Based off of ICarly's "IHatchChicks" episode in which Carly and her friends hatch baby chicks and they get loose in her apartment. Well let's just say, Dwight and Michael decided to get a bunch of baby chicks for them to look over... and then they hatch, get out of the incubator, and run around all over the office, and it's up to everyone to work together to find them all.
Takes place during season 7, before Michael leaves.
The Chick Problem
The minute everyone saw Michael standing in the conference room, fixing up a giant plastic box, everyone was bracing for whatever he came up with as they gathered in the room.
"What's in the box Michael?" asked Ryan.
"This box is no ordinary box Ryan." replied Michael. "This box, is a source of life!"
"This office has been lacking responsibility." replied Dwight. "And one way that helps make people more responsible, is by raising animals. Fortunetly, Schute farms has been adding new items to the menu, which include-"
"Eggs." replied Andy, looking in the box. "We're hatching eggs guys."
Erin eagerly ran up to the box and looked in where all the eggs were.
"Aww, look at them!" Erin replied. "That one's Shelly, and that one's Huevo-"
"Name one Omelet!" Kevin exclaimed.
"Do not name the eggs!" exclaimed Dwight.
"Is there a Benedict there?" asked Jim.
"Oh, there has to be a Yoko." replied Michael, looking at the camera.
"Poachy. The last one should be Poachy." replied Andy.
"I love that name!" Erin exclaimed.
"They're going to wind up as fried chicken sooner or later!" Dwight responded.
Soon the entire office was gathered around the incubator, looking at the six little eggs.
"They will be raised entirely in this incubator until it's time for them to go back to Schrute farms." replied Micheal. "Until then, we have to feed them, water them, do whatever you need to do with raising baby chicks."
"I can't believe I'm saying this." replied Oscar. "But this isn't Michael's worst idea. The entire office really seems to like this idea. Everyone's even working together for once."
A few weeks later, Erin and Michael were walking into work together. Everyone else was just getting in.
"I never was allowed to have a pet." replied Erin to Michael. "This is making up for all the years of not having one! I'm going to be the best chicken caretaker ever! They're going to be cute, yellow, fluffy, and just all around adorable!" Erin exclaimed.
"Like this?" asked Stanley, holding out his coffee mug casually, revelaing a little chick in it.
"Yeah, like that Stanley!" Michael replied eagerly. "How'd you get a chick from the incubator?"
"I didn't." replied Stanley.
"I found it in here when I went to fill my mug." replied Stanley. "I thought the coffee went bad."
"Wait-" replied Michael. "If you- then that means-"
There was a pause.
Michael ran to the conference room. Everyone, who was just starting to come in to start their day, heard him running and looked over at him.
"NOOOOOOOOO!"
Michael ran out to the front of the office.
"CHICKEN JAILBREAK!"
Within minutes all the office workers crowded around the makeshift incubator and all the eggshells in it- but no chicks.
"What happened to the eggs?" Dwight asked, pushing his way to the front. "Aw man, did Creed eat them?"
"Hey, I've done a lot of bad things, but I wouldn't eat baby chicks!" shouted Creed. "Raw."
"Guys, check the camera feed!" called Oscar. "The chicks got out!"
"Well no way, none of us realized that!" replied Angela sarcastically.
"They hatched at some point last night and found a hole in the incubator and got out right as everyone was coming in to work."
"That was about fifthteen minutes ago." replied Ryan.
"Relax, they'll be fine." replied Micheal casually. "We can find them when we find them put them back."
"Not exactly Micheal." replied Oscar. "They just hatched. They need to stay warm, and be fed soon."
Andy rushed over to his computer and typed something in.
"Baby chicks can live outside the incubator for about four hours." replied Andy. "If we can't get them back in time..."
There was a pause as Andy looked distressed.
"Well what?" asked Kevin.
"Or else there's gonna be six chicken funerals!" shouted Andy.
Everyone looked around, worried.
