Author's Note: Welcome to my Covid-19 fic (i.e. the fic that I had to finish part of and post thanks to forced self-isolation during this scary and weird time). It's loosely based off the song "If I Fall You're Going Down With Me" by the Dixie Chicks. If you haven't heard it before, I highly recommend listening to it. Anyway, this will definitely have a second part with the possibility of a third! So please enjoy, and stay safe and healthy!
Ever since he was a baby, peculiar noises could always be heard from James Potter's room. Well, to an outsider they were peculiar. To James, they were just part of the scene.
This evening, if one were to be listening outside of James' bedroom door they would be able to hear three peculiar noises. The first, and loudest noise, would be the sound of James' owl, Owl, tapping his desk as one of his many tactics to try and gain attention. Owl had already delivered his letter earlier this evening and was generously rewarded with two treats, and yet, James' needy and clingy owl still felt wanting of James' attention. Usually Owl would immediately get said attention. However, since James was no longer in a room with Sirius, Remus, Peter, and George, Owl was getting less attention than usual after one of his deliveries to James. Therefore, he was not going to stop tapping and leave for the Owlery until he got what he wanted. Nonetheless, James Potter, as one who was used to annoying noises, he did share a room with Sirius for six years after all, was able to tune Owl out.
The other two noises were coming from James himself.
Now usually, the sound of a quill scratching against parchment would not be heard from another room behind a closed door. However, when the quill is in James Potter's hand, it is likely that the scratching sound could be heard through at least two closed doors two rooms over. No one knows how he manages to make such loud noises through his writing. There was a widespread theory throughout the school that he cast a Sonorus charm on his quill as a prank in first year and just continues to do that with every quill he has out of habit. James quite honestly can't count the number of annoyed huffs and glares he's gotten during classes or exams because of his loud writing from other students. Even Hagrid, whose blinks are loud, has commented on it before. Regardless, James was responding to a letter, and the loud scratches of his quill against the parchment echoed loudly throughout the room.
The last noise, again coming from James himself, was his incessant foot-tapping which were unwittingly in time with Owl's beak taps . While James' hands were loudly concentrated on replying to a letter from his father, his mind was on tonight's events. Some of the taps were indicative of his eager anticipation, some were for his nerves. Most of the taps, however, were for his restlessness. He knew he would be finished writing the letter in a about a minute, but after that—nothing. He would have at least three hours to kill until he met up with Sirius and Peter. What the fuck was he supposed to do until then? He thought as he finished his letter with a loudly written "Love, James".
Well luck was on his side because that's when he heard the knocking on his bedroom door.
Knowing that could only be one person, James' foot stopped tapping, he set down his quill, brushed his fingers through his hair, and walked over to open his door, smiling about what he knew was on the other side.
He was met with the only sight in all of Hogwarts to make his heart stutter – Lily Evans. She, like him, was in her rumpled up Hogwarts uniform with the top few buttons of her untucked shirt undone and her tie loosened enough that the knot fell between the swell her breasts rather than up against her neck. Her red hair was down and tussled as if she moved around a lot today, and her green eyes, commonly alight with life, were dragged down by dark circles under her eyes. A development James noticed early this morning during breakfast. Now, usually, when Lily made the trip across the hall from her Head Girl dorm to his Head Boy dorm, it was regarding Heads duties. Now to previous Hogwarts Head Boys, having a girl in their room to discuss Heads duties would be nothing short of boring; James, however, loved any opportunity of having Lily in his private space.
"Hey Lily. What's up?" asked James casually as he leaned his body against the door frame. His heart continued to stutter though despite his laidback appearance as it always did when she was near at first.
"I can hear your writing from my room Potter," she huffed.
James' face fell. He was not expecting that. Over the past year, he has honestly been trying to quieten his writing. It's just, how the fuck does one do that without needing to remember to cast a spell every time!? He ranted to himself in his mind. "Shit, sorry Evans. You know I can't help it though." His cheeks turned red. Lily rolled her eyes, but couldn't help but smile at his bashful remorse. It's something she doubts she would've seen even a year ago.
