Between my 21st birthday when Elijah had made it clear to a drunken Niklaus that I was more than capable of making my own decisions, and now, I had broached the topic of becoming like them a handful of times. That first night, I too had been inebriated, joyfully celebrating my fully legal status with as many shots as I could get my hands on. After the brothers' altercation on my behalf, I realized just how right Elijah was. I could make my own decisions. With this new found confidence, I spent the better part of the night trying to take a bite out of the necks of all the vampires in attendance and detailing all the ways I could off myself after drinking their blood. I think that may have been the most upset with me Elijah had ever been. But I think it was also the night that he began to see me as more than what he had before.

As intoxicated as I was, I clearly remember the gentle touch of his hand on my hip and the soft smile on his lips as I grazed his neck with my dull teeth and whispered that now was his chance to throw me off the roof. Drunk me thought it was seductive but his easy chuckle told me it wasn't. I could still feel his deceivingly strong body effortlessly hold me up when I begged him to slow dance with me to a song that was not meant for slow dancing while he complained about the scuffs I was putting all over his thousand dollar shoes. I could hear his low voice checking in on me through the bathroom door. I could hear him telling me he would not turn me into a vampire, that Hope and I were the humanity that kept the Mikaelson clan together in relative harmony and that it needed to remain that way for now. I could see the ever so slight fall of his face as I drunkenly told him he would regret his decisions when I was old and gray and dying and his reminding me of what monsters they really were and how I shouldn't be so cavalier with my life. I could see the way he glanced back thoughtfully at me as I fell asleep in a change of clothes, snuggled tightly in my bed after he had taken me to my room. To this day I can both see the annoyance at my casual disregard for my human life and feel the security of his arms around me as he carried me up the compound stairs in spite of it.

Klaus and the others assumed I was too drunk to remember anything from that night but they were wrong. I had apologized to Elijah the next day for the way I had spoken to him and thanked him for ensuring I got to bed safe and sound. He had nodded and passed me a cup of coffee and never spoke of it again.

It was almost exactly a year before I mentioned being turned again. I hadn't wanted to be 21 for the rest of eternity. I could wait several more years but I needed to know that when the time was right, he would do it.

I spent weeks trying to decide the perfect way to go about it. Life with the Mikaelson's had taught me nothing if not the value of a good scheme but in the end I had recklessly blurted it out after Elijah recounted a story from the 17th century. "I want to have stories like that."

"Like what?"

"Centuries from now I want to be able to talk about all the history I've lived through." He was an intelligent man. He knew exactly what I was getting at but he played dumb nonetheless and I didn't have the nerve to press him on it that day. His silent rejection was enough. I didn't think I could handle looking him in the eye as he turned me down.

As the years dragged on, I continued the scheming to no avail. I got more brazen with age and frustration at my wishes being ignored but was shot down, short and sweet, at every turn. Sometimes with a speech about the importance of my humanity, and once with a simple "no" as he walked past me and out of the compound.

I could have talked to Klaus about it or even Rebekah. She loved having a sister around and would have been over the moon had I asked her to help me remain with her forever. Hell, Kol would have done it for the simple fact that it went against Elijah's wishes. However, something deep down in my gut needed both Elijah's approval and his blood to be the source of my immortality. He had been my confidant, my partner, and my teacher for almost a decade, for the most formative years of my life and I needed him to be by my side for this.

All the previous attempts had led me to this moment. I was 25 now and more ready than ever to become one of them and I was as hell bent as ever on convincing Elijah that it was the right thing to do.

In the years since the party, a series of dominoes had begun to fall between the two of us. I had been infatuated with him since I was a lost, lonely teenager and to him I had been something to be fixed. At that party he had come to realize he had done pretty well at building up the broken girl I had been. He had realized I was no longer a child that needed to be patched back together.

This new dynamic had changed our relationship over the next years, him relying on me even more to help him keep Klaus on the straight and narrow and weaving together the relationships of the other siblings and him turning to me when he needed to open up to someone, now for himself and not as a response to my needs. We had never once spoken aloud about the changes between us, about the feelings that were becoming oh so real. It was an unspoken decision that keeping it unaddressed and buried as far down as we could get it was best for the family. We all knew how Rebekah and Marcel had once led to total chaos and both Elijah and myself were more than used to putting aside what we may desire for a greater good. He had spent a millennia doing just that for his little brother and I owed the Mikaelson's everything. I would do nothing to upset the delicate balance.

With the exception of one thing. I would go to the ends of the Earth to fight for my right to be turned into a vampire, for my chance to truly be one of the family. And that had led us here.

