Blaineley, Chef Hatchet, Amy, Sammy / Total Drama
Super Snooper, Blabber Mouse, Mr. Jinks / Hanna-Barbera
Stella, Icy, Diaspro / Winx Club
Trixie Lulamoon / My Little Pony
Peridot / Steven Universe
Eddy / Ed, Edd, and Eddy
Vendetta / Making Fiends
Bagheera, Shere Khan / The Jungle Book
Side note: Bagheera and Shere Khan are anthros in this story.
Chapter One: New Host, New Show
[the scene opens up with a beautiful forest view]
Blaineley: HELLO, Total Drama fans! It's me, your favorite new host: Blaineley Stacey Andrews O'Halloran! Now, you might be asking, why isn't Chris McLean hosting this season? Well, to answer that question, due to an "unfortunate" incident, Chris has been hospitalized for the time being. But, who cares about him, when you've got the REAL host right here? Here, thanks to an extensive overhaul, is the newly refurbished Wawanakwa Island. While Chris takes another "vacation", I'll be the one putting these contestants through grueling challenges and see just what kind of spicy, juicy drama we can gather from this batch of weirdos. So, get ready to be amazed as this is Total...Drama...BLAINELEY!
[cue theme song, the episode continues]
Blaineley: Ah, it's good to finally be in the position as host. Now I get to sit back and relax and watch my little contestants battle it out in the rain, heat and so on. [sees a helicopter coming down] And here they are! For our new contestants, we have Super Snooper and his partner, Blabber Mouse! [sees Snooper tugging at her dress with a magnifying glass]. Uh, what are you doing?
Snooper: If you must know, ma'am, my super sleuthin' mind detected a bit of lint on your outfit.
Blabber: Snoop is an expert in detecting any defect in clothing.
Blaineley: [clears throat] Good to know. Now, just stand over there. [as the two walk away, she shudders] And coming up, we have Mr. Jinks the Cat, Eddy and Trixie Lulamoon!
Trixie: I think you meant to say [strike a pose] The Great and Powerful Trixie!
Eddy: Great and powerful, eh? What's the best you've got, card tricks? [laughs until he gets zapped]
Mr. Jinks: [chuckles nervously] Remind me to stay clear of that.
Blaineley: Oooh, we've got something going on already, I like it.
Trixie: Hmph, you'd better watch yourself.
Eddy: [grunts] Noted.
Amy: Ugh, move it, "Samey!" Same goes for you! [shoves Peridot out of the way]
Peridot: Hey, watch out, you clod!
Sammy: [sighs] Sorry about that.
Peridot: [turns around in surprise] Guh! How did you get over here so quickly?!
Sammy: Oh, you've probably just encountered Amy. She's the one with the beauty mark. I'm Sammy, by the way.
Blaineley: Oh, yes. The cheerleader twins, Amy and Samey, are back! Along with Peridot!
Sammy: But, my name is-[sighs]
Stella: Aw, don't look so down. Not when you've got me around! Yo, it's Stella in the house, everyone!
Blaineley: Our little ray of sunshine: Stella!
Diaspro: Ugh, that was by far the most uncomfortable ride I have ever traveled on!
Icy: I'll say, what are those seats made out of, lead?
Blaineley: And if it isn't royalty herself, Diaspro and the leader of the Trix, Icy!
Icy: [after looking at the other contestants] Hmm, interesting. I think I can make it work.
Vendetta: Heh! As if any of these people could hold a candle to me! They might as well hand me the briefcase full of money.
Blaineley: Hmm, feeling daring, aren't we, Vendetta?
Vendetta: Here is perfect reasoning behind that, I am simply the greatest of the great and I will inevitably come out victorious.
Shere Khan: I wouldn't be so sure about that. You sound like you can't talk the talk nor walk the walk.
Vendetta: What?! How dare you insinuate such a thing?! I will prove you wrong once I crush you!
Bagheera: [rolls his eyes] This is going to be a long journey.
Blaineley: And finally, Shere Khan and Bagheera! So nice to have you both here.
Shere Khan: Believe me, madame. [with a devious look in his eyes] The pleasure is all mine.
Blaineley: Alright, everyone! Gather 'round in an orderly fashion and I'll explain everything!
[scene cuts to the contestants standing in a group while Blaineley stands in front of them]
Blaineley: What you are standing on is the new and improved Camp Wawanakwa...well, in terms of structure. Because I'm feeling generous, here's how things are going to work. Just like in the Heroes vs. Villains season, we will be giving the winners of every challenge a trip to the deluxe spa hotel and the unfortunate losers will have to settle for the typical dirty cabins. Every night, the losing team will have to vote off one of their teammates to walk the Dock of Shame and head on home to Loserville; population: you.
