Chapter One: Beginning

He was tired, no weary. This day had been difficult. He had lost friends again. He had faced an old adversary that never seemed to be defeated no matter how many were destroyed. He was sick of fighting them. And he had hurt Rose, the woman he loved, with no way to make amends.

At least the sphere was gone, and it had taken the Daleks and Cybermen with it. He and Rose had barely been able to close the rift in space they had come through. He had wanted Rose to go with her parents into their parallel world, but she refused, kissing her mother goodbye for the last time. She would stay with him as the rift closed forever.

Back in the Tardis, Rose had gone straight to her room with very few words. Only to say that she knew her mother was safe and with the man she loved. If things were different between them, Rose would have gone to him for comfort. She knew the Time Lord held her at arms distance but didn't know why. He was devastated that Rose had made such a sacrifice for him, and yet, secretly overjoyed that he had not lost her. He would try to make it up to her somehow. Standing in the Tardis control room he considered where they would go now. He needed to get away. To run from his pain as he'd always done. He pulled the lever sending the ship into the vortex. Rose had a favorite spot. A pink nebula in the Dittrini system. Maybe he could make her feel better by showing her what she had sacrificed so much for. He wanted to go to her, to hold her and comfort her, but that could never happen. The Time Lord squeezed his tired eyes closed. He needed rest himself after today. To lick his wounds and let go of what he couldn't control. But not yet. He had waited as long as he could. By now he knew she would be asleep in her room. He lived for the night. It meant he could go to her unseen. He passed by it on the way to his own room to check on her.

He stood in the doorway of Rose's room leaning against the frame. It was dark inside, but he knew that room better than his own. He could see her lying in bed sleeping. Her arm above the covers, her bare left shoulder telling him she was nude, as was her habit. If only he could gently touch that shoulder. To feel the softness and warmth of her skin. To see shining eyes and a welcoming smile. Through many adventures he had watched her. Had she been able to see his face at the right moment, she would have seen the longing in his eyes. He loved her, desperately, but could never tell her. The pain of it, making him seem cold and distant at times. It had been many centuries since he had known love. But a relationship between them was impossible. As a Time Lord, he was nearly immortal. No matter what his hearts might say, his mind told him she could be with him for only an instant of his time. One day she would die. He had loved and lost before, and the pain of loss had nearly driven him mad.

No, better to leave things as they were. They must be companions and nothing more. He knew all this, so, why did he stand in her doorway? It brought him some comfort to go to her room and silently poor out his heart to her. Her steady breathing told him she was sleeping, and that he, and his secret, were safe. His frustration made it unbearable to look at her, and he turned away to stare at the floor.

His mind began to wander, thinking of the life he longed to share with her. A simple life. A home, peace and love, where they might raise a family and be happy. He could stop running from his past and seek forgetfulness in her arms. He was jostled from his dreams by a sound in the room. Rose had woken and caught her breath at the sight of him there.

How many times had she wished for such a meeting she could not count. And here it was at last. She saw the sudden flash of guilt on his face. "Your door was open. I was just checking." He turned to go. "Wait!" she called sitting up in bed, wrapping the sheet around her, afraid of giving him an excuse to leave. Her voice, full of the love she had for him. "Please, don't go," she said quietly, desperately. She wanted to drop the sheet and run into his arms, and would have, but for the pain of remembered rejection. Her plea stopped him. His back to her to hide his shame at being caught in her room. Seeing her moment had come, she said the only thing that might persuade him to stay. "I love you" she almost shouted. He turned to look at her. The torment of his loneliness, now unchecked, on his face.

They stared at each other as if frozen. Why couldn't she understand that it just wasn't possible? Finally, he said, "I am a Time Lord Rose. I am nearly immortal. I want to love you, but I can't! The pain of losing you one day would crush me to dust". Rose quickly searched for an answer to his dilemma. She smiled as she found it. "Humans know that love is so very precious and rare. When you find it, you hold on tight. Whether it's for days, or years. Because it may never come again. An hour of love is worth a lifetime of pain, and we have so many hours ahead of us. You could be wrong. Won't you please take a chance for love?"

