Alex scurried around the house, collecting stuff he needed to pack for the camping trip the next day. His dog, a retriever mix with a dopey face, was sprawled on the living room floor and watched him, bored. Every time Alex wanted to get to the bags that he had placed by the living room entrance he had to step over the dog. Every time he cursed the dog under his breath and every time the dog remained totally unfazed.

In the kitchen, he compiled a variety of snacks for the trip. Granola bars, apples, bananas, grapes. He was about to carry all that back to the living room, when his glance brushed over the mail he'd left unopened on the kitchen table this morning. It was mostly bills. Addressed to Mitch Cameron. Alex scrunched his face in discontent as he read the name. He still hadn't gotten used to it.

The mail reminded him of something else. He wondered if Jo and the others had gotten the letters by now. He sucked his lower lip in between his teeth, as the echo of a familiar pain spread in his chest.

All in all he was pretty confident that nobody at home – or what used to be home – would figure out that it was all a lie. The farm, Izzie, the kids, the chickens, the horses, the freaking muffins. It was all a lie. Well, almost all of it. One thing was true. The place where he lived now was freaking Nowhere. The difference was, it wasn't Nowhere in Kansas and he wasn't there with Izzie. He had no clue where Izzie lived now. He hoped he had not gotten her in trouble with the letters. But if they ever came looking for her, they should realize quickly that Alex and had not been in touch with her in over ten years and that she didn't know a thing.

Back in the living room, he stowed the snacks in his backpack. He tried to stay focused. What else did he need? Did he have enough sweaters? Enough pants?

Yet his mind started wandering again. He hoped the letters were enough to… well, destroy his entire life. It was exactly what he wanted. No, not wanted. It was what he knew needed to happen.

He could have taken Jo with him. The U.S. marshal appointed to his case told him as much. But Alex just couldn't do it. He couldn't uproot her life, just because he got involved in something dangerous. She finally had a life she was comfortable with, even more actually – a life that she loved. How could he make her move to a new state and live under an alias again? No, she had gone through this once already. He couldn't be the one to take away the life she'd worked so hard for. She was finally free and if he'd taken her with him, she would never be anymore.

With a sigh he got to his feet. He needed to stop thinking about her. About everyone. About everything. But how could he ever?

In the foyer and took two jackets from the wall hangers. Which one was most appropriate for camping? He had no clue what the right choice was. He only knew he had to make one.

The U.S. marshal had also explained to him that family members who stayed behind had a bigger risk of getting hurt or killed. After all, it was easy to go after them and if they couldn't get hold of the witness, this was the next best thing. That was almost enough to convince Alex. God knows he wanted her with him. He wanted it more than anything else. But then he came up with the idea of the letters and even though it killed him, he discarded the thought of taking Jo with him.

Those fucking letters.

To Meredith he made it sound like the perfect ending, like a fairytale come true. He was back with Izzie, they had kids, they lived on a farm together. Despite the unusual setting, his words made it clear that this was exactly what he wanted. He knew Meredith would be a little sad and certainly disappointed he had left without a word, but mostly she would just be happy for him and not question his decision.

For Bailey he'd made it more about the professional side. She had been his teacher, after all. He told her that he had turned into a great surgeon and that he would continue to be one, even though that was a lie too. In his new life he was not allowed to be a surgeon anymore.

He knew Webber could probably relate to loving two women at once. He would be perplexed, but Alex didn't think he'd judge him much.

Jo… Jo would judge him. No, she would hate him. But that was okay, too. Her hate for him was what would keep her safe, if they ever did come looking for her. He knew that letter must have hurt like cuts from a knife, deep and merciless. He knew, because he'd felt the same pain writing it. And with the divorce papers he had twisted the knife some more. Those damned divorce papers! As if the letter was not bad enough. He hated the thought of Jo not being his wife anymore. But the papers had a purpose to fulfill. They made sure that Jo was not connected to him in any way or form anymore. He couldn't risk for her to become a target. Plus – and he hated himself for being so calculating – Jo needed to be hurt so badly, that she would not question the content of the letter and thus never go looking for him.

While Alex was still staring at the two jackets in his hands, the dog started to whine quietly. He wanted out for a walk. In fact, Alex did too. Some fresh air could help him clear his head.