[static buzzing]
Blaineley: Ugh, so this is the kind of budget these things have…[notices the camera still rolling]...this is the confessional where you can express your thoughts, get something off your chest, or snitch on one of your fellow teammates. [whispers] Which I encourage.
[static buzzing]
Diaspro: The only reason I came on this show was to prove my superiority and gain something for myself. Maybe once I win this stupid show, I'll forget all about...them...
[static buzzing]
Mr. Jinks: Those little meeces, Pixie and Dixie, have driven me to my last nerve, saying that there's no way I'm gonna last on a show like this. So, I bopped 'em on the heads and told them "by the time I'm done with this show, this cat's gonna be a millionaire!" Maybe that'll show those little rodents who's boss.
[static buzzing]
Eddy: Please, I can run circles around this bunch of losers. And when there's a million dollars involved, [chuckles] they'd better watch their backs.
[static buzzing]
Amy: Now that I'm back on the show, I'm gonna show Samey just how it feels to be cheated out through identity theft! Yeah, I didn't forget about the time where she let me eat that manchineel fruit AND posed as me. This time, I will make her pay for what she did to me!
[static buzzing]
Sammy: [sighs] I know Amy's probably gonna try everything in her power to get me kicked off, but I was at my limits from the last time I competed. How would you feel if you had a stuck-up, mean twin of yourself to put with for years?! I am NOT gonna let Amy walk all over me!
[static buzzing]
Blaineley: If I call your name, will seven of you please stand to the left? Snooper...Blabber...Jinks...Eddy...Trixie...Peridot and...Amy.
[the aforementioned seven walk to the left]
Blaineley: I officially dub thee...Team Bombshell!
[a logo of a bomb appears]
[static buzzing]
Sammy: What, Amy and I won't be on the same team...oh, you have no idea how good that is to hear.
[static buzzing]
Blaineley: The rest of you stand, stand to the right: Shere Khan...Bagheera...Stella...Diaspro...Vendetta...Icy and...Samey.
[the aforementioned seven walk to the right]
Blaineley: From this point on until the merge, you'll be known as...Team Ammo!
[a logo of a shotgun appears]
[static buzzing]
Amy: [scoffs] Whatever, so what if Samey's on the other team, she's just as useless. Perhaps a little push in the right direction is all they need to get rid of her.
[static buzzing]
Snooper: Alright, team. As I'm the one who's Lead Private Eye, I elect myself as team leader.
Blabber: Snoop has a real knack for expressing his authority over others, it's what makes him such a great leader.
Amy: Okay, hold the phone, who said YOU were taking the role of leader. Hello?! I'm a cheerLEADER, the word "leader" is practically in my title!
Eddy: If there's anything I'd like to say, I think electing Miss Beauty right here as team leader would be the best idea. [winks at her]
Amy: Hah! I've already got two votes!
Snooper: So have I, sweet cheeks.
Amy: Okay, the rest of you, would you rather have the Sherlock Holmes reject as team leader or Moi?
Mr. Jinks: Snooper.
Trixie: Snooper
Peridot: Snooper.
Snooper: Well, the votes have it: I'm team leader.
[static buzzing]
Amy: Grr! Why they're letting that...fleabag be team leader over ME is just disgusting to even think about!
[static buzzing]
Eddy: Hey, don't worry about it. Personally, I think you'd make a great team leader, I mean, after me, of course.
Amy: Yeah, I know your little schtick, it's not gonna work THAT easily on me.
Eddy: [stares dumbfounded] Why do girls always play so hard to get?!
[scene cuts to the Ammos]
Stella: OMGoodness! That is such a cute outfit you've got on, Sammy!
Sammy: Oh, this old thing? It's just my cheerleader out-wait, did you just call me...Sammy?
Stella: Well, that is your name, isn't it?
Sammy: Well, yes. It's just that...no one really calls me by real name, except my mom.
Stella: For real? That's just not right. Where'd you get the name "Samey" from?
Sammy: Oh, my sister invented the nickname when we were young and ever since then, I'm more known as "Samey" because I look identical to Amy, minus the beauty mark.
Stella: Oh...I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to intrude, I just-
Sammy: No, no, it's fine. I'm just glad you referred to me by my actual name.
