THE FOLLOWING IS A FAN BASED PARODY.

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"She's going to the city. She told you and you got jealous, didn't you?" A soft voice shook the boy out of his depressed state. The young woman with silky chestnut brown hair offered the boy a sad smile, already knowing the answer to her question without the boy needing to say a single word to her.

The boy stifled another sob, more upset with himself and how he had acted towards his closest friend then his sister could be. He tried to hold back tears as he once again covered his face with his forearms, trying desperately to hide his emotions from the older woman in front of him.

Seeing such a childish action come from her normally serious little brother, the young woman found herself holding back a small giggle, one that tried desperately to escape her lips. Her young brother, still far to young to understand his own feelings, had gotten into an argument with his closest and dearest friend. Normal things that children tend to do. But she noticed, how much more emotional he was at the moment, that this argument was a tad more serious than what was normal for children their age.

Once again, she felt the mask of seriousness nearly slip away with just how adorable the boy was being. Her younger brother was at the age where every little thing seemed like the end of the world. He was far more self-aware then a boy his age had the right to be. But she needed to be serious before this argument could fester into something worse, one he would grow to regret when he became older.

"Would you like to tell me what this is really about? "She asked gently, tilting his chin upwards with a single finger so she could look into the boy's tear-stained face. "You wouldn't yell at your friend like that for something as small as her going into town, would you?"

The boy was silent for a moment, trying to take control of his breathing as best as he could, not wanting to break down in front of the closest thing to a mother he had ever had in his life.

"It's just..." he started, his voice breaking slightly. "You never let me go into town. Even when you have to go you always seem to leave me home."

The women's heart broke as the words left the boy's mouth, knowing full well why her dear sweet brother couldn't and even shouldn't be allowed so close to so many people. The danger he would be in if the wrong person were to discover him was too great for her to risk it.

"Is the reason I'm not allowed to go with you into town because I'm different..." the boy's words were cut off as his sister enveloped him into a hug, so tight and warm, he seemed to forget about the world around for a moment. A moment when no one else seemed to exist but for him and the woman holding him.

"I'm so sorry I made you feel like that," she said, her voice trembling with emotion, almost on the verge of tears herself at knowing she inadvertently been the cause of her brother's feelings. She debated telling him the truth. The truth of who and what he is, and how important his safety actually was to not just her and their village but to even the entire world. Could a child grasp that level of responsibility? Should something like that be forced onto a boy so young?

Did she fully understand herself?

That nagging voice in the back of her head whispering "not yet" won out in the end. She gently released the boy, wiping her own tears away as she did so. It would be hard, even a little dangerous, but it was the least she could do.

"How about we make a deal, "the woman said raising an extended pinkie finger to the boy's face "The next time I have to go into town for the market you can come with me."

"I can!?"

"Of course." the woman said with a smile, trying her best to control the whirlwind of emotions and thoughts rushing through her head. "Not only that we'll get you a training sword at the blacksmith, just like a real adventurer."

The shining eyes and shocked look on the boy's face were enough to make the women's face swell in both happiness as well as apprehension.

"But only if you apologize to your friend," she said with a sad smile, knowing that if he didn't try to fix his friendship, he would soon regret it.

"I see." the boy said deep in thought. Or as deep as a nine-year-old boy's thoughts could be.

"that's right. You have to protect girls. "She said as she ruffled the boy's hair "True adventurer protects those who need protection. They don't let girls cry."

"Mmm, right." the boy answered in a quiet but strongly resolute tone of voice, something that felt larger and greater than the boy's small frame indicated. She squeezed the boy's hand, internally gushing on just how adorable her brother was whenever he took himself far too seriously.

"Good. Now that that is settled..." she said leading the small boy back to the home they shared together" How about I make someone's favorite stew for dinner tonight?"

"Really," the boy said excitedly staring up at his sister as she had somehow placed all the stars into the sky.

"Of course, "she said in a loving tone, happy to see the boy smiling again. "You deserve a reward for being such a mature young man for his big sister."

His smile was infectious as her own face split into a wide grin as the unorthodox siblings raced to the only home they ever truly knew.

