"Whomst?" asked the majestic grey stallion of infinite wisdom. He was craving the addition of knowledge for his vast repertoire.
"When all is lost, trust in your heart!" the great green ogre replied.
"Shrek, you always know exactly what to say." He then began to hover from his hooves with mystic energy. "But I'm afraid your time has come..."
"My, my!" Shrek cried as he drew his blade. The crimson steel echoed off the walls like cryptic lasagna.
"Do you fear death?" droned Donkey menacingly. "For I am death..."
"I fear not a man, nor equine!" Shrek hollered as he charged up his mighty energy. He focused his beautiful soul into his sword and coursed the onion-flavourings through his bloddstream like magic mayhem. He was getting thoroughly pumped, like that one time he worked dreams in 2001.
Donkey shook his head like a pig noticing bacon upon his front step. "Shrek! Can you not see with your ogring eyes that I have arisen to perfection! I slay thee!"
"GET OUTTA MAH SWAMP, KNAVE!" the green one bellowed as he rocketed into the air and drove the blade of power deep into the enemy.
"NO!" Donkey cried as he fell to the barren earth, his defeat emanated across the land of tales and triumphs. Pinocchio overheard the madness, tore his shirt asunder, and resumed his needlepoint classes in the fall.
"Shrek, you might have felled me..." Donkey gasped, staring down at the horrid weapon piercing his core.
"I have felled yeh, Donkey!" said Shrek. "I never fail to fell the ones who I aim to dispel from the peace!"
"Yeah, but you seemed to have missed my vital organs!" Donkey revealed, savagely licking his lips like Big Bad Wolf would with doorstep bacon.
"All of them!?" Shrek cried greenly with snail-like beliefs.
Donkey charged up his ultimate hoof attack. His feet became four spears and his mane shone like lightning. "I have Digi-Donkey-Volved, fool!"
Shrek shielded his gaze from the monstrous glory that was Donkey. He summoned his strength and let loose the most amazing belch since that one time in Bermuda.
Donkey's spear hooves shattered under the pressure of the massive outpouring of Shrek's holy gastro-yawn. "You have just activated my trap, Shrek Wes!" he chortled dangerously, like a cattle ranch with too many cattle and one sheep.
Shrek gasped in the key of "Mo Bamba" at the sight of Donkey's powerful blue toenails. They had awakened from momentary stasis and they were very grateful.
"I love you, Dragon..." Donkey hummed into the air as he realised the birth of a new world order.
"Donkey!" Shrek wailed as he summoned his beam katana from the netherworld. "I must hastily give you boo-boos!"
"Aye," Donkey replied cockily as he grew arms from his neck. He crossed them like a genie-centaur who granted wishes only to himself.
"This is the end for you, my Donkey..." Shrek seethed as the fiery plains of Mustafar consumed the odors of his blessed swamp.
Donkey leapt into the air, delivered thousands of powerful kicks from his rockin' toenails. Shrek matched the assault with his own textbook manoeuvres. It was like watching two gods duke it out to Linkin Park on Broadway.
And that's because they were indeed two absolute gods.
And they are still locked in heated combat to this very day... so they say...
IT IS BEHELD