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CHAPTER ONE
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We've seen the worst that this world has
we've lost ourselves along the path
But I think that we can get it back
It'll just take time
It'll just take time
How deep the wound how sharp the cut
We can try our best but we just can't hide the blood
It knocks us down but we'll get up
Oh, we still got fight
Yeah, we still got fight
Hold on tight
We're gonna make it to the other side
Hold on tight
~ We're Gonna Make It ~ Sam Tinnesz ~
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It was the worst place and time in the world. But there was nothing to be done; it was all that was left to them. This moment was all he had. His first chance, and his last.
"Susan!" He felt as if his voice were a thunder-crash in a silent canyon. It echoed over the heads of the crowd and out toward the edge of the cliff with as equally loud a roar. The wind chased after, amplifying it. But he had no more time for hesitation.
Caspian swallowed, and strode toward her.
She froze, her back to him, and he stopped. She started to move again, and it became hard to breath. No, no, don't leave. Stay here. With me. Please. I cannot live without you.
"Stay with me!"
Susan turned, and Caspian felt as if his heart would never beat again. He couldn't read the expression in her eyes. He took a step nearer, reaching out one hand toward her, in beseechment or desperation – perhaps both. Behind him the crowds murmured, unsettled. But he couldn't look away from her.
"Stay with me," he managed again, but his voice lowered. She came another step back to him. Her hair rippled on the currents of the air, the curls shining and dark; her eyes clear and blue as the sky above them.
Time felt suspended, yet the seconds seemed to race beyond the wind.
Everyone stared; but they no longer seemed as if they existed. It was only them—her eyes holding him steady, his heart spurring him on. She returned to stand in front of him. He bent his head but didn't look away. His words were for her, alone. "Stay with me. . . I love you."
Susan's clear eyes went wide, and her lips parted. He heard the soft gasp that escaped her—but he still couldn't understand her expression. Was it incredulity? Disbelief? Disgust? Amusement? His hands trembled at his sides.
The greatest pain in his soul was that she thought him amusing. Quaint. Because she had been a woman well-grown, a long-reigning queen, in the ancient days of Narnia. And he was just a boy. He hadn't felt like such a boy—not for so long. He felt a young man, betrayed, and vengeful. But standing before her now, with his secret-most longings laid bare, he realized he was far from grown.
His breath hitched as she didn't reply. His eyes searched her face, for some spark, for some sign—
She smiled, and there were bright beads of tear in her eyes, building on her lashes. The smile was small, and broken behind her perfect facade. His heart shattered at the sight. No. He knew what she was about to say even before her tongue moved to form the words. No, please, please, for all that he loved and wanted to love— No.
"Caspian—"
"Is that what you wish, child?"
She shifted, lifting her chin and turning away, startled. Her long ripples of hair swayed, and strands caught in the silver of her earrings. He jerked also, broken free from the enchantment wound around them. They were not the only ones who existed in the universe.
Aslan stood in the same place, with the sunlight dappling down along his body, turning pieces of his mane into brilliant points of golden light. The lion regarded them with an expression even more inscrutable than the gaze Susan had looked at him with.
"Do it, Susan. Stay with him."
Across from where the lion stood, were the rest of the Pevensies—so near the door in the air that they could fall through it if someone upset their balance. At the head of them stood Peter, shadowed by the boughs of the unwound tree, the wind flicking at upturned pieces of his sun-bleached hair. He looked as if he smiled, but then the leaf-shadows shifted and perhaps it was a gaze of haunted pain that begrudged no one, but relived a deep ache rendered eternal through time.
Susan looked at her brother, eyes wide and undecided. She shook her head, but Peter stepped out into the light. Behind him, Edmund and Lucy stood, watching with eyes older than their bodies. The wind stirred with a strange electricity—not of rain, but of change. Something new and growing. Aslan shook his mane, and spots of light bounced off, warm and happy. The lion waited.
"Peter, I can't leave you all, I can't—"
"Be impractical?" Peter offered, a charming half-smile of brotherly affection following. He reached out, his hand on Susan's arm. "Maybe, just once in your life, Su, you should try. It's not the end of the world, it's the beginning of a new one."
Susan smiled, but it was small and pressed tight with uncertain pressures. "I don't know. . ." She looked back at Caspian. He shifted, his eyes dark with hope and fear. He knew this was the greatest request he could ever make, and the implications and results would be ever-widening outward from this moment.
