This fanfic is based on the episode 1x04 The Poisoned Chalice! I've read like two Rainbow Rowell novels in the last week, and the characters kissed so much that I think it might have affected this fic lol :D Enjoy! :)

. . .

CARING, SHARING, KISSING

. . .

The journey back from the caves of Balor to Camelot seemed impossibly long. Arthur kicked his horse to move faster, both hands holding the reins. For the third time now, he'd found himself desperately clutching the bag with the Mortaeus flower at his side – he put his hand back on the reins and reassured himself.

Merlin was going to be fine. It was not too late to save him and the flower would work. Gaius would cure him. Merlin wouldn't die.

He . . . wasn't sure whether he believed all that, but Gaius had said that Merlin had four days before he died, and the journey had barely taken two.

Still, the fear in his heart wouldn't go away. When he saw the white walls of Camelot in the distance, he sped up again and hoped for the best.

The guards at the gate noticed him immediately and for a moment he thought they might want to stop him and arrest him. His father wouldn't hesitate to order them to do so for disobeying his orders. But Arthur didn't wait to find out – he kicked his horse again and rode through the gate onto the courtyard, where he hastily dismounted.

Before any of the guards could reach him and see where he'd gone, he ran up to the physician's tower, the bag with the flower back in his hand. Silent prayers filled his mind as he approached the door and burst into the room.

Gaius and Gwen both turned to look at him, worry evident in their eyes. When they saw him, hope replaced it.

"I have the flower!" Arthur announced. He didn't wait and gave it to Gaius who was already reaching for it.

"Thank God," Gaius uttered. "His breathing is much worse. We have to hurry." He quickly got to work.

"Thank you," Gwen smiled at him. It was a small smile, but it told him everything he needed to know – it wasn't too late.

His eyes finally found Merlin in the room and his breath caught in his throat. He was just lying there, his chest barely moving. Arthur approached him, his heart filling with sadness.

Merlin looked terrible. Much worse than when he'd left to go search for the flower.

His face was covered in sweat, he was much paler than usual and his hair was stuck to his forehead. He looked like he was practically at death's doorstep.

That thought terrified Arthur more than he'd realized. Merlin gone.

Unacceptable.

Arthur knelt down beside his body, his mind full of hopelessness. His eyes never left his manservant and his hand seemed to move on its own when he reached out and brushed his hair aside.

His forehead was too hot for Arthur's liking.

It took a second for Arthur to realize what he was doing and he blinked, put his hand away from Merlin's face and looked up. Gwen was watching him. Her eyes jumped back to Merlin when he saw her. She was biting her lower lip – she must have been beside herself with worry.

Just like Arthur was.

"Gaius?" She called out.

The old man didn't even look up as he continued mixing the cure. "It's almost done." Then his hands stilled unexpectedly and he looked at Gwen and Arthur as if something was stopping him.

"What is it?" Arthur asked.

Gaius seemed to hesitate, but then he looked down at the mixture in the bowl and back at them with the answer. "I need some fresh water."

Gwen immediately ran towards the door. "I can get it!" And she was gone.

"Will the cure work, Gaius?" Arthur asked. He was surprised to find his voice so thick – he cleared his throat. Why was he so worried about Merlin, so scared for him? Why did the thought of Merlin suffering or dying bring him to tears?

"We must hope that it does," Gaius answered him. Then he busied himself with mixing the potion again, and Arthur used that time to turn back and stare at Merlin.

It was staring. He had no better word for it. His eyes never left Merlin as the boy struggled to breathe. He stared at his open mouth and pale lips, his cheeks, closed eyes with long black eyelashes . . . he couldn't even begin to imagine his life without Merlin in it, without seeing his smile every day in the morning.

It pained him to see him like this. So close to death at such a young age.

He hesitantly put his hand on his forearm and squeezed – to maybe provide support, or to just feel him, still alive under his palm. He put his hand back though when he felt and saw the big round blisters. He didn't want to hurt him.

His eyes filled with tears when he realized how much pain Merlin was going through. He was almost glad he was unconscious for it, but he'd give anything for Merlin to open his eyes and look at him again.

When Arthur realized Gaius was mumbling something under his breath, he looked up at him. The old man was facing away from him, the potion in his hands. "What did you say?"

Gaius didn't turn around. "Just that I hope this works, my lord."

Arthur nodded and turned back to Merlin. He was just glad Gaius didn't catch him staring at the boy. Gwen was enough. And it was at that point that Gwen reappeared with the fresh water in a small cup. She immediately handed it to Gaius.

"Thank you."

