"The definition of insanity - doing the same things over and over again and expecting a different result." A quote often misattributed to Einstein but originated from Al-Anon, international fellowships offering support for families of recovering alcoholics.
Rather than anything remotely scientific, this quote refers to the alcoholics who keep coming back expecting they won't regain their addiction to the booze.
"Weird flex but okay." Hachiman threw the magazine aside to the table. "But if you think of it, youth is just the same thing, people going with the flow, doing the same mistake all over again and brush it off, thinking things will improve eventually while in reality, they didn't learn anything from their misfortune."
Now, what should he do with all the amazing free time he got at hand? Hikigaya Hachiman wasn't an exceptionally studious person at heart, but being a loner, he had a lot of free time to study out of boredom and ended up completing his summer homework early.
After the summer club activity, he more or less has done with all of his obligations, and now, his family also left to visit relatives. It might not be absolute freedom, but close enough.
He shall enjoy this week in pure, wholehearted lonesome.
He heard the bell rings and wondered if it's some salesman or someone sending mails and packets, so he pushed the intercom.
"Who is it?"
He saw a familiar face on the screen. "Yahallo, Hikki, it's me."
Ah.
The image of a cute, beautiful girl with a rounded cheek and a happy smile shows up on the intercom screen. "Yuigahama?"
He opened the door to let her in.
"What's the occasion?" He asked rather suspiciously, he didn't even receive her mail telling him of her arrival.
"Yeah, the truth is that Komachi-chan called me." She giddily told him, "I got a request from Komachi-chan to take care of you, can you let me in?"
"HA?"
In less than three hours, Hikigaya Hachiman's paradise of solitude crumbled apart. And the primary cause of that was none other than his beloved little sister.
"Yuigahama, did you dye your hair?" He asked.
Though her usual reddish-brown dyed hair wasn't exactly well hidden, dyeing your hair pink is a bit too much. Does Soubu's already loose regulation even allow that kind of garish color?
"Did you just woke up?" She laughed, "My hair always been like this, well, perhaps not the first time we meet though."
It's true that originally, Yuigahama Yui has a darker shade of brown as natural hair color, that must be what, one and a half years ago? As a matter of fact, among the reason why Hachiman unable to recognize the identity of the 'dog girl' was that.
Still, her new hair color certainly wasn't pink, also her eyes... wait, ocean blue eyes?! Did she wear a contact lens too?
Weird.
"Hikki, have you finished your homework?"
"Of course."
"I've finished mine too, but do you mind if we compare?" Yui happily shows up the massive bag of books in her hand.
Heh, didn't expect her to finish it this early in the vacation either. Never saw her as a studious type, Hachiman admit. But it's probably Yukinoshita's influence finally rubbing on her.
"Sure.
Still for someone in summer vacation... didn't Yui look rather whiter than before? Logically speaking even indoor loving people often get slightly tan unless they wear sunblock all the time, and Hachiman isn't an exception.
For some reason though Hachiman felt that his homework book had increased in number. Why? Aside from the mandatory 5 subjects, there are also these weird books titled 'Trans-Phase Energy Foundation' and 'Space-Time intersection theory' and so on.
"What the hell is this shit?"
When Hachiman began reading them, he felt like he got some understanding, but not sure how. It's like something you know but forgot for some time, and it's weird because Hachiman was sure he doesn't have these things subjects of his school.
Did Yuigahama came and pranked him by adding these books?
"Everyone won't show up and say 'Gotcha' right?" He suddenly asked.
Maybe some people tried to celebrate his underwhelming birthday party by sending him these books as a joke?
"What are you asking, Hikki, this is your home!"
That's true if there are intruders he would know since he had been in the living room for a good few hours.
"Weird."
Hachiman kept engrossed reading the extra book, which sounded like it was straight out of science fiction, but when he checked there are tons of citations and footnotes under it.
He pulled his phones and browsed the name of cited books, articles, and papers and found most of them exist. Something is not right. Book pranks are a thing but internet spoofing is another, was there a virus planted in his phone or...
Little by little, his paranoia starts to get real.
"Am I hallucinating?"
Regardless of that, he managed to discuss most of the homework topic with Yuigahama, he did notice the fact that Yui sitting increasingly closer and closer, seemingly have no sense of personal space. That's why he kept sliding away by the inches because her shoulders keep touching. He wouldn't call that uncomfortable, but it's almost disconcerting.
