I do not own any recognizable characters or the Harry Potter Series. I am not making any profit from this post. And I have no intention of ever publishing this fanfiction professionally.
"He called you WHAT?!" Andi burst out, making the entire Great Hall quiet mid-conversation.
She STOMPED back to her own House's table and made straight for her boyfriend, who was looking for an escape. Nobody wanted to be on the wrong end of Andromeda Taygete Black's wrath, even if they had been dating her for three years. She caught up to him before he could, pinching his ear with the false nails that she had filed to a point. Severus was horrified over his comment as soon as he said it, but now he was regretting ever introducing his girlfriend to his best friend. Apparently exposing Andromeda to Muggle things was the worst idea ever, as this was not the first time he had acrylic knives digging into his ear. In the nearest empty classroom, he once again assured her that he was going to end his friendships with Mulciber and the rest. This time, he meant it. He didn't ever want that word to leave his mouth again, and if he continued hanging out with them, it would. Andromeda didn't let him off that easily, however. The next morning, he walked into the Great Hall wearing a white wizard hat that had the word 'dunce' written on it. Lily was already there, and Andromeda joined her at the Gryffindor table, not letting go of Severus' hand in order to drag him along. Semele, who knew her cousin, wisely said nothing. James was another matter.
"Merlin's Beard, it's my birthday! Not only is Snivellus not wearing something vampiric but it's self-identifying."
"Keep it up, James, and I'll make you wear it tomorrow." Lily warned, the smile she gave Severus confirming that she forgave him.
"Ah, come on, Evans! It's too perfect."
"Did she mention it would be the exact same one? And who knows what could happen to it before then. Itching powder… bubotuber puss… lice. Endless possibilities."
James looked in Andy's eyes and gulped. He shut his mouth for the rest of the meal.
"Severus Snape, get your lazy arse up! Right now!" Andy ordered, standing and tapping her foot by his side of their bed.
They had moved in together about a year ago and, boy, were her parents furious. All the fragile consent for him dating her had evaporated. "At least a half-blood" turned to "half-blood filth" when it was made clear that no wedding or even proposal was going to happen anytime soon. Not that Severus hadn't asked, but she had given him a raincheck, wanting to enjoy youth and freedom just a little more before settling. Other friends had not thought the same things, and Severus was going to make them very late to a wedding. Since he was still feigning sleep, closing his eyes when she looked at him again. The longer he could enjoy seeing her in just his button-down, the better. Of course, Andromeda was still Andromeda. Thus Severus found the mattress suddenly flipped off the frame with him still on it.
"Andy!"
"I warned you. I cannot be late, I'm in the wedding party. Your suit is hanging up in the bathroom. Scoot!"
The possibility of convincing her back to bed completely shot, he finally complied, though not without an inhuman amount of growls and grunts. When he walked back out to the one-room space to find his girlfriend applying makeup in the nude, he improvised.
They arrived at the venue after the ceremony had started, Andromeda, so very glad she was not the maid-of-honor, slipped into place just as the Bridal March began. Lily made her way down the aisle, arm-in-arm with Remus, spotting Andy just as Remus kissed her cheek and she was about to turn to James. She was sure her lipstick was still smudged, she hadn't brushed out all the tangles, and the sweetheart neckline of her bridesmaid dress did nothing to hide the love bite that was still purpling. Severus was perhaps even more obvious. No tie, shirt halfway unbuttoned, and grinning like the cat that ate the canary. Semele wouldn't look him in the eye the entirety of the remaining ceremony or reception. James, who he was on better terms with now, made sure to give him a thumbs up as the bride and groom left the chapel, which earned him a light smack from the newly-made Mrs. Potter.
Lily was making her rounds amongst the guests and finally reached Severus and Andromeda's table, "I can't believe you two. You guys still act like you're teenagers that just figured out its not gross."
"Lily! My ears!"
"Oh, grow up, Semele!" She snapped, looking at the couple that was not even sorry, sighed, and moved on.
Severus leaned forward and whispered in her ear, "We got them a present good enough to make up for it all, yeah?"
"A wine subscription for Lily, and that old dunce cap I used to make you wear for James."
"I love you."
Maybe it was the wedding itself, or just the way he had said he loved her, even it was one among so many. But when she came home from work one day and caught Severus fiddling with the red velvet box he always kept on him, mostly out of habit, something clicked.
He hadn't heard her come in and jumped sky high when she just blurted, "Yes."
"Er, yes what, love?"
"Yes, I'll marry you."
He stood and reverently placed the ring on the third finger of the hand she held out. Once they repeated the action that had gotten them in trouble all those weeks ago, she flipped so she was facing him and he had an odd expression on his face, "You mean me, right?"
After all this time, he still couldn't quite believe he deserved her, "Do I need to get the dunce cap back from James?" she teased briefly before becoming just as serious as he was, "Yes. I will marry you, Severus Snape."
Unfortunately, the War got worse shortly after, and it was no time to have a wedding when friends, new and old, were fighting and dying. The couple was not officially part of Dumbledore's Order but their studio was where one went when they needed to lay low for a while. Even Lily and James stayed there with their near one-year-old son before going fully into hiding, thanks to an inopportunely timed conversation and a less-than-friendly eavesdropper. Unlike their Order friends, Severus and, especially Andromeda, had ties amongst those robed in black and death. Neither were going to risk actively fighting when it could mean they were facing a friend, a cousin, or a sister. A week after the youngest Potters had left, Andromeda was pacing in their flat, waiting for Severus to return. Really, if Lily hadn't suggested it, she still would be thinking it was a weird flu. Bloody hell, she hoped it was that. They were in the middle of a war, and they weren't even married. She couldn't be pregnant. Not yet. The door opened and he hadn't even fully come in when she ripped the bag from his hands and raced to the bathroom.