Gaius poured the little water into the potion and quickly approached Merlin. Gwen and Arthur were already kneeling beside him, hoping to see him recover.

"Hold his nose," Gaius instructed.

Arthur quickly took Merlin's nose in between his fingers and held it while Gaius took the potion and slowly poured a bit into Merlin's mouth. "Swallow, Merlin. Swallow it."

Arthur had never been so glad to see someone swallow.

But then the opposite of what Arthur expected happened.

"He stopped breathing. What's happening?" Gwen asked, panic in her voice.

Arthur felt the same panic quickly overwhelming him. "Gaius?"

Gaius put his head on Merlin's chest and listened for a moment. Then he looked up at Gwen and Arthur. From his face, Arthur could easily tell that it was bad news.

"His heart has stopped."

And just like that, Arthur's world ended. How come that it only took a few weeks of Merlin around, and now he was no longer able to live without him?

"He's dead?" Gwen's voice was barely audible.

Arthur didn't even trust himself to speak. He'd been through so much to get that flower, he'd climbed that wall, fought that monster-

"He can't be," Gaius shook his head and stood up. "He can't be . . . It was his destiny."

Gwen kept sitting by the bed, looking more devastated than Arthur had seen her before, the time that she was sentenced to death last week included. "It's my fault," she said. "If I'd have got here sooner. If I'd have been quicker . . . "

"No, it's my fault," Arthur found himself saying. His voice wasn't as steady as he'd hoped it would be. "I shouldn't have gone to my father for permission to go look for the flower. I should have gone there immediately. I would have returned faster."

It would have bought them at least a bit of time if he had done that.

Gwen stood up and hid her face in Gaius' embrace, crying. "No, no. It was me." Gaius said. "I should have looked after him better. It's my fault."

Arthur watched them – he couldn't bring himself to watch Merlin – and he wished that he also had someone whose shoulder he could cry on. Because right now, he felt like crying more than ever before in his life.

He didn't have an explanation for that, only that he must have cared for Merlin much more than he'd initially thought.

It was at that moment that Merlin stirred in the bed and his eyes opened. Arthur saw the movement and his eyes widened. Merlin didn't notice him. He looked up at Gaius and Gwen, still locked in an embrace, and said, "That's disgusting. You should be ashamed of yourself. You're old enough to be her grandfather!"

"Merlin!" Gaius exclaimed, letting go of Gwen. "You're alive!"

"No, I'm a ghost come back to haunt you." He smiled, his eyes finally landing on Arthur. Their eyes locked – Merlin's happy and perhaps a little shocked to see Arthur there, Arthur's shocked for an entirely different reason.

And then it happened.

Arthur didn't know what he was doing, but before he could think about it, his body was moving toward Merlin and in the next moment, his hands were holding his cheeks and his lips were on Merlin's.

It was a short kiss. The I thought I'd lost you kind.

Arthur had never kissed anyone like that, and certainly not another man.

Before Merlin had the chance to start kissing back though (that is, if he would have), Arthur pushed himself away rather abruptly, his eyes wider than before. What did he just do?

Merlin stared at him.

Gwen and Gaius also stared at him.

He opened his mouth to maybe offer an explanation, or at least to try to come up with one, but all he could focus on were Merlin's lips in front of him, the tiniest hint of a smile playing on them.

Then the door burst open and his father stormed into the room. Arthur had never been more glad for the interruption.

"Arthur!"

He quickly got up, everyone now looking at the king instead. Uther's angry eyes were all that he needed to see to know that he was no longer allowed to be in this room.

With one last look at Merlin – alive – he cleared his throat and left the room to follow his angered father outside.

xoXÖXox

Why do you care so much? The boy is just a servant.

This sentence had been playing on repeat in Arthur's head for the past couple of hours. He was sitting in the dungeon, his back to the wall, legs bent in front of him, bum on the cold ground. At least it was covered in hay. Most of it was scattered across the whole ground, but there was more gathered in the corner – that was where he'd sleep for the next few nights. Well, if his father decided to stick to the punishment of leaving Arthur there for a week, that was.

He sighed.

Why did he care so much? About Merlin? Why did the thought of him dying fill him with dread?

Arthur wished he had an answer for that. Although – maybe he already did. He lightly touched his lips, remembering what it felt like to press them against Merlin's.

Why did he do that?

Why, oh why did he kiss him and why did it feel so good? So . . . magical?

He closed his eyes again, deep in thought.

God, had his father arrived there sooner than he did, he would have seen them. Seen him, his son, kissing a servant. A male servant. Arthur couldn't even imagine what his father would have done had that happened.

