Author Preface:
Sorry about the really forced joke in the info, I mean, it's bad, really bad.
This story is my brainchild. I have a basic plot that I want to follow for the story, but I have no clue how long it will take, or if I will even ever finish. While I will attempt to keep my writing funny and semi-light-hearted, for story telling purposes I will have to get serious occasionally. If a chapter is particularly contrasting to the general pace of the story, I will let you know prior.
I also want to address the almost certain issue that this OC will seem to become OP as hell. This is just a by-product of his character and is a tool to get to the way I want to end the story, so to "nerf" him would not only seem tacky and incredibly obvious, but it would probably just ruin the ending, which is going to be awesome, trust me.
I'm also new to this whole formatting thing, so things might look like trash for a bit before I get into the groove of it.
Also, profanity warning.
And obvious spoilers are obvious. Like seriously, not only will this story eventually spoil the entire plot of Naruto, it won't make a wink of sense if you haven't watched Naruto and Naruto Shippuden.
Not to mention all the usual garbage about this being parody and shit, not original content. (you'd think they'd get the memo, this being fanfiction and all that)
Just to clarify, I define a series as a collection of individual parts (chapters) that make up a section of the story.
So, without further interruption, let the story begin!
Series 1: The Story Begins
The passage is dark. The sound of steps echo on the flagstone floor. The gentle breeze whistles through the trees outside, splitting the cool air of the clear summer night. Two figures are silhouetted against the gentle glow of a flickering rusted lantern. One draped in a tattered cloak, old and unkempt, the other clothed in blackness, reminiscent of the shadows around them. The two look directly at each other, waiting.
The shadowed figure is the first to break their mutual silence with speech.
"Do you have them?" They ask briskly.
"Yes"
Out of the folds of the tattered cloak the figure reveals a basket cradling two sleeping children, each no older than a year.
"Follow."
The shadowed man leads the other out of the tunnel and along a simple path up a hill with a single enormous tree, where someone is already waiting. The cloaked figure passes one of the children to them.
The three of them are all standing over two empty graves, marked with a grey headstone. Whoever is to be buried here couldn't be luckier, every star in the sky is visible in the beautiful moonlit night above them.
"Get ready." The shadowed figure commands them.
The two others look to each other, nod, then position themselves, side-by-side.
In one swift motion both them and the children are stabbed through the heart, falling into the graves. Dead before they hit the bottom.
Dirt slowly builds up in each grave as the last remaining person shovels in layer on layer of soil.
The once beautiful night turned sour.
Part 1: Enter: Senken Oyufuttō!
"What a dream," I mumble, smashing the alarm clock that rudely woke me up, "Let's go back to sleep. Maybe I'll finish it…"
I doze off dreamlessly, but it isn't a clock that wakes me up next.
"Sen that's the third damn clock this month! Get up!" Jōki's voice was as annoying as ever, rudely punctuating my excessive beauty sleep. Granted the loud irritating clock was first, but that's already been dealt with.
"Five more min- AHHH the fuck?!" Again, my sheets covered in cold water, the second day in a row. Granted it was my fault, but still, I have to clean that up later!
"Don't swear; get out of bed before I torch you next" for any normal person this would be an idle threat, but my sister would actually do it. Regrettably, I roll out of my bed, literally, catching myself before landing, though it was anything but graceful.
"Maybe it would dry me off." I retort, the words were as icy as my bed was wet.
"For god's sakes, just two more days and you graduate. Two more! Then you can get up at 11am like any sane person does and no-one will give a damn"
"Fine, but please don't actually roast my bed" I plead, knowing that, despite how angry our parents would get, she would actually do it, "I need it, for sleep"
"Yeah, I can tell," she pulls me to my feet and starts walking to the door, turning around to say what she originally came in to, "Breakfast was ready half an hour ago, show up if you want"
Whatever, guess I better get ready.
My room is anything but well kept, after all, I am twelve. Half of the dresser's drawers were open, all at varying amounts, with unfolded clothes slung off the sides. My desk was littered with all manner of objects, most placed there to save from the inconvenience of storing them. Dirty and clean clothes litter the brown carpeted floor, some tucked in places so outlandish you'd think I threw them off of myself. A few posters are scattered on the mint green walls, with no rhyme or reason to their placement. The sheets on the single bed I just left were almost flung off in my haste to avoid the wrath of my sister. In short, the whole room is a complete and utter mess. Plus part of it is soaking wet, which doesn't particularly add to the image.