"Okay, everyone split up." replied Micheal. "Creed and Meredith check the bathrooms, Kevin and Dwight check the breakroom, Andy and Erin check the kitchen, Jim and Pam check the meeting room, Oscar stay here, fix the incubator, and keep an eye on the chicks, everyone else split up and search the office! Leave no closet unchecked! Leave no paper unturned! We got three hours and forty five minutes, let's do this!"
Meredith was searching through the women's restrooms when she heard a noise coming from the sink. She put her ear up to it and heard a peeping sound. She rushed out and ran to the men's room.
"Creed!" she shouted.
Creed poked his head out of the men's room.
"I heard peeping in one of the sinks!" replied Meredith.
Creed rushed to the women's room and put his ear up to the sink.
"Yep." he responded. "That's a chick in there. I'll go get my blowtorch and a saw."
Creed started to walk out to go to his car.
"Creed, that's going to take too long." replied Meredith. "I have an idea. But I'm going to need a wrench."
Meredith unscrewed the pipe to the sink and angled it towards her.
"Stand over there and cup your hands." replied Meredith.
Creed cupped his hands and stood at one end of the bathroom. Meredith got down at the pipe's opening and blew into it as hard as she could.
A few seconds later, a fluffy yellow blur flew out of the drain and into Creed's cupped hands.
"Got him!" Creed exclaimed.
Meredith took her mouth off of the pipe and began screwing the pipe back in place.
"When you can't afford a plumber, you learn a couple things." replied Meredith. "Now go put that back in the incubator."
In the work area, Micheal, Kelly, Ryan, Angela, Stanley, Phyllis, and Toby were searching through desks, boxes, closets, and everywhere a chick might be hiding.
"Ugh! We've checked literally everywhere!" shouted Kelly. "And no matter how many times we hear peeping, we can't find that stupid chick!"
"Wait a minute." replied Toby. He looked over at the vent against the bottom of the wall. "I need a screwdriver!"
"Not now Toby!" shouted Micheal. "Don't you see we don't have the time for you, especially not now!"
Ryan handed Toby a screwdriver and unscrewed the vent, taking it off the wall.
"When my daughter's hamster got lost, we found it in the vent." replied Toby. "Maybe the chick climbed in here."
Toby looked halfway into the vent and moved in about halfway.
"Hey! I see it!" shouted Toby. "Hey little guy."
Toby went to move his arms to grab the chick, only to realize that his arms were now pinned to his sides and he was stuck.
"Guys, I think I'm stuck." replied Toby.
"Dangit Toby!" shouted Micheal.
"Guys, I don't mean to alarm you all, but we only have three hours left." replied Ryan.
"I'm okay!" Toby shouted. "Just keep going!"
"That's what she said!" Micheal shouted as he and the others kept searching.
Kevin and Dwight were scouring the breakroom when there was the sound of peeping from behind the vending machine.
"There's a chick behind there!" called Dwight. He rushed over to the vending machine.
"You need my help?" asked Kevin.
"Kevin, I've been plowing fields and lifting buckets of dirt from farms before you could walk." replied Dwight. "I can pick up a vending machine."
Dwight tried to pick up the vending machine. He, however, couldn't get his arms around it.
"Huh." he replied.
Dwight took off his belt and tried to wrap it around the vending machine to pull it, but that didn't work either.
So he tried lifting it from the bottom.
Kevin started to get frantic. He didn't know how much time had passed, and all he knew was Dwight wasn't able to get the chick out in time. After ten minutes of watching Dwight fail to pick up the vending machine, Kevin started to wonder if that chick was still alive.
"Dwight." replied Kevin. "Move. I got this."
Dwight, who was trying to prove he was not tired or winded, moved.
Kevin grabbed the vending machine, picked it up, and moved it far enough so the chick scampered out. Kevin set the vending machine down as Dwight scooped the chick up in his hands and looked at Kevin.
"I just really like vending machines." replied Kevin.
"It's in the walls!" shouted Erin. "We have to get it out somehow!"
"I got this." replied Andy. "Stand back."
Andy raised his fist and, with a yell, charged at the wall and punched it as hard as he could.
The wall barely even looked scratched.
