Description: Snowbarry all the way – fixing the show. Just when both Caitlin Snow and Barry Allen think their lives ended, they truly begin, because sometimes when life knocks you down and beats you up, you just need to look in a different direction - the right one.
AN: This is canon, yes, but I'm introducing major/minor – it depends – changes and twists that will perfectly tie up to everything.
It seemed that sometimes life only dealt you with bad cards. That no matter what you did or how much you tried, it all went up in flames in the end, leaving you defeated and even more powerless. Like that day when your father was wrongfully accused of killing your mother and you had to go and live with the girl you had a crush on. Like growing up, seeing everyone looking at you with pity, saying how sorry they were for what your dad did and not believing you when you stubbornly told them that he was innocent. Because you were just a child who did not know what he saw. Or like the new adoptive father that you got, though an amazing one, couldn't believe you either and forbid you from seeing your biological one. Like the girl you were always dreaming of, your safe harbor, the only thing that you could hold onto when the world around you was falling apart, didn't recognize you as a potential love interest because all she ever saw in you was her best friend or brother.
Or like when you finally grew up, graduated and found the job that was just right for you, you still couldn't find happiness because you were obsessed with your father's case, not able to let it go even though he himself told you to on multiple occasions.
Or like when you finally worked up the courage to tell her how you felt, her laptop was stolen and you couldn't even catch up with the thief despite you running after him right away.
And then you came back to work in the middle of the night and once again saw your world falling to pieces.
You were just closing the window. The lightning stroke and you fell into a coma.
For whole nine months of your life.
And in the end you could see it clearly - all those obstacles, all those fences and paddles and finally mountains standing in your way were simply telling you to let go, to turn around and walk a different way, the right path, but you were so stubborn you still didn't listen.
In the end, you were simply pushed there.
As time flew by, as you were slowly growing to accept your fate, another idea occurred to you – that maybe your life was all wrong because someone orchestrated it to be that way.
What do you do, knowing that?
It was just another day at the Labs. The very same as all those leading up to it, which only made Caitlin Snow feel as though she was stuck in a loop that she couldn't get out of. Cisco would probably say it was her own personal Groundhog Day or maybe their own when considering that he also refused to move on. They were both stuck. Still, on the contrary to dr. Wells, they actually had a choice in the matter. A choice Caitlin kept on pushing away whenever she thought of it. She wasn't sure whether it was the fear of letting go of what was familiar and what had once held such a promise to her or maybe something else.
There was a promise held all right, but she broke it. And that had happened long before the particle accelerator explosion ruined S.T.A.R. Labs. It was all Harrison Wells' doing and her own pride. She'd been a young and naïve college grad once, eagerly jumping at the opportunity to work for the man she'd considered her hero. Maybe she still did. Probably. Or definitely. What had happened then didn't change that as she still respected him and was quite attached to him. They just didn't speak about the before of it all, letting it become this unspoken thing between them - past that was simply that – a past.
Just like any other day, Caitlin placed her coffee cup freshly picked from the Jitters on her desk and then she made her way to the boy in a coma. Nothing changed there as expected, but she still made her usual round like a doctor would.
While she diligently checked his readings, she pondered over the ruin of her life. Sometimes she felt like she was ancient and she wasn't even thirty! It was remarkable, truly, like some of the things that happened to you made you think you'd already lived a hundred years whereas the truth was that you barely started your existence. In fact, if counting in earth's years, her whole life wouldn't even be a blip, not to mention the first twenty six years of it.
It was all because there was loss. A lot of it, actually, reaching her very childhood. There also a dark secret no one knew, even Cisco, her best friend and confidant. She just couldn't tell him, afraid of the look on his face once she did. Maybe she didn't give him enough credit. Well, probably, but she couldn't even handle that particular affair herself, not to mention telling someone about it, actually having to say it out loud.
It was still quite literally staring her in the eye every day. Yet, she couldn't leave.
Where would she go anyway? She wondered. To work for her mother? That would be her own personal defeat. She could always try Mercury Labs, but even if it seemed like a good solution, she was a doctor first. It was in her very nature and because of that simple fact she just couldn't abandon the young man still lying in a coma. He needed her. Needed her expertise and if she was gone, there would be no one else familiar with the outcome of the accelerator explosion and his medical state, not to mention dr. Wells wouldn't be able to find anyone remotely good to work for him again. Those were facts. There were also other arguments for staying that she couldn't quite explain just yet.
Because how could she? She was a scientist and yet, the moment dr. Wells took her to the hospital to see Barry Allen, something inside of her shifted. It was a strange feeling of calm washing over her and suddenly, she no longer felt like her word was spinning out of control. Quite the contrary, despite her life still being in shreds, she could feel herself calming down, coming to a stop, able to take a breath.