He probably would have disowned him. Although – no, Arthur was the only heir. So, his father would rather have lectured him about it, expressed his deepest disappointment, and quickly found Arthur a wife.

And Arthur would have no choice but to marry her.

He didn't know how to feel about that. He didn't know how he felt about Merlin either, he only knew that kissing him, apparently, felt good. Way better than any other kiss he'd had in his life. There weren't many, true, but he knew that they couldn't compare to how he felt when he kissed Merlin.

Maybe . . . maybe it only felt so good because it was paired with the happiness and relief he felt at that moment.

Perhaps he'd have to kiss Merlin again to be absolutely sure how he felt.

If Merlin let him.

Wait – oh god, no. What if Merlin hadn't even wanted to be kissed? Had Arthur forced himself on him? Had he taken advantage of him? It had been a short kiss, yes, but still – had Merlin really wanted to, he could have kissed back. But he hadn't. Whatever Arthur felt, Merlin probably didn't even feel the same way . . .

Arthur gritted his teeth and balled his hands into fists, letting his head fall back against the wall.

Why? Why was this happening to him? Why did it have to be Merlin?

He hadn't even known him for that long. If anyone, why wasn't it Gwen? Although, when he thought about it, she looked like she wanted to kiss Merlin too, at that moment. And Arthur was just faster to actually do it (without thinking, he might add).

Maybe Merlin just had that effect on people.

Arthur sighed, letting his head fall into his open palms and closed his eyes. He was tired. He hadn't even slept since he'd returned from the caves of Balor with the flower for Merlin.

A flower. For Merlin.

It wasn't that long since he'd claimed Merlin was in love with Gwen in front of the entire council, only because he'd seen him with a flower that she'd given him. And now it was Arthur bringing Merlin flowers.

Maybe he should bring him more . . .

He shook his head to get that thought out, and glanced at the stack of hay in the corner of the cell. It wasn't his bed. But it would have to do for tonight. He wasn't even sure what time it was, but he felt like every part of his body was yelling at him to get some rest, so he obeyed.

Knowing that Merlin was alive, he scooted over to the corner, lying down on his side and crossing his arms over his chest. When he closed his eyes again and images of Merlin appeared in his mind, he didn't stop them.

xoXÖXox

It's been three days since Merlin had almost died. Three days since Uther had ordered Arthur out of the room – away from him, away from the kiss, from everything.

And Arthur hadn't come back since.

Last he heard, he was locked in the prison for disobeying Uther's orders. Poor Arthur. Merlin hadn't even had the chance to thank him for saving him – according to Gaius, Arthur was risking his life to get that flower. He deserved a proper thanks.

On the other hand though, Merlin did have plenty of time to think.

And there was only one thing on his mind, really. The kiss.

He licked his lips and tried to remember what it felt like to have Arthur's lips against his. He couldn't remember it well – he blamed that on almost dying. He had been poisoned after all. Well, he poisoned himself. But he wasn't really given much of a choice.

If there was another feast, another toast, another poison . . . and drinking it would save Arthur, he would do it all again in a heartbeat.

He wasn't sure why exactly. A couple of weeks ago, when he had first set foot in Camelot, he despised the young prince. He was stubborn, arrogant, supercilious . . . he acted like a royal ass all the time and didn't care about anybody else.

Merlin knew that although some of that was still true, deep inside, Arthur was none of those things. He was caring and brave and a good friend. Risking his life for Merlin – a mere servant – proved that.

Maybe that was why Merlin's head spun and he moved forward when Arthur kissed him. Maybe that was why he desperately wanted to feel his lips again.

He probably wouldn't have realized it had Arthur not kissed him, but he must have fallen for the prince sometime in the last month. He did realize that much.

What he didn't know though was if Arthur had realized that as well or whether he'd acted without thinking when he had kissed Merlin. Arthur had never seemed like the type to initiate the first kiss – especially not with someone like Merlin, in front of two other people in the room, seconds before his father walked in.

No, he couldn't have thought much about what he was doing before he was already doing it. And Merlin was glad for that, honestly. But he needed to talk to Arthur about it. Gaius knew it too, although he had been considerate over the last three days and never mentioned a thing to Merlin. Gwen, too. Perhaps they were waiting for him to start the conversation himself, but Merlin didn't feel like it. Not yet.

He needed to be sure of . . . well, of Arthur. It might have been a one-time thing (he really hoped that it wasn't), but he didn't want to get his hopes up.

He sighed – way too loudly, because Gaius looked up at him, his eyebrow raised. He was sitting across from Merlin, eating his soup. Merlin hadn't touched his food yet – too busy overthinking everything to eat.

"You should eat, Merlin," Gaius reminded him, not for the first time. "Your soup will get cold."