He whistled low between his teeth towards the living room. "O'Malley," he called. "Come on, let's go."

The dog's name was now the only reminder of his old life, except for one other thing. He had named him O'Malley, because half the time he was just annoyed with him. But that was not the dog's fault. Pissed off was Alex's default mood these days. The dog was actually a pretty decent fellow and Alex was glad he had him. And despite his dopey face, he was smart, too.

Alex heard the quick tapping of dog paws on the hard wood floor. Panting excitedly, he came running to they foyer, his tongue lolling ridiculously from one side of his mouth, while his tail was wagging like crazy. "Jeez, dial it down a notch," Alex mumbled. If a simple walk could make him this ecstatic, he would absolutely love the camping trip. Which seemed only fitting. After all, real O'Malley had had a thing for camping too.

Alex pulled the leash over the dog's head and petted him. "Good boy."

Outside it was completely dark already. But there were streetlights aplenty that bathed the neighborhood in warm and inviting light.

This Nowhere was not as rural as the one in the letters, but still somewhat secluded and definitely way too quiet for Alex's liking. It was a small town so small, he wasn't sure it even qualified for that title.

The neighborhood was tightly knit, but surprisingly welcoming to newcomers. This one guy, Steve, and his wife, Laura, had turned up with a casserole the day after Alex had arrived.

To them he was Mitch Cameron, a burnt-out doctor from New York, who'd had enough of the hectic city life and his stressful job at the hospital. So he had exchanged both for the peace and quiet of Nowhere.

Both, Steve and Laura, talked a lot and smiled a lot. And it drove Alex crazy. It was not like he didn't try to be nice, though. He engaged in conversations, laughed at their jokes and all that. But more often than not his heart wasn't in it. When he was with them he wished Meredith was there. At least she could laugh when he made a dark or inappropriate joke. Steve and Laura just gave him awkward looks.

If Meredith were here now he would tell her all about the bright and shiny couple from down the street and they would make fun of them relentlessly. Just the thought made Alex smirk and feel a little better.

"Hey Mitch," a voice called from behind.

Alex ignored it.

The person yelled again, "Mitch!"

Alex still didn't react.

"Mitch!" The person tapped him on the shoulder. "Hey!"

Alex turned around. It was his neighbor Steve of all people. He was wearing a tight shirt and shorts and was pretty sweaty. Apparently, he was just coming back from an evening run.

"Steve? Uh… hi!"

Steve frowned. "Jesus, didn't you hear me? I called you like a million times."

"Yeah, sorry. I uhm… was just lost in thought, I guess." It was not exactly the truth, but he could hardly tell him that he had not reacted, because the name Mitch was still new to him.

Steve nodded towards O'Malley. "Going on a late walk with your dog?"

"Yeah. And you? Coming home from a late run?"

Steve wiped the sweat from his forehead with his left palm. "Exactly."

O'Malley was pulling on his leash, trying to get Alex to keep going. Alex was about to excuse himself, when Steve addressed him again. "Are you excited for the camping trip tomorrow?"

"Uh… sure," Alex replied, unable to hide the wariness in his voice completely.

"Oh, you're going to love it, Mitch. I promise. It's just us guys, nature and lots of beer." He guffawed extensively at the last comment.

Alex couldn't force himself to give it more than a weak smile. "Yeah. Listen, I uh… need to get going. See you tomorrow morning?"

"Yeah, see you tomorrow." Steve waved goodbye, then he fell into a run again, even though he had only about a hundred feet left to his house.

Alex squeezed the bridge of his nose. God, why had he agreed to that camping trip? He hated camping. But at least it would not be just him and Steve. Two other guys from the neighborhood were coming too. That should make things easier. Besides, the U.S. marshal had to told him it was immanent for Alex to blend in and act normal. That was the main reason why he'd agreed to the trip. It was an attempt not to be a recluse.

O'Malley was still pulling on the leash impatiently. Alex let him lead the way. It was more a dog walking a man than the other way around. But Alex sensed where O'Malley was headed. There was a nice little creek nearby that O'Malley absolutely loved. They went there often. O'Malley knew the path by heart.

When they got there Alex took off O'Malley's leash and the dog immediately rushed towards the water. With a loud splash he jumped right in.