I move into my bathroom carrying with me a bundle of clothes, half of which I likely wore yesterday, but were too lazy to pack away or wash.
"Damn the floor tiles are cold!" I exclaim as I enter the bathroom, approach the sink, then look at myself in wall-mirror. Funnily enough, I look like I just rolled out of bed: My normally straight hair was sticking out haphazardly in almost every direction, its usual slick brownness dulled by the cloud of frizz. A pair of green and blue heterochromic eyes would be staring back at me, but they're concealed behind my eyelids, which are lazily drooping downwards in a tired fashion.
Sighing at my dishevelled appearance, I change into my usual attire, blue trousers (with lots of pockets), a dully coloured shirt (typically maroon or olive, sometimes both) and a surprisingly expensive-looking-but-still-cheap blue overcoat. I try to tame my hair, but even after a few minutes rigorous brushing it still sticks out at almost unnatural angles. I look comedic, but hey, what's new?
The academy is my least favourite place in the world, I don't even particularly want to be a shinobi, but of course, family pressure and all that. At first, I hated going, but I soon realised it's academically pretty much the same as regular school. I'm passable at every single subject, except math. I've solved problems Shikamaru couldn't even understand, and that kid is a genius, although an annoyingly lazy one. Unfortunately for me though, math doesn't win in shinobi battles. Well, most of them at least.
I'm completely average in almost everything. My chakra control is okay, nothing to brag about though. I know my taijutsu forms and techniques, favouring a more specialised one father taught me, even though I can't actually use it properly. Despite that though I'm still able to make use of most of the techniques, although much more self-stylised versions. I'm not particularly strong, though I am stronger than most in my class, likely due to half of them naturally being weaker, AKA females. My accuracy with projectiles is bad, very bad; whenever I hit my target, luck is always involved. Although, I know a LOT of ninjutsu, which is more than most of my class can say, but in truth, none of them are very challenging to perform and the hand signs are basic.
The main three jutsu academy students are required to learn I have just about down on a basic level. My transformation is alright, I have a decent memory, and I don't find moulding the chakra to be difficult. Cloning is one of my stronger points, I've summoned multiple identical copies of myself halfway across the classroom. Substitution took me a while to learn, same as most of my class, but I can reliably perform it now.
My saving talent however, is my speed. I'm fast. In every exam since joining the academy, I've beaten out second place by a large margin. Of course, second place was Sasuke, he's better than everyone else at everything he tries, and he is always furious when I outrun him. I swear, that kid's ego is gonna get him killed. Despite that however, no-one is surprised at how fast I am, since I have to run everywhere because I'm always enormously late. A day when I get to school early is a sign of the apocalypse, or a sign that I set my clock wrong. Probably on purpose too.
I can count on my speed coming in handy when I graduate. Although, most Jōnin can run nearly twice as fast as I currently can, for ten times as long, but give me a year or two and I might be able to keep pace with them.
Oh crap, the end of year exam is today.
"School's gonna be a real bi-" My intelligent comment was interrupted by the person rudely knocking on my bedroom door. My dad's voice calls out through it.
"Senken! Your mother has so politely cooked you a surprisingly delicious breakfast, and you're not even going to show up?!"
"I've gotta get ready for school or I'll be late!" I blandly reply, pausing mid-way through my tooth-brushing to do so, "I'll be down in a few!"
"If you'd bothered to ever wake up on-time you wouldn't be late!"
The kitchen table was laden with all manner of foods, I grab my favourites and sit down. After a few seconds I look up at the clock above the fridge.
I'm definitely going to be late. Again.
"Gotta go!" I call out, not even attempting to eat my food, "Seeya tonight mom!"
She lazily waves at me, this is a sort of morning ritual in our household. Me being late that is.
I run out the door, hastily swinging it shut behind me.
Following the usual route to school, and at the usual breakneck pace, I take twenty minutes to get there, which is no small feat, considering it is halfway across the village. At least I think I set a new personal record.
Unsurprisingly, I'm still enormously late. I run straight past the receptionist and down the corridor. Pressing my ear against the classroom door I hear:
"The first person to be tested will be… Senken Oyufuttō." Slight pause, "He's late isn't he."
Why did I have to be first? Come on! Well, nothing for it…
"I'm here!" I blurt out as I rush into the classroom, everyone laughs, well, most people do, "Sorry Iruka-sensei, Mizuki-sensei," I nod to each of them, "There was this uh… Black cat! Yeah had to take the long route, bad luck and all."
Genius! Bet no-ones thought of that excuse before.