"It looks like I've done it properly at least." She finally gave up and moved away, Hachiman did notice a slight glimpse of sadness on her face. "Do you mind if I practiced a little?"
Practice? What practice.
"Sure?"
With a resigned smile, she walked away and picked something out of her bag. A bundle? A bundle that she immediately unrolled to reveal...
Tactical knives.
Hachiman wasn't enough of a military otaku to know which model from which country, but he played enough games to know one when he saw one. With an almost oval-like handle made of rubber and the thick and rugged blade, it's 100% certain those are military knives or at least inspired by them.
...why would Yuigahama Yui have a bundle of tactical knives?
"I'm going over here," Yui said as she took a distance from Hachiman and lightly threw the knives in the air, her eyes began to glow pale blue light and the knives floated.
What the hell?
"Umm, Yuigahama is that some sort of magic trick or what?"
"Hikki you ARE half-sleeping after all, you need to rest." She pouted cutely, but even then, seeing tactical knives floating around her like this cancel everything.
He sighed, "Fuck, I'll make some coffee. Do you want to drink something?"
"Ah, I'll just make it for you instead!" Yui smiled and then go for the kitchen, which is attached to the large, luxurious living room they're in.
"..."
Sure he slept late again today because of too much gaming, but there's no way he's lacking to the point of hallucination right? So he decided to head for the sink and washed his face.
Then he saw in the mirror.
Very dark blue hair and... golden eyes?
It was unmistakably his face, everything is about the same as remember, but his fairly normal dark brown eyes and natural black hair were gone without him knowing.
Even his eyebrows and eyelashes.
What the hell?
In desperation, he stretched open his eyelid and then, after making sure his finger was clean, he tries to touch his iris. The minor prickle told him it wasn't a contact lens, at all.
"Ow."
Pain, this isn't a dream... then what? Hair can be dyed to a different color, but what about eyes?! What happened to him?
For someone like Hikigaya Hachiman, there's nothing more terrifying than the unknown.
With footing that's increasingly shaky, Hachiman pressed himself to get out of the bathroom, his face was pale and sweats like it was raining.
What?
Why?
How?
Plagued by so many questions, Hachiman dragged himself out of the bathroom. So many questions, his head felt hurt.
And then he heard a loud pop as his right leg fell off, leaving a stump under the knee.
"Hikki?"
His eyes become a little blurry, but he could still see most of her facial features easily. She's also holding a strange book with thick, black leather cover covered by strange sigils.
"I don't understand." Hachiman groaned, "I don't understand."
"Hikki?!" Yuigahama hurriedly catch up to her and hold onto him to prevent him from falling, "What is it? Are you sick?"
"I think I have a mild fever," Hachiman told her as he gave out a pained smile.
ヴァルハラロマンス - 不可解
Valhalla Romance - Cryptical
Original Story by: Watari Wataru
Written by: ZeroXSEED
Chapter 1 - And so, his peaceful, idyllic life is gone (Part 1)
It was a sketchy dream, he felt. Everything so dark and blurry, all he could see was chaos and confusion, with so many loud noises and voices he couldn't discern any of them.
All he knew was the presence of dark brown haired Yui desperately holding onto him with tears on her face, and a barking sausage dog beside her. Sable wasn't it?
Ah...
This must have been the scenes of accidents back then.
...Wait what's that giant shadowy demon behind Yui? And why did Hiratsuka-sensei punched it?
Hachiman opened his eyes and groaned, his face completely damp from cold sweats.
"You're awake yet?"
Hachiman looked aside to find a familiar yet different person sitting at his bedside.
She resembles Hiratsuka a lot, but between her face and her body, it was pretty obvious that this person was much younger, probably around his age.
"...who the hell are you?" He asked.
Her face in response to his question was that of horror and confusion, "What kind of joke is that?
"No, not in the slightest." He told her, "Then again my mind is in disarray. Also, my leg..."
"This?" She raised his detached leg, "You probably forgot to charge it, hence it popped off."
She popped it in and Hachiman suddenly felt his leg again, like it never goes missing in the first place.
"Well isn't that a conveniently advanced prosthetic." He jibed.
