iciness between Ron and me since we broke up. I need to go figure out who this new Hermione is, the Hermione who survived the war. I love you, and I always will. Write to me, please, when you aren't angry anymore.
Love,
Hermione
oOoOoOo
Many in the Wizarding World had no idea Severus Snape was still alive; his condition had been uncertain after the war. Though by now, they had all heard his story. But there was nothing Severus Snape detested more than celebrity. The idea of it tormenting him had sent him far out into the unknown to find peace.
She'd been the one to find him in the boathouse; she'd done everything she could to try and keep him alive. To her, it seemed he felt a grudging respect for her after that. They'd kept up an unusual correspondence after his disappearance from society, trading short letters over the following months.
Hermione needed to get away; she couldn't breathe in London. Her and Ron's romance had been brief but spirited, just as their breakup was. It only compounded the confusion and pain she'd been feeling since the end of the war. The celebrity that Harry, Ron, and herself attracted only added to the flurry of anxiety she felt. She couldn't go outside without being followed by reporters, one night she'd hexed one within an inch of his life after he'd followed her down a darkened path outside of Hogsmeade. Hermione had panicked and assumed he was a Death Eater; she felt like she was plunged right back into the war. After that, she barely left Grimmauld Place, Harry tried everything, but helping her was beyond his skill set. Once she and Ron broke up, every interaction with the Weasleys had turned tense and foreign to her, though they tried to keep things normal. Nothing was normal anymore, everyone was different, and Hermione felt like she was the only one trapped in a time-loop reliving the war over and over in her head. Hermione felt desperate like she was suffocating, drowning. She could barely keep her head above water, and she wasn't sure how much longer she could survive.
She packed her beaded bag one evening when she felt the walls closing in. She packed up everything in her room, her books, clothes, her last pictures with her parents. She left the letter for Harry on the table in the kitchen before slipping out the door. She felt like maybe she could breathe again.
oOoOoOo
"Miss Granger?" Severus asked when he opened the door to find her standing in front of his house. It was the middle of winter, a particularly nasty storm was raging outside, and there she was. He had his wand pointed at her when he opened the door; old habits died hard.
"Ca-C-Can I come i-in?" She stuttered, her teeth chattering so loud he thought they might break.
He said nothing but stepped out of the way to give her space to enter his small cottage.
The sight of her shivering made him feel cold, so when she settled by the fire, he summoned a blanket for her. When he handed her a warm cup of tea, he thought he'd genuinely lost his mind; he'd never been this kind to her in all the years he'd known her.
"I'm sorry for showing up unannounced." She finally said in a small voice.
"Why are you here?" Severus responded, trying not to let his old tone and sneer reappear on his face. She wasn't his student anymore; she'd been the one to save his life; he should be polite to her at least. He hated to admit it, but the state of her made the idea of being terse seem wrong. She appeared almost pitiful, curled up on the floor by his fire.
"I wasn't sure where else to go." She told him, finally looking at him and not the cup in her hands.
"Are you alright?" The words escaped him before he could stop them; he didn't like the sound of concern lacing his words. But he'd be lying if he denied he wasn't troubled by the sight of the witch.
"I-I think so. I just couldn't stay there. Everything was wrong and suffocating; it was too much. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have come." She sputtered out quickly, trying to stand but tumbling over her numb feet. She slumped back on the ground, with a blush growing across her cheeks in embarrassment.
"No, stop." Severus admonished his professorial tone drawing her attention. "You can stay, I owe you that at least."
"You don't owe me anything." She snapped, looking up at him defiantly. He had to hide the smile that threatened to appear on his face because there she was. The girl her remembered, the stubborn, fierce, know-it-all, he'd taught and who'd saved him.
"Yes, I do." He told her, "We both know that I do."
She just stared at him blankly, the defiance draining from her eyes as they turned glassy, and she was pulled away by a thought.
"There's a guest room at the top of the stairs, on the right." He threw over his shoulder before making his way to his makeshift library.
oOoOoOo
When cries awoke Severus, he'd seized his wand so hard he was scared he might've snapped it in half. It was all too suggestive of the war. But then he remembered Hermione was here, just down the hall, and for a split second, he thought someone might've found them. Which was outrageous, he'd placed charms over the house after she'd arrived to shield them from unwanted guests.