Mizuki ignores me, but Iruka just chuckles at my expense, "Well you're here now. Put your stuff down and come to the front."
Okay here we go, I got this. I walk out to the front of the class.
"Alright. First up…" he glances down at the clipboard in his hand, "Perform the transformation jutsu into a target of your choice."
"Got it!" I make the required signs, gather the chakra throughout my body, imagine the target… poof. I now look just like Iruka!
"Good work. Although, I'm a bit taller than that."
I look at him, "Yeah, you're right" I say, turning back into myself
"Next, the clone jutsu."
"Comin' right up!" I speed through the signs twice as fast as I did the transformation. Concentrating the chakra and then… poof! Three copies of myself spawn around the room, one in my seat, one on top of the blackboard and one sitting on top of Mizuki.
The look on his face was priceless and nearly everyone erupts into laughter, Sasuke lets out a silent smirk and even Shino kinda vibrates quietly on the spot, which I've only accomplished twice before.
"Uhh… Good job?" Iruka comments, turning to his colleague, "Bonus points for so many?"
"So it would seem…" Mizuki-sensei glares at me, adding emphasis to the articulation of every word. Good thing I only have one more day with him.
Iruka turns back to me, "Now, perform the substitution jutsu."
Commonly agreed to be the most challenging of the three, my classmates who are bothering to actually pay attention watch me with bated breaths, I don't blame them, I'd be bored senseless too.
I look around the room, "With what?" I ask.
"You pick."
I think for a second, but only one object comes to mind. No. I can't. Eh, what the hell. I perform the hand-signs and look at the clone I have placed on Mizuki. Poof! All my clones disappear, leaving just the real me on top of my least favourite sensei.
Everyone laughs again, Iruka has to turn away to hide his smile and Shino lets out what's likely the first chuckle of his entire life.
"I don't appreciate your antics." The head attached to the shoulders I'm sitting on comments, "A clone was bad enough, however the real you is infinitely worse. Get off of me this instant."
Iruka begins talking as I jump off his back, "Bonus po-"
"No." Mizuki turns his glare to him now.
"Uhh… You pass?"
"Yay!" I reply. At least I got that much.
"Go back to your seat." Then he adds in a whisper as I pass, "Best if you stay quiet."
Not needing to be told twice. I walk over to my seat, which is next to Kiba and his cute dog, Akamaru. Due to our boisterous nature, he and I are natural friends.
"That was amazing!" He whispers across to me, accompanied by a surprisingly quiet bark from Akamaru, "You even got Shino! He never laughs at anything! Not even that time when Naruto hit Mizuki-sensei in the face wit-"
Iruka unwittingly talks over the top of him, reading from a slip he just pulled randomly out of a pile, "Next up is Hinata Hyūga. Please come to the front of the class."
"Yeah, I think that getting any sort of significant reaction out of Shino is more impressive than my test performance if I'm honest." I then ask him, "How do you think you'll do?"
"I got the physical down easy," Then he adds, "Not sure about this or the written though."
"Meh, I doubt anyone will fail. The standards are surprisingly low for the only shinobi institution in the entire Hidden Leaf." I say intelligently, showing wisdom far beyond my years and intelligence. I then remember what comes after we pass, "Bets on who's in what team?"
"Could Kiba Inuzuka please come to the front of the class!" Iruka interrupts us again, "And Akamaru too I think?"
"Crap," he gulps, "Wish me luck!" I nod in response, accompanied by an encouraging grin.
This is gonna be a long day.
After an hour we finally get through the whole class. Next up is the physical exam, which, apart from the accuracy tests, I'm overly confident about.
The exam requires us to spar with the instructor, then try to hit targets with shuriken, and then kunai, bonus points if you hit multiple in one throw. We then have to run an obstacle course, where other students will try to hit you with (fake) kunai and shuriken as you try to get through the course as fast as possible. Things like stamina and brute strength are graded by our in-class performance, rather than a test, which is disappointing. As much as it makes me fear for my life, I do enjoy getting one over on Sasuke.
After running the proceedings through my head, my only hope is that I don't have to spar with Mizuki. After the show I put on earlier, that doesn't sound like fun.
"We will proceed in the same order as before, which means Senken will be going first." He then thinks for a second, looks at my pleading expression, and adds "I'll be grading your taijutsu, Mizuki please take Hinata."
Mizuki glances sideways at Iruka, then at me, and sighs. Yep, not touching that. I move off into the training area, following Iruka's lead.