[unbeknownst to the two of them, Icy is watching with an intent eye]
[static buzzing]
Icy: So, poor little Samey, Sammy, whatever her name, is, from what I can tell, a fragile case. This just couldn't get any better. The thing with people like her is that it's easy to take advantage of their emotions so that it's easier to gain their trust. And I intend to take that trust for as long as I need her...until she becomes useless to me. [chuckles darkly]
[static buzzing]
Blaineley: Okay, my little peons! It's time for your first challenge: let's see who can handle the heat by eating...soup! Here's the deal: I'll need four volunteers from each team to come on up and drink down incredibly spicy soup, without either reaching for water or spitting it out. The team with the last player standing wins a night at the spa hotel, while the losers send someone home.
[scene cuts to the Bombshells]
Eddy: Leave it to me, ladies. I've handled stuff like this back home, so this'll be a cinch.
Snooper: Being an expert in spices me'self, I volunteer to take part.
Blabber: Since Snoop's competing, I'm going, too.
Trixie: Hmph, Trixie has handled far greater challenges than this, a simple soup challenge is nothing!
[scene cuts to the Ammos]
Sammy: Um, so I guess I'll go. I mean, a little soup can't hurt, can it?
Stella: I volunteer as well!
Shere Khan: I've handled all sorts of spices that have come across my way, so I shall partake in this endeavor.
Bagheera: Since you're so sure of yourself, I'd like to offer my participation.
Blaineley: Alright, teams! It's chow time! Will the volunteers please step up to the table?
[static buzzing]
Amy: Pfft! There's no way Samey's gonna make it through this challenge. I can't wait to see the look of her face when she blows it for her whole team.
[static buzzing]
Blaineley: Each round, the time will be added by thirty seconds to see who cracks under the heat. [holds a stopwatch in her hand] Ready? Get Set! CHOW! [presses the button]
[the eight contestants start dishing into the soup, most of them doing alright]
Blaineley: TIME! And with all eight players still in the game. Time to amp up the alley, one minute! Get ready, and...CHOW! [presses the button]
[everyone starts eating again, however, Trixie and Blabber start to feel rather hot]
Trixie: Must...not...need...WATER! [grabs her drink]
Blabber: I...can't do it! [grabs his drink]
Blaineley: Oh, two down for the count on Team Bombshell! And...TIME!
Trixie: [sighs] How humiliating.
Blabber: [sadly] I'm sorry I let you down, Snoop.
Snooper: Hey, chin up, Blab. Not everyone's destined to handle spices.
Blaineley: Well, that's two out of the game for Team Bombshell. Who will emerge victorious in today's challenge? Find out when we return on Total...Drama...Blaineley!
[the scene cuts to black, the episode continues]
Blaineley: We're back and ready to start the next round! This time, the contestants will have to endure ninety seconds of spicy soup! Better get ready and...CHOW!
[the remaining six eat, but soon Stella begins to look hot and reaches for her drink]
Blaineley: And Stella is out!
[Sammy tries her best not to look hot, but the spices become too much for her to handle. She reaches her drink]
Blaineley: Followed by Samey! Talk about a turn of events!
[as Sammy walks dejectedly away from the table, she knows Amy giving her a dirty look, causing her to feel worse]
[static buzzing]
Sammy: I hate it when Amy gives me one of those looks. It just makes me feel crummier than I already do. [sighs]
[static buzzing]
Blaineley: It's now a battle of four, two against two! We're cranking that timer up to two minutes, who will fall this round?!
Eddy: [coughs] Okay, you're fine, you're fine. Think about the money, think about the money.
Snooper: [rolls his eyes] Oh, brother. At least learn how to whisper.
Eddy: Oh, shut up, derpy eyes.
Snooper: Private eye.
Bagheera: All this spice is really starting to hurt my throat.
Shere Khan: Ah, giving up, are we? Not exactly sportsmanship, is it, Bagheera?
Bagheera: Oh, zip it, you. I know you're not tolerating this because I can see you sweating.
Shere Khan: It's just...rather warm today, isn't it?
Bagheera: Hmm-mm, sure.
Shere Khan: [grunts]
Blaineley: Contestants, pick up those spoons and get ready to...CHOW! [presses the button]
[the four remaining contestants dig into their soups, but by now, Eddy and Snooper are looking rather worse for wear]
Snooper: [panting] I...can...do...it…
Eddy: GrrrrrraaaaAAHHHHHH! HOT! HOT! WATER! WATER [grabs his drink and chugs it down]
Blaineley: And down goes Eddy!