He stopped himself at her door, her shrieks still filling the house because he wasn't sure that his face was the one that should be waking her from her nightmares. But, he felt he had no other option if he wanted to preserve his sanity and hers.
She was tangled in the creme colored sheets of the guest bed, writhing in pain. It almost looked like someone had cast the Cruciatus curse on her, Severus felt a pit form in his stomach at the sight of her.
"Granger, Granger!" Severus almost yelled over her cries, trying to shake her awake with no luck. "Hermione!"
At the sound of her first name, she finally stirred, and to his surprise didn't flinch away from him in fear.
"What-" She asked confusedly before noticing the state of herself. "I'm so sorry."
"I just wanted to make sure you were alright," Severus replied, his tone clipped. He was beginning to feel the awkwardness of the situation, perched on her bed beside her.
"I can't stop dreaming about that night." She muttered, almost to herself, but he heard her nonetheless.
"Do you want to talk about it?" He asked awkwardly, he felt indebted to her, but even now, compassion and comfort were not actions that came naturally to him. Though the war had undoubtedly thawed him, near-death experiences can have that effect; he was still himself. He had never been a kind man, but he felt that he had to offer her some solace. To not do so felt more wrong than the stilted words that passed his lips.
"She used the cruciatus curse for what felt like hours, but at least it was as violating as the knife she used. I relive it every night unless I take a dreamless sleep draught." Hermione told him, staring and scratching at her inner arm as she did.
"Who?" Severus asked simply, placing his hand atop hers gently to stop her from shredding the skin of her scar. He wasn't sure why he did, but he didn't pull away after she'd stopped.
"Bellatrix." She replied, and he felt his blood run cold. That vile, insane witch had been so cruel. To slice that word into Hermione's arm, a permanent reminder of what happened, it made him sick.
"Would you- I mean, could you stay? I'm sorry." She mumbled, turning bright red, "I just, the nightmares are worse when I'm alone."
Severus froze, she wanted him to stay? In her room? While she slept? It was so foreign to him. The idea of being a comfort to anyone, but who was he to refuse her a few hours of peace? As if he hadn't lived on dreamless sleep draughts himself when he first arrived at the cottage. He only nodded in confirmation, and she smiled at him before settling into her blankets. He sat on the other side of the bed, stiff and unsure of what to do. He sat there stiff as a board for a few hours as she drifted back to sleep, but then his eyes started to sting and droop. He didn't want to, but he settled into the mattress, being sure not to touch her, as sleep took him as well.
When he awoke in the morning to find that she'd burrowed her way into his arms, he gently extricated himself from her grasp and went downstairs. After his second cup of tea, he still hadn't composed or organized his thoughts, and he wondered if he'd survive her being there.
oOoOoOo
Hermione wasn't sure what she was doing in the first few weeks at his cottage. The first night she'd asked him to sleep in her room with her to help ease her nightmares, and it had been the first night of peaceful rest she'd gotten since the end of the war. But then Hermione found herself crawling into his bed almost every night after because she knew he'd never take the initiative himself. Hermione wasn't sure what she was looking for in his arms; peace or something else, but she couldn't deny that she felt better being next to him. When she did have a nightmare, he was right, providing his brand of uncertain comfort.
Their nights slept beside each other in companionable silence quickly turned into a tentative friendship during their waking hours. They'd drink tea together outside when it wasn't raining, and read books beside one another by the fire. Hermione had taken to asking Severus questions about rare bits of magic she encountered in his books or discussing potions with him when she didn't understand a particular step. He'd been quietly impressed when he learned she'd been the one to brew Polyjuice Potion successfully during her and Harry's second year, and when she told him about being the one to free Sirius Black, she wasn't sure if he was angry or impressed, but it seemed like both.
