Dear Diary,
Guess what! Yoh and Anna called off their engagement!
I know… I'm shocked too. I guess after the tournament was put on pause and the grandparents started seriously asking about the wedding stuff, they realized what a bad idea it was. They're great friends, and Anna helped Yoh a lot, but basing a marriage on a decision they made as kids was a silly idea. Even Anna said so. They left it open to the possibility that they might want to date in the future but aren't focusing on that right now.
It's a little awkward around the inn at the moment, but I guess that's to be expected. Yoh seems to be dealing with it well though. I think he's relieved. I am too…
Ugh, this has to be the millionth entry I've made about how in love with him I am. But this time… he's actually single! But does that make a difference? It doesn't mean he feels, or has ever felt, the same way about me, this entire time I've followed him around, worshiping him.
But maybe I'll actually tell him now… Right? He should know. But what would he even think of me? Then again, I should at least try… right? Maybe…
Hmm… Diary… wish me luck!
Manta sighed wistfully as he backed away from the latest entry in his laptop. His body buzzed with excitement and a new kind of hope that he hadn't felt in a long time. His life had suddenly filled with hope just by Yoh's arrival into it. The laid-back boy was a welcome break from his tyrant of a father. The Shaman Tournament had also given him a new kind of purpose, helping his best friend. But he had long ago had to accept that the blooming feelings he had developed for the young shaman would never be returned or even acknowledged in any way, considering the engagement to a very scary itako.
But… Yoh wasn't willing to go along with the marriage anymore. Maybe there was a reason for that… Things might be different now. If only Manta could work up the nerve to tell him how he felt…
He was so caught up in his fantastical daydreams that he barely heard Mannoko calling him until she was in his bedroom doorway yelling.
"Alright, already!" he screeched back, thoroughly perturbed that she had interrupted his happy thoughts. The short boy scooted off his desk chair and trotted after her, ignoring her sisterly eyeroll.
It wasn't until he returned to his room a good time later that he realized, with horror, that he had never closed or locked the computer that held the folder full of his innermost thoughts. He paled as he froze at the threshold of his room, staring helplessly at his father, who clutched at the screen in his lap with angry, shaking, white knuckles.
The next morning, Manta waited in the darkness outside the Funbari Inn. Yoh would be out any second. Just because the tournament was on hold didn't mean he could stop training. And just because the engagement was officially called off didn't mean that Anna had disappeared or slacked off in her self-appointed role as trainer. Yoh's butt would be out that door at precisely 4am, just like it always was. And Manta would be dutifully waiting to follow behind him, just like he always was.
Yoh didn't say anything to him as he stumbled out of the inn, eyes not even open. Manta chuckled to himself as the shaman, despite all his personal progress, still started off his run on pure faith in his feet, paying no attention to his surroundings.
Manta fell in behind him.
'Tell him,' the little voice in his head whispered.
Manta batted it away. 'Not yet,' he argued back. 'It's too early still…'
They finished the morning run in silence. Yoh only spoke when he collapsed at the front door and exhaled loudly toward the rising sun in the sky. "I feel like I earned at least four cheeseburgers with that one!" he exclaimed.
Manta and Amidamaru both chuckled.
Inside, Manta wandered the kitchen while Yoh cleaned up, trailing his fingertips over the available ingredients and cookware. However, a commotion from one of the other rooms had him sprinting down the hall just in time to see Ren and Horohoro locked in an early-morning battle that absolutely no one asked for. The shorter boy shook his head. He wasn't sure why Anna had insisted on rooming them next to one another while they were there, aside from possibly her own twisted amusement… But he wasn't about to step into the middle of it.
By the time he made his way back toward the kitchen, he could hear Anna's firm voice demanding to know why Yoh was fixing breakfast. Yoh stuttered over his words, same as always, when facing Anna's wrath. At least that hadn't changed…
"Ah, well, Manta usually does it but – "
Manta sprinted to the doorway and allowed himself to be seen, lest his best friend get in trouble.
Yoh stopped, then smiled. "Oh, here he is. But I mean, it's fine, I can totally…"
His voice drifted into the background as Anna's piercing orbs came to rest on the other boy. His own nervous eyes couldn't tear away from the probing look as they were locked into a moment in time.
Anna abruptly cut off the shaman. "I'll make breakfast."
Yoh froze, his eyes going wide. "Umm… wha… are you…?"
"Yoh, I want you cleaning down the porch before we eat. Manta can supervise and point out all the corners and cracks you always claim you miss."
The tone was firm, but Yoh still looked confused and bewildered. "Umm…" He looked back and forth between Manta and the itako once more, before Anna snapped.
"Did I stutter?"
Yoh quickly stiffened and saluted, running past his shorter friend with a 'come on' look.
Manta tried to catch Anna's eye one more time, but she resolutely turned her back to him. So, he simply turned and followed the other boy to 'assist' with cleaning.
