I opened my eyes to sunlight streaming through the dirty windows of our bedroom. The Sanctuary needed some upkeep. Our bedroom, that Negan had given me free reign to decorate to my heart's content, was perfect. Usually decorating while living in a dystopian nightmare would sound beyond ridiculous, or if you wanted to be less judgemental, difficult in execution. Luckily for me, Negan proved to be very useful in finding the things I asked for.

I had chosen dark colors, golden accents, and leaned heavily on the image he wished to convey-I'd made our rooms showroom quality. Even the room that came to be used as "the wives" lounge, I rolled my eyes at the stupidity, flowed from the influence of this room.

Rolling over in his arms, I took time to study the man sleeping beside me. Curled into my body, black sheets slung low over his naked form, with a content smile on his face reminded me why I fell in love with him in the first place. His hair had been rapidly turning more salt than pepper, and the scruff on his face made him look rugged and rough, but taking time to trail my eyes down his form I had to appreciate the toned body that could bring me to the edge repeatedly. Begging him for release came as naturally as breathing for me. Negan was like every single vice the world used to offer, cleverly packed within such breathtaking hotness, that I couldn't possibly deny taking a hit.

I smiled as he groaned. "Shit, sunshine, what time is it?" He yanked me closer so he could kiss me before I could pull away and check.

"If you'd release your hold," I flicked my tongue against his lips, "I'd be able to tell you."

Reluctantly he let go, and I rolled to grab the tiny alarm clock from our bedside table. "Why's it so fuckin' bright in here?" He growled, trying to squint against it to grab me again.

"It's six thirty," I said, checking the clock and laughing as I saw him battling the sunlight to find me. "It's bright because some lazy asshole didn't close the curtains last night." I chuckled again as his squint morphed into a glare.

"What's so fuckin' funny, baby?" He bit out, tugging me back into his arms. Once he had me straddling him he gave me one of those looks that made my stomach clench.

"You," I answered, leaning down and brushing his lips with mine. "You're hilariously grouchy when you wake up this way."

"That so?" He asked, voice low. He bit my bottom lip and chuckled when I squealed. "Let's see if I can change your mind about how funny I am."

Holding me tight with one of his strong arms, I felt the other hand take a tortuous path down my body. I bit my lip to keep from making a sound. Tsking he warned, "You holdin' back from me? Now why would you wanna do a terrible thing like that?" That deep dark voice of his, shit. His fingertips reached where I was straddling him, and he touched my cleft, confirming how wet I was for him. "Hmm. Now I know you like I know the back of my hand, Dessa." His lips moved back to mine, teasing me. "I never took you for someone who thought clowns were sexy. Cause the way you were laughing, I'd have to be a clown, right?" I moaned, as his thumb found my clit. "Do you, princess? Do you have a thing for clowns?"

"No, you dick." I groaned, flicking my tongue out, hoping he'd take the hint and kiss me. His thumb pressed down and rubbed hard against my sensitive bud. "Fuck." I rolled my hips against him, and his hand. "You're a sadist."

He chuckled and kissed my forehead, denying me again. "So not a clown then?"

I growled and took the kiss I wanted, damn him. He moaned into my searching hot mouth and I grinned in triumph. His other arm came down and helped guide me lower, onto his hard length. Filling me, my back arched and my mouth left his. Ah, finally. I rode him, letting him have the morning vision he loved so much. Moaning as his thumb continued to work my clit, making my walls clamp around him.

"That's it, Dessa, ride me." He encouraged, thrusting up from beneath me. "Take what you want, baby, take it."

So I did. I rolled my hips, and fucked him at my own pace. Soon he pinched my clit between that magic thumb of his and his forefinger, and I came undone. He rolled me over, and continued thrusting. "Come on, Negan," I moaned, arching up and rocking against him. "Give it to me, babe, fuck me."

That's all it took. He was thrusting so hard that I thought he'd break the fucking bed. And then, we both went off like cannon fire. Screaming his name, and him moaning mine, we finally collapsed. "Fuck, darlin'," he whispered into my shoulder as his weight was fully on top of me. "That may have been better than last night."