"I'm trying my best!" Andy exclaimed. "I just lost a lot of strength because I'm not angry. I can't be angry and go back on my anger management! Dang it Andy! Why can't you do anything right? Now little Yoko's going to starve or freeze to death in there-"
Erin looked at the wall and knew what she had to do.
"Stand back." she told Andy.
Andy took a step back.
Erin took a fighting stance, holding two fists in the air. Then, letting out a warrior cry, punched the wall with all her might and broke open a hole. She removed her fist from the wall and stepped back and Andy reached through the hole and pulled out little Yoko.
"You did it!" Andy exclaimed.
"I learned some karate from Gabe." replied Erin. "Go her in the incubator."
Andy nodded and walked off.
Erin looked at her bleeding hand.
"Oh, and while you're there, could you try to find a first aid kit?"
Jim, Oscar, and Pam were looking in the conference room, being able to hear a peeping but not knowing where. After moving all the chairs again and again, neither of them knew where it was coming from.
"Okay-" replied Jim. "The chick's not anywhere on the floor."
"Wait-" replied Oscar. "Maybe it's not on the floor... but it's still in the room."
She pointed up at the ceiling tiles.
Jim stood up on the table and listened. Then he lifted one of the tiles up gently.
"Found one." he whispered.
Jim carefully reached for the chick and, very slowly, moved his cupped hand out of the celing tile.
"Got-" Jim began before the chick made a sudden movement and stepped out of his hand, beginning to plummet to the table.
In a split second, Pam held out her hands and caught the chick just inches before it would have hit the table.
Both breathed a sigh of relief.
"Great teamwork." he responded as Pam handed the chick to Oscar.
A few minutes later, everyone was gathered in the office.
"We've found Shelly, Huevo, Omelet, Benedict, and Yoko." responded Oscar.
"Anyone see little Poachy?" asked Andy.
"The last we heard of him, he was in the vent." replied Angela. "Maybe he's still in there?"
"I doubt it." replied Ryan. "Besides, that ventilation leads all over the building. Poachy could be anywhere right now."
"That's not a problem, we can go find him!" Erin responded confidently.
Oscar checked the clock.
"Can't." replied Oscar. "It's been over four hours. It's too late."
"Oh, that clock is always fast." replied Erin, walking towards the doorway. "C'mon! Let's search for Poachy!"
"Pam and I just managed to get Benedict in the time limit." replied Pam. "It's been ten minutes since. Poachy's gone."
"Erin." replied Michael, starting to get emotional. "Poachy's… in the big chicken coop up in the sky."
Erin looked completely gut punched. The rest of the office was pretty upset too.
"We tried our best Erin." replied Pam.
"Thank you- thank you all for working so hard." replied Michael, trying to hold back tears. "I'm sure that if Poachy knew we were all looking for him, even Toby-"
Toby, who was still stuck in the vent, kicked his legs.
"Oh my gosh, Toby's still in the vent!" Kelly exclaimed.
Dwight and Pam ran over to Toby and, each taking a leg, pulled him out.
Toby stood up, one hand on his throat.
"Toby, are you okay?" asked Erin, running up to him.
Toby grabbed her non injured hand, held it up, and spit something furry into her hand.
"Toby! That's so-" Angela began.
"No, wait!" exclaimed Erin, looking at her hand to hear a familiar peeping. "Guys, Toby saved Poachy!"
Everyone looked around at little Poachy, who was still alive.
"That's because the inside of a human mouth is exactly the same amount of heat that requires a baby chick to survive." replied Oscar as Erin hurried off, using her injured hand to try to shield Poachy from falling off her hand, to put Poachy in the incubator. "How did you know that?"
"I didn't." a pale looking Toby responded, wiping his mouth. "And he didn't taste like chicken."
"You know what Toby." replied Michael. "I normally can't stand your existence. But today, you helped save a life. A chicken life. And that, I tell you, is something I cannot bring myself to hate such a person like you for."
Toby looked at Michael hopefully.
"Now let's all get back to work." replied Michael.
Everyone took their spots at Dundermifflin, several people congratulating Toby or giving him high fives as they went to begin their work.
Finally, everything was right in Dundermifflin.
Though Erin still needed a first aid kit.