Peter bent his head, bowing over his sister. His fingers tightened marginally on her arm. Not to hurt, but to lend the knowing that he held on, that he understood. "Yes, you do." His voice was nearly a breath. "It's the right choice."
Susan looked up at him. Blue eyes into blue. Soul tipping over into soul. She slipped her hand into the pocket of her dress, then picked up his hand. Their fingers squeezed together, a touch of comfort, of solace, and farewell. The light that flashed across Peter's eyes and too quickly died sent pain blossoming across her heart. He nodded, and smiled again. "I love you, sister. Always."
"I love you too, Peter. Goodbye." She reached up, standing on her toes, clasping to him, twisting her arms around his neck, pressing her head to his shoulder. His hand was at her waist, bracing her up, and then they came apart. She turned away from her brother.
"Yes, Aslan, I want to stay."
Lucy gasped. The rest of the crowd broke out synonymously in kind behind them all.
Aslan padded forward, and Peter stepped three times backward. Edmund came up beside him, Lucy on Peter's left. They clutched at each other, watching the lion.
"Is that so, child? You must know, if you choose this, there is no going back."
"I know." She'd felt small, when she first decided, but confidence ignited inside her now, flowing out. Yes, Peter was right; this was what she wanted. This was the only choice. She would never be able to go back. She never had been.
Aslan's eyes were kind, and deeply golden. He lifted his head, and the light on his mane dripped off at his feet to green grass blades breaking through the cobbled stone. "I will make it be as if you never were, in your world. This is the end, and it is the dawning. Come, let me breathe on you." He held out his paw as he spoke, and the soft brown pads spread wide, dark golden fur between them thick.
Susan looked at her siblings. Lucy smiled, and nodded eagerly. There had been no forbiddance of returning to Narnia for her, and the hope of meeting again remained brilliantly written across each freckle on her open, young face. Edmund's eyes were full of meaning, even if his face bore only a generic smile that meant nothing. With Edmund it had always been his eyes. Peter grinned, the wind catching at his sleeves; all his past that had come out on his face carefully locked away again behind barred doors. She gathered her skirts and knelt, pressing her hands into Aslan's paw as she did. Exhaling, Susan closed her eyes, listening to Aslan's breath. It was warm on her face, and sweetly-smelling. Rich in summer and peace and love. She lifted her head, smiling up at the lion.
Aslan gently lowered his paw, and Susan stood, the unspoken flowing between them. At that, the Pevensies broke. Lucy rushed forward.
"Oh, Susan!" the littlest girl cried out, flinging her arms around her sister. Susan half-stooped, embracing Lucy in return, pressing a kiss to the top of her head and ruffling at her hair. "I'll miss you—" Lucy pulled away, and she looked up, a recklessly thrilled grin breaking like sunbeams across her face that Susan couldn't help but laugh and smile back, "but this will be such a grand adventure!"
"Yes, it will!" Susan agreed, glancing at Caspian, who began to smile, only to avert his eyes and look away, suddenly shy. She focused on Lucy again. "I shall write to you, if you don't meet me when next you're here."
"Oh, good! Put them somewhere safe," Lucy enthused.
"Naturally—she's not ridiculous."
Edmund.
Susan lifted her eyes to him. He smiled, nonchalant. The wind kicked at his stubborn curls, but the ends alone wobbled. Sturdy, determined, silent Edmund. With all his dreadful mischief and quiet amusements. Lucy made a face at his teasing, and reached out to nudge at him. He looked down at her, dark eyes alight cheerfully.
"Oh, Ed."
They had never needed much between them, the thinkers and the planners and the schemers. Even so. She reached out, hugging him. For a minute, he stood stiff – he always had been ungiving to hugs and affection that required physical feeling – but then he eased, returning the embrace.
"It's not forever." So confident, so certain—Susan would never understand. But she wasn't the wise one, and that made her relieved. "Even if it is, it only lasts a moment." He pulled away, and then they were all standing across from her.
Another world; a world she'd never be able to touch again. Lucy gave a little wave, unable to help the happy expression on her features. Susan beamed back, touched. But her eye strayed to Peter, and her mind sobered. She had seen it in him, what the Coming Back had done. Oