Warnings: Just vulgar word usage about certain body parts. All sexual.
Summary: Does body size affect the "length" of a certain male body part? Ino REALLY wants to know. Rated for sexual innuendos and vulgar word usage.
Author Notes: Just a quick humorous piece of crack that took me next to no time to conjure. Rated for language. Have fun. :)
#
How Hung are You?
"Do you think Chouji has a big cock?"
Sakura, Hinata, and Tenten all stopped what they were doing and turned, as one to gape at Ino. Ino continued as though her friends weren't speechless and/or blushing.
"He's a big guy," she said. "And his feet are HUGE. I'm just wondering if he's well-proportioned in other areas too."
Mute silence continued to greet her words until Tenten recovered first. "Uh, is this something you've been thinking a lot about lately, Ino?"
Sakura and Hinata let out simultaneous breaths. The pinkette frowned. "I thought you still liked Sasuke and Sai."
Ino nodded. "Yeah, they're definitely the hottest guys around. But I've just been thinking about cocks in general a lot lately." She looked up at her as Hinata struggled not to pass out; her blush was bordering on dangerous at this point. "You know what I mean, Sakura."
"I do not!" Sakura's red face was from anger rather than embarrassment.
"You're acting like you do," Tenten noticed, and the pinkette simmered, now looking embarrassed.
Ino cackled. "You've been thinking about the Konoha boys naked too, haven't you?"
"Hm." Sakura refused to confirm this.
Before Ino could keep going, Tenten interrupted. "Maybe we should stop talking about this; Hinata looks like she's ready to pass out."
"I-I'm fine, Tenten." Hinata attempted to fan herself. Under all that embarrassment and shame, she too had been looking at their boys more than usual lately. She just hadn't put her thoughts into words.
"She's fine." Ino waved Tenten's concern away. "What I want to know is WHO Sakura has been picturing naked. Sasuke definitely, but I get the feeling there have been others."
Tenten snickered. "She did spend almost a year in Suna, getting very close to the Kazekage and his brother."
Sakura groaned.
"Ah-ha!" Ino pointed at her obnoxiously. "So something DID happen with you and Lord Gaara!"
"That's none of your business, Ino-pig!" The pinkette was almost as red as Hinata, now. She'd fooled around a lot with Gaara, but it was their little secret, no-one else's. She was now no more a virgin than Ino was, but that didn't mean she had to go shouting it to the rooftops like her annoying blonde friend would've.
"Let's keep this conversation to the Konoha boys," Tenten said, coming to Sakura's rescue and Ino grudgingly agreed; they all ignored the fact that it was Tenten who'd brought Gaara up in the first place.
"So… what about Chouji's… cock?" Sakura struggled to say the word out loud and Ino chuckled.
"Well," the blonde said eagerly. "I've only been with Sai, so I don't know if this goes with every guy, but I often wondered if body mass affects cock size."
"I read somewhere that it doesn't," Tenten said.
"Well, how hung is Neji?"
"Oh, please no…" Hinata covered her ears as Tenten regaled the girls on her on again, off again lover's package.
"And do you think he's bigger than Chouji?" Ino asked.
Tenten shrugged. "It's possible. And feet size is no indicator, either."
As the blonde tried to remember how big Neji's feet were, Sakura ran a comforting hand over Hinata's back; she was trying not to pass out, again. After a few minutes, she seemed calm enough.
Swallowing hard, the Hyuuga blushed as she asked, "What about S-sasuke?"
All eyes turned on Sakura. But honestly, she had no idea.
"I don't know anyone who's seen him naked," she said. "I know he gets his mandatory physicals at the hospital because he doesn't avoid the place like Kakashi-sensei does, but I have no idea who performs the physical."
"His official fan club have been meeting up at the hot springs ever since he started going there," Ino said. "Maybe they've caught a peek?"
Silence reigned once more as all four girls tried to imagine a wet, naked Sasuke scrubbing himself in the showers of the Onsen. Picturing his cock made Hinata sigh softly and she shook her head, trying to shove Naruto into her head to get the Uchiha out of her thoughts. It didn't work. It didn't matter that she had no feelings about him whatsoever, Sasuke was hot, even she knew.