She chuckled. Her smile quickly disappeared though to be replaced with scrunched eyebrows and wandering eyes. "I know…What the Hell is that tapping noise though?" She then walked past his tall frame into his bedroom and over to his desk where Owl continued to tap his beak on the desk for attention. The orange glow of the setting sun in the window behind his desk cast a fiery halo around her already burning hair as she softly giggled at Owl's antics and reached out her finger to lovingly stroke his feathers. Owl crooned happily at her touch. "You must have the neediest owl on planet Potter."
James laughed in response as he watched her fawn over his bird. It's true, Owl was always demanding attention by making noises. Owl was needy. Good thing James has learned to tune such noises out. Also, Owl spends most of his time at the Owlery these days; so the other owls have to deal with it, and it's not like they could complain. Although, James mused, that would've made a pretty good prank! I wonder how Padfoot never thought of it…!? Well, he's no me. James smirked at that thought.
"Is he ever not trying to get someone's attention by making obnoxious noises?" She giggled, "Well he's not unlike his owner in that way, isn't he?" She gave James a knowing wink as she continued to stroke Owl.
James' smirk deepened. In more ways than one, James thought as Owl continued to hum happily at Lily's caring caress.
"So what have you been up to tonight?" James questioned wondering if there was another reason she was here despite his alleged attention-seeking noises.
Lily sighed and looked out at the window toward the sunset. Both James and Lily were incredibly lucky to have such amazing views from their rooms this year. Their windows were charmed so that in the mornings they face the east in that they are able to wake up with the sun rising, and in the evenings the windows faced the west in that they are able to see the sunset. Now that it was evening, you could of course make out the sunset, but also the Astronomy Tower silhouetted against the orange, yellow and red sky, James' favorite Beech tree by the lake, and the Black Lake that was, at the moment, resembling the color of Lily's hair. It was James' favorite time to stare out his window. The colors reminded him of his favorite things: Gryffindor, his quidditch team, Pumpkin Juice, Butterbeer, Lily.
It had been a few moments, but James was still waiting for Lily to answer his simple question of what she had been up to. He wasn't sure why, but it was clear she was struggling with it. She continued to pet Owl, but her eyes stared out that sunset worriedly as her shoulders hunched with heavy burdens to match the darkness under her eyes he had noticed before. What's up with her?James thought with concern as the fingers on her hand that were not touching Owl started fidgeting with each other.
When she finally spoke, it was quietly. "I know what tonight is James, and…"she sighed again, "you know how I feel about it," she finished scrunching her eyes closed in guilt and pain.
James ran his hand through his hair before stuffing both hands in his pockets. He knew that when she found out at the beginning of last year what happened every month, she not only hated what Remus has to go through, but also that James, Sirius and Peter insist they go through it with him but still. James knew that with them, this was less painful and less emotionally taxing on Remus. However, she used to point out that they all come back with injuries and sleep deprivation now. Yet, whenever they returned from one of their full moon nights, she would always be waiting up for them in the Gryffindor common room, sleep-deprived herself, usually dazedly staring at the dwindling fire sitting on the plushy red couch, with a bottle of dittany clutched in her hand and a Healing textbook in her lap.
He knew she grudgingly admired and respected that since she once told Remus. So he knew this wasn't about her trying to stop him anymore; she has accepted that this was something they must do for their friend.
Regardless, he still felt guilty that this caused her such grief. Lily is a lot like him in that way. They both internalize their loved ones' pain, and they both love Remus. Tonight was the first full moon of this school year though, and it still gives her anxiety. However, she doesn't usually approach just him about it. In the past, she would approach all of them, implore them to stay safe, and assure them that she'll wait up for them. Today, she had plenty opportunities throughout the day to come to all of them during classes and meals. So James wondered if there was something more for her about himgoing out this night.
