Elsa took a deep breath and ran her hands through her hair, trying to calm herself. She closed her eyes for a few seconds and took another deep breath. She opened her eyes again and looked down onto the valley.
When she had received the message she had immediately left the Northuldra camp. She had sprinted through the forest, trying to run off her excitement, fear and turmoil. She hadn't stopped running until she had reached the cliff at the edge of the Enchanted Forest where you had a view over the complete valley. It was Elsa's favorite place and she always came here when she needed some time for herself, a quiet, peaceful and beautiful place where she could be alone with herself and her thoughts.
And that was what she needed eight now. When she had received the letter from Kai where he had quickly written down that Anna was in labor now, a thousand different emotions had crashed down on her.
The first one was pure joy and delight. Ever since her sister and Kristoff had told her that Anna was pregnant Elsa couldn't wait for the day the baby would be born and seeing Kristoff and Anna both being so happy about the pregnancy and the outlook of starting a family filled her with pure delight. She was so grateful to be part of their felicity and had tried to help wherever she could during her sister's pregnancy.
But besides her joy and anticipation there were also other feelings. Feelings that weren't positive. Feelings she hadn't told anyone about. She was afraid. Very afraid. This fear had been spreading in her chest since the day she knew that Anna was pregnant. And now, as the day she had looked forward to finally arrived, panic took control over her. She was utterly afraid that she wouldn't be capable of handling all of this. In her head she had gone over the situation hundreds of times when she would finally be able to see the baby for the first time.
She didn't want to admit it to anyone but she was, in fact, afraid of hurting Anna's and Kristoff's newborn with her powers.
She was afraid she would not be able to control them and that she would use them against the baby by accident.
She hated to admit it because she was ashamed. Ashamed of even having these kinds of thoughts. Ashamed that she could even think about the possibility of hurting this baby. But she did.
In the previous six years Elsa had learned to fully accept her powers and to not let them take control over her anymore. With the love of especially her sister she had finally been able to use her powers the way she wanted to which meant not to hurt the people around her but making a good contribution to her life. Usually, she didn't need to be afraid of hurting the people around her with her powers anymore. She had learned to fully accept herself and she had also found her true purpose in life and therefore she didn't have those dark, hopeless and desperate emotions of her teenage years anymore which had led her to lose control over her powers and injure people she loved.
But with Anna's and Kristoff's baby it was a whole other thing.
Even the smallest thought of doing this baby any harm was enough to put Elsa in panic. It was her biggest fear to lose control over her powers when she would see the newborn for the first time.
She knew that it was all in her head. She knew that her powers had always been an expression of her emotions and that the baby would not be in any danger if she didn't put herself under so much pressure. She knew that it were the disastrous thoughts in her head that made her powers dangerous and not her powers themselves.
But it didn't help.
So again, she was at a point in her life where she told herself "conceal, don't feel" even though she knew it was the wrong thing to do.
She took a deep breath again and looked down on her shaking hands.
Suddenly she heard a rustle behind her. She quickly turned around and was relieved to see that it was Bruni who had followed her through the forest.
He paused when Elsa turned around, cocked his head and looked at her with what seemed like an interested expression.
Elsa couldn't help but laugh happily when she saw him.
"Hello, Bruni.", she said with her calm and soft voice.
She bent down, held her hand open and Bruni immediately climbed on it and made himself comfortable in her palm. She lifted him up and smiled at him.
Then she sighed, closed her eyes for a moment, straightened her shoulders and set off to go back to the camp.
She was going to get ready to go to Arendelle.