Something always brings me back to you
It never takes too long
No matter what I say or do
I'll still feel you here 'till the moment I'm gone
Zuko looked at the big heavy doors that separated him and his father, thankful that he didn't have the chance to mess up in front of him. He started walking away, retiring to his room for the night, although he knew he wasn't going to sleep. His brain was too busy trying to process everything that has happened over the past few days.
He walked the halls with his head held high. Even though it was dark out, the servants were still bustling in the kitchen, and he knew the moment he slouched, his father would open the doors back up and tell him to straighten up. It was a strange thought to have, but he knew it to be true.
You hold me without touch
You keep me without chains
I never wanted anything so much than to drown in your love
And not feel your reign
He thought back to the Agni Kai, his hand moving to touch the scar. He had been too scared to move. To fight back. Because he was supposed to love his father, and he was supposed to love him back. All he could think of doing was pleading with the man.
But that had never done him any favours in the past. And it never will.
It was almost terrifying how tight of a grasp his father - Ozai had over him. When he was younger, he was often quietened down with a glare.
Of course, that's not to say that he was never punished. Ozai had just found it easier to glare at him when he was too loud or too cheerful. However, when he stumbled over his words, his brain working too fast for his mouth, or his slight lisp was too prominent, he would be lucky to walk away with a singular bruise and spit on his face where his dad had spat insults at him.
Set me free, leave me be
I don't want to fall another moment into your gravity
Here I am, and I stand
So tall, just the way I'm supposed to be
But you're on to me and all over me
He had made it to his bedroom. His safe space. However, he didn't feel safe. He didn't think he had felt safe since Ba Sing Se.
While he knew he no longer had to worry about locking the doors to keep people out, he was waiting for the final pin to drop. For his father to be spitting mad at him again. That moment at the War Meeting was strange and unusual.
Last month, he would have done anything for his father's love and trust. Now it just made him on edge. He knew something bad had to happen soon. He's had it too easy.
He wanted to leave. He could pack up a few clothes and coins and leave before something happened. But he couldn't find it within himself to leave. It was going so nice. He should be grateful.
He had a girlfriend, his father's trust and his relationship with his sister had been the strongest it's been since Mother was still around.
He'd have to be stupid to give that up.
Maybe he was stupid
Oh, you loved me 'cause I'm fragile
When I thought that I was strong
But you touch me for a little while
And all my fragile strength is gone
He remembered the first time he used makeup. He was still stumbling over his katas, and when his tutor had tried to correct him for the thousandth time, he lost his temper, and his words were lost in a flurry of emotions. Even he couldn't figure out what he was saying at the end of it.
When his father heard, he had not been happy. It was unfit for the heir to jumble their words together. He was called into his office and left with a handprint on his face. It hadn't long since his mother had left and, at that moment, he was feeling more alone than ever.
He was walking aimlessly, trying to avoid the eyes of the servants when he had turned a corner and into the first door he saw and found a small vanity. It had not been touched in a few weeks, as it had thin layers of dust on it. He had remembered that his mother had taught him how to use a few things, back when he would follow her everywhere.
He grabbed a bottle, shook it slightly and squeezed the paste onto his arm. He couldn't remember what it was called, but he remembered how his mother's skin seemed smoother than before, and he dapped it around the bruise.
Now it looked like an uneven patch of skin and not the bruise he knew was under it. He looked around and snuck the bottle into his robe pocket.
He had a feeling he was going to need it.
Set me free, leave me be
I don't want to fall another moment into your gravity
Here I am, and I stand
So tall, just the way I'm supposed to be
But you're on to me and all over me
He went over to a drawer; the place he knew he had last put the bottle before his banishment and sighed with relief when he found it still sitting there.
Realising he could finally cover up his horrible burn mark, he grabbed it and squirted it onto his face in desperation. He spent ages trying to get it to blend into his skin. But it didn't work.
In anger, he threw the bottle across the room and dragged his fingers through his hair in desperation and disappointment.
He really was permanently scarred. Another thing Ozai could control. How other people looked at him.
I live here on my knees as I try to make you see
That you're everything I think I need here on the ground
But you're neither friend nor foe though I can't seem to let you go
The one thing that I still know is that you're keeping me down
Frustrated, he hastily removed the foundation, throwing it in the bin beside his desk. Not wanting the servants to think he was into makeup and inform his father of his misgivings, he covered the makeup-ridden cloth with papers until he could no longer see it.
You're keeping me down, eh ooh
You're on to me, on to me, and all over
He fell onto his bed, his breathing quickening, desperate not to burst into tears. However, his face was buried in his pillow, and he thought it wouldn't matter if he did it quietly.
Something always brings me back to you
It never takes too long
He woke up with Agni's sun with tear tracks on his face. Quickly wiping them away, he shrugged his clothes on. It was time to face the day again.