When she kissed him one night, lying next to him in his bed, he'd frozen like a statue. He was so rigid it felt like one-touch might break him, she could see the uncertainty written plainly across his face. She wasn't sure how to explain it to him; she couldn't find the right words. Hermione felt understood by him in a way she'd never felt before. He could outmatch her keen mind and quiet her raging soul. A single touch from him put her at ease, and his snide remarks no longer caused her embarrassment, but amusement. She'd gained perspective and understanding after the war, and she saw him in a new light. He was a brave man who loved deeply, a powerful and intelligent wizard who outmatched even her, and he tried to soften his rough edges for her in his way. The simple act of allowing her to stay here showed her how much he'd changed since her first year at Hogwarts. With this new light, she saw him in, her private thoughts about him began to shift. He was handsome in his austere way, his intelligence and sarcasm made her smile and laugh as she had before the war, and his broad shoulders made her heart flutter when he wrapped his arms around her in his sleep. Hermione couldn't remember the first moment she'd acknowledged that she wanted him in an entirely new way, but soon it was an undeniable fact. She often had to fight to hide the flush of her cheeks when their hands brushed. And she stayed up late to relish in the relaxed way he held her when he was asleep.
"I love you." She'd told him after the kiss, her voice scarcely above a whisper.
His eyes searched her face as if looking for proof of a joke or lie. But when he found none, he simply looked down at where their hands were intertwined between them.
"Why me?" He asked her, his voice cracking under the weight of the emotions he was feeling.
"What?" She asked, astonished that he could not see how precious he was to her.
"You could have anyone. Why me?" His eyes were hardening as he spoke; he looked as if he was trying to close himself off from her. But she'd been around him for too long now; she knew he was attempting to protect himself by pushing her away.
"Because you are the only one I want," Hermione replied, the conviction in her voice surprised him, "Is that truly so hard to believe?"
"I'm an old man, Hermione, scarred in both body and mind from the two wars I've lived through. There are younger men, better men, who haven't been tempted by darkness as I have." Severus tried to reason with her, but he could only do so weakly.
"I am scarred to Severus, that hasn't ruined either of us. The world isn't simply divided between good and evil, you may have made some bad decisions, but that doesn't mean you're an inadequate person." Hermione told him, the confidence steadfast in her voice.
"I love you too, you stubborn witch." Severus murmured in response before he pulled her into another kiss.
It was everything she thought it would be; his lips were warm and soft. They ghosted over her own at first before he deepened their kiss, and her heart felt like it might beat right out of her chest. He tangled his long fingers in her unruly curls while she tentatively swiped her tongue against his lips. The groan he emitted made her arch her body to feel him against her; it was almost sinful the sounds he made.
"Gods, you're going to be the death of me witch." Severus groaned, moving so he was above her with his arms encircling her body on the bed.
oOoOoOo
Dear Hermione,
It's been almost six months since you've left, and I'm beginning to worry you'll never come home. Or at the very least, tell me where you are. So much has happened since you've been away, but I can only wonder if you found whatever you were looking for where ever you went. I am finishing up Auror training and should be in the field soon. Ginny decided that she wants to play professional Quidditch, and I think the Hollyhead Harpies scout that has been hanging around has her eye on Ginny for the empty slot on their team. George is dating Angelina Johnson; he and Ron have been working hard at the joke shop. It's as popular as ever, but I can see how sad it makes George that Fred isn't here to see it. I miss you; it doesn't feel right without you here. I've been thinking of proposing to Ginny, but I wish you were here so we could talk about it. I hope your nightmares have gotten better. If you need anything, Hermione, please write to me. I know you need space, but I miss you. Everyone does. Whenever your ready, please come home.
With love,
Harry
oOoOoOo
The letter from Harry made her feel guilty; she had been neglecting to write. But the bubble she and Severus were living in was so perfect she was scared it would burst if she told anyone. He was so private, his escape to Scotland was proof of that, and she savored the peace of their small cottage. When the winter had let up, she planted a garden with a mixture of muggle and magical plants. Severus had vowed it was her project, and not to expect to find him digging in the dirt, but after only a few weeks he was right beside her weeding and pruning. He only scowled at the satisfied smirk it'd brought to her face. Hermione was currently curled up reading Harry's letter in the makeshift library Severus had put together in the downstairs bedroom before she arrived. There were two leather armchairs by the fireplace that the two used nearly every night, and if she left the door open, she could hear him moving around the house. He spent his days reading and brewing potions in the kitchen; it was the only place suitable for brewing. Despite his "retirement," the potions master in him couldn't be dissuaded from his experiments.