Now, how could she explain that to someone if she couldn't even understand it herself?
One thing she was sure of – as long as Barry Allen was there, either in a coma or out of it, she should stay by his side, making sure he would survive.
Only it'd been nine months and she didn't know how long she could take it before she would break. She was growing more tired and sad with every passing day, wondering whether her work was all for nothing, wondering whether she was simply going crazy. Maybe she was grasping at straws, holding on to this boy that she'd never even had the pleasure to speak to, in order not to lose her own sanity.
She wasn't sure anymore.
Sometimes she wished someone could tell he what her life would look like a year from now, maybe even five or ten. She was in a desperate need for good news.
In the end, she should be glad that she didn't know, because even though Barry Allen would irrevocably change her life and give it meaning, a purpose, adventure, perfect love and family; she would also have to find out about all the pain and trouble and heartbreak that would follow in their wake.
So yes, it was better not to know because people always only wanted to know the good stuff and it simply didn't work that way - life didn't work like that.
Just then, she nearly jumped on hearing a song pour out of the speakers, announcing Cisco's arrival at work. It was Poker Face.
"What are you doing?" Caitlin asked in exasperation as she turned to her friend.
"He likes this song!"
"How could you possibly know that?"
"I checked his facebook page. I mean he can hear everything, right?"
"Auditory functions are the last sensory faculties to degenerate," she informed in her typical medical fashion, work actually being her own sense of escapism.
While Cisco moved to his console, singing along, Caitlin turned around to take a look at another machine's readings and then she frowned. No, that couldn't be… That would mean…
Only she didn't have to even come to such a conclusion because in that moment she heard a gasp and as she turned back to the man lying in bed, she discovered he was now sitting, confused and overwhelmed, not knowing where he was. She ignored Cisco's comment of 'Oh, my God!' and immediately got to her patient, actually happy that this day was a break from her normal routine, that they finally saw Barry waking up. Now she got work to do and she was so looking forward to it! She vaguely heard Cisco calling dr. Wells as she checked Barry's pupils not without difficulties as he couldn't keep still, looking around and asking what was going on. Before she proceeded to explaining that to him and calming him down, she frowned at the expected appearance of Harrison. She'd been quite successfully avoiding him after the last time and now she wasn't sure what to expect from their meeting. Then she quickly pushed all of that to the back of her mind, knowing Barry was the most important at the moment. She needed to make sure he was healthy.
Wells appeared by the time she and Cisco finished explaining to Barry what happened and why he was there with a brief pause in which stunned Barry looked in the mirror, discovering that he had abs despite him being immobile for so long. Caitlin quickly responded that his cells instead of degenerating were actually regenerating – she started talking so fast that Cisco couldn't catch up with her, though Barry didn't seem to have such a problem – anything, just to distract herself from looking at said abs. And just then, when Cisco was opening his mouth to answer Barry for how long he'd been in a coma, there was another voice coming from the door and a shiver ran down Caitlin's spine as she braced herself, remembering a certain day from a few weeks ago.
"…nine months," dr. Wells responded, smiling widely from his wheelchair, his eyes never leaving Barry's. "Welcome back, Mr. Allen."
Maybe it was just Caitlin's imagination, but instead of letting her examine Barry and make sure everything was all right and, most of all, take a peek into his DNA to see if it was even more changed; he immediately pulled the man away to talk to him in private. As though that was more important than making sure he was healthy, Cait frowned while watching them go.
It seemed ridiculous, really, she thought once Barry and dr. Wells finally made it back and she was just about to make her way towards the younger of men when he announced he was feeling fine and needed to run somewhere.
"But… but we have to make sure you're healthy! You've spent the last nine months in a coma, Barry!" Caitlin loudly protested, earning herself a look from dr. Wells. She was too busy pleading Barry to stay and let her perform all the tests necessary to check the exact expression on Harrison's face now.
"I'm fine. I have to go," still, Barry dismissed her pleads and left.
And she was just standing there, stupefied. Because for the last nine months she'd been taking care of him, making sure he was breathing and that he was all right and then he suddenly woke up and was… gone? Just like that? Gone in a flash, pushing her back to where she started, to the point in which she was actually forced to make a decision about the rest of her life and figure out what she wanted from it. She knew she couldn't live like this for any longer. She just didn't know which way she should go and as she helplessly ran a hand through her hair, she decided to ask Cisco to grab some dinner later on and talk to him about her worries. Who knew, maybe he would leave, too. Her last concern was about dr. Wells. That talk would be the hardest, she figured as she watched him drive away in his electric wheelchair. That she so was not prepared for and wasn't sure she ever would be.
He thought it would all be so easy and life laughed at his plans, yet, once again.