Upon seeing the contents of the box, she hollered, "Sev! What am I supposed to do with this?!"
"Read the instructions, love. I'm going to make dinner."
So she did. Once. Twice. Five times. And it still made absolutely no sense.
"Have you taken it yet?" Severus piped up, peeking in cautiously.
"Obviously not. This is impossible. You're the Potioneer, see if you can figure it out."
Severus sighed and picked up the instructions. He read it once. Twice. Four times. And he thought he understood, "Ok. First, you're going to have to pee in this," and handed her a small plastic dish thing, turning bright red and looking everywhere but at her.
"Oh, honestly, Sev. It's not like you haven't already seen everything."
"Not doing that! I'll go check on the food. You let me know when you're done… doing what you're doing," He fled.
"Men!" Andromeda was thinking as she performed the disgusting task. Severus was stirring the sauce and also thinking, though something entirely different, "You can do it, Severus. Just treat it like one of your potions. What's in that dish is just an ingredient. Yeah, just an ingredient."
Of course, he completely blew it the second he was called back into the bathroom. He no longer could convince himself it was something else after he said, "You really need to drink more water, babe."
"This is the last step… I think." Severus muttered, once again looking at the instructions, "Yeah, it's done and now we just have to wait…" another check, "Two hours?!"
"Are you kidding me?! It took forever to figure it out, actually do the bloody thing, and now we have to wait two more hours? Can't we use magic to speed it up?"
"With the risk of it giving a false result? We might as well eat, then. Dinner has been warming this whole time and I really hope it's not overcooked."
Of course, whether it was overcooked or not mattered little to Andromeda once she caught a whiff of the food. She was immediately back in the bathroom and Severus was doing his best to not knock over the test and hold her hair back at the same time while she threw up. When she was finished, she just remained on the floor. Severus fetched a glass of water and made sure she had a few sips and blew her nose before carrying her to bed. Since this was one occurence of many in the last week, he didn't blame her for passing out as soon as her head hit the pillow.
The kitchen timer beeped and he quickly turned it off, casting a nervous glance at the bed. She only shifted a little and kept on sleeping. Sev went to the bathroom and pulled out the stick, comparing it to the ones printed on the instructions.
"Positive," he murmured. He left the stick on its two-dimensional version and tossed the rest. She seemed like she was going to be sleeping at least until morning, but in case she woke up before he got back, the result would be there. The first thing he did was use the nearest payphone to call Remus, who could pass on the news to James and Lily.
"Hello?" A gruff voiced answered.
"Semele. You won't believe what I'm about to tell you."
In the background he faintly heard someone that sounded like Remus say something and then Semele made a noise he'd never heard from her before. He quickly realized with horror that her voice was NOT groggy with sleep.
"Oh my, god! I call to inform somebody I'm going to be a father and you answer while having sex?" Severus didn't even give her a second to reply, slamming the phone back into the receiver. He was going to have to Obliviate that, as soon as he got home. For now, he was skilled in Occlumency, and pushed it way far away. He checked the street, made sure it was empty, and Apparated to Hogsmeade. He would have gone to Diagon, but only Knockturn Alley was still active this time of night. Fortunately, the Scottish village was hosting its annual Midnight Harvest festival. Knowing the language of flowers from Lily, he first went to a floral stall and selected asters, crocus, and red and white chrysanthemums. There were other flowers that he would have preferred but these did just fine on conveying the message he wanted. He then picked up a couple impressive Wizarding pastries and some enchanted balloons. Since their flat was shielded against Apparating directly inside, he returned to right in front of the payphone and had to push back that moment again with a vengeance. It was not aided by the couple at fault standing in front of his building's entrance, collars up against the cold.
"We didn't want to buzz yours in case she was asleep. I…" Semele cleared her throat, "I will help you Obliviate that."
"Sure. Remus can do it," Severus replied, pulling out his keys and unlocking the door.
"No offense, love, but that's probably for the best." Remus muttered, following Severus inside.
"I've gotten better since school," Semele hissed, pressing the button for the elevator.
"I'm not taking that chance. Plus, Remus is decent enough in Legilimency to focus on the particular moment in question."
"Whatever."
Andromeda had woken up, likely as soon as the door shut. Since she hadn't seemed all that positive about the possibility, he was wondering what they were going to be walking into. Thankfully, it was Andromeda jumping on Severus, causing him to drop the bouquet and the balloon strings as his hands became occupied in supporting her instead.
"We're going to have a baby, Sev!" She whispered, her head buried in his shoulder, happiness infused in every syllable.
"Well, I, for one, hope it's a girl, cousin-mine. That way you'll both eventually get payback for all the times I've walked in on you."
"Semele, why are we here?" Remus asked forcefully.
"Oh, right, yeah."
To Severus shock, Andromeda raised her head and said, "Did you answer the phone in the middle of sex again?!"
"You've done this before? Really, Remus. Surely it has occurred to you to just let her have it go to voicemail? You're supposed to be the sensible one."
"Hey, cut us some slack. We got into the habit of answering the phone on the first ring when Lily was pregnant."
And with that, they couldn't argue more, mostly. It would be saved for later, however. Andromeda finally let go and Severus presented her with the things he had dropped. She refused the pastries but at least the smell didn't make her sick. Remus performed the promised spell and then they left, leaving Andy and Sev in their little bubble of happiness.