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Chapter 1
To Exist is to Suffer
When does consciousness appear in humans? Does it happen at birth, when we are thrust into this world? Or before that, much earlier, before flesh and blood chained us down to this earth, and our souls, spitting, screaming and cursing, fell from the balconies of the providence into mortal bodies aware of the horrors that are awaiting down below.
When did it all begin for him?
It began with the light.
Before he felt any other sensation, he saw a burning pinpoint of light. It contrasted with the endless darkness that had consumed him, it made him realize he was not the void but a separate agent from it.
Then, he started to think. Slowly, his mind expanded, until his dark chamber became a suffocating cage that restrained his wandering thoughts. A dreary cycle of remembrance and grief gripped his nonexistent heart, and old instincts resurfaced. Hunger, fear, anger. The dark parts of his nature swelled, and then ebbed back down gradually.
Longing, tenderness and kindness lead him to hope, expectation and love. They came over him in waves, and for a brief moment, pure happiness manifested in their place. But those were old, meaningless feelings, he remembered, as bitter disappointment hammered in him with every beat of his heart. Source of all misery. Source of his misery.
And despair, what had once killed him, overwhelmed him like a deluge.
The light expanded.
About the swirling sand, he saw the tips of his dark hair. He felt the ground shift under his weight. He heard and smelled the sand below. And finally a shaky breath escaped him. His evergreen eyes, open once more, stared blankly into the distance. The hood of his thin white cape tickled his temples. Physical sensations returned to his body.
Ulquiorra's body started to quiver. He dragged his right hand up.
A fading golden light followed the faint lines of his veins.
Why was he alive?
Why was he alive?