/author's notes

While this is technically Umi's POV from "Baby, Maybe" when Kotori and her broke up, it can also stand as a solo one-shot :D

Takes place four years before "Baby, Maybe"'s current timeline, or takes place a year and a half after the Love Live! movie.

I wrote this mainly because of my writer's blocc

Best to read while listening to Someone you Loved by Lewis Capaldi.

"texts like these are thoughts, or whispers"

texts like these are either letters or notes, or lyrics.

"texts like these are memories/voices from the past"

If you haven't read "Baby, Maybe" the reason as to why Kotori broke up with Umi is because she's going to study Fashion in a university in France.

"I'm going under and this time I fear there's no one to save me.

This all or nothing really got a way of driving me crazy"

"I'm home." The 18 year old bluenette sighed as she entered the Sonoda Residence. "Mother? Father?"

The first thing she noticed was the note on their dining table upon entering the dining room.

Umi, we have to go to the main house in Hokkaido. We will come back in two days.

I've prepared dinner for you tonight.

- Mother

"Ah.. their visits to the main house are becoming more often now." Umi muttered to herself as she prepared to eat dinner "Grandfather's health is getting worse. I suppose I should pay him a visit one of these days."

"Itadakimasu."

It was the same typical routine she had after she got into university. Read her current lessons while having dinner, have a warm shower, and sleep.

Except, she didn't find it easy to sleep that night.

"My heart hurts, but it's been three months," Umi stared at the ceiling, now in bed after a warm shower.

I was so focused on letting her go, I wasn't able to give myself a chance to move on, or hurt, even just for a moment.." Umi covered her eyes wih her forearm.

"Umi-chan!"

"Umi-chan~"

"Mou, you should take care of yourself more often, silly!"

"Ehh.. don't be too hard on yourself, Umi-chan. It's okay to cry."

"I'll always, always love you, Umi-chan!"

"Hey, Umi-chan, do you know how much I love you? I love you this~ much!"

Umi smiled to herself as she remembered Kotori's voice. She felt her heart sting a little bit more, and a few tears drop from the corners of her eyes.

"Don't hate Kotori, okay? I love you, okay?"

"I'm letting you go, okay?"

Three months after that night, Sonoda Umi finally let herself cry and hurt, instead of holding back like she had originally been doing all this time.

"I need somebody to heal,

somebody to know,

somebody to have,

somebody to hold."

Multiple memories of them together flashed in her mind, as she wiped her tears away.

"It's easy to say,

but it's never the same

I guess I kinda liked the way you numbed all the pain."

Kotori was always by Umi's side whenever she had moments like this. From the times where she would cry because of a toy she broke or because she was scolded by her father as a child, up to the times where she would cry because everything was just too much for her to handle.

Now, though? She's alone. No more comforting words,

no more Kotori running to her house even at midnight just because she needed someone by her side.

"I'm going under and this time I fear there's no one to turn to.

This all or nothing way of loving got me sleeping without you."

μ's was there and would always be there, of course. But to Umi, there's just something different to having Kotori by her side,

to having someone she loves by her side.

"Now, I need somebody to know,

somebody to heal,

somebody to have,

just to know how it feels."

"Don't lie to yourself, Sonoda." Umi let out an airy laugh "You know you can't easily replace her."

She knew that herself. A part of her's mad at Kotori for giving up, for letting go so damn easily, but a part of her found it hard to let her go and move on,

instead, that part of her held feelings for Kotori, and hope that there would be a miracle one day, up until now,

and it doesn't seem like that part would give up just yet.

"It's easy to say,

but it's never the same.

I guess I kinda liked the way you helped me escape."

At times like this, where Sonoda Umi is at her most fragile and weak self, Kotori was there to give her warmth she needed.

"I tend to close my eyes when it hurts sometimes,

I fall into your arms.

I'll be safe in your sound 'til I come back around."

Now, she felt like she could be swallowed by this dark and cold feeling.

Perhaps, only now did Umi realize that.

Only now did Umi realize that the future wouldn't be the same like the past twelve years with Kotori.

"But now the day bleeds

into nightfall,

and you're not here

to get me through it all.

I let my guard down,

and then you pulled the rug."

Umi finally felt sleep wanting to take over as she removed her forearm from blocking her eyes. She turned off her lamp, and looked for the glow-in-the-dark star ceiling sticker Kotori had given her when they were six.

"So that Kotori-chan and Umi-chan can both look at the same star every night!"

"Goodnight, Kotori."

Umi closed her eyes and didn't bother to wipe away the last few tears that came out.

"I was getting kinda used to being someone you loved."

authors notes

personally, i always found a difference between the comfort your family and friends would give, and the comfort a partner/significant other could give. there's just something that sticks out.

ik this is probably crappy as I wrote it with only three hours of sleep :') this song is currently making me feel all sorts of emotions.

i also wanted to write umi being weak and fragile because hey, we all have a side like that

thanks for reading this!! ill make a chapter for "Baby, Maybe" eventually!

see ya there~

-zumi