Her simple logic touched him, and he felt his resistance start to drain away. He needed her, wanted her, and suddenly knew he could not deny his love for her any longer. She saw the struggle on his face smooth away to understanding and acceptance. He looked to her like a small child crying for help and comfort. She instinctively held out her arms to him. He ran across the room to reach her. The last of his resistance melting away. Falling to his knees at the edge of the bed, he closed his eyes and wrapped his arms around her waist, drowning in the feel of her warm body and soft arms around him. The scent of her skin was like a drug. He breathed it in, growing giddy with want. His mind was shouting warnings, but he couldn't hear, for the pounding of his hearts. This was right, he couldn't stop now if he wanted to. The decision made, he looked up and said, "I love you Rose."

Rose smiled and pulled the thin bed sheet that was between them away. Now seeing her in all her glory, his passion flared like a star. All his pent-up love and desire were raging through him. She would belong to him tonight and for the rest of their lives. His clothing was shed in an instant, their eyes locked together as they stood in a molten embrace and began raining kisses on each other. No more doubt, no more delay. He would possess every second to keep the memory of this moment with him for eternity. He picked her up with ease and laid her gently on the bed. Lying next to her, he buried his face in the golden hair on the pillow, breathing in the scent of her. His mind a slave to her every breath. Trying to slow his desire, he rose up on his arm to look at her. An expression of pure joy and love on her face. His hand cupped her cheek as he gazed into her willing eyes. But the fever he aroused in her was not willing to wait. Rose had dreamed of this moment again and again. She had him in her arms at last and would not give him time to stop and reconsider.

She surprised him by suddenly pushing him onto his back, straddling his hips, guiding him into her. The feeling was more intense than she had ever hoped for. A gasp of ecstasy was rung from them both, their hands locked together. Their senses soaring through the stars. Rose's actions left him stunned and breathless. He closed his eyes and felt the overwhelming wonder of it all. How could he have forgotten this feeling, as two souls melted together into one, and knew she was right. There would be many hours of life and love before the end, and they shouldn't be wasted. He had already wasted too many. He would waste no more.

His eyes opened and took in the sight of her body on his. She was beautiful. The soft curves begging to be touched. It was too much, he grabbed her and pulled her down to him. Caressing the warmth and softness of her skin. Her every movement sending ripples of pleasure through his body. Clasping the back of her head, bringing her to his lips for a deep and lingering kiss. Now it was his turn to surprise Rose. He rolled the two of them over, needing the feel of her beneath him. She gazed into his fiery eyes for a moment and then closed her own. The sensations were so overpowering she had to shut a few of them out or die. He began to move. Soft and gently at first, then faster. Both reveling in the rhythm of desire, punctuated by kisses and urgent hands, building to a conclusion both were hungry for. Time lost all meaning while they were in each other's arms. All that mattered was that they were together and seemed alone in all the universe. When at last their desire was spent, he collapsed upon her. She delighted in the security of his weight and was sad and empty when he rolled away. She had to feel his warmth again and rolled into the space under his outstretched arm. He held her close as their breathing slowed, and sleep took them both.

He awoke in darkness and unfamiliar surroundings, puzzled. Then, feeling the warmth of Rose next to him, remembering it all, tempted to wake her and start again. It was wondrous, and wrong. His mind, in control again, was telling him what a mistake his hearts had made. Run. Run away! Now, while you still can! Before she withers and dies! Before it can destroy you. He could wipe her memory of this night. It would be easy. Just a touch on the temple and it would be gone. We could go back to... to what? A life of frustration and loneliness for both of us? Rose moaned in her sleep, her subconscious mind hearing his troubled thoughts. He looked down at her. Knowing that he couldn't run. She was a part of him now. He felt whole, for the first time, in a long time. Of the 35 companions who had shared his more than 900 years of adventure, in all ten of his lives, none of them had touched his soul like Rose. He didn't understand why. All he knew was, he was happy, and he would try to make her happy too. He snuggled in next to her and closed his eyes to sleep.

The lighting in Roses room was set to an earthly 24-hour clock. She was awakened because the walls had begun to glow. It was supposed to be morning. But living on the Tardis meant never knowing the real time you were in. She gloried in the warmth next to her, his arm casually flung across her waist, and sighed with pleasure. It wasn't just a dream, he really was there, and it did happen. She tingled remembering his hands upon her. He had said the one thing she most wanted to hear in this life, that he loved her. His steady breathing said he was still sleeping. There was such a look of peace on his face. Rare for him. She took some satisfaction that she was the one who had put it there.