"Well that's a well-rounded sigh," Tenten remarked, when they all simultaneously let out a soft moan at their respective imaginations.
Sakura blushed. "I think the mystery of Sasuke's penis can stay in the closet, today."
Ino nodded slowly. "I still want to know how big Chouji's cock is."
Sakura scoffed before Tenten could answer, her mouth already open when interrupted. "Why don't you just go and ask him, Ino-pig."
That was the wrong thing to say. Ino's eyes widened and she grinned maliciously. "Great idea!"
"No, Ino, wait!"
The other girls trailed behind her as Ino took off, determined to do just that.
#
"Do you think Ino stuffs her bra?"
All at once, Kiba, Sai, Neji, Naruto, and Shikamaru all turned around to gape at Chouji.
Kiba recovered first, grinning and exposing his fangs. "Been thinking about her tits a lot lately, Chouji?"
The larger boy smiled; a pink tinge spotted his cheeks. "She just seems like she stuffs her bra. They're disproportionate to her body size."
"Shapely hips," Shikamaru acknowledged.
"Nice legs," Neji added.
They all went quiet, thinking about that body. After a few minutes,
"Hinata's breasts are definitely pushed up."
"What?"
"Why would you ask that?!" Naruto yelled, turning beet red.
"Calm down, Naruto," Shikamaru admonished him.
"Yeah." Chouji snickered. "No need to defend your not-girlfriend."
Neji's face felt warm as he stated matter-of-factly, "Hinata-sama does not wear push up bras."
Kiba let out a low whistle. "Interesting. Cousin on cousin action."
Naruto let out a long half cry, half sob at that.
"What about Sakura?" Kiba asked, practically drooling.
"She's flat chested," Sai said. "But the butt is nice."
Naruto pressed his hands to his red face. "Uh… she's got nice … legs."
"Chicken legs," Shikamaru corrected him.
Chouji scoffed at him. "We all know you like buxom, like Temari."
The lazy cloud watcher rubbed the back of his head, embarrassed.
"And like Ino," Sai said. "You've perved on her too."
"He perves on all the buxom women," Chouji said.
"Ah, shut up." Shikamaru threw his head back to stare at the ceiling, embarrassed.
"Ino doesn't stuff her bra," Sai said, after another few minutes of silence.
"How do you know?!" Naruto barked at him.
"Because unlike you, I've had sex."
Chouji's eyebrows rose. "So, you've fondled Ino's breasts?"
Sai nodded. He smirked. "They bounce nicely, too."
Naruto's face turned even redder. He didn't want to talk about this, but he also wanted to know everything. This was so hot. He was a pervert – he had a jutsu to prove it – but talking about it so openly was never his thing.
"I always thought she was natural," Kiba said casually.
Sai stared at him impassively. "Are you picturing her naked?"
Kiba grinned. "Yep."
"It's a popular hobby among those with a small…"
"Shut up, Sai!"
They were used to the artist's weird questions and comments but mentions of other guys penis always got someone riled up.
Kiba groaned.
Sai felt a grin coming on but suppressed it. "Hinata's the one with boobs too big to be natural."
"NO!" Naruto groaned. "Hinata doesn't stuff her bra!"
Silence.
"Naruto-kun?"
They all turned as one to see Hinata, Sakura, Ino, and Tenten glaring at Naruto. Well, all but Hinata; she was blushing and smiling slightly. The tension was getting to her, so Tenten let out a small chuckle to ease it.
"Been thinking about them, have you?" She asked.
"I…uh…yeah…no?"
"Naruto-kun…"
"Why are you girls here?" Chouji asked suddenly.
"Right." Neji glanced at Hinata, also fighting to hide a blush. "It's your girls' day out, isn't it?"
"Ino wanted to ask something," Tenten said, deciding just to jump in headfirst and go with it.
Having forgotten her mission for a moment, Ino blinked heavily. "Oh yeah, Chouji!"
"Hm?" He smiled genially at her.
"Ino…" Sakura moved to stop her but was too late.
Ino smiled innocently at Chouji. "Sakura wants to know how big your cock is."
.x.
Don't we all?