It was a beautiful night. Warm and calm. Alex tilted his head up towards the dark night sky. The stars, little glowing dots, were so much more intense here than in Seattle. It made sense. Nowhere did not have all the flashy neon signs that drowned out all the natural light.

The moon was putting on quit a show as well. Full and bright it hung in the sky, casting its light directly at the surface of the creek, giving the water a silvery gleam. It was amazing, stunning. Alex wished he could have shared it with Jo. Or Meredith. Or just anyone he loved. Anyone who wasn't a stranger. Anyone who knew him as Alex Karev and not Mitch Cameron.

But he couldn't. Mitch Cameron was his life now.

In that moment it hit him with full force. The missing. It never went away completely, but sometimes it got so bad, so all-consuming, it seemed to affect every part of his body. His legs started to go weak, like they might give in any moment. His hands were shaking so badly, he balled them into fists and stuffed them into the pockets of his jacket. His chest felt so tight, he had trouble breathing. The lump in his throat only made it worse. He felt like suffocating. His head was throbbing like it would explode any second as his mind was flooded with memories.

Jo and him laughing and fake crying at the hotel.

Meredith pushing him into a locker. "And for the record? You smell like crap."

Bailey telling him he'd be good in peds.

Cristina making fun of him for not having slept with Jo yet.

His mother, sane and healthy, hugging him for the first time in 15 years.

Arizona welcoming him to peds and rolling away on her heelies.

Jo looking at him like he was the best thing that ever happened to her.

Webber telling him about the view of finishing first.

Watching Aaron at soccer practice. "Did you see that, Alex?"

Amber seeking comfort in his arms after a bad dream.

Kissing Jo at the barn. "And we'll be together forever, right? You and me."

His eyes were burning with tears that he wouldn't let out.

Alex didn't want to cry. He wanted to scream. He wanted to throw things. Punch things. He wanted to be angry. But there was nobody he could be angry at here. So there was no anger. Just pain. The pain of having lost everything he had ever held dear. His wife. His friends. His family. His job. His whole life was just… gone.

From the outside he might have looked like any regular guy watching his dog play around in the shallow bank of the creek, but inside he felt like dying.

O'Malley must have sensed that something was wrong with his owner, because suddenly he was by his side. Yelping somberly, he poked Alex in the knee with his nose over and over.

Eventually it got through to Alex and he snapped out of it. He took a couple of controlled breaths to make the confined feeling in his chest go away. Then he bent down to his dog. "Hey buddy, it's all right." He patted his neck. "You know, Jo would have liked you so much. And you would have loved her too." He smiled absentmindedly. "You know, we talked about getting a dog a couple of times. But then we never did. God, we should have."

He sat down in the grass, cross-legged. O'Malley lay down beside him and rested his head on Alex's thigh. "Oh and the kids," he went on, "Zola, Bailey und Ellis, they would have been crazy about you. Especially Zola. She loves dogs. I actually built this complex dog feeder with her not that long ago. It was a school project. But it was also intended to get Meredith to buy her a dog." His laugh reverberated through the night as he scratched O'Malley between the ears. "I wonder if she succeeded."

Dog and owner sat by the water for a long time. Alex told O'Malley all about his life in Seattle and the people he'd left behind. It was the most he'd ever talked to his dog. And it felt good, liberating even, to be able to be honest with someone for once. Even if it was just a dog.

Eventually the moon moved on from the creek, leaving it to the darkness again. Alex decided that it was time to go home then. He was carrying enough darkness in his heart and mind as it was, he did not need any more of it.

At home Alex provided O'Malley with food and water, then he went straight to bed. Although he felt drained, he was unable to sleep. With an irritated sigh he turned to his nightstand and switched on the reading light. He did not want to read, though. He reached far into the back of the lower drawer of the nightstand and pulled out a flat, rectangular object.

It was the framed wedding picture Jo had given him on his first day as chief of Grey Sloan Memorial Hospital. Besides the name of his dog this was the only other reminder of his old life he had left. He'd snuck it out of his office at Pac North the day he was relocated to… Nowhere.

Alex took out that picture almost every night. It was like a ritual. Dumb and useless, but he couldn't stop. Not yet.

Sometimes he took it out to remember a time when he used to be happy. But mostly he took it out just to look at Jo. It tore him apart, but at the same time it made him a little whole again, too.