The next night

"Get down there and promise me you won't make a sound." His sister said in a grave voice, the usual smile and warmness of her features replaced with a hollowness that made the boy think he was in the middle of a nightmare.

"Promise me." his sister pleaded again, holding the boy's hand tightly as he simply nodded his head and creped down into the cellar of his home and waited for something to happen. He sat alone in the dark, the only light allowing him to see was the lit fireplace illuminating through the cracks of the floor of his home. The scent of venison stew hung in the air but it was masked by yet another smell, one he had never smelt before until today but one he knew instantly.

Death.

The cries of pain and weeps of mercy filled him with a sense of dread and terror. His body shook and his heart felt like it would beat out of his chest any moment. His ears beat and throbbed, so hard it felt like they were going to burst from the influx of sound, each one more horrifying than the last. Each thrust of steel and iron into flesh, each pained weep, each shattering door frame, each and every chorus of cackling laughter, like the sound of nails on the chalkboard of the schoolhouse, filled him with a terror he had never experienced before. He heard it all, despite how hard he tried to block it out and despite how much he wished for it to stop.

The cackling seemed to get louder than before, the putrid smell of unwashed flesh and dirty iron getting more palpable by the moment. His sister's face illuminated through the cracks of the floor was a horrifying mask of terror and grief, as if a husk in human shape had seemingly taken her place. The front door of his home creaked and whined, the sound of glass shattering cutting through the dull thud of splintering wood and panicked breaths.

He wished he could fold into himself, close his eyes tightly and find a way to wake up from the nightmare he had found himself in.

Then he heard his sister scream. And something inside of him changed.

His small hands reached out onto the floor of the cellar and in his anger and depression, he smashed his closed fist into the ground. instead of the dull thud of flesh losing against stone, a sound like thunder echoed against the stone around him, rattling not only his home but the whole village. The impact of his blow, shattering the solid wood and stone underneath him,

But it didn't hurt.

His hand, which should have been a broken mess was fine, and even when embedded into solid rock and stone he felt no amount of pain. He raised his arm out of the crater he had inadvertently made, hoisting a chunk of stone the size of his body as he did so. A piece of stone he knew no grown adult in his village could hope to lift alone.

It felt like it weighed nothing.

He flexed his fingers, crumbling the solid piece of rock as easily as a sandcastle in the dry summer heat. The rock floated in the air, not bothering to fall to the ground. It took a moment to realize that the world around him had slowed to a crawl.

He could hear everything. Every horrible thing that was happening. His eyes burned as if a blaze had erupted behind them. But it still didn't hurt.

"True adventurers protect those who need protecting. They don't let girls cry."

And as his mind settled on his sister's words, his legs began to move on their own. His body already knew what needed to be done before his mind fully understood what was happening to him. The Door to the cellar was ripped open by a huge grotesque green monster, sludge dripping down his face and teeth dripping with hate. But the boy didn't pause, he didn't stop. With a scream that left his young throat raw, he charged at the huge monster before him just like a real adventure would do.

Several days later

"So you've returned." an old man said to his subdominant as he refilled his pipe, the smell of dwarven Tabaco filling the air as he did so." Tell me where there any survivors?"

The younger man, a human who hailed from the capital, said nothing as if he was trying to wrap his mind around what he had seen. Something that unfortunately was not uncommon for those of the capital, those who had never seen the horrors of a goblin attack firsthand.

Nothing could sober a man up quicker than seeing something like that.

The old man puffed on his pipe, allowing the scented Tobacco to soothe his nerves and ease his mind if only a bit. He had been the master of the frontier guild for well over 30 years now, and it somehow felt longer. It was moments like these where he felt his age the most.

The reports indicated a horde of at least thirty or so goblins, led by three hobgoblins. A force that spelled the doom of any group of unprepared and untrained villagers. Several requests for aid had been given out over the last few weeks only to be ignored by those who could have saved the village.

If there had been money involved that is.

Too many times have villages and towns of the frontier, those too poor to afford their salvation, simply disappeared off the map for one reason or another. And no one seemed to care.