He then explains the test to me, "Obviously I won't be actually attacking you, but I wouldn't be worth much as a Chūnin If I couldn't keep up with a pre-Genin, so feel free to go all out and show me what you've learnt." He chuckles a bit, which is instantly awkward because I don't chuckle back.
"Got it," I reply, then I add, "Thanks for keeping me away from Mizuki-sensei."
He smiles, "Yeah, I was a lot like you when I was your age, but pulling stunts more similar to Naruto's than yours. As much as it pains me to let a student act up on my watch, I'd feel bad if I left you to deal with his wrath. Anyway, are you ready?"
"Yeah."
The spar went just as I expected, Iruka dodged some of my attacks, choosing to block where he couldn't. A few times I got some good hits in that most civilians would be down after, but a Chūnin handles much worse on a daily basis.
After about six minutes, Iruka calls time, "I think that's enough. Unless you aren't done yet?"
"Nah I'm good."
I feel pretty confident about my performance, I managed to weave in my family's style with the academy standard style throughout the whole spar, which is no small feat.
However, regardless of how much damage I did, I didn't fall over or even stumble once, so certainly a win for me.
"Alright then." He walks us over to the target range, "Unfortunately for you, projectiles are next." He smiles sympathetically to me.
"Great."
"How'd you do?" Kiba asks me enthusiastically as he returns from his projectile grading. He didn't see mine because he and Akamaru were busy fighting Mizuki, who'd finished with Hinata in half the time it took me, after all, the signature gentle fist taijutsu style of the Hyūga is taxing on a younger body.
"I… don't really wanna talk about it." I reply, my cheeks slightly flushing in embarrassment.
"That bad?" He asks.
"Yes. I nearly hit you." I respond.
"But that's in the opposite direction and over a three-metre wall!"
"That bad." I assure him.
Five minutes earlier.
"No Senken! The tree is the target, not Hinata!"
"Sorry?"
Returning to the present.
"Well I didn't do that bad but compared to the show you were putting on with Iruka-sensei it felt pathetic."
He is right, I did do some crazy style moves. Unfortunately, over half of them wouldn't work if my target was really fighting back, or even putting up a fight at all.
"Yeah I guess you're right. But I like the combo moves you do with Akamaru, and I saw your accuracy has gotten way better."
"Mom wouldn't let me eat dinner before I'd practiced for an hour."
Akamaru whines slightly, as if the memory is painful to recall.
"That does explain it"
After a good three-quarters of an hour, everyone's finished with this portion of the exam. We then have a small ten-minute break to relax or warm-up before we start the obstacle course.
The course is placed out of the academy building in a training ground specifically designed for it, which is conveniently (or deliberately) placed directly behind the academy. The course is shaped like a square, with the attacking students in the middle, while the running one goes around the edge. There are about four or five obstacles on the course, none of them look particularly challenging.
The pathway the runner has to follow is narrow and has no cover from the oncoming attacks. It stretches for about forty metres on each side of the square, with sharp right-angled-turns to mark each quarter-way point.
The throwers are situated on a raised platform to allow them to aim at the runner when they are in the higher parts of the course. Multiple boxes of projectiles are in the centre of their area, providing them a nearly unlimited supply.
A few civilians are resting on the fence between the training ground and the road, having a fairly good view of the course. Its not everyday you get to see shinobi in action, even if its pre-Genin. Though, to civilians, anything is impressive.
"Oh boy am I looking forward to this." I sarcastically state as I walk to the starting line of the course, fake kunai in hand. By some miraculous stroke of luck, Naruto and Sakura were picked to be the ones throwing projectiles at me, both being notorious for having accuracy approaching mine but still closer to an actual competent shinobi.
"You may begin throwing the moment he crosses the start line." Iruka calls out to Naruto and Sakura. Both nod in understanding. Naruto looks way too keen to throw things at me, probably because I outdid him for once in pranking. Sakura keeps distractedly looking over her shoulder at Sasuke, who's being assailed by his Fanclub. Uhh fangirls…
Then Iruka turns to me, "If you get hit you will have a five second penalty to your time. You will get a ten second penalty if you fall off the wooden path. Start when ready."
"Got it." I reply.
Hmm… How should I do this? First off, I need to ensure minimal projectiles are going to be coming for me, since I need to focus on getting through the course. To do that I'd need to distract Sakura and Naruto, or maybe trick them somehow. Oh, that's an idea.
Before even crossing the start line I make a clone. My plan is to make my attackers have no clue which one is the real me, and they currently can't check. I turn around, pray that I hit my target, and throw one of my kunai straight at Sasuke. I don't get why, but he dodges, which surprisingly puts him closer to where it was going to hit. It sails straight through the air and hits one of his fangirls in the face.