He would be ashamed to admit it, but it was amusing to be 'in charge' of Yoh as he cleaned instead of having to sweat himself. He giggled good-naturedly as he pointed to the bottom of the railing along the porch where the taller boy couldn't see properly unless he got down to Manta's height. Yoh bemoaned his fate, and Manta smiled.
'Tell him,' the little voice came back.
Manta gulped. 'No. Not yet. I just want today… Just one more day like this. Where everything is normal. Before everything changes.'
'Coward,' the voice hissed, but he ignored it.
He brushed off any question of why he wasn't eating at breakfast by stating that he didn't have much of an appetite. It was the truth – his stomach felt like it was doing flips. Especially every time Yoh's arm came close to brushing his. Anna didn't say a word about it, avoiding looking at or speaking to him throughout the meal, though he still felt as though he were being watched somehow.
The cadre of shamans around the table all agreed that it was turning into a beautiful day to spar. Something Manta had always avoided as it could get loud and dangerous. So, he wasn't offended when no one invited him and Yoh only spared him one backwards look and hand wave as they filed out the door. He smiled softly and waved back.
Anna leaned against the wall behind him as the door thudded closed, leaving just the two of them. She crossed her arms and closed her eyes. "Are you going to tell him, or should I?"
Manta refused to look back at her now and bit his lip. Of course Anna realized. She could always see right through him.
They sat in silence for a minute more before the itako let out a weary sigh that barely sounded like her. In fact, if Manta were to look back at her, he was sure he'd probably see tears pricking the corners of her usually stoic eyes. The shake in her voice was perceptible only to those who knew her well. "Just… don't wait to let him figure it out on his own."
She left the room swiftly, and Manta got up and wandered into the yard.
It really was shaping up to be a beautiful day. And the inn was beautiful and peaceful in its own right, especially with all the boisterous shamans gone. The only sounds he could hear were the trickle of water from the fountain and, eventually, Anna's shows through the window as she settled into her routine of normalcy.
He got comfortable on the grass and let the sun wash over him. It would be a long day by himself, but it wasn't as though he could go home… He also missed the distraction of his laptop, but that wasn't option anymore either after his father had destroyed it. 'This is probably how it will be for the foreseeable future. May as well get used to it.'
By the time Yoh and the other shamans returned, it was dark, and Manta reckoned he must have rehearsed what he was going to tell his best friend approximately 5,825 times.
He still didn't feel ready.
He didn't go in for dinner and opted instead to sit outside the window and listen reverently to the loud, good-natured ribbing that went around the table as everyone rehashed the day's victories and defeats. He only snuck back inside, avoiding everyone else, when he heard Yoh retire to the bathroom to clean up. The small boy went to the shaman's room to wait for him and settle on the bed in the dark.
He should have spoken up as soon as Yoh came back, but he stopped himself; allowed himself the few minutes of watching the muscular boy get dressed and brush out his long, wet hair while he hummed a carefree tune, bathed only in the moonlight through the window. Manta tried to argue to himself that they had been naked and changed around each other several times, but he still felt a little creepy.
He finally slid off the bed. "Yoh…"
The shaman whipped around, eyes wide, but they quickly softened into a laugh. "Manta!" he exclaimed, but he wasn't mad at all. "I had no idea you were still here. I figured you had to get home."
Manta shook his head and looked off to the side. "No, it's fine. I mean, it's Saturday, so…" he lied, but the other boy didn't seem to notice.
He only smiled wider. "Oh, well, right on. So, what's up?"
'Tell. Him.'
"I…" Manta lifted his gaze but felt all his resolve crumble at the innocent smile plastered on the brunette's face. He reeled back, and then forced his own fake smile. "I was just wondering if you wanted to relax with a kung fu movie tonight or something…"
Yoh looked pleasantly surprised, then excited. He ran to pick out the video he wanted, and Manta plopped back down on the bed.
'You can't keep this up forever,' the voice taunted.
'Just let me have this one last thing,' Manta pleaded with his conscience.
He was grateful when Yoh returned with a long movie, echoing Manta's own argument that it was Saturday, so why not? It just gave the blonde more time to perch above the other boy on the bed and stare down at him.
They were only about halfway through, Manta lapping up every minute of the experience, when the knock came at the front door. Yoh didn't notice, but Manta registered it in the back of his mind since it was so late. Only a minute later, the next knock sounded at Yoh's bedroom door. "Master Yoh?" Ryu's voice floated through the wood.
Yoh snapped his head away from the screen. "Yeah?"
"Manta's sister is at the door. She's asking for you."
"Oh! Okay, we'll be right there!"
Manta's mind screamed. 'Not yet! Please, not yet. I'm not ready…'
Yoh swiveled back to Manta, a worried look crossing his face. "Shoot, were you supposed to be home already? I shouldn't have picked such a long one."
"W-wait…"
The shaman leapt to his feet. "Well, come on. I don't want to get you in trouble."