Hachiman was sure that the prosthetic he remembered existing isn't this advanced, not even the most advanced stuff that costs tens of millions of yen. While they can respond to the nerve system, they don't give precise and realistic feedback as real limbs do.
"Where is Yuigahama?"
"Took a nap after she cleaned the living room and taking care of you." The girl said, "But seriously though, you didn't remember me at all? How come?"
"No, I don't even remember missing my leg like this." Hachiman said, "When did it happen?"
"One and half a year ago before the entrance ceremony." She told him with a childish grin, "The incident that gave birth to me."
"I don't remember that at all." Hachiman sighed, "And this world no longer makes sense to me."
"Tell me anyway."
"For a starter, what is Trans-Phase Energy?"
Hachiman did notice these words seem to be the most prevalent when he searched the topic of his homework on the internet.
"Trans-Phase energy is an energy that permeates the boundary between dimensions and can be harnessed to manipulate reality as we see fit." She said as she opened her palm and then closed it again, with a blade made of black light spring up, in similar shape to a Japanese wooden sword. "You're one of the select few human beings that can use it too."
"I can?" Hachiman twitched.
"Yeah, try to focus on your internal energy and pick something out of your pocket space."
"Pocket space..."
Hachiman closed his eyes and concentrate, feeling a strange cold and hot sensation creeping all over his body until it reached the tips of his fingers.
And he extended his hand inside a portal and pulled out a...
Gun?
"What the hell?"
Hachiman instinctively felt something off and despite remembering correctly that he never handled a gun before, somehow easily handled it and then unload it safely to the last round in the chamber.
"It's a real gun." He said as he looked at the last round closely.
"Of course it is." She chuckled, "...Are you amnesiac or what?"
"Maybe I am, why am I holding a Gun and why is it in my pocket space again?"
"You're a student of Soubu Specialist Municipal High, almost everyone there is armed to the teeth. If anything, your power is relatively mundane and underwhelming."
The ability to store large objects in a pocket space is underwhelming?!
"..."
Hachiman remembered the dream once again, the giant shadowy figure behind the image of crying Yuigahama Yui... was that the 'enemy' he supposed to fight, and took away his leg?
"You're completely clueless huh." She looked rather dejected, "You don't even remember your abilities, and yet you remember Yuigahama."
"Why wouldn't I? Speaking of which, her pink hair..."
"Ahh, that? That's the effect of her overstraining her TPE, her hair turned pink over a year of training." She laughed.
"I see..."
Hachiman wasn't sure what to think anymore.
This is not a dream, that much he's certain. The fact that his lower right leg missing and his hair and eyes changed also a fact, and now, this solid piece of firearms in his hand...
Denying reality was never his best forte.
So he reloaded the gun but kept the safety off, and then focus again to throw your gun into the pocket space, away from your sight.
"Speaking of which, who are you?"
"Me? My name is I.B." She squeezed her eyes mischievously as she pushed him down to the bed, "You might not remember but I'm your girlfriend."
Nope.
What the hell.
In all honesty, Hachiman wouldn't mind if that's the case. This girl is really beautiful and sexy and sounds like someone who is fun to talk with either way. No, the fact that she looks like Hiratsuka-sensei is irrelevant!
"That's too good to be true." He huffed after he finally came to his senses. "I'm kinda hurt a little though."
"Sheesh, you're too easy to tease." She cringed at him, clearly felt bad a little. "Sorry but I'm not your girlfriend, I'm not even human anyway."
"Eh?"
"Come to think of it, I can be considered your daughter instead, Nyahahaha!" She laughed heartily, "Can I call you Papa?"
Hachiman blushed hard and barked. "Fuck off. And apologize to my still-beating heart."
"I'm not apologizing, Hachiman you idiot!" She gave him red-eye and then popped into a fine mist, leaving a strange old book on his lap.
"Hikki, you woke up?" Yui knocked on the door and peeked inside, "I thought I heard I.B., was she awake just now?"
"I.B.?" Ah, the strange girl that turned into a book and joked about being Hachiman's girlfriend or something. He then lifted the book. "She's here."
"Hmm? She's asleep again? Weird." Yui picked up the book and put it on his table, and then sat on the bed and put her hand on his temple. "Are you alright? Do you still feel feverish?"
"Nope, I'm good as new," Hachiman replied lightly. "I forgot to charge my leg."
