Prologue
I'd always thought that.. if my life were to be turned into a movie, it was going to be a comedy. You know, with a sprinkle of romance here and there. I hated dramas, always had. Still do now. But I was younger then. The problems I faced before were nowhere near as what I'm going through now. Though I've always been the master when it comes to ignoring problems until they just go away, or not giving a shit to things I should give shits about.. I learned that there are just some really things in life that just won't seem to.. leave you alone. Even when you don't think about it at all. They stay there. Hiding in the shadows. Lingering around. Waiting for that perfect timing to ruin your life. It might seem like they've disappeared and things are okay again but after a while, when you least expect it, they attack from behind. As if saying, "Hey, remember me? I'm back, biatch." And then they fuck you up because you know this time, you can't just ignore it. You know this time, you have to do something about it. And that's the worst enemy of a lazy person. "Doing" something. I had a great childhood, lived a good life, almost spoiled. Life was easy for me. That's right. I don't know much about struggle that's why I'm struggling so hard right now. It might just be nothing for most people but with the way I was raised, adjusting is damn hard. The change.. the loss, the new. Everything. It's still a shock to my system. I haven't coped up yet. I know what to do. I know how to help, but.. Why do I have to grow up? Why do I suddenly have to have all these responsibilities? If I could just go back in time.. If I just..
If I just hadn't pushed everyone away.. Maybe I wouldn't be feeling this lonely. If I just hadn't distanced myself from the world, maybe facing reality would've been easy. I've made too many mistakes that even I could no longer trust myself. Disappointment, guilt, regrets.. Everything I've ignored before is catching up to me in a flood of waves. Why do things have to turn out this way? I know I deserve this punishment, but.. why? Why do things have to change this much? If I could just turn back the time and did things differently.. If I could just be trapped in the good ole days. If I could just.. If I could just stay fifteen for eternity..