The blonde lowered his head. "Yoh, I have to tell you something," he barely whispered.
Yoh paused in his hurried movement and cocked his head at the serious tone. "What is it? What's wrong?"
The small boy squeezed his eyes shut.
'You have to tell him. Now.'
"I'm sorry, Yoh."
The shaman waited for more, but his friend was struggling with his words. "Manta… what's going on?" He still didn't speak, and Yoh reached out to comfort him. Manta braced himself. "Whatever it is, you can tell –"
His hand passed straight through Manta's arm.
Yoh stumbled just a bit as he didn't grip the solid form that he thought he would, then caught himself. His face lost all expression as he stared at his own hand, then back to Manta. The room got deathly quiet and still, aside from the forgotten film that rolled and flickered behind them.
Manta finally spoke again, tears starting to fall. "I'm so sorry," he repeated. "I should have told you earlier. I just…"
He couldn't bring himself to look up at the other boy's face, but he could see Yoh's legs starting to shake through his downcast gaze.
There was silence for another long minute. Finally, the brunette spoke. He sounded like he was choking on the words, they came out so small. "When…? How…?"
"Last night… My father…" He felt the air shift as Yoh stiffened. He sighed. "It was my own dumb fault. I left my diary open, and he found it. He read things he never should have known about me and got angry. Really angry… I don't think he meant to go that far, but…"
He could hear Yoh's breath going ragged as he was clearly trying to hold back his own rage and sorrow.
Manta got himself under control in the next stretch of silence. It was out there. Over with. Now, he could breathe – well, figuratively speaking… "I'm sorry," he repeated again. "I shouldn't have pretended all day. I just wanted one more day with you where everything was normal. But I guess it's not going to be normal anymore, is it?" He smiled sadly.
The smaller boy watched the first teardrops hit the floor from the shaman.
He finally raised his own head and tried to look upbeat. "Hey, come on," he cajoled. It was a strange feeling to have their roles so drastically reversed. Usually, it was him having a breakdown, and Yoh was the one with the calm voice and smile, telling him everything was going to be ok. He tried to be strong now for his friend – just like the strong shaman had always been for him. "It's not that bad," he continued in a light voice. "I stopped being scared of death a long time ago, when I realized ghosts were real. And it didn't hurt. I don't even really remember it," he lied. He could still feel every blow. He could still feel the darkness crushing in on him as his lungs felt as though they were filled with glass when he tried to breathe; he could still remember the agonizing moments in which he slowly drifted away, when he realized he was about to die. But none of his loved ones needed to know that.
Yoh kept his face hidden by his bangs as he sniffled and gulped. "What was it?"
"Hm?"
"What could you have possibly written in your diary that made your father so angry? What was worth killing you over?" The words were harsh and accusatory toward the head of the Oyamada household while being overlaid with desperation to understand.
If Manta still had a heart, it would have thumped loudly in his chest.
But he just gave his friend another gentle smile. "It doesn't matter."
"Yes, it does!"
Manta gave him another minute to wallow in his pain and anger but kept his own countenance steady. "No… it doesn't…" he insisted again softly. "It doesn't change anything."
Another knock came at the bedroom door. "Yoh?" Anna's voice filtered through.
"My sister is here to tell you. You should go out there."
Yoh finally faced him again, his eyes unabashedly filled with tears. They held a deeper sadness than Manta had ever seen from the usually carefree boy before. And it killed him twice over to know that he was the cause of it. There was no way he could tell him what his father had found in his diary to incite such deadly rage… It would only hurt the man he loved even more. "Manta…"
"I'll be here," Manta reassured. "I'm not leaving yet…"
Yoh wiped at his face and nodded. He left the bedroom with already red eyes to go re-hear the news that he had just started to take in. Anna's solemn face watched him go, then turned back to gaze at Manta. But he ignored her this time and faced the ceiling, letting himself float up and up until he broke into the night sky atop the inn.
The short ghost looked down from his view and marveled at it for a moment. For once, he could be taller than the world. There had to be a silver-lining in everything, right?
It was heartbreaking, but he perched on the edge of the roof, over Mannoko's head, and listened to her deliver the news of his death along with his father's justifiable arrest. At least she sounded sad about it… He heard Yoh try to comfort her and wondered when and how the others would be informed. Or how they would act around him now.
He felt the small whoosh of air as Amidamaru appeared next to him, his expression somber. "I'm so sorry, Master Manta…"
Manta quirked his lips and tried to shrug. "Thanks, Amidamaru. But I'm alright."
The samurai paused, then let out a low rumble of thought. "Will you be staying?"
Manta turned to the sky and nodded. "Yeah. I've got some unfinished business."
"What would that be?"
But the small boy only leaned back and smiled at the stars. The same stars that had led him to the powerful shaman below him in the first place. The boy that could talk to ghosts. The boy that had changed his life and given him a place even in death. "Hmm… maybe I'll tell you, and him… someday…"