Now that he's no longer as clueless, he's no longer as fearful anymore. There's nothing more horrifying to him than being left in the dark. Still, Yuigahama was too close for his comfort, so he felt a little embarrassed.
"Umm, your hand."
"Ah, sorry." Yui grimaced and took a distance away, a tinge of red drawn on her cheeks. "If you still feel unwell, I'll probably stay for the night too."
Why did she sound like she WANTED it? Please don't cause misunderstanding Yuigahama-san.
"Umm, it's a bit hot, so let me turn up the AC." Hachiman got off his bed and picked the remote and lowered the output temperature by one degree, which should be more than enough.
He noticed that there are a lot more photos on his table than ever.
"Ah, these are the photos from the Wargames last June, remember?" Yui laughed, "The team division was a complete disaster."
Hachiman looked at the photos and boy, disaster was an understatement. Seriously, who the hell thought putting Yukinoshita, Miura, AND Sagami in one team is a good idea?
Looking at the picture alone Hachiman felt like someone choked him, purely from the tension radiated by the expression of the three girls. So this must be the version of 'workplace visit' that happened, but he didn't remember happening.
By the way, Hachiman seemed to be grouped with Hayato and Kawasaki. He saw that they're armed with a gunblade and giant sword, respectively.
Not the worst team, but probably awkward as hell.
He wondered if his relationship with Hayama Hayato is as bad as he remembers, no... he wonder if EVERYONE'S relationship is exactly as he remembers.
He can't simply use Yuigahama as indicators and run with it, for all he knew, Yuigahama could be the exception, not the rule.
No matter what Hachiman thinks, he will have to erase any preconception and use his well-honed power of observation once again to make sure he didn't misunderstand the relationship he had with others in this reality.
So the first thing he will have to check is his contact list. His contact list has a few more numbers than before but not by much. In other words, it seems that Hikigaya Hachiman remains relatively friendless even here, in the new and unknown reality.
"Hey, Sagamin? How are you doing?" Yui answered a call that seems to come from Sagami Minami, which weirded Hachiman out. "Yeah well, that's true but EEEEHH?!"
What's with the scream?
"Of-of course not! You ninny!" Yui's face turned as red as a ripe tomato as she looked at Hachiman's direction, "As if! I'm not that desperate!"
"No, you!"
Judging from the tone of the conversation, it was clear that Yuigahama and Sagami are of equal position and on close speaking terms. Hachiman concluded, he wondered how the relationship between Yui and Yumiko instead...
The Yuigahama he knew always been subservient to Yumiko's whim.
"Well I've done cleaning the house, the laundry also done... next one should be dinner." Yui hummed happily.
Crap.
"It's fine. I'll do it." Hachiman stood up and then stopped her.
"Ehhh? Is it really fine?"
...
Hachiman wouldn't praise his cooking if he can help it, but the fact of the matter is that he was taught by his mother and he taught Komachi to cook. Just because Komachi's current cooking skill is superior doesn't mean his cooking is subpar.
"You've done a lot of chores today so I feel really bad not doing anything, and besides of which what kind of house husband can;y even cook to save his life?" He answered, half-joking.
"Ho-house husband?!" Yui looked immensely shocked by his answer.
"Yeah, problem?" He grinned creepily as he walked downstairs and immediately wore an apron shortly before he washed his hand properly and then prepare the ingredient out of the fridge. "Anyway, I can't promise I can cook it, but do you want anything specific?"
"Eh? Uh."
"It's almost dinnertime anyway, I'll escort you home later if you don't plan to stay."
Erm, well, fuck.
"W-well I mean if I'm healthy enough to cook then there's no reason to stay for the night is there?" He rolled his eyes away in fear, seriously, he sounded like he offered the possibility to her and that's bad.
"Eh? Uh, okay." Yui said, somewhat disappointed, "I'm fine with whatever, Hikki."
"Since there's leftover rice from the lunch, how about I make fried rice instead?"
"Sure!"
So Hachiman makes a short work chopping the ingredient and stir away with a deadpan expression. People like to say the best ingredient in cooking is love, but Hachiman didn't believe it in the slightest.
"My bad, it's not much." Hachiman served Yui a big plate of fried rice, "But I can promise it has a unique taste."
"This better not be a trap." Yui teased him and clapped her hands as she prayed.