Sakura gasps and drops her shuriken and Naruto is just standing there with his jaw hanging open. Before they can collect themselves, I substitute with my clone and run full speed forward. I can rely on my stunt to buy me about five seconds, which with my speed should at least get me to the first obstacle.
The first obstacle is a wall, not even a particularly tall one, maybe two or so metres. I haven't learnt wall walking yet, so my only option is to either climb or jump over it. Choosing the latter option, as it would be much faster, I jump slightly, then crouch on my landing to prepare for launch. During my ascent I notice Naruto has started to take aim at me, while Sakura is still distracted with Sasuke, she doesn't seem to notice I've even started. I would have cleared the wall easily, but instead I choose to land on top of it. My clone also succeeded in scaling it, but I hear a loud poof as it's gets hit. Trust Naruto to not realise I'd substituted with it.
Not wanting to risk standing still, I launch myself forward, pushing off of the wall. Mid-air, I make two clones, substituting with one of them again.
It's not a trick that I see used very often, but since substitution consumes chakra proportionate to the physical weight of the object you want to switch with, clones take almost nothing to move. Still, no-one else does this trick, I don't really get why. Plus, I may have made it a bit broken with another trick.
I make the first turn after a long empty stretch.
A few logs and rubble litter this side of the square course. Chakra clones are unsurprisingly made of pure chakra, so they won't move the rubble when they step on it, which would make their purpose of not letting Naruto and Sakura know where to aim obsolete. But since they are all chakra, they can interact with each other. I slow down my pace to make another clone, which I have run straight at the rubble as a distraction. I then make my two other clones throw each other into the air, proceeding to substitute with the one that goes farthest. While airborne, I make two clones to replace the ones that I left behind, which promptly poofed out of existence.
I make the second turn. Only two more stretches to go.
Up ahead the course splits into two sections, a lower one and a higher one. To get to the higher one, you have to semi-wall run along a steep wall on the side of the path up to it, if you fail, you'll have no choice but to take the lower route, which likely has more obstacles.
Unfortunately for me, one of my attackers, definitely Naruto, starts throwing a frankly absurd quantity of kunai and shuriken at the wall. He's clearly going for quantity over accuracy but seeing as I don't want to gain over half an hour in penalties, I force my clones to go up while I go down. I hear two audible poofs and take that moment to look over at Naruto and Sakura. She's glaring at me with a vengeance that reminds me of Mizuki which is surprising since there is no-way she could know that I was actually aiming for Sasuke and not the civilians in the opposite direction. Naruto's struggling to open another box of weapons since he ran out.
I need another opportunity to spawn more clones, doing it while airborne is preferable, as I don't have to slow down to get the hand-signs right. However, I'm almost at my limit. Unlike some people, I don't have ridiculous amounts of chakra for my age, so I can't chuck clones around like they're on a clearance sale, even though that's basically what I'm doing. I have to concentrate though. Regular clones don't have a mind of their own, they're more like a copy of your chakra network that uses its chakra to look like you, than an actual physical being. This means you have to give each of them very clear instructions, which gets very difficult when you have more than one.
After a short flat section, which I clear basically instantly, I see the next obstacle, it's a rope climb. Just like the ones you see in a children's playground, but a good ten metres taller. Clones won't move the rope if they climb, so as a diversion they're useless here. If I had taken the higher route, I would've been able to jump straight over the wall, rather than having to scale it.
I really should learn how to wall-walk, it would make everything so much easier.
I try a similar trick that I did to get over the rubble, but I have to slow down to do so. Luckily, both Naruto and Sakura miss their easiest chance yet to hit me, if it were anyone else, I'd have been tagged at least twice.
It makes it up just over half of the way. I substitute with the clone, dissipate both it and the one below, and then start to climb. I'm hoping that Naruto and Sakura won't be able to compensate for my increased altitude in their throws, which, with their past performance, is a safe gamble.
After a short climb, I pull myself over the wall and onto the ledge at the top, which is placed on the final turn. My options are to climb down a ladder, or just jump down. While I'm comfortable with a two-metre drop, like the last wall, a ten-metre one sounds painful, so no shortcuts there. But hey, I'm basically a literal ninja.
I decide on the most stylish and stupid route, pushing and then riding the ladder down to the ground, after which it'd be a straight sprint to the finish.