"I can't stop thinking," Merlin blurted out before he could think more about it.

Gaius only raised his eyebrow higher – this time though, it seemed like he knew exactly what was on Merlin's mind.

"About?"

Before Merlin could come up with a lie or consider telling Gaius the truth, there was a knock on the door, saving him the trouble. He was glad – he wasn't ready for that conversation with Gaius yet, not until he talked to Arthur first.

"Come in," Gaius called out, his eyes finally leaving Merlin's.

Merlin expected Gwen. She had started visiting him way more often after he'd almost died. She was a good friend. But when he turned his head to look at the door that he heard open, his smile dropped.

Arthur was standing there.

xoXÖXox

In the end, Uther had only let Arthur rot in the prison for three days. No one had come to visit him, but he was glad for that – at least he could think. And think he did – now he knew exactly what he needed to do.

Well, almost.

The first thing he did after leaving the dungeons was run up to the physician's tower. He really did need to talk to Merlin, and he quickly knocked on the door before he could change his mind and talk himself out of it.

When it came to love, he felt like a coward.

"Come in," came the reply.

Arthur chewed on his lower lip nervously and looked at the stairs leading back to the courtyard – for a moment he considered leaving and running away. But in the end, he pushed the door open and with a deep breath entered the room.

His eyes immediately found Merlin in front of him. He was sitting at the table, a blanket thrown over his shoulders, facing away from him. Arthur was so happy to see him alive and breathing.

When Merlin finally turned his head to find him standing there, his eyes widened. Arthur didn't blame him. Gaius on the other hand stood up, slightly bowed his head and interlocked his fingers.

"My lord."

"Gaius," Arthur greeted him. His eyes involuntarily slid over to Merlin again – he was still staring up at Arthur. Arthur self-consciously cleared his throat. "I, uhm . . . I came to speak with Merlin, if that's alright."

He hoped he didn't have to explain anything further, and luckily, Gaius seemed to get the message immediately. Arthur didn't fail to notice the slight smirk Gaius gave Merlin as he walked towards the door though.

"Merlin," he turned back to him, "I have some business to attend to in the Lower Town. I shall be back in ten-" his eyes met Arthur's pleading ones, "uhm, in twenty minutes."

With that, the door closed and Arthur found himself alone in the room with the one person he was scared to talk to. He truly hadn't been this scared in his life. He'd never thought that mere talking would ever scare him more than battle, but here he was.

"Arthur." Merlin stood up, very awkwardly.

Arthur nodded at him. "We, uhm, we need to talk."

Merlin blinked at him, paled, then nodded and blurted out, "come on," and then proceeded to lead Arthur back into his little room in the back of the tower – he almost tripped twice.

It was fascinating to watch, and it made Arthur feel a little better. Clearly, he wasn't the only one who felt awkward and scared of what was about to happen in between them. Neither probably wanted to talk about it, but they both knew that they needed to.

Once they were inside, Merlin closed the door for even more privacy. (Why did that both scare Arthur and excite him?) Merlin adjusted the blanket on his shoulders – and yeah, okay, Arthur might have found that adorable – and then he sat down on the bed, patting the empty space next to him.

Arthur hesitantly sat down, his back straight, his palms sweating and resting on his knees, unmoving, tense. How did people talk about accidentally kissing someone? How would such a conversation even start?

"You . . . you're here to talk about that kiss, I suppose," Merlin said.

Apparently, that's how you start.

Suddenly, Arthur's mouth went dry and his throat felt tight. He probably shouldn't even attempt to talk like that, but he needed to. "We should . . . talk about it." He nodded, slowly. Good start.

"Right," Merlin pressed his lips together. "So, why did you kiss me?"

Arthur opened his mouth to answer, but the words wouldn't come. He'd thought about the answer for days on end, why couldn't he say it out loud to the one person who needed to hear it?

Maybe he should back out of this, contain and ignore his urges forever and do what his father would do.

He still didn't know how Merlin felt about him after all, and he didn't want to make him uncomfortable. What if Merlin didn't feel the same way? What if he was about to tell him that he didn't want to ever think about the kiss again and that he wanted to forget it had ever happened? Arthur could probably live on like that . . . maybe.

But it would hurt.

He could come up with a lie, but Merlin would see right through that. So . . . maybe a little honesty wouldn't hurt.

"I . . . I was relieved that the flower worked and that you didn't die," he finally got out.

Merlin narrowed his eyes at him, his cheeks a slight shade of pink. Was he blushing? Arthur didn't have the time to decide before Merlin looked down. (Maybe to hide his face?) He was playing with one of the corners of his blanket in his fingers, adjusting it so that it sat more comfortably around his shoulders.