Hermione reached towards the open window to pet Harry's owl once again, a treat ready in her hands, when she noticed it'd flown off once again. She thought it was odd; the owl always waited to see if she'd send a reply back. Before she could dwell on the irregularity of it, the quiet of the house was disrupted by a heavy knock at the door.
Hermione shot up and quickly made her way out into the living room, her eyes wide as they met Severus' who was emerging from the kitchen. He looked stone-faced and concerned, but he simply raised a finger to his lips, indicating quiet. The two stood their frozen for a moment before a second knock made Hermione jump.
Severus intimated to her that he would open the door, but Hermione stood around the corner, hidden but with her wand drawn and ready.
"Professor?" Hermione heard as soon as Severus opened the door.
"Potter," Severus replied, his tone clipped and irritated as it had been when they were at Hogwarts.
"Where's Hermione?" Harry asked insistently. Though Hermione couldn't see the men at the front door, she knew they were scowling at each other with intensity. She made to reveal herself, but Severus spoke before she could.
"Whatever do you mean?" He asked Harry, and she heard him scoff in response.
"Come off it, I know she's here," Harry responded, angry and unimpressed with Severus' evasion.
"It's alright, Severus," Hermione told him as he opened the door so she could see Harry.
"Hermione! Severus?" Harry replied, his happiness turning to confusion at her use of Severus' first name.
"Why don't you come in, Harry." She told him with a smile, trying to disregard the sneer on Severus' face.
"Does he have to?" Severus grumbled but was swiftly silenced by the withering look she sent his way.
"Hermione, what is going on?" Harry asked before he even took a seat in the living room.
"I'm living here, with Severus." She told him, unsure how to explain the change in her relationship with their former potions Professor.
"Okay, explain," Harry said, the look of confusion on his face almost amusing if she ignored the circumstances.
"I came here after I left the letter for you at Grimmauld Place," Hermione began, grateful that Severus had silently excused himself to the kitchen while she spoke to Harry.
"How did you even know he was here, none of the Order did," Harry asked.
"We'd been writing to each other while he was recovering at St. Mungos, and kept up the habit after he moved here. I guess I was the only one he told." Hermione mused, starting to wonder how Harry had even found her here.
"You bastard, you put a tracking charm on your damn owl!" Hermione fumed at him as she finally put the pieces together. Thankfully Harry the good sense to look a bit sheepish at that fact.
"Well, Mione, could you blame me? You left with only a letter and no explanation of where you were going. I gave you your space, five months of it, but then I started to get worried. I needed to make sure you were safe." Harry replied, his hand rubbing at the back of his neck while he stared at the floor in embarrassment.
"I guess I can see your point, but it was my decision to tell you where I was. I don't need your protection." Hermione bit back.
"I know, I know," Harry said, raising his hands in mock surrender. "But can you please explain what you've been doing here, with him, for five months?"
"Well, at first, it was just an escape, the one place, and person where I knew that no one would think to look. But over a few weeks, it began to change." Hermione started; it was her turn now to look embarrassed. While she had played out this conversation over and over in her head, she hadn't expected to be having it so soon. Explaining to her best friend, that she was with his least favorite Professor from their school days, wasn't a pleasant experience.
"Change how?" Harry asked, his voice hardened now.
"Well, Harry, I'm not sure how to say this." Hermione said, wringing her hands, "But Severus and I, well, we are together."
"Together?" Harry's face was so twisted in confusion that Hermione honestly had to fight to keep from squirming in her seat under his gaze.
"Together," Hermione stressed, trying desperately not to sound like a fifth-year with her first boyfriend.
"Oh," Harry said, realization pouring over him like ice water. Now it was his turn to flush bright red and fidget in his seat awkwardly.
"So, you see why it would've been difficult to put in a letter," Hermione replied, trying to give him a reassuring smile.