"Hmm."
Yui's eyes widened.
"So tasty!" Yui munched it loudly, "It's a bit sour but tasty!"
"Yeah, I use grated plum as a seasoning to increase appetite. Since it's summer, the sourness counteracts the greasiness of the fried rice and give out a fresh taste." Hachiman explained, "And you're also more inclined to drink more."
"That's interesting!"
Hachiman deliberately avoids mentioning the fact that he learned this recipe from a shonen cooking manga, however.
"Wow, it's really hot when it's summer huh." Yui carelessly fans her cleavage with her hand, forced Hachiman to look away. "Let me borrow the shower a bit, Hikki. Do you need the tub prepared for you?"
"What, hey!" Hachiman shouted, "Don't waste the water. I don't need the tub. Wait, no that's not what I-"
This girl isn't afraid of him, is she?
It made Hachiman uneasy. But above all else, it's frustrating.
Hachiman was sure that someone like Yuigahama won't try to tempt him or something, so he felt a bit irked that his pride as a man wasn't regarded very well in this situation.
Still, this is a good opportunity so Hachiman looked around.
Huh, she left her phone on the dining table, how careless.
...It has Hachiman's picture as a lock screen.
"It's not good tinkering with other people's phone yeah." Hachiman chickened out, desperately avoiding the fact and went upstairs.
He immediately approached his work desk and faced the strange old book, "I.B., are you awake?"
With a flash of black light, the book turned into mini-Hiratsuka again, sitting on the desk with a carefree pose.
"Yo! Finally acknowledged my existence at least."
"Well yeah, I'm done running from reality." Hachiman said, "You've been with me at least for one and half year right?"
"At least in human form, yes." I.B. winked in response, "I've been attending Soubu as a normal student all this time, only Yuigahama and Yukinoshita know my secret form."
Surprising.
"Speaking of Yukinoshita, what's my relationship with her? What of Yuigahama?"
"Hmm, can't say you're exceptionally close, but I don't think you hate her or anything." The book-girl responded, "She felt indirectly responsible for your leg getting the ax though."
"Huh..."
"I'm pretty sure Yuigahama wanted to be her friend either way, but whether the sentiment reciprocated..."
"I see."
Well, without the service club, neither Hachiman nor Yui likely have the excuse to see Yukino all the time. Plus there was no secret between Yukinoshita and him, in this timeline.
"Tell me about people I hang out with and their clique, just the broad explanation is fine."
From the short explanation by the book-girl, Hachiman learned a few things to consider. First of all, he's still friends with Saika and Zaimokuza, so that's a good thing. Yui and Yumiko never get along, mostly because Yui is surprisingly very studious at school. This is the entire opposite of what Hachiman remembered in his memory.
"Well, Yuigahama trained so hard her hair turned pink. Must be because of her trauma and regret." I.B. pointed, "Or so I like to assume, you didn't recognize her when you met her in the second year."
"I see."
"Oh, and as I understand, a girl named Sagami is acting as Yuigahama's second fiddle and foil. Sagami and Miura didn't get along at all and frequently clash for the throne of Alpha bitch in the class."
Sagami.
Acting like a second fiddle?
"...Shit, I might have underestimated Yuigahama all along."
No wonder she's so brave and carefree, this Yuigahama Yui he's dealing with is almost entirely the opposite than the one he remembers. A Yuigahama that's studious, confident, and take no shit from Miura Yumiko?
Absolutely dangerous.
"...Your face telling me you're supremely concerned about something."
"Well, it might be just my hopeful stupidity speaking, but I have the feeling that Yuigahama tried to delay going home." Hachiman looked left and right. "I wonder why."
"Fuckin duh, how can you be so dense?!" I.B. poked his forehead, infuriated, "Would a girl decide to spend a night at a boy's house without reason, especially when his parents and sister are gone?"
That...
"There must be a good explanation." He defied her.
"Wanna make a bet? Bring me out of this room and put me elsewhere, she will sleep on your bed. If she does, you need to make a move on her. If not, I'll treat you something interesting."
She gave him red-eye again and then poofed back into her book form.
"Damnit." Hachiman groaned and hurriedly bring the old book out of his room, and put her in the living room along with his pile of homework.