He'd spent nine months in a coma and once he finally woke up, he ran straight to Iris, trying to pick up where they'd left off whereas he should have known better. He should have known it wouldn't be that easy, that she'd surely moved on with her life. And she had. He was painfully aware of that now.
How many bumps in the road would he still have to face till he found the right way? He wondered. How many disappointments? He just now started to wonder whether he could still consider himself employed. He'd been missing most part of the year and he didn't even know how to go on or what choices to make now. He suddenly regretted leaving S.T.A.R. Labs so fast, so desperate to see Iris. Maybe if he'd stayed, he could've postponed the moment of disappointment.
One thing he knew for sure – if he stayed, he would find out about his powers from this nice and pretty, though extremely sad, doctor Snow. He guessed he would have to pay her a visit now.
"You don't seem to smile much."
One comment straight to the point and observant eyes of his on her face left her in danger of losing it completely. Only she remembered the last time she'd lost it and what happened then, so she held on, facing Barry bravely and actually feeling herself vulnerable in an unknown to her way. He wasn't judging her, wasn't trying to comfort her by force, he was just genuinely curious and concerned, which was a welcomed change. He seemed like such a nice guy, she thought, noticing that the first time they actually spoke when he politely returned to ask whether he could keep the S.T.A.R. Labs sweatshirt. In that moment, she truly wanted to ask him what he would do if dr. Wells said no. Leave the Labs shirtless? Men like Barry Allen were a rare species. He was caring and it wasn't an act. She could tell he was honest in what he did and wondered where that had even come from. Was it his upbringing? Experience? Why was he so humble? So good?
In the end, she gave him the straight to the point and very bitter answer, not breaking a smile at all after which she just left, suddenly feeling disturbed and wanting him not to look her in the eye any longer because he seemed to be in danger of looking straight into her soul and she wasn't sure he'd like what he found there.
She joined dr. Wells as they watched the young man speed. And boy, was he fast!
Right until he crashed, that was, Caitlin winced on seeing it happen and braced herself for providing him with her medical care.
She didn't remember the last time she was so excited.
She was just showing Barry his X-Rays, informing that the fracture he had in his hand healed in the course of three hours and that he not only gained speed when waking up from the coma, but his healing abilities sped up as well, adjusting to the new lifestyle he would have. She couldn't wait till she did more test. Meanwhile, she heard dr. Wells addressing the speedster, yet, when she looked his way, she noticed him watching her warily and started wondering whether he'd been doing that while she'd been taking care of the injured party.
"Something pulled your focus out there," Wells deduced, finally shifting his eyes from Caitlin to Barry as he followed with a question, "What was it?"
There was a brief moment of silence during which Caitlin left Barry's side and walked over to the cabinet behind him when she heard, "When I was eleven, my mother died…" She stilled just then, discovering the reason to the sadness that seemed to be ever-present in his eyes whenever she looked into them. He wasn't as depressed as she was and the fact that his loss had hit him all those years ago kind of explained that. Nevertheless, it'd happened and Caitlin could recognize that look perfectly. She figured it never truly went away no matter how much time passed. As she listened to Barry's devastating and also – which seemed at first – supernatural story, she remembered her own father's death. He wasn't murdered, but the loss seemed to be felt all the same as he'd hidden the symptoms of his sickness well. It was as though one moment Caitlin had a father and the next he was gone. She was better now than she'd been then, but it still felt heavy on her. Her dad was the reason why she excelled at everything. He always pushed her to be the best and she did it all for him. She became the best doctor she could possibly be. And then she met Harrison Wells. Or maybe rather Harrison Wells found and recruited her. Yes, there were mistakes as she was so young, but in the end she was happy to be a part of the team at S.T.A.R. Labs, to be able to work for the brightest mind she'd ever known and probably would know since he was unstoppable in his field of expertise. Then, there was Ronnie. He was like a breath of fresh air, like her chance at being normal, at having a normal family one day. Only then he died and the grieving process started all over again.
Yes, Caitlin Snow knew firsthand how hard it must've been for Barry, especially when no one wanted to believe him that there was a speedster that night in his house that killed his mother.
What came as a surprise to her was that dr. Wells dismissed his idea, saying it couldn't be possible since the particle accelerator gave people powers and before that, no one had ever heard of speedsters or other abilities, which pretty much gave away the fact that Barry wasn't the only one affected and opened another can of worms.