"Well, yeah. I can see that, Hermione." Harry chuckled awkwardly, not quite making eye contact with her now.
They sat in silence for a while after that, both unsure what to say to the other. Finally, Harry broke the silence.
"Does he make you happy?" He asked.
"More than happy," Hermione replied, "I finally feel like me again, I feel at peace."
"Good," Harry told her, becoming lost in thought again. "Well, I can't be mad about that, even if I don't understand it in the slightest."
"Thank you, Harry," Hermione told him, letting out a breath she hadn't realized she was holding. She quickly pulled him up into a hug, and they both relaxed a bit as the initial embarrassment passed.
"It's probably good you waited to tell anyone, Ron's head would explode." Harry joked as they hugged.
"I'm not scared of anyone knowing, but this place is so precious to us. I don't want anyone to know where we are just yet." Hermione told him.
"Can we trust you to respect our privacy, Potter?" Severus asked, making the two jump. He was leaning against the door frame that led into the kitchen. Neither had been aware he was there until he spoke.
"Of course, Professor." Harry nodded, "On one condition," he added as he turned towards Hermione with a grin.
"Yes?" Severus drawled from the corner of the room.
"That you two come to my wedding." Harry grinned, and Hermione pulled him into a bone-crushing embrace.
"You did it?" Hermione asked him, unable to stop the grin on her face.
"I did, and Ginny said yes." Harry nodded, "Molly is already driving her crazy with the planning, but we know for sure it'll be at the Burrow in August."
"Congratulations, Potter," Severus said with a nod, the sincerity of his tone surprising Harry.
"Thanks," Harry told him with a smile.
oOoOoOo
"Do we have to go?" Severus asked her as she tugged on the hem of her dress for the hundredth time.
"Yes, we do." Hermione told him, "It's Harry's wedding. I have to be there. But if you don't want to-"
"They barely know I'm alive," Severus said smoothly, looking up at her from where he sat on their bed.
"I know," Hermione told him.
"They're not going to like seeing you showing up on my arm; I am certain of that." He continued bitterly, looking down so she couldn't see the look on his face.
"I don't care." She said firmly, and she meant it. At first, she'd been nervous about what people would think, but it hadn't taken her long to realize that Severus was far more important to her than the opinions of those around them. Those who loved her would accept them as Harry had, he hadn't understood, but he trusted her love for Severus.
"Are you certain?" He asked him, still not looking at her face.
"Completely," Hermione told him, nudging his chin up so he would look at her.
"You look beautiful," Severus told her as he looked at her for the first time. She was wearing a beautiful deep blue dress with a flowing skirt and a modest neckline. Her curly hair had been charmed to stay in a chignon at the base of her neck. Her favorite part of her outfit was the small silver ring that sat on her left hand. Severus had presented it to her a few weeks after Harry's visit, and though he hadn't said much, they both knew what it meant. She'd worn it lovingly ever since, just looking at it made her grin. They loved each other, they were a team, and nothing was going to tear them apart after what they'd endured.
"And you look handsome," Hermione told him, gazing down at him warmly. Severus let out a scoff in response, which Hermione could only roll her eyes at. No matter how many times she told him, he never believed her. He seemed incapable of seeing the good in himself, and that only strengthened her resolve to find ways of telling him every single day.
"Shall we go then?" He asked, standing so they could make their way downstairs. Hermione nodded, and they began their walk to the edge of the cottages wards, and the apparition point that laid beyond them.
As they came to the end of the forested pathway that led to and from their cottage, Hermione spoke.
"Ginny knows we're coming."
Severus only raised an eyebrow; he had only known that Potter had discovered their relationship.
"She's happy for us," Hermione told him with a smile. She wasn't sure if she said it to calm her nerves of his, but it seemed to do a bit of both though Severus' face remained stoic.
Severus nodded before taking her hand, apparating them to the edge of the Burrow's wards with a pop.
oOoOoOo
"Hermione, what is he doing here?" She heard Ron's voice behind her as she went to congratulate Harry and Ginny.
"Back off, Ron," Ginny replied for her, her tone low and threatening.