He came up with his best guess as to her upcoming argument as to why she was particularly anxious about his involvement tonight. "Look Evans, I get that I'm Head Boy now, and I have responsibilities to the school and all that shit, so it's a little different this year, but…but we still have the cloak and the map, and I can promise you that I won't get caught."
Lily's head turned toward him quickly, her shoulders were now back and up straight with high head conviction as her emerald eyes danced with passionate feeling, "I don't give a damn about your responsibilities James. I am worried about your—" she paused, "all of your safeties. I don't like you…any of you getting hurt. You almost died at the end of last year as Prongs!"
James was taken aback by the tenor of her response. She felt that strong about his—their safety?
"I've been going crazy with worry over this stupid full moon tonight," she whispered softly. He almost didn't hear it, and her worried gaze was now being channeled into even softer caressing of Owl who was double-chinning, as James like to see it, pleasurably over the tender care.
Since halfway through sixth year, James had begun to notice a change in how Lily responded to him. She no longer rolled her eyes at his jokes and sometimes even laughed; she no longer tried to compete with him in classes and instead seemed proud of his successes; she no longer did her best to not cheer for him at quidditch matches and now James could sometimes actually single out her scream in the crowd of hundreds. He's not blind. He know what's happening here.
Sirius tells him it's because he's changed. "You've changedmate," Sirius spat out the word "changed" in a way Sirius' mother would say "muggleborn".
That's bullshit. Sure, he's grown up a bit and maybe matured a bit, but he's still the same cocky, arrogant quidditch player who wants to go out with this girl and hates greasy Slytherins more than almost anything else.
Remus says it's because he's finally backed off a little. He stopped asking her out every chance he got at the beginning of sixth year; he stopped trying to "accidentally" bump into her using the map; he stopped trying to intrude on her Hogsmeade outings with her friends or, Merlin forbid it to ever happen again with anyone but him, Hogsmeade dates.
Most students throughout the school say it's because James has finally given up and moved on. Others say it's because the concussion he got in the quidditch game last fall bludgered the crush right out of him. Some even say it's because he's secretly dating Celestina Warbeck. In reality, none of those theories were true. Although, James did little to stop the spread of the last rumor. Warbeck was one hot witch, and it only served his ego to know that people think he is dating her.
Nonetheless, the real reason James began to leave Lily alone is because he was beginning to fall in love with her. He noticed his feelings were growing stronger. This was no longer a schoolboy crush. Whenever she turned him down, he couldn't shake it off as easily, and instead would have to mope for hours.
He would sometimes find his entire being consumed by her presence where it was no longer just a boggled mind, but a stuttering heart, shortness of breath, sweaty palms, drying lips. It was like it was no longer just his mind, that little voice in his head, that liked Lily, but his entire body, every part of him, was beginning to like Lily. And that just couldn't happen.
Again, having a crush on someone and being repeatedly turned down is one thing, but being in love with someone, and being turned down even once is another thing altogether. His mind can lie to him about how he is taking the rejection; his body on the other hand, can't. This was something James knew he wouldn't—couldn't—take. Fuck no.
If James Potter was going to fall, he sure as Agrippa was going to make sure that Lily Evans would fall with him.
By curbing his desire to be around her all the time, James was able to control his crush a little more. He knew, however, that things would be different this year when they were sharing a room, and he wouldn't be able to avoid her as easily. Except, while James had begun to notice that Lily no longer hated him during the latter half of their sixth year, he only started to notice the signs that she liked him back this past month. It was her lingering stares and touches, the way her cheeks bloomed red after he complimented her, the way she was almost always initiating their conversations, the way she sought him out to speak to him about random things, the way she bites her lip in what he suspected was desire when she watches him return from quidditch practice covered in sweat and earth, the way her bell-like laughter echoes throughout the halls as they patrol together, and now this: "I've been going crazy with worry," Lily had whispered.
James saw this as an opportunity to get her to fall with him. He was okay with falling itself; he just needed Lily to go down with him.