A few days after the destruction, the goblins moved on with their prey and their ill-gotten goods and while the crows feasted on what remained, the guild would send out a team to access the damage and report what happened.

Not like they seemed to care.

But this time seemed different. The look on his inspector's face was not one of horror, as was the normal reaction of those viewing the aftermath of a goblin raid for the first time. The young man looked generally confused, confuddled as if the basic understanding of the world he had known for years was no longer true.

Maybe people from the capital couldn't handle the stress of frontier life after all.

"So.." the guild master said puffing at his pipe as he watched the younger man with a trained and practiced eye. "how bad was it?"

"W-well..." the man stuttered, almost like he forgot how to use proper words after awhile but quickly regained his footing" The village remains standing Sir."

Guild master was a proud man who was not normally taken aback, to be sure when recounting this tale several years later he painted his reaction as "Surprised yet controlled" in reality, he dropped his favorite pipe out of the gapping whole his mouth had become and nearly burned his entire beard off because of a few loose cinders getting caught in the tumbleweed that was his facial hair.

A horde that size lead by three hobgoblins? It should have been more than enough to have erased that entire settlement off the map. Those were odds even a group of seasoned adventures would be wary about taking lightly.

And yet here we are.

"What did they say happened?" the old man said, his damped whiskers hanging loosely off his face as he, put his entire attention on the still shaken young man." How did so those people survive this attack?"

Guild teller sat down, throwing back the offered glass of alcohol too quickly for a man of his little tolerance, but after a few coughs, he managed to squeak out something that surprised even someone like guild master.

"one witness said she and her two sisters saw a hobgoblin get torn in half by a nine-year-old boy." he said hesitantly, as if not believing the words himself as he said them. "by the gods that can't be true can it?"

Several months later

"You were stupid and reckless." the small creature said, his voice like breaking glass, echoing into the dark cave "But you have potential, more so than any of those useless pretenders in the guild anyway."

The boy stood silently; his eyes closed as he listened to each echo that bounced off the cave walls. The rhea or what he thought was a rhea had come to him the night after everything happened. After the killing was over and after the reality of what he had done finally struck him.

He cried until he couldn't cry anymore, and he screamed until he couldn't bring himself to scream anymore. The feeling of his sister's arms wrapped tight around his body doing little to stop the onslaught of emotions he was feeling.

He could have saved more people.

If he had been braver sooner, if he had controlled himself better, if he had learned about this...gift before that night this may not have happened.

"You need to grow up little boy." the rhea burglar said with a cackling laugh. "you're the one who decided you wanted to learn from your mistakes. You could always go home and hide behind your sister's skirts if you want to."

The boy heard the small creatures' footsteps in the darkness despite his teacher's best efforts to mask his movements. He followed the creature slowly, even now not knowing what he was truly capable of doing if he pushed himself. And what kind of damage could be done if he lost control for even a second.

What kind of monster he could become if he allowed himself.

"You're not a monster" he remembered his sister weeping as she held him close "I knew the day I found you that you would grow to do great things and become a great hero."

"You can't take that women's word as truth," the small creature said with another laugh, a crossbow aimed at the boys head as he spoke" she's been lying to you your whole life! Why would she change now?"

The boy saw the Burglar's finger squeeze the trigger, he saw the bolt fly towards him, he saw bolt connect with his head, and saw the bolt head dent and its wood shaft splinter as if it had struck the stone walls of the cave.

"You can't let a single attack be allowed to hit. "The creature shouted. "You don't know the limits to your abilities yet. Never assume an enemy cannot bring you to harm no matter who you face."

The boy ran towards the creature, appearing next to the stubby figure nearly instantaneously to the naked eye. A feat that even the burglar, in his own twisted fashion, could not help but admit was beyond comprehension. But he never let the boy take pride in the accomplishment, for pride was the one thing that could spell the end of even someone as "gifted" as the boy in front of him.

"Never allow yourself to underestimate your enemies." He had once said to him the first day he had taken the boy away from his village to train "Goblins are small and weak but they are vicious and will make those who take them lightly pay for it."

Several years later

"I wanted to give this for you." the woman said as she handed the young man the crimson cloth. "You were wrapped in this the day I found in the woods."