Elijah and I stood in the middle of the compound both of us covered in blood, some of which was mine, some of which belonged to one of the new werewolves in town. I hadn't come all that close to dying today but I could tell by the look on Elijah's face that I had given him a scare and I intended to use it to my advantage.

"You're sure you're ok?" He asked.

"I'm fine." I took the handkerchief he offered and pressed it to the cut dripping blood into my eye while he watched intently. "You know, there's an easy solution to this Elijah." He raised an eyebrow. "Just add a little of your blood to a glass and, ya know." I dragged my index finger across my neck. "Then I'd heal all on my own from now on. Or if you're feeling a little adventurous we can skip the glass." He wasn't one to roll his eyes, but the subtle shifting of his weight and dramatically pinching the bridge of his nose had the same basic effect. I wasn't deterred though. "Let's be honest, a few more years and I'll be older than you were when you turned."

He gave a heavy sigh as he dropped his fingers from his nose and walked over to a table with a bottle of bourbon left out from last night and poured a glass. "Well, then it sounds like we have some time."

I could feel the frustration setting in at this point and staring at my own blood smeared down my arms and watching the white piece of cloth become red while he stood there without a scratch on him was making it so much worse. This family had hundreds of enemies and when they weren't fighting their own, they were fighting those of the other factions. I knew the value of my humanity and how that of me and Hope had helped this family in ways a millennia of Elijah's attempts never had but it was also a vulnerability. Hope was a witch and a werewolf. She could hold her own. I had a decade of training from Alaric and others but one day that wasn't going to be enough. One day they weren't going to be around to protect me and it certainly wasn't going to end well.

"Why do you not want this for me?" He only took a sip from his glass in response so I pressed on. "I'll keep getting older. Eventually, I'll be eighty and wrinkled with my body starting to fail me in ways even you won't be able to heal and you and this family - my family - will be none the worse for wear. How is that possibly fair?" I felt a little dramatic but it was all true.

"What is or is not fair is of no consequence in the matter." He was calm for a moment as he set the glass down, watching it closely but the anger was rising in his eyes when he snapped his head back up and stepped closer to me. "You want to speak of fairness? Do you truly believe asking me to feed you my blood then snap your neck, or perhaps put my fist through your chest, or whatever horror you would have me inflict upon you, is fair? I made a vow to protect you and you will not fall by my hand." I stared in disbelief at him for a beat. I had imagined a thousand reasons why he didn't want me to turn but him not wanting to physically hurt me, even if it wasn't permanent, had never occurred to me. He'd kill countless people without pause and most of which wouldn't be returning to life.

"Don't you see though? It won't be a fall. I'll be better. I'll be able to hold my own without always needing you to come rescue me. I won't be fragile anymore, Elijah. Wouldn't it be a wonderful thing if your most basic instincts weren't telling you to kill anytime you're close to me?" I had seen the way he had watched my blood drip down my check. A thousand years of learning to control his hunger kept him in check. I wasn't worried he'd hurt me but I watched as he fiddled with his cuff link, a talisman of sorts for him, a reminder of all that was hidden behind the red door. I knew being that close to fresh blood wasn't always quite as easy as he could make it seem.

"I won't do it. Not now." he breathed, reigning in his angry outburst. Varying forms of "not now" had been his go-to line for years. What were we waiting on? I was done waiting. If he didn't want to help I could find other means.

"Fine. I'll use this," I said, holding the pendant of his blood I wore on a chain around my neck, "and do it myself." He had insisted I have it at all times as a cureall should I find myself hurt with no vampires around. He was seething at the idea of me using the safety measure as an act of defiance. I, however, rather enjoyed the poetry of it all.

"You will not." He kept his voice low and punctuated each word.

"Then I'll use Marcel's stash of Klaus's blood. Or I'll find another vamp to do it," Realizing I was yelling with exasperation, I took a deep breath to calm my voice before continuing. "You know, I thought always and forever meant something to you guys but I guess that only applies to your flesh and blood. The rest of us just live and die. Just one more insignificant casualty on the Great Mikaelson Immortals' Road to Eternity. So much for the "we chose our own family" bullshit." I turned on my heel and started to walk out of the room but Elijah was too fast and was immediately in my path. I had said those words specifically to hurt him but they had hurt me too. The tears were beginning to fall. I hated breaking down in front of him. I was already weaker than he could ever imagine being and with the tears flowing like that I felt like the small, sad child they had found all those years ago.