Caitlin always prided herself on being independent and handling life and herself well without any need for male assistance. She was the last woman who would sing 'I need a hero' aloud and yet, when she saw what Barry could do, what his powers meant and how much good he could actually do for the city, for the world; she couldn't help it and for the first time since the particle accelerator exploded, she actually smiled. Her smile was broad and bright and filled with hope, because she seemed to just feel it in her bones that the future would be better than she expected. In that moment, she felt dr. Wells watching her and she met his eyes, her smile still there on her face as she couldn't seem to rid of it once her lips actually formed it. There was something in those blue eyes of his that she couldn't quite decipher, something that disturbed her. Maybe it was hurt. Maybe he was hurt or disappointed because he'd tried on multiple occasions during those past nine months to make her smile despite him being in just as equally dire situation and he never succeeded once. What it took was Barry Allen running with nearly the speed of light, seemingly bringing that light into her life just when she thought she would always be immersed in darkness. He was the spark ignited in her chest. In fact, ever since Barry had come to her and Cisco, asking for their assistance to stop the meta who could control the weather, she felt hope awakening in her chest. In that very moment, she knew she wouldn't have to have any talks with either Cisco or Harrison about her possibly leaving, pursuing an actual life because that life found her on its own. It was right here in front of her, staring her in the face all this time. Then again, it always was, wasn't it? What a person needed was a gentle push, a change of perspective, a different direction chosen. She might not exactly be practicing as any other doctor out there, she might not be in it for fame or possible recognition, but instead she found a much higher calling. She knew that despite the fact that people probably wouldn't hear the name doctor Caitlin Snow, she would still win in the end because what she would be doing in the Labs, she would love. She would see any breakthrough first-handedly when examining Barry and the metahumans they might encounter and most importantly, she would actually be a part of it all. She would get to create history rather than being a passive observant. This would be good for her, she decided with another smile following. This would be good for her because she wouldn't be cooked up in her lab all alone. She would be out there, among her friends, working with them, having an actual life. She could nearly taste it. She knew this was the right path. It wasn't exactly what she'd expected, but then again, she should rid herself of any expectations entirely since they only led to disappointments. From now on she would let go of her past and her mistakes – or at least try to, she promised herself – and would just live. She would go down the path that felt right, that seemed made just for her.
Wells had to admit – he was worried there for a second.
He'd planned everything so meticulously that there was truly no room for error. He even collected the right people for his team, knowing all of their histories, knowing how to push them, how to prod to get the best results. He did that with Ramon. He did that with Caitlin. Maybe with her above all.
He was so sure his plan was perfect, that he was the master of deceit - even of the worst kind. Yet, what he didn't plan was the way he himself would feel after pretending to be Harrison Wells for the total of fifteen years. He was far from being sentimental, but in the same he couldn't help but feel a little insecure when Barry was telling them about the murder of his mother. Obviously, it wasn't as though he could tell what kind of a man or monster was hiding under that yellow mask all those years ago, but Wells felt nervous all the same, suddenly afraid the boy might somehow recognize him. Which, again, was ridiculous.
And then, he spotted a real smile on Caitlin's face after Barry saved the day for the first time. The younger man had no way of seeing it and that was the only comfort Wells took, happy to be privy to that sight, but on the other hand feeling rattled. He was rattled because his plan had to work. There was no room for error.
No room for error, he told himself time and time again. He repeated those words to himself as a mantra when spending time with Cisco, playing the father the boy needed the approval of. He couldn't get attached. Under no circumstances.
With Caitlin he actually had fun in the best meaning of this word. He'd recruited her straight from college, designing his plan right then when seducing her. She was young and naïve and he took advantage of that and would never apologize for it. To him she was dead for centuries. To him she was an enemy. So he could fuck her. Quickly literally, too. Which he did, he remembered with a smirk on his face. On multiple occasions.
The appearance of Ronnie put an end to this, but he didn't mind. His plan was most definitely in motion. And then it happened those past two weeks of so that he found her crying her eyes out in the Labs after hours. Cisco was long gone, so they were left alone. He didn't charge himself that day, so he had no scruples to comfort her, which ended with him seeking out her lips and tasting her tears. It didn't take long for her to land in his laps, her arms and legs wound around him, clothes off as she took him inside and fucked him. This time it was all her and it was his own personal pride. Because he didn't move a muscle except those of his arms that were holding her. She was the one riding him and she wanted this. Needed it.
He was never fool enough to believe she could love him. He couldn't love her, so why would she? But she was vulnerable after the explosion took Ronnie from her, the only semblance of a normal life she could have and Wells used that. He had no regrets. There was no room for error and he actually got a little pleasure out of it as well, so it was a win, win.
Until today.
Today Caitlin seemed to be genuinely happy. And it wasn't Harrison's doing. Well, of course it wasn't.
In the end, maybe even he couldn't fight fate.
Or he could, he smirked in satisfaction as he saw the headline from 2025 signed by no one else by Iris West-Allen.
Seeing Iris actually developing a relationship with Eddie Thawne, that paradoxically was his ancestor, therefore he couldn't kill the man; was a setback, indeed, but apparently not enough of one.
The future was definitely painted the way he wanted it to be.