It had been five years to the day when the boy, now a young man, had finally returned home. The old house they once shared together had been burned and gutted and left abandoned, the walls holding too many nightmares to be considered the home it once was.

But home always seemed to be where ever his sister was.

"I see." The young man said as he took the cloth into his hands, running his pale fingers through it, as if it were to disappear in his hands the moment, he looked away from it. If felt like nothing he had ever felt before, thick and strong, but as light as a feather. It felt odd and alien to him but at the same time somehow oddly familiar to him, like remembering a long-forgotten dream.

His sister, or the woman who he called his sister was quiet, letting the young man wallow in his own thoughts for a moment, before lifting his red eyes up towards her. She cried when their eyes meet, silently admitting to herself the thing she had feared since the day the man in front of her entered her life all those years ago. That one day when the truth came out, he would not see her as his sister any longer.

She wept until she felt the comforting arms of the man in front of her wrap around her. He was tall now, towering over her as she used to do to him all those years ago, and despite herself, she could not help muttering how sorry she was for keeping what he was a secret from him all these years.

"I just want my brother back." she cried as she squeezed as hard as she could, taken aback by how little his body seemed to react to all of her strength

"You never lost him," he answered back squeezing her as much as he could without bringing the woman harm. They stayed like that for a while, neither one daring to make the first move to leave the others embrace.

When they did, the young woman wiped her eyes and smile brightly, the brightest she has ever smiled since that day five years past.

"Just promise me you'll do your best to stay safe. "She said as she looked at the powerful man her small baby brother had turned into. "And maybe go visit your friend every so often she talks about you allot don't you know."

Several weeks later

Guild Matron was not having a good day, all things considered.

It came with the territory of running an adventurer's guild and dealing with the day to day operations and business dealings that came with the job. Every day it was either an over-anxious wave of fresh meat rookies complaining about not being allowed to hunt dragons on their first days or getting to play referee in a spat between veteran adventures in a vain attempt at protecting their bruised egos for one reason or another.

It was no wonder why Guild Master, her predecessor, had retired earlier this year, he was simply far too old to put up with the shenanigans of the young.

It was a hard job, and sometimes it was a thankless job, but she had gotten used to it, however. Most days she felt as if she had adapted quite well to her job. Not when she was dealing with problems like this.

No amount of preparation could prepare her for something like this.

"What do you mean the higher vampire was found frozen solid to his throne?" the woman said in disbelief

"That's just what the party said." the guild inspector said as he reviewed his notes. "The group led by Thunder warrior; a Gold-ranked adventurer traveled to the Greymoor Keep to do battle with the higher vampire but ..."

"But what!?" the guild matron said, forgoing the water in her cup for the bottle of wine next to her.

"They found the vampire frozen solid while sitting in his throne, it almost looked like he didn't even have a chance to defend himself," He said in a defeated tone, giving his boss a look that said "Don't blame me for this." and that doesn't even mention the goblin clan..."

"what's this about goblins?" the woman said with a shudder at the thought of the vile creatures

"The Vampire lord had been using several hordes of goblins as his minions, using them to abduct young women from the countryside to feed. They were found dead, each one gutted and piled on top of one another not too far away from their master."

That caused the guild matron to pause. While goblins were horrible, evil little creatures, the level of violence done to them could be viewed as a bit overkill especially when compared to the quick and effective way used against the easily more powerful higher vampire.

Someone clearly put more effort into killing the goblins then they did to kill a high ranked threat like a vampire. But that didn't make any sense. Who would hate goblins that much to go through all the effort of murdering a creature only gold ranks adventurers or higher would dare go after just to kill goblins under his employ?

"Who hated goblins that much?!"

Several days later

"I'm sorry what's the problem now?" The guild matron said, sipping her cup of coffee as she sat down at her desk for the first time that day.

"Well, ma'am," the young woman said in a bow, her golden honey hair bouncing as she did so." We're all out of quests."