"It's fine, Ginny, you guys go enjoy yourselves," Hermione assured her friends with a smile, waving them off so she could deal with Ron on her own.
"Come with me, Ronald," Hermione said firmly, as she grabbed Ron by the wrist and pulled him outside of the tent where the reception was in full swing. Once beyond the white canvas walls, away from prying eyes and ears, Hermione turned around to look at him once more.
"He's here with me, Ron." She told him, and his face fell in shock.
"With you, or with you?" Ron asked her, barely able to keep his mouth closed as he stared at her.
"With me. I've been with Severus the past few months while I was gone." Hermione told him.
"Severus?" Ron asked incredulously, "Do you not remember how he treated us at school? How he treated you?"
"I do remember Ron, but we've both changed. He's apologized in his way, and I've come to understand in mine." Hermione tried to explain, "He makes me feel like me again like I can smile and feel happy after everything we've been through."
"But Mione, seriously?" Ron pressed, still not fully understanding the shift in the relationship between his ex-girlfriend and their former Professor.
"Harry's known for over a month now, Ginny too." Hermione continued, "I know it's hard to understand, and I don't expect you to be happy for me."
"I-Well, I-" Ron stammered, staring at the grass at his feet. "Are you happy? With him?"
"I am Ron; I am," Hermione responded, unable to hide the smile that grew on her face.
"Well, if Harry can accept it, then I should be able to too," Ron stated though he didn't look as confident as his words sounded. "But don't expect me to be doing double dates or wanting to be around him, alright?"
Hermione was shocked at his response; she expected anger and petulant taunts. And now she felt guilty at how she'd underestimated Ron, for all his bluster and shortcomings, he'd always been her friend. Hermione had thought their brief venture into romance would've made him resentful towards her, but evidently, time did heal all wounds. If he could open himself up and accept Severus because he made her happy, then she knew that everything would be all right.
"I'd never expect you to be his friend if you didn't want to be," Hermione told him, "But it means a lot that you'd try to understand for me."
"Well, Mione," Ron started sheepishly, "I was furious at first, but Harry pulled me aside beforehand and told me I couldn't be angry you'd found peace. He told me that I'd be a dick if I yelled at you, and I realized he was right."
Hermione could only laugh, of course, Harry had run interference for her and tried to help Ron understand, even if only for her sake.
"I was scared we'd never be friends again," She said with a sad smile, "After everything that happened, I thought we'd always be uncomfortable with one another."
"Well, it's bloody weird seeing your ex-girlfriend date one of your old teachers. Especially that greasy git, but I guess the war changed my perspective a bit. If he makes you happy, makes you feel safe, well, everyone deserves a bit of that. Even him, I reckon." Ron replied.
"Thanks, Ron," Hermione said as she smiled at him. She went to give his shoulder a squeeze when she saw his gaze attracted to the ring on her finger.
"Is that-" Ron stared wide-eyed.
"Yeah, it is," Hermione quickly told him, "But don't tell anyone, I'm not sure we want anyone to know just yet."
"Yeah," Ron nodded numbly, "But if you ever make me call you Hermione Snape, I may start puking slugs again, so don't even think about it."
Hermione could only laugh, a deep belly laugh that brought happy tears to her eyes. It felt like the first step on the path to the friendship they'd once had, and it made her feel so sure the future was going to be okay.
oOoOoOo
"Well, well, I never thought Weasley would possess so much understanding." Severus sneered when she told him what had happened at the wedding. They were home now, and Hermione just chuckled and swatted his shoulder.
"I'm genuinely happy Severus, for the first time since the war I feel like everything is going to be okay," Hermione told him, curling up beside him on the couch facing the fire.
"We deserve it," Severus said quietly, and Hermione turned to look at him in shock. It was the first time he'd expressed a positive thought about himself in the whole time she'd known him.
"Don't worry; I'll go back to brooding tomorrow." Severus chuckled as he kissed her forehead.
"I love you," She told him.
"And I love you." He replied
oOoOoOo
"I loved her against reason, against promise, against peace, against hope, against happiness, against all discouragements that could be."
Charles Dickens - Great Expectations