It was perfect. There he stood staring at her as she stroked his bird with the sun setting and the trees gently billowing in wind conditions perfect for flying. "Let me distract you then Evans. We can't have our Head Girl going crazy," he smirked.
Lily narrowed her eyes at him, "Distract me how?"
"Come for a fly with me. The weather's just about perfect."
Lily turned her head towards the window clearly taking in the perfectly cool late September evening, "Wow…it kind of is, isn't it?" She sighed though. "You know I hate flying James."
Of course he did. He was there during their first flying lesson in first year (even though he was clearly overqualified for such a lesson—yes he was still bitter about being forced into that). Poor Lily though. As soon as her feet lifted off the ground, her screams could be heard all the way from Hagrid's hut who came thundering over thinking that someone was dying.
So while Lily technically knows how to fly, she's just too terrified to ever actually do it.
The last time she had to try was only a few weeks ago when he and Sirius helped Marlene move Lily's trunk to the McKinnons' place the night before the train left for Hogwarts since Lily's parents couldn't drop her off this year. She was so scared that she ended up apparating and having to walk an obscene distance from the McKinnons' anti-apparation point. After collapsing to the marbled floors when she finally arrived at the Manor with blistered feet and sore legs, she begged all of us to force her on a broom next time. "I need to get over this before I graduate," she declared. She had yet to go on a broom though.
"Lily," he started slowly, "remember how you said you needed to get used to flying before we graduate?" She nodded her eyes staring blankly at Owl. "Let me help you. You know I am qualified, and trust me, there are no better conditions to start than right now!"
Her fingers started twisting together, "What if…what if I fall?" Contrary to popular belief, it wasn't heights Lily was afraid of as James discovered after finding Lily randomly studying in the Astronomy tower one night in third year. No—what she fears is falling without control and getting hurt.
Owl has resumed his tapping now that Lily was no longer touching him. They both ignored him.
James exhaled slowly trying to think of the best way to placate her, "I'll be on the broom with you this time—the entire time, and…while I can't…I can't promise that you won't fall, I can promise that if you do fall, I'll probably end up going down with you." She smiled a little at this. "That way we're both hurt, and we all know how much you love to see me in pain Evans," he joked trying to further ease her nerves.
It worked. Lily's fingers unraveled from each other, and she beamed at him. "Wow…James Potter, so-called quidditch prodigy can't guarantee that he won't fall on his arse during a simple broom ride around the school with the flightless Head Girl," Lily teased.
James chuckled, "Even wizards and witches can't run from the laws of gravity Evans," or loveJames added in his mind with a sigh.
"There's the cushioning charm, charms to slow the fall and let's not forget that history has made it clear that whenever a witch is in distress, a wizard will always be there to save her," Lily argued back playfully.
James released a breathy laugh, walked over to her by the window, and reached out for her hands to hold in his. Both of them were looking down at their touching hands—heat coursing through both of their bodies—James' heart fluttering. "First of all, we both know that Lily Evans doesn't need anyone to save her." They both briefly smirked at this truth, "Secondly, while there are ways to avoid getting hurt if and when you fall, sometimes, as you very well know Evans since this is what scares you most about flying, it happens too fast for those options to work. So again, I can't promise that either of us won't ever fall and get hurt in this, but I'll be there with you the whole time. Besides, we can stay low to the ground for the first bit."
Lily laughed nervously. Owl's tapping was now picking up pace.
"Just trust me Evans. It's too perfect out this evening to not at least try. You just gotta hold on to me. That's our best bet, and if you let yourself relax, you'll be having so much fun that if you do fall, you won't even notice until you hit the ground," James smiled at her waiting for her final response.
"Okay," Lily answered quietly.
In the eerie silence that followed her answer, they both noticed that they could no long hear Owl. With their hands still in each other's, they both turned their heads to see Owl's beak stuck in the desk from having tapped too hard. They both laughed.
Follow if you want to see James and Lily fall with each other in one way or another ;)