To make matters worse, seeing me cry must have softened any remaining anger Elijah was holding on to because I could feel his hand stroking my cheek, wiping away the tears with his fingertips ever so slowly, as if I might bolt if he moved too quickly. He never could stand to see me cry, none of the boys could. It was a weak spot even for Kol. Rebekbah hated it. "There's something you should know before you paint me as the enemy. There's another reason I won't turn you." He tucked a finger under my chin and pressed upward until I had to make eye contact. He was standing much too close. He was intoxicating when he was this close, watching me with worried brown eyes, touching me with cold fingers, knowing he was an impenetrable wall that towered over me. I took a step away from him. I needed the space to keep my focus on the issue at hand.

"What?" I spat, "What could you say to make me feel better about this?"

"It will not make you feel any better. In truth, it will probably only serve to hurt you more but at least you will understand my burden in the matter." Taking his cue from me he stepped back behind the table, spinning the glass of bourbon again and contemplating his next words.

"I love you." He said it softly, almost nervously, looking me square in the eye. We had never said anything about the feelings between us, never acted on them more than brushing of a hand or knowing glances across a room.

Until now.

My thoughts raced. Klaus was here. Had he heard? Why did Elijah choose now to dig this up? Why crack all of this open when I was on the edge of meltdown?

Then a single word he had said broke through the parade of questions. Burden. I was just a burden to him.

"Excuse me? That's your burden? God Elijah, I'm so extremely sorry you've been forced to care about me all these years."

He had said he loved me. He had finally addressed the elephant that had been in every room we had ever been in together for the last several years. And he had said I was nothing but a burden.

My sentence and my internal turmoil were punctuated by his fist slamming down on the table but it wasn't anger reflected in his eyes. He looked pained, like my words had cut him and I regretted for a moment the fiercity with which I had attacked his admittance.

"Please, let me finish." He waited a beat and continued when I didn't whirl another insult in his direction. "Far more pertinent, is that, no matter what else you are feeling at the present, I believe you care for me as well."

Again, I interrupted. "Of course, I do Elijah. I've loved you since before I could even fathom what it meant. That's why I want you to turn me. I want -" but he cut me off before I could finish explaining.

"It's precisely why it cannot be me. The sire bond." His words trailed off as if I was supposed to know what he was talking about.

"Sire bond? Like what Klaus had with his hybrids? What does that have to do with any of this?"

"It has everything to do with this. If I were to sire you with romantic feelings between us, there is a possibility, albeit a small one, of a sire bond forming. That of Klaus and his hybrids was of a different origin but the outcome would be the same. You would live to please me. The power of my suggestion would rule over you and there is no feasible cure. The only way to live with it is to remain apart for the entirety of our lives and I don't know about you, but rest assured that is the worst possible way I can fathom traveling the, what did you call it? Great Mikaelson Immortals' Road to Eternity, I believe?" I wanted to laugh at his dry humor but all I could hear was my blood pounding in my ears and the disjointed parts of what he said flying through my head. I wasn't sure what the beginnings of a panic attack felt like but I imagined it to be something like this.

He stood, both hands in his pockets, still with the space I had created dividing us. Always the noble brother, he would respect it until I made a move forward. "You don't know to what lengths I have gone since you first made this request and in that time the bond between us has only grown stronger, the risk even higher. I've searched endlessly for a way around the bond, a guarantee that when it's done, you still have your free will but to no avail."

He was right. This confession had made everything worse. I had wanted one thing for so long and I was sure all I had to do was come up with a more convincing argument or a more severe threat to force his hand. I had never imagined that all of this was standing in the way. I should have though. Elijah was a lot of things but understanding and selfless were usually atop that list. All the times I had asked and he had dismissed me without so much as a second thought should have seemed out of character to me but I had been so caught up in my own selfish desires I hadn't stopped to examine it. Now I knew the truth.

Suddenly all of the horrible things I said to him felt like an unbearable weight on my shoulders and my knees buckled. He was instantly within arms reach with a hand under my elbow to steady me, though he would come no closer than necessary after I had clearly set a boundary. "I- I didn't know."

"I did not want you to know, not until I was sure there were no other options at our disposal. Forgive me. I know how much this all meant to you but we will devise a plan to turn you. It may not be by my blood but it will be everything you deserve and more. You have my word but please, I beg you, do not use the pendant." It was very rare to see so much emotion in this Mikaelson's eyes. He kept it well hidden behind the expensive suits and perfect hair but there was pleading there now.

"I won't," was all I could say. Finally crossing what was left of the space between us, I fell into his arms, holding his lapel tightly, trying desperately to let him know how sorry I was for being so awful in my ignorance, but too shaken to speak the words. I felt his arms tighten around me and his kiss brushed the top of my head.

"We will find another way. You have my word."