"So you admit that you care about me?" Merlin looked up again.

Arthur swallowed. That wasn't what he really planned on saying, but it was the truth.

He should take the honesty back. If Merlin didn't feel the same way, being honest would hurt too much. "I needed to thank you for drinking that poison for me," he said. That was not at all what he was thinking when he kissed Merlin – in fact, he wasn't thinking at all in that moment, he only felt that overwhelming joy – but maybe Merlin would believe it. Everyone liked to be thanked.

But Merlin seemed to see right through it. "So is that the only reason you left Camelot, disobeying your father's direct orders, and risked your life for a tiny flower to save my life? So that you could thank me afterwards?"

Arthur looked down again – he couldn't bear Merlin staring at him. Besides, his eyes kept wandering down to Merlin's lips and then he'd keep replaying the kiss in his head and he couldn't focus. And now he was blushing, too.

In the end, he decided to be bold and answer with a similar question. "Why did you drink that poison for me, then?"

Merlin seemed taken aback. Good. Maybe he'd be honest then. "I drank the poison because I couldn't allow you to die."

Arthur couldn't help but ask, "because you care about me?"

Merlin's cheeks definitely turned a darker shade of red now. He was blushing.

Maybe Merlin did feel the same way about him. Arthur was certainly beginning to think so – what servant would risk their life for their prat of a master and then invite him to talk in the privacy of his little room while constantly fidgeting?

To Arthur's surprise, Merlin nodded in answer, his eyes hesitantly lifting to lock with Arthur's. And Arthur didn't have the strength to look away this time.

"Did we-" Merlin paused, then took a deep breath and reached out for Arthur's hand. Arthur let him take it. "Did we just come to the conclusion that we both care about each other?"

Merlin's eyes were inviting and Arthur finally felt like he understood everything. Merlin didn't regret the kiss, he wouldn't ask Arthur to forget it had ever happened, and he did most likely feel the same way.

Arthur found himself nodding before he could think more about it. But what did he have to lose at this point?

Merlin smiled at him then, his eyes sparkling with an emotion that Arthur couldn't quite recognise yet – but it felt good. He squeezed Merlin's hand, his heart racing and his chest feeling too tight.

Now that everything he wanted to say was already said, there was only one thing he wanted to happen – only one thing on his mind. It was the only thing that would help him release that tension in his chest and get rid of the blood quickly rushing to his face.

Merlin leaned closer to him, his eyes meeting Arthur's and then very obviously travelling down to his lips. Arthur licked them.

"I want you to kiss me again," Merlin mumbled.

And Arthur didn't even hesitate. He nodded and moved forward, their lips connecting, fingers entwining, and god, did that feel good. His other hand reached for the back of Merlin's neck, playing with his black hair between his fingers. He felt Merlin's other hand on his chest, clutching his tunic and pulling him closer.

Closer.

Yes, that was exactly what he needed.

This was so much better than the kiss three days ago. He never knew kissing could feel like this, and especially not with someone like Merlin, but he couldn't help it. His body was responding naturally as he gave Merlin everything he had and Merlin was giving him everything in return.

He didn't even notice when Gaius came back. He didn't hear the footsteps until there was a loud knock on the door, and only then did he and Merlin break apart. Thankfully though, Gaius didn't enter the room – apparently, they somehow ended up lying on each other in Merlin's tiny bed.

Arthur had no idea how that had happened, but he did not want anyone to see him like that. (Except for Merlin, of course.)

"I'll be right there!" Merlin called, his voice a little hoarse.

For some reason, Arthur felt proud that he was the reason for it.

"Your soup has gone cold," Gaius said through the closed door.

Merlin looked at Arthur then, an undeniable smile on his face and Arthur mirrored it with his own. There was no doubt that everything would be different now. Better.

Merlin gently laid his hand over Arthur, his smile getting more serious. "Arthur. Thank you for saving my life."

Arthur nodded. "You too." Then leaned in to kiss him goodbye. "Get some rest."

They held hands until Arthur finally stepped away and walked through the door, back to Gaius, back to the courtyard, back to his own chambers. Merlin would be there the next morning, and the thought alone filled Arthur with happiness.

Why do you care so much? The boy is just a servant.

The words echoed in Arthur's head. Finally, he had his answer now.

And he was happy with it.

*THE END*

I hope you enjoyed this one! I spent so much time on it :D Thanks for reading!

Edit: Um, so I just noticed that Arthur did have some sort of bed in the cell, together with blankets. Well, at least he was more comfortable while dreaming about Merlin :D