I mount the ladder, and then…
"Oh, I didn't think this through!" I shout as I plummet downward, just marginally slower than straight up dropping. I collect myself, panicking is always the worst option, and right before me and the ladder hits the ground, I push off from it and start sprinting. Thank god the ladder was secured at the bottom, otherwise that stunt would have ended differently.
After a short sprint, slower than before, mainly because my legs were badly jarred, I cross the finish line, and here a loud cry of defeat from Naruto and Sakura. Huh, I forgot they were even there at that last part, goes to show how bad their accuracy is. Not that I have room to talk though.
"Congratulations!" Iruka calls to me as he walks over, "Fifty-seven seconds with no penalties. Just thirty-five seconds shy of the record, placing you a solid fourth in the new Academy rankings, not bad at all."
"Who the heck has the record?" I ask in shock from my sitting position, my legs being way too sore to stand. But deep down I already know the answer.
"A Jōkikumo Oyufuttō I believe."
"Yeah, course it'd be my sister, stupid question."
"She was one of the best students I've ever taught." He reminisces, gazing off into the distance, then shouts over at someone behind him, "Mizuki! Cleared the course up yet?!"
"Yes." Mizuki blandly replies, after what to the untrained eye would look like teleporting onto a nearby fence post.
"Then could Hinata please move up to the start line!" He then glances down at his clipboard, "With Sasuke and Shikamaru in the middle!"
Oh boy, that sounds like a party.
"Yeah, good luck." I wince at Hinata as she passes. She's visibly looking nervous.
Shikamaru… Well he's Shikamaru. Whether or not he tries is a coin flip, but a coin flip that you keep repeating until Shikamaru wins. If he does try, he's definitely capable, and Sasuke, he's a force unto himself. I don't doubt he could hit her dozens of times, more than making up for Shikamaru's share.
The only things going for her are her Byakugan, which would significantly aid in her dodging, but if her reactions can't keep up with her heightened vision, she's as toast as she was without it.
Also, Shikamaru is taking a nap, so he'll be too drowsy to aim properly. If someone even wakes him up that is.
"Uhh…" Iruka calls out to Sasuke, not wanting to even bother, "Think you can do it alone?"
"I'm more than capable." He lightly smirks. The cocky bastard. But something was putting him off, likely my performance.
"Yeah I don't really need to see this." I comment as I start walking my way over to where everyone else is sitting.
"That was amazing! Rrruff!" Kiba and Akamaru are obviously sitting closest to the action.
I barely pay attention to him, choosing to look at the collective that is Sasuke's Fanclub. I try to find the one I hit in the face, so I could at least go and apologise, but…
"YOU ASS! I'M GONNA PUMMEL YOU SO HARD!"
Oh great, I HAD to hit the worst person.
"Sorry…?" I wince, hoping that if I look away, she'll disappear, going with the good'ol I can't see you, you can't see me mentality.
"OH YOU BETTER BE YOU MULTIEYED DI-"
"AHHHH!"
My assailant was rudely cut off by an ear-splitting scream coming from the course. Everyone who wasn't already watching looks over, only to see Hinata being caught in Mizuki's arms. She'd obviously fallen off of the rope climb, but what was more concerning was the amount of blood coming out of her shoulder from a practice kunai wound.
They are literally made to stop this from happening, god damn it Sasuke! Of course he'd be the one to actually wound someone with a practice weapon.
I feel bad, I took advantage of everyone's distraction to move away from a very angry twelve-year-old. I stop next to Choji and Shikamaru, who currently looks wide awake.
After tending to Hinata, Iruka walks over to where the rest of the class is congregated, clearly about to give us bad news "Unfortunately everyone, despite that little mishap, we have to continue with the exams." He is then barraged by voices, quickly choosing to add, "Hinata is fine, the wound wasn't deep, they are practice kunai after all. Though, I hope you'll take this as a lesson not to be overzealous with weapons of any kind, even if they are fake."
I lightly hear him mumble to himself while examining the 'Made in Cloud from sustainable and local lumber mills' symbol on one of the weapons, "I'll have a word with that manufacturer…"
Mizuki does the teleporty thing again right behind all of us, "Kiba, your turn. Ino and Shino take centre."
I turn back around to Choji and Shikamaru.
"Lazy jerk pretended to be asleep the moment his name was called." Choji informs me, "Nice job by the way."
"Yeah it was real cool." Shikamaru adds, obviously deflecting Choji's accusation, "Especially the ladder."
"Yeah, my legs hurt real bad though."
Choji then gestures over to the course, "Look at that!"