I chuckled, breathless. "Really?" I asked, "because, correct me if I'm wrong, didn't you have Teri in here first? And THEN me?" I was feeling petulant, that bitch had left her earring hidden in my fucking bed.

"Honey," he consoled, "you know why."

I rolled my eyes, and pushed him off of me. "Let me up." I said, as he rolled over to my side of the bed. "I may know why, Negan," I replied, getting up and throwing on my robe. "That doesn't mean I have to like it, or hold back my fucking irritation when one of them attempts to sew discord."

We'd had this discussion a million times it seemed. The "wives" and their place in our relationship was a constant irritant. "Dessa." He began, but I glared at him. "Baby." He tried again. Sighing, he yanked the sheet up his naked body. "We have to hold off until you're ovulating, you know that." My glare darkened. "And then we have to wait until we're sure whether or not you're pregnant. We lost a baby, Dessa. I don't want you to go through it again."

"We didn't lose him because of our sex life, Negan." I muttered, looking down at my irritatingly flat stomach. "You just like the alpha male bullshit of having a harem." I accused.

I heard the bed creak, shit he may actually have broken something, and he was standing in front of me. Cupping my chin, he forced me to look up at his face. "No, I don't." He whispered. "I'd rather they all just be fucking servants, but wasn't it your idea to take them from their partners? Didn't you say that forcing them to be in service to me, instead of their men, would break the men faster?" I bit my lip. "I screw them because you came up with the idea. And you know, Teri wasn't in our fucking bed. She must have hid that fucking earring there when my back was turned."

I knew he was right. All of it. I was still angry. I wanted to smack something, but that wasn't me. I was the planner. I was the brains behind the brawn. So why did I want to tear that bitch's hair out? "Fine." I rolled my eyes. "As soon as I have a healthy pregnancy, they're out." I ordered and he smiled.

"Of course, baby." He pulled me into his arms. "Saves me the trouble of constantly conjuring up the image of you naked to fuck them anyway."

"Uh huh," I muttered. "Sure you do."

He pulled back. "I love you, Odessa. The rest? They're just fillers."

I didn't understand why I was so fucking emotional. Why I felt so upset about all of it. Usually I was the rational one. The one who figured it all out. I had been the one to urge him to take over this shithole. I'd devised how to make him rise above. I'd helped him figure it all out. I didn't always agree with his methods, but the motives? Those were usually solid.

"Dessa, what's going on?" His concern made me wonder even more. "This isn't like you. Well-" And it clicked for both of us. The last time I'd been this irrational was when I'd conceived our son. Who had ended up being born prematurely and hadn't even taken one breath. "Baby? Do you think?"

I shook my head. It couldn't be. We'd only started trying a few months earlier. Giving me time to come through the pain of our loss, of the sight of him holding our baby and crying. "It can't possibly be that easy, Negan." I refused to even hope. "And even if it is-"

"Don't," he urged me to stop. "Don't worry, Dessa." He pulled me against his chest and held me. "We won't do a test for a few more weeks. And if you are, then I'm keeping you bedridden. No stress. Not this time." I could feel him thinking of all the ways to keep the stress away. "They can go back to their men." I felt him nodding above me. "And I'll stay with you as much as I can. No raids, no runs. I'll leave it to Simon to plan."

"You can't." I pulled back. "Simon isn't trustworthy. How many times do I have to warn you?"

"Hush," he admonished, and kissed me. "Your only job right now is to eat whatever the hell you want and have everyone wait on you hand and foot." I rolled my eyes, we weren't even sure yet. "I mean it, Odessa. This time, everything is going to go alright." He was pleading with me, begging me to not fight him on this.

"Fine." I agreed. "I'll be the pampered princess, boredom is going to be so grand." Then I giggled at his face. "Terrifying Negan is a big softie. I'm going to feel so guilty if I'm just a bitch and not pregnant."