He longed so much to have her with her, here in Nowhere. 'Cause for everything he'd lost, he knew he could bear it if he only had her.

Often he thought about how similar his current situation was to what Jo had gone through years ago. Change of identity, leaving an entire life behind, starting a new one in a new place. She'd handled it so much better than he was. But it was a flawed comparison. When Jo had changed her name, she was running from everything bad in her life. When Alex had to change his, he'd lost everything good he'd ever had. Her new life had been a blessing, his new life was a curse. She had embraced Jo Wilson, Alex resented Mitch Cameron.

Gingerly, his finger brushed over Jo's face in the picture. She looked so happy. He knew, he had taken that away from her with the letter he'd sent her. But he hoped it was only temporary. Even though the thought pained him, he wanted her to move on from him quickly. She should not be sad or heartbroken over the end of their story. He needed her to be happy. She deserved that more than anyone else.

If only he had more pictures of her. He was never one to care much about photographs. Not about taking them and storing memories that way and certainly not about framing them to hang them on the wall or crap like that. But now he wished he had pictures of everyone and everything. Not just Jo. His mother and his siblings, too.

He'd even put one up of himself in scrubs, just to remember the incomparably fulfilling feeling of being a surgeon. As Mitch Cameron he was not allowed to be a surgeon anymore. It would be too risky. There was a finite, albeit large, number of surgeons in this country. If they really wanted to find him, they would go to the lengths of checking every single one of them. The U.S. marshal had told Alex he could go back to working as a doctor eventually, but not a surgeon. The prospect of becoming some hicksville country doctor was almost insulting to Alex. But he knew he would do it anyway. At least he would be practicing medicine again.

If he had them, he would put up photos of Meredith and her kids too. God, what would they think if they never heard from him again? Would try to find him? He hoped that she wouldn't. He'd taken a big risk with her. He'd actually invited her to come visit him and his non-existent family in Kansas someday. He hoped it would take her a couple of months before she tried to contact him, though. He had told her not to come and get him, so hopefully she'd taken that as a hint to give him time. But what would she do once she realized his phone number didn't exist anymore and that his address in Kansas never existed in the first place? Would she accept that he had - for whatever reason - chosen to just walk away from his old life? Maybe. He hoped so, anyways. After all, she knew it wasn't the first time he'd done something like that.

Which brought him back to his mother and his siblings. This was the second time he'd left them. He hated that he had not been able to say goodbye to his mother. They'd just started to get close again. Maybe he would write a letter to her too, just to give her some kind of closure. As for Aaron and Amber, he had been out of their lives longer than he'd been in it. He was just a footnote in their story at this point. He should have been there for them, when he still could. But he had missed all the chances and he would not get another one.

Tears threatened to form in his eyes again, but he blinked hard to make them go away.

He wondered what Jo would say if she knew how much he struggled his new life? She would probably tease him about it, just a little bit. But mostly she would try to say something uplifting. Something like, Come on, Alex. You've been through worse. You can handle this. Unlike himself, Jo had always, always believed in him.

So Alex promised himself to do better. For her.

He leaned down the side of his bed and put the picture back into the drawer. His eyelids felt heavy: Maybe sleep would finally come. He pulled the covers over his shoulders and tucked one hand under the pillow.

The last thing on his mind, before he drifted away, was life after Nowhere. He knew better than to give in to pointless hope, but in the state of semiconsciousness he was unable to fight it.

He imagined that the people who'd put him into this position would get caught. There would be a trial where Alex had to testify against them. Then they would get locked away. And he would be free again. He would go back home and get his old life back. He would tell everybody about this crazy thing that happened to him and how he ended up in the witness protection program.

And maybe, just maybe, Jo would forgive him for leaving her high and dry. Maybe their love was strong enough to overcome this. Alex did not believe in much, but he wanted to believe in that.

Author's Notes: I did not really intend to write anything for Alex's sendoff, but then the show did it in such as stupid and insulting way, my mind just started doing its thing. I always like to keep my stories close to canon, so I had to find a way to undo those stupid letters, without erasing them from existence. And this is the result. I don't know, maybe it's too far-fetched. But honestly? I think it still makes more sense than what the writers did to Alex. I will never forgive nor accept that ending. As far as I'm concerned the show ended after 16x06.

I hope you enjoyed this story. Let me know what you think.