You knock on the door of his giant mansion… but there's no answer. You know he is home because you can smell his delightful pheromones from outside of his door. You begin to breathe heavily knowing that you are among the presence of a GOD.

"Woah", you gasp… "The door is unlocked?" You enter. Inside of this giant mansion you see nothing, it is a bitter, empty space of nothing but white walls and a small kitten laying on the floor. He is meowing and you go to pet him. He hisses at you and you take a step back. Startled you say, "Sorry kitty I thought you wanted some play time…" the cat responds, "No you dumb bitch, I'm watching Tiger King with Joey Exotic." You apologize and begin to walk into the corridor where you know his room is. The reason you know this is because the scent is getting STRONGER. In fact, the scent is so strong, you begin to feel nauseous, but in a good way of course. You're slightly turned on at the fact that a man can make you feel so sick, but so ready.

You hear a shout, "AGHHHHHHHHHHHH". You moan, "OHHHHH goodness, that must be him." You approach his door, it is unlocked. You question whether or not you want to knock or be a little naughty and just open the door.

You open it, with caution because this man, although sexy, gentle, kind, hot and beautiful can be a LOOSE CANNON. But you like that. It makes you all hot and bothered. You're in his lair now. You turn to the left and there he is. Sitting at his desk with his camera on, filming another shitty, pointless YouTube video that NO ONE IS THE WORLD IS GOING TO GIVE A SINGLE FUCK ABOUT. But you love that. He is YOUR LITTLE SECRET. He is not famous yet. That means you're the only girl for him.

He senses your presence and stops talking to the camera. He raises his head, slowly, beginning to turn it in your direction. To you, this feels like it is taking an eternity, but come to think of it. It probably is because he wants to create tension betyouen the two of you. He knows you are here. He was expecting you. He left the door unlocked for your slim thicc ass to waltz in. He even let his kitty loose so you could be tested. The kitty hissed at you because he wanted to see if you could last in his world. A very ruthless world, where kitty's hiss.

Finally, he turns his head and gets up. He is naked. But you don't mind. His wiener is ENORMOUS. But you are not surprised. No man built like a giraffe can have a baby dick. The hair on his chest, thicker than the rough side of a sponge, he is youaring 6 gold chains. All of them have a crucifix on them. He is italian if you could not tell. He is also youaring a white wife beater which has what seems to be pasta sauce stains on it.

In your presence is a 25 foot tall, African albino giraffe. Fully grown, fully mature and ready for some action. You are quivering, but in a good way. You tell him, "I am so glad to finally meet you baby". There's silence, tension in the air. He responds slowly, "I HAVE TO TAKE A MASSIVE SHIT CAN YOU PLEASE GET OUT OF MY FUCKING WAY!" You moan, "YEEEEEEESSSSSSSS I love a man who can shit so effortlessly…"

After his poo, you go on a journey through the African Safari. It is a warm day, but there are clouds in the sky. You are riding on his back, he have a slight erection. You ask, "Giuseppe why do you have an erection?" He says, "I don't know, walking makes me horny" You think to yourself, "wow a man that is so dedicated to exercise that he gets so excited for it. I think I am in love…" "Or your butt cheeks just feel so nice and round on my back. Either way it's a good thing right?" You blush…

you walk past hyenas, and they catcall you. He is having none of it so he spews insults at them and they get angry. They approach us at rapid speeds. Hyenas are notorious nut biters, so they are trying to nip at Giuseppe's nutsack. He kicks each of them in the face with his gigantic giraffe hooves and they are knocked out unconscious. The lions look at him and say, thank you King Guiseppe. you can finally enjoy a meal without these fucking hyenas trying to bite our nutsacks off. He tips his hat to the lions, suddenly he is youaring a fedora. "That's so hot" you whisper.

you walk far and wide, exploring the land of Zimbabyou. You truly feel like his queen. Also he kind of smells like sewage since he forgot to wipe his ass after he pooped, you still love him. He look back at me and says, "it kind of smells like shit doesn't it honey? Did you toot? If you did that is disgusting. Women do not toot." You respond no honey, "you forgot to wipe your bum." Giuseppe responds, "LOL! Classic me!"... "Thats so hot" you think to yourself. "A man that can make fun of himself. WOW!"

Anyways, as you approach dusk, you stop and sit under a bonsai tree. He lights a fire with his flatulence. you are sitting there, eating roasted hyena. you think you are eating their balls but he tells you it's the breast. Eating anything with his is so mysterious and fun. After your 10th bite of the hyena ball you gaze into each other's eyes. Wait nevermind those are his testicles not his eyes because he is in fact 25 feet tall. Still, you can tell he is looking at you in the same way as you are looking at him. He picks you up with his gigantic neck and you kiss under the moonlight. It is awfully hard to kiss his gigantic giraffe lips. He is drooling and it is quite disgusting but you still love it.

"STOP" he says to you. "I have something to tell you…". The silence is deafening… "My name is not Giuseppe, it's Jacob Richman." You don't really give a fuck what his name is to be honest. He goes to kiss you again, but you lean away. "What's wrong?". His breath smells like absolute shit. But you're too afraid to tell him because he is in fact 25 feet tall and around 4000 pounds. You make love anyway. Passionate love. Under the moonlight. Science may never know how you two did it. But you know. And you're not sure if it was a good thing.

ANYWAYS, fast forward 10 months. The baby is here. You push, push and push, POP! Out comes the infant. He is African American. You look at Jacob. Then you look at the doctor. The doctor is Steve Harvey. Jacob looks at Steve. He yells "You bitch! That is NOT MY BABY! THAT IS STEVE'S BABY!" You tell him "honey it was one time! How could I possibly resist that moustache?"

"He lifts his neck up, and swings it with ferocity at Steve. Steve's head flies off his body. He looks at you, does the irish jig with his stick figure legs and boots you right to the temple. You die. He takes Steve Harvey Jr and eats him.

The End.