"First, I'm only a softie with you, so keep that lucious mouth quiet." He smiled down at me. "And second, you are a bitch," I glared at him. "But you're my bitch, and I think we both know you're probably pregnant."

I smacked his shoulder. "You suck."

"Just your cilt, your tongue,those beautiful tits of yours, and hickies on your neck, sunshine." I rolled my eyes again.

"I better not have any hickies, you asshole." I threatened without heat. "I do love you though, you know that right?"

"Do now." He answered, pulling me back into his arms. "I love you, too. So much I could fuckin' die from it."

"Do me a favor?" I asked looking up at him. His raised eyebrow asked me to continue. "Don't die from it. In fact, don't fucking die. That would make me pretty happy, ok?"

He laughed and lifted me into his arms. Depositing me on the now squeaky bed, he climbed in beside me. "Bed rest, Dessa." He was braced on his elbow, looking down at me. "Why the fuck does the bed keep squeaking?" He asked as the bed gave another squeal.

"You broke it." I answered with my lips pursed. "And you didn't even notice until now." I sighed. "Think you're getting old, Negan."

A wolfish grin formed on his face. "Old am I?" He bent to bite my shoulder through my robe. "I guess you're into old men."

"Only one." I brushed my fingers through his hair. My other hand was resting on my stomach. "I really hope you're right, you know?"

He nodded, his hand linking fingers with mine on my stomach. "I know." His voice was quiet. "I know how hard that was on you." He was studying our hands. "On both of us. I want us to have a baby, but I need you to know, Dessa, that you come first for me." Negan's dark eyes met mine. "You are my fuckin' world, and I can't lose you."

"You won't." I vowed.

As we lay together, resting and contemplating the future, I heard a truck pull into the yard below. Negan groaned, having heard it too. Shit, I thought, back to business already. I raised an eyebrow, waiting for him to rise and get dressed and explain why a supply truck was coming in today.

"Alexandria." He mumbled, rolling out of the bed on his side and grabbing his clothes. "I had them go fetch their tribute." He pulled on his jeans and t-shirt, wrapping his belt around his hips. "Guess I better go make sure they didn't fuck it up." He groaned again and pulled on his leather jacket. "I'd rather be curled around you all day, but you insisted I run this shithole." He gave me a mock glare. "I blame you for my lack of peace, Dessa." Negan grinned and leaned over me to give me a kiss. "Stay in bed, do you hear me?"

I nodded and cocked my head to the side. "Aren't you forgetting something?" He looked confused. "Lucille." I pointed my finger at the sofa where she was laying. "Can't forget your girl, can you?"

"What would I do without you, Dessa." He grinned picking his bat up. Shaking his head and exiting the door, I heard him issue a warning to let me rest to the rest of his 'wives'.

I may stay in bed, I thought, but first I was changing the damn sheets and trying to find out where he broke the damn thing. Yanking the sheets off the bed and going to the cabinet for more, I heard a noise that never boded well in these uncertain times: gunfire. I felt a chill of fear rush through me, and ran to the window. I could see, even through the dirty glass, someone shooting from the back of the supply truck. Damn it, Negan, I thought, rushing back to the wardrobe to grab some clothes.

Once dressed, I opened the door to be rushed by the harem. "You can't come out," Teri was smirking. "Negan's orders." One day, I thought, I would wipe that smirk from your fucking face bitch.

Sheri, the lesser of all the evils sitting in the lounge, touched my shoulder. "Please, Odessa, you know he'd kill us all if something happens to you." Tempting, I thought, but she was right.

Blowing out a huff of breath, I rolled my eyes. "FINE." I bit out, glaring at all of them, including sniffling little Ashley. "One of you," my eyes locked with Sheri's, letting her know which one of them I wanted. "Had fucking better come tell me if he gets harmed. Or fucking else." I slammed the door in their faces and considered my options. I could pace and worry, or I could try to do as Negan had asked me to do. Rest. Sighing, I finished redressing the bed, and tossed the dirty laundry in a small hamper I kept out of sight. I lay back on my pillow, and did something I hadn't done in months. I prayed.