"What a… Creative way to use Akamaru." I stare in amazement.
"Great, now we have written tests…" Kiba groans after we finish our lunch break.
"Eh, I already know I'm gonna do average, so I'm not that worried."
"Yeah but with the stuff you've done today you don't have to worry about failing." He then reconsiders, "Well actually you might fail if you get everything wrong. But still. You have that math addiction going for you."
"It's not an addiction, it's a… Hobby? Yeah a hobby!"
"I… don't think that's what that is." He replies as he opens the class door.
We walk into our classroom and see multiple paper booklets on each of our desks, and Iruka and Mizuki at the front of the class waiting for us. Sasuke, Hinata and a few other students are already waiting in their seats.
"Go to your desk, and wait quietly for everyone else to arrive." Mizuki glares at me and Kiba as we enter.
Not particularly wanting to be flayed alive at the age of eleven, I wander over to my desk with Kiba. We share a quick glance, and cross smirks, but choose to follow orders.
Over the next few minutes, the rest of our class ambles into the classroom, most with nervous looks on their faces, a few with mild confidence.
Once everyone has arrived, Iruka comes up to the front, "Alright, so…" he explains, "As you can see, you each have three tests with twenty different questions in all of them. One test is on academical subjects like math and language. One is on shinobi conventions. The other is on shinobi skills. Don't worry if you have no idea what that means, just answer all the questions to the best of your ability within the time limit, which will be until it is time for you to return home."
He then chooses to add, "Don't worry about failing these tests too much, as they aren't that important to whether or not you pass, though knowing this sort of stuff is very important if you want to become a Chūnin or even a Jōnin later on."
"Yes." Mizuki nods, "Start."
Everyone quickly opens one of the booklets, each person choosing to start with a seemingly random one. I pick the academic subjects first, as I'm most confident with them.
I flick through the pages reading every question. My eyebrow goes further and further up my forehead the more questions I read. These are all… Really easy. Multiply this, list three synonyms for this, define abridged… and I'm done. I look at the clock, barely ten minutes have passed; over an hour left.
I open the next booklet, Shinobi conventions. I choose this one because I have no idea what that even means. Repeating my process for the last book, I flick through every page, reading the questions as I go. Most of the questions are about rank, system of command or inter-village shinobi relations. Others are about what is the correct thing to do in different situations. Again, none of the questions are very difficult, though some require long answers. At the end I look up at the clock, forty minutes to go.
Next, shinobi skills. The questions are about what I expected: List the correct hand-signs for the clone jutsu in order, describe how chakra flows around your body, etc. There are a few interesting ones though, mainly about bloodlines, and a few about basic Fūinjutsu and seal operation.
Overall, the tests were underwhelming. They seemed like they would be a challenge, but in the end, they were… hang on. A wise man once said that if a test is easy, you've either missed something or are over thinking it (and there's always the possibility that you took the wrong test). Although I've never met this wise man, this is a shinobi exam. Surely there must be some hidden code or information in the booklets?
Sounds like cool ninja shit to me.
"Ten minutes left!" Iruka calls, some of my classmates gasp in surprise. The overall pace of pencil scratching increases drastically.
I go back through each of the tests, examining each question in much more detail. Sure enough, there are a few blatant spelling mistakes, and a few questions are given the wrong numbers. I noticed this before but chalked it up to the test-makers pulling a student and not proofreading anything.
"Five minutes left!" Iruka calls out to the class, who have a similar response to before.
"Blue", "average", "circle" and "reinstate" are the misspelled words, and questions twelve, twelve, nineteen and nine are mislabelled. Average? Guess I'll try finding the average of those numbers… Which is obviously thirteen, duh. Blue? I look around for anything that's blue in all the booklets, it takes me longer than it should have to realise the entire shinobi skills test is on blue paper. I check the thirteenth question, and read through it carefully, in the first sentence is the word "reinstate" but spelt properly.
"One minute left! Better get all the questions answered!"
Circle? There's no circles in the thirteenth question, maybe I got that wrong, or did I miss something? Wait, do I just have to circle reinstate? Makes sense, no-one would accidentally circle it, so if they found it while marking they'd know for certain you understood. I circle it, just to be safe, and I don't have time to second guess myself anyway.
"Pencils down class!" Iruka shouts, "Close your booklets and hand them to Mizuki as he passes."
Mizuki then adds, "Make sure they've got your name on them, don't want to not get marked, do you?" He glares at me, like he's genuinely challenging me to not write my name on the tests. I give them to him more than willingly.