When he came out, Yui was done showering and is wearing a track jacket and running shorts. "I'm done showering, Hikki. And thanks."
Anyone who had spent a night at Hikigaya household knows very well that pajama has no place in this house, for track jacket and track pants are infinitely more comfortable.
Yuigahama doesn't intend to leave huh?
"Ah, by the way... you left your phone on the dining table, idiot." He chastised her, which made her smile in silliness.
Hachiman was so restless that he decided to run a cold shower instead to calm himself down and focus. And even then it was barely enough to keep his composure.
Hachiman was so afraid that he can't bear to look inside his room anymore. However, if he chickens out, not only he has the feeling that I.B. will mock him for the rest of his life, things will get awkward with Yui also.
So he looked.
Yuigahama Yui was sleeping on his bed, eyes closed and all.
Shoot.
"Oi, Yuigahama, aren't you cold?"
Hesitantly, Hachiman entered his bedroom and decided to make a move on her at last... and put a blanket on her with an innocent whistle.
Hachiman soundlessly walked out of the room, only to face a grinning I.B. downstairs, "So?"
"So what? It's not right to make a move on someone sleeping, idiot." Hachiman grouched.
"...I'm going to punch your lights out, strip you to your boxer and then post your picture on social media later."
I.B. was smiling, but Hachiman had the feeling of deja vu that her temperament really isn't that different from Hiratsuka-sensei. Like at all. When she decided something, then he had no choice but to do it.
"On second thought, Yuigahama needed a wakeup call for sure."
"I'm just going to eat some ramen. If I see you chicken out again I'm going to do unspeakably horrible things."
He'd probably just do a harmless prank on Yui, that much is fine, right?
Hachiman returned again to his room and noticed that the blanket was off, and Yuigahama... well, she slept with a very unnatural pose with unnatural noise coming out of her mouth.
She's pretending to be asleep.
"You don't sound asleep and all." Hachiman sighed heavily, "And you even took off the blanket."
Yui opened her eyes and blinked, before she rolled aside and sit on the bed. "You found out."
"Even as a joke that's rather awful to test a guy's limit, I'm a trained Loner and I knew it when I see one." Hachiman chastised her, "It's fine if you're concerned and all but still..."
Hachiman was stopped when all of sudden he felt he lose weight... and float midair, then slammed on the wall right beside her.
It wasn't a hard throw, but still unpleasant. And now, he understood that Yuigahama really had a powerful telekinesis ability.
"That hurt..."
"You deserve it, idiot." Yui pouted, and unless his eyes failed him, also on the verge of crying from embarrassment. "I never came here out of concern at all."
Ah.
Hachiman felt like he had this kind of conversation before. Ah, yes, during the fallout in the aftermath of workplace visit... Hachiman thought Yuigahama was being nice out of pity, and because she felt responsible for the accident.
As it turns out, that wasn't really the case.
Even so...
Even so...
"Yuigahama-"
His words were cut off when she leaned her head on his chest with an angered face. And Hachiman wasn't entirely sure how to deal with that...
However, the tense, awkward, and the somewhat intimate atmosphere was interrupted when both their phone went off at the same time.
"Huh?"
They both received the call simultaneously.
"[Hikigaya, Yuigahama, are you connected?]"
"Hiratsuka-sensei?" Hachiman asked, her voice sounded extremely grave, "What is it?"
"[There's a sudden attack in JFE steel east manufacturing complex near the Port. The two of you are the closest in position so go there as soon as possible, oh and Hikigaya, bring I.B. along. I'll contact you again later, I'll have police force prepared as backup.]"
Yui sharpened her eyes and nodded, "Let's go, Hikki."
"Huh?!"
"What are you gawking for?! Get your guns reading and bring I.B. with us!" Yui pulled something from underneath his bed, it was a strange coffin-sized container. "Don't tell me you forgot?!"
"Maybe." He scowled.
The container wasn't secured via password but outright biometric scanning, so he used his thumb on the scanner to open it, revealing a massive number of weapons and ammunition neatly packed inside.
"We're going to fight in a very important industrial site, so avoid collateral damage when possible." Yui told him, "Load with frangibles, don't bring incendiary ammo and be frugal with explosives."
Instead of porn stash, Hikigaya Hachiman would never imagine he had entire armory hidden under his bed. Nevertheless, this is the reality he must live in starting today.