Guild matron, despite rumors that said otherwise, did not spit out her coffee when she first heard the words leave the younger women's mouth. Not that anyone would blame her if she did. How could this have happened?! How could any self-respecting adventurers guilds, especially her own, not have any quests? When she left last night for home there had been enough requests posted on their walls to last for the entire week, more work than the entire guild could go through if they worked nonstop without rest for days on end.

Where did they all go? Their offices had only been opened for 10 minutes.

"How is this possible!?" she said snatching the paperwork from the honey blond's hands, reading request form after request form, reading the same name at the top of each and every piece of paper.

"How did a porcelain ranked get approved for all of these?"

The next day

"Now what?" Guild matron groaned as she was interrupted from enjoying her mid-day meal, by once again the newest addition to her staff, the same honey blonde-haired clerk from yesterday morning.

Guild gal?

Guild lady?

Guild girl! That was it.

Without saying a word the young woman, or more likely the two large men who followed her, hoisted a huge sack onto her desk, grunting from the strain as they did so. A sack filled with enough dwarven gold and silver to cover every inch of the guild matrons' desk, including what was once her poor delicious lunch.

Stunned at the sight, the frontier guild leader stared quietly at the fortune in front of her. More gold and silver then what passed through their doors in a single year had just been planted onto her desk with little fanfare. The young clerk, whose face seemed bright pink, not just from the exhaustion of carrying such a fortune, stared at her with excitement in her eyes that made her entire figure glow.

The same glow she wore when discussing that strange porcelain ranked adventurer from yesterday morning...

"What did he do for all this?" the older woman asked, almost afraid to know what the armored newbie did for the king's ransom before her.

The clerk said nothing only handing her supervisor a sealed envelope.

An envelope sealed with the crest of the royal dwarven family of the red mountains. One of the four great families of the continent, who were the pillars of the civilized world.

This day was getting stranger by the moment.

She opened the letter, trying her best not to rip the royal seal and read its contents several times before her mind could comprehend what they had read.

Honorable Guild Matron,

I hope this finds you and our family in as good of health and in as great spirits as My Kin and I find ourselves this, the most glorious of days.

Thank you, from the bottom of my mines to the summit of my mountains, my kin and clan thank you for sending our savior. I cannot express in words how grateful I am for your man's assistance in combating our most hated enemy, the blight of the mountain, rock Titan golem.

The Stones of our homes will echo with the sounds of that great battle for countless future generations!

The fact that he even took the time out of his day to eliminate a cave filled with goblins that had been harassing a small mining village near my mountain was also a welcome surprise!

I have made arrangements for delivery of the gold, by representatives of the capital Bank as well as the Nobel house of Stonecutter, the representatives of my kin located in the human king's court of the capital city, as I have promised the honorable member of your guild. I have also contacted multiple merchants of gems and other rare materials traveling through the frontier. They know that your guild is a friend to the royal family and should be treated as such in all future business dealings.

I dream of a day where I may be able to repay the great boon the great warrior of your guild has paid me and mine.

Perhaps if you could convince him to accept the marriage contract between my granddaughter and he, yet another sack of equal measure will be gifted to your honorable guild.

May the ancestors bless your future generations

The King under the mountain, Zolten Thunder beard

She sat silent for a moment, as the weight of the situation slowly but surely became clear to her. A letter from the most powerful dwarven king in the known world. A letter from the most powerful dwarven king in the known world written to her. A letter from the most powerful dwarven king in the known world written to her about the same crazy porcelain adventurer that had taken every single quest their guild had to offer in his first week.

This wasn't even a contracted quest! there was no way the frontier guild would have received a notification for something for this? It was far above what its members could handle. He just...did it. Like something, he had just run into while doing something else in the area. Who does something like that? How in the seven hells did he even make it the red mountains in a single day?

She needed a drink. She needed a large drink.

-Five years later-

How could this have happened?

Screams and cries echoed around her and the smell of blood and dirty iron clouded her head. The sight of her companions, her friends, left trembling and bloody in the darkness of the cave, made her want to vomit and run as far and as fast she could.

Instinctively she raised her staff up, a vain attempt to defend herself as two of the green devils stalked closer and closer to her, their laughter increasing in volume by the second. Wizard trembling as she tried to cast her last spell before the creature descended upon her but found her body unable to withstand the strain of her magic.