I seriously hope that I didn't read too much between the lines and circle some random word, that'll confuse whoever reviews the tests. Well, even if I did, it's not like I'm going to lose marks or anything.
After Mizuki returns to the front, carrying a stack of papers near twice his height. Iruka then turns to us, "Good job class, me and Mizuki will be hard at work for the next hour marking these. You'll learn whether you passed or failed tomorrow, and if you did pass you'll be assigned to your team or if a Jōnin specifically asked to individually tutor you, you'll go with them."
Most people don't seem to notice, but Mizuki has already started looking through our tests. Judging by the terrible, messy handwriting on the papers, he started with Naruto's.
Iruka elaborates, "Just remember that when we form your teams we take a lot of information into consideration, even things like family history. You may of heard rumours that the top boy and girl are placed with dead last, or that the three middle scoring students are placed together. These are the case sometimes, if it fits well, but overall they aren't true the majority of the time."
"Well class, as it is time, you may go home!"
Thank god.
As I'm leaving I see Mizuki walk over to Naruto, and whisper something to him, but I think nothing of it.
I get home after a long walk, too exhausted from the day's events to run. I go inside and kick my feet up on the coach, opening a strangely engaging book on gardening titled, 'Horticulture: You, plants and everything inbetween', but half an hour later…
"Yo Sen, mom wants you to get milk and eggs." I wince as a large sack of loose change hits me in the stomach, "You know the ones we usually get."
"Why can't you do it, great academy obstacle course record holder." I sarcastically throw back at her.
"I'm lazy, and I get to boss you around because I'm both older than you and more important. Plus mom specially asked you to do it, payback for not telling her the exams were today."
"I forgot." I honestly state.
"If it were anyone else I wouldn't believe that. Some shinobi you'll make. Anyways skedaddle, fetch."
"Fine." I get off the couch and start the long journey to the grocery.
Somehow, we live the furthest distance possible from any grocer. I literally have to go past the Hokage tower to get there, which isn't due to necessary character placement for plot reasons at all.
Jeez, where did that silly fourth wall go?
"Hey Naruto." I call out, seeing him on the street. Its already dark out, stupid winter and its stupid short days.
"Huh? Oh it's just you Senken." He looks visibly relieved.
"What the heck is that?" I ask, looking at the enormous cylinder he's carrying.
"It's some important scroll thing, it has a jutsu I need to learn."
"Can I see?"
"Sure, just be careful, I kind of need it."
I take the scroll and put in on the ground. Naruto is looking over my shoulder, clearly as interested as I am to see its contents. I flick the paper open, intending to catch it with my other hand, but it meets air.
"Oh shit, we're on a hill aren't we?" I ask as the scroll starts unrolling. Twenty metres. Fifty metres.
"You idiot. Thanks a lot, now I'm never going to get that jutsu learnt in time."
Hundred metres, it hits the bottom of the hill, but keeps going. Hundred and fifty metres.
"Sorry?" I apologise.
Two hundred metres. That's one long piece of paper.
"Yeah you better be. This is going to take me hours to roll up."
He ambles off, carrying the end I was still holding on to with him.
"Well, I hope that scroll wasn't important or anything. Eh, knowing my luck I just ruined a chain of events that leads to Naruto saving the world or something."
I laugh, "Pfft, like that would ever have happened, good one me."
Author Note:
So, that's the first chapter! My jokes were bad and I know I said that they were going to be, "for an older audience", but I lied. The next chapter does start to pick up the humour though, at least I think it does. You'll have to wait for chapter 3 to get into the real funnies though.
Please tell me if my story is bad, I'd greatly appreciate it, but I'm still going to keep writing anyway.
Also, as much as I hate to say it, and I will try my absolute hardest to make sure this doesn't happen, a few things might need to be tweaked in this chapter between now and when I post chapter 2. This is just because the story is still kinda subject to changes at this point, but the main plot is definitely set in stone, so don't worry about it too much. However, 100% check the preface if anything seems confusing (Continuity errors in particular are quite nasty), I'll address all the issues there, or at least give a link to where you can see my retcons and stuff.
-Update-
Due to the Coronavirus crisis, my assignment deadlines and exams have been postponed or extended by frankly unnecessary amounts. As such, I should be able to get the entire story planned by the end of this week. This means chapter two will probably come out in around a week and then the rest of the chapters should follow a weekly/fortnightly schedule. Obviously the situation could end up changing over the next few months, but I'll play it by ear and hope for the best.
Next time, Part 2: Genin Team Eight