As she watched he opened his beautiful brown eyes. Staring away, he didn't look at her. Rose didn't know why but seeing the look in his eyes made her suddenly afraid. What was he thinking? Was last night all there was? She knew he had the power to make her forget. To wipe her mind of all trace of him. Her fear turned to panic.

"Rose?" He said, "What's wrong? Why are you afraid of me?" Seeing the fear in Roses face unsettled him. How could she be afraid of him after what they had shared last night? He could feel the panic rising in her and was confused. Had he done something to hurt her in his passion? A Time Lord is very strong, and he grew sick with the thought. She started to pull away from him, but he grabbed her arm to stop her. "Please," he begged, "tell me what's wrong". In desperation she said, "No! Let me go! I don't want to forget!" The pain in her voice stabbed at his soul. Guilty now for ever having considered it. He said gently "Rose", she didn't respond, still trying to pull away. "Rose, look at me!". He could see the tears shimmering in her eyes ready to spill. He gently reached up to push a lock for hair from her face. "I don't want us to forget. No ever. On my word as a Time Lord I will love you now and until the end of time. I promise to keep you safe with me no matter what the cost."

Rose giggled with relief and launched herself at him. An avalanche of laughter, tickling and her frantic kisses followed. Losing her fears made them taste all the sweeter to Rose. The sheer volume of them made the Time Lords head spin. He couldn't catch his breath. She refused to slow down. He had to pin her beneath him to make her stop. Her intention all along. The laughter ended when a new understanding of their relationship hit them both. What had been forbidden them before, was now to be taken freely, and enjoyed.

Hearts pounding, the slightest touch causing sensations to spark like sheet lightning. She had begun last night. Today it was his turn. He had been holding her wrists in self-defense, now, feeling as if he'd captured her. Now he could hold and cherish and love her without holding back. Rose recognized the passion that was in his eyes from the night before and tried to respond, but his hold on her, while gentle, was firm. The thought of being completely under his control sent fire through Roses veins. He lowered himself to her slowly, barely touching, he would start with butterfly kisses on her face. No simple release of pent up frustration needed now. He would take his time and show Rose just how deep his feelings were.

After, as they lay in each other's arms, Rose asked, "What happens now?" "A bit soon don't you think?" He grinned with laughing eyes. "No, that's not what I mean" she grinned back. Sitting up, she looked down at him to explain. "It's a whole new universe for me, for us. Are we just to go on as before?" He lay back on the pillows. Happy to finally be able to tell her. "I have loved you for so long. Wanted this for us for so long. And when I dared to dream of it happening, I dreamed of only one thing. To be with you, on our own little world, for as long as possible. I'm done with adventures to cover my loneliness. And I could never put your life in danger again. I want us to find a quiet, comfortable place where we can live only for each other for a few decades. How does that sound to you?"

He couldn't have said anything that would bring her more happiness, but she was suspicious of it. He looked like a young man in his thirties, but was, in fact, a 900-year-old alien from Gallifrey. Settling down after all those centuries of excitement and adventure can't be so easy. She looked at him with disbelief and said, "Will it really be that easy to give up? Are you sure that's what you want?" He replied in a voice suddenly tired and aged with wisdom, "Oh Yes. I've been running for a long time. It was an adventure at first. Then, after the war, they were distractions, to keep me from thinking about what I'd done, what I'd lost. My people..., my planet..., my soul... Rose. You know I am responsible for the deaths of billions of men, women and children.

We were losing the time war. The Daleks had come to take our technology and destroy the universe with it. With the Time Lords gone there would be no one to stop them. I had to make a choice. The lives of my people, or let the universe burn. My punishment was to survive. Alone in all the universe, to live with what I'd done. Then I met you. Your courage and cleverness, your strength and stubbornness. You never cringed or held back in all our adventures, even when our lives were on the line. The day I regenerated into this face and was in danger every minute, you stood beside me and kept me safe. I knew then that I loved you. When you took my hand on that first day and pointed our way, I knew there was hope. Hope that perhaps someday..."

His words trailed off as he looked into her eyes. "But you still haven't told me what you think. You have shared my adventures in the Tardis for a while now. Are you willing to give them up Rose?" She thought for a moment, but it was no contest. Alone together on some distant world would be adventure enough for her. "When do we start?" was all she had to say. He laughed and grabbed her shoulders pulling her down to him. Rose squealed with delight, and with a kiss and mischievous grin he said, "after".

TO BE CONTINUED