Female fighter had been forced to the ground, her struggling limbs held tightly by thin green hands as the huge creature that led the devils gripped her neck. Rookie Warrior, alive if barely, laid on the ground folding into himself, trying in a vein to protect his vital organs as more and more goblins took their turns beating him with the blunt ends of their swords, cackling with glee at each pained gasp and cry the young boy made.

"O...Oh, Earth mother...An abounding,,," priestess stuttered, fear overwhelming her senses as she began to creep back against a wall. She prayed to her goddess to any god who listened, to help her, but the fear that no god was listening crept further into her heart. Until suddenly the prayer was answered.

The answer came in the form of twin red beams shooting out from the darkness. Each beam had struck a goblin, burning each of the vile creatures to dust before their shocked cries could leave their lips.

"That's two." a voice said from the darkness, radiating more power than anything living in this world had the right to be. A figure stepped towards them, cutting through the darkness of the cave, like an obelisk of steel and iron.

Salvation had come to the group of four as the origin of the beams of fire made his presence known with a slow and methodical footstep of iron-clad feet echoed through the walls of the cave. He stood tall and powerful, his stance still and controlled. At his appearance, the goblins hurried in their efforts, as if a primal fear of the man had been awakened in them. They had allowed two of the females to slip through their fingers, they would not let the third, as well as the male, follow.

Before a single goblin could raise their blades, and potentially defend themselves, the armored man seemingly disappeared from sight, reappearing between the injured party of adventurers and their assailants, as if he had teleported through the shadows around him.

As he reappeared, the vile creatures seemed to drop to the ground, their bodies ripped and sliced, their limbs cut off and thrown against the walls of the cave. A sword seemingly appearing out of nowhere in the armored man's hand was covered in blood, the same inhuman color that now pooled underneath the goblins. He discarded the blade almost as quickly as he made it appear in his hands as if he willed it into exitance.

Silence permeated the cave, the four rescued rookies watching their hero move about them as he inspected his handiwork as if he were double-checking to make sure they were dead. Not that he needed to, no creature no matter how great or small could have hoped to survive the onslaught that had incurred mere moment s ago, whatever was the cause. He picked up a spear off the ground and jammed into the skull of the goblin who had wielded it before its death. He repeated the action, as the only sounds in the cave seemed to be of flesh being pierced and bones being broken.

"That makes eight," he said in the same cold tone of voice, like an angry god given a mortal body to eliminate the evils of the world.

"Who are you." the priestess said in a quiet voice as she cradled the now recovering wizard in her arms, and as the rookie swordsman was leaning heavily against female fighters' shoulder, her tattered dress barely able to cover her form as she helped her friend stand up straight. Their eyes wide in shock and confusion as the man stopped in his tracks as he lifted the huge form of the green brute that had thrown fighter to the ground over his head as if it was as light as feather before crashing the body down onto his knee ripping the torso of the beast in half.

"Nine." He said as he turned to the four young adventurers, towering over them as the fire of the torched highlighted his appearance. Steel and chainmail covered most of his body the only hint of color being a red crimson undershirt he wore underneath the armor. But it was the strange symbol he bore on his chest that shocked her most. A symbol that she had never seen before in all her years of study and training in the temple of the earth mother.

It looked like a crimson "S" encased in a diamond.

"I am Goblin Slayer," he said simply, like a man facing an oncoming storm and standing resolute, before breaking away from their gaze to head deeper into the cave. "And I'm here to slay Goblins."

Cause in this house, if we're gonna make a goblin slayer story about a stupidly overpowered character we're gonna make him as stupidly overpowered as we can AND we're not gonna make him a self insert OC (do not steal).

Funny story, I originally was going to have a young goblin slayer find thors hammer but decided against it due to the weird marvel X hentai universe crossover thing I'm writing so I decided "screw it use superman". Thor will be needed for some upcoming side chapters, and I thought to minimize confusion by not having him crossover goblin slayer.

This is a one-shot, and I have no plans on making this a full-length story, but if the idea strikes your fancy you're free to continue it to your heart's content.