Been a while since I've posted something new, anxiety from real life and all. Im active on tumblr and discord, same name, come see my fun art and au's! I'm on several gomens discord and always open to gushes. Also find my more adulty stuff on ao3!
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The plan should have gone off without a hitch. There was no reason that it wouldn't. Hell, Agnes Nutter's prediction flat out mentioned 'fyre.' It should have worked.
They knew heaven and hell wouldn't just leave them be after thwarting the apocalypse. They had the idea after reading the prediction, 'Choose your faces wisely' and 'playing with fyre.' They took that to mean that hellfire would be involved, special treat for Aziraphale, and likewise if hellfire were involved, hell would have certainly had holy water waiting for Crowley. The last thing Crowley expected to see was a pristine white bathtub, lion claw like feet glinting a spotless gold sheen. He expected to see a stone fire pit, warded to hold damned infernal hellfire. He saw none of that. He wasn't sure what to think, sitting in his rather uncomfortable seat, arms tied to the hard arms of the chair he was secured to with silk white ropes. He took in his surroundings, and felt rather unimpressed at the state that heaven had become in the past 6000 years. It was cold. Empty. You could just make out the London skyline out of the floor to ceiling windows, and even they made the Earthly landscape cold and unwelcoming. He certainly wasn't missing anything.
"Ah, Aziraphale!" He felt a hand clap him on the shoulder. "So glad you could join us."
Crowley suppressed the urge to cringe. "You could have just sent a message. I mean, kidnapping, in broad daylight?"
Gabriel smiled brightly. "Call it what it was: A brilliant rendition!"
Crowley wriggled his wrists against the blessed bindings, glad that they weren't being very obvious in how they were affecting him. At least Aziraphale's body protected him somewhat from them, though they still HURT. He focused on the wanker Gabriel's face, even though it made him sick at just how giddy the angel was at what was bound to happen next. He just wondered why they chose a bathtub to put the hellfire in?
"Where is Uriel?" Gabriel asked the other angel in the room. Crowley recognized the angel only just so. Wasn't one that spent much time on earth, if he wasn't mistaken it was the angel Sandalphon who took out the kingdom of Sodom, ridding the whole place of it's sinners.
"Should be here soon."
"Great." Gabriel turned his sickly purple eyes in his direction, nothing but malice hidden behind some sick joy. Crowley returned a less than joyful grin.
"Don't you think this is a bit extreme, Gabriel?"
"Only the best. We DO have to make an example of a traitor, don't we?"
"I wouldn't go as far as call me a traitor. I mean I..."
He was cut off by the sound of footsteps. "Sorry it took so long. Wanted to make sure both batches were blessed well enough."
Blessed? Crowley felt a chill go down his borrowed spine. He watched as Uriel poured clear seemingly harmless water from a pitcher. The volume of the pitcher seemed to match that of the tub perfectly. He felt his pulse quicken as the dark archangel then came over and untied his bindings. He discreetly rubbed at his wrists in pretense of fixing his shirtsleeves, then he straightened the bow-tie in the same manner he'd watched Aziraphale straighten in in the past 200 years since adding it to his attire.
"Holy water? Really now, we're all angels here, aren't we?"
"I don't think so, Aziraphale. See, I feel a TRUE angel wouldn't have fought against the Great plan the way you did. A REAL angel wouldn't have been fraternizing around with the enemy like you did, for God only knows how long. No I think you must have fallen a long time ago. Impressive how long you kept this a secret."
The demon clenched his teeth as familiar words rang in his memory. 'Do you have any idea what heaven would do if they knew I was FRATERNIZING with you?' Crowley suddenly had insight on a long since forgotten fight. He filed that away for later though, plenty of time later to apologize to Aziraphale, if he could make it back to Earth.
He was somewhat thankful that he currently did not have his forked tongue. "Come now, just because I didn't want to see the destruction of the world, that shouldn't automatically mean I've fallen."
"You went against the Great Plan. You made your choice a long time ago it seems. Now you have a choice to make here, Aziraphale." The purple eyed pansy snapped his fingers, and the other two angels pulled out their flaming swords. Crowley was at a loss for words. "You can either get in the tub now, or you can face one of our swords. Heaven have it, if you are as angelic as you say you are, the holy water shouldn't hurt you then should it? So what's your choice?"
He squared his shoulders and took a deep breath, but before he could voice one final argument, a voice from the other side of the room rang out.
"I believe he's already made his choice."
They all turned to the direction the voice came from, and it was all Crowley could do to keep the utter shock from his face. Who he saw was the last...being... he expected to see, and someone he had not laid eyes on in over 6000 years.
"Lord! To what do we hold the honor of your presence?" Gabriel gave a smile, reaching toward the petite woman who was approaching. Her hair was long and pale blond, brighter than Aziraphale's snowy white for sure.
Crowley suddenly felt really nervous. It was one thing to deceive a group of lunatic asshole angels, it was another to pull the wool over the Almighty's eyes. His heart nearly stopped as she walked directly to him, looking him squarely in the eyes. He could only give a weak smile, which she seemed to return.
"What exactly is going on here?" She looked down a the bathtub, then turned to the Archangels, her body still facing Crowley.
"Oh, well yes. We were making an example of a traitor. Aziraphale is a traitor to your plans!" Crowley could tell that the proud angel was becoming more and more nervous.
"Traitor? Him?" She turned back to Crowley and gave him a warm smile. "He is no traitor. As far as I am concerned, he is more of an angel than any one of you are right now. You can go home now, Aziraphale."
Crowley almost wondered if she was somehow fooled, until she gave him a very subtle wink. Oh. She knew. He swallowed down the question that burned him from inside. Now was not the time for questions. At least not from him.
"Yes. Thank you, Lord." He gave a small bow and made a beeline towards the elevator.
"Now, who sanctioned this extermination?" She crossed her arms, staring down the archangels, who Crowley noted as the doors slowly closed, looked exactly like children caught with their hands in the cookie jar. Gabriel muttered something that he couldn't make out, but he did hear one final thing from Her, before pressing the button for the ground level. "Why am I not surprised..."
As the elevator made its way down, it took Crowley almost the entire ride to get his heart to slow back down. He stared up to the ceiling of the elevator, as if to look directly at someone he once thought hated him... But now, he truly wondered.
The elevator door opened in a loud chime pulling him from his thoughts. Right, he should make his way back to the park. He did smile to himself at the thought of at least four angels getting told off. He hoped it meant that they would finally have peace.