[Bagheera's face is starting to turn red under his fur. But just as he feels about ready to reach for his drink...]
Snooper: GAH! I can't take this! [reaches for his drink]
Blaineley: Oh, and with Snooper out, the Bombshells have no more left on their team! Which means...Team Ammo is today's winners!
[Bagheera breathes a sigh of relief as the rest of the members of Team Ammo cheer for their victory. He then notices Shere Khan chugging down his drink as quickly as he can and smirks]
Bagheera: Hot enough for you, Shere Khan?
Shere Khan: Oh, shut up.
Stella: YAY, spa hotel tonight! [pulls Sammy into a bear hug which the latter sheepishly returns]
Amy: What was that?! You call yourself team leader, that was by far the most pathetic display I have ever seen in my entire life! ARGH! [kicks a stone and storms furiously away]
Jinks: Yeesh, like, uh, talk about a fiery temper.
Eddy: Hey, don't mind what that bunch of losers has to say, I'm here for any sort you need, babe.
Amy: Are you now? Well, then...there is something that would be of great help you could do for me.
[the scene cuts to black, at the Campfire Ceremony]
Blaineley: Welcome, losers! This is where your fate will be decided amongst your peers. And from what I can see, there's a lot of tension going on here. [chuckles] Tonight, someone of your team is going home on the Boat of Losers, and I gotta say: being the first out will probably suck for one of you.
Eddy: [winks at Amy] Hey, doll-face. Got anyone in particular you're gunning for?
Amy: I know exactly who's getting the boot tonight.
[static buzzing]
Amy: After blowing it for the whole team today, there's no way you're staying on this island.
[static buzzing]
Eddy: Good-bye, sucker.
[static buzzing]
Snooper: Someone needs to teach that little brat a little something called "manners."
[static buzzing]
Blabber: I don't really like speaking ill of people, but that Amy's a real jerk!
[static buzzing]
Blaineley: Alright, the votes are in. Here, on this platter, are marshmallows. As per the usual tradition, if I happen to call out your name, that means you're safe for another day. So, on with the ceremony: Peridot [catches the marshmallow], Jinks [catches the marshmallow], Blabber [catches the marshmallow], and Trixie [catches the marshmallow]. Amy, Snooper, Eddy. All three of you received a number of votes.
[Amy snorts, Snooper glances toward both sides and Eddy smirks]
Blaineley: The next contestant safe is...Amy. [catches the marshmallow]
[Amy smirks while Blabber gasps]
Blaineley: Which leaves us with Eddy and Snooper. One of you received more votes than the other. However, the last marshmallow goes to…
..
.
[the scene cuts to Eddy smirking, then cuts to Snooper twiddling with his whiskers, then cuts to Blaineley]
...Snooper!
[Snooper breathes a sigh of relief and catches the marshmallow]
Eddy: Wait, WHAT?! That's impossible! I demand a recount!
Blaineley: None needed, you got three votes against you. Amy and Snooper only had two each.
Eddy: Well, I ain't going anywhere, you can't make me!
Chef Hatchet: Oh, yes you are, fresh meat.
[Eddy looks behind to see the figure of Chef Hatchet looming over him. He tries to escape, but Chef grabs ahold of him and carries him to the Dock of Shame]
Eddy: You can't do this to me, this is a conspiracy, I tell ya'! I was robbed! That money was supposed to be mine! You'll be hearing from my law-[gets thrown onto the Boat of Losers]
[the rest of Team Bombshell watches onward as Blaineley watches with amusement]
[the Boat of Losers departs with Eddy still shouting]
Eddy: I was robbed, I tell ya'! RRRROOOOBBBBEEEEDDDD!
Chef Hatchet: Shut yo' face, boy, before I throw you overboard!
Peridot: [after a long pause as the Boat of Losers vanishes out of sight] Well...I will not miss him.
Blabber: [pulls Snooper into a hug] Oh, Snoop! That was a close one!
Snooper: Well, Blab. It's gonna take a lot more than a diva and screama' to get rid of this private eye.
[static buzzing]
Amy: GRRRR! There goes my chance at an ally, even if he was greasy and his flirting was admittedly rather pathetic! [sighs] No matter, I just need to find a way to get rid of Super Stupid and Samey, and I happen to have a few ideas in mind.
[static buzzing]
Blaineley: Well, that was certainly some spicy drama there. And who knows what other drama will ensue with this bunch of lunatics? Tune in next time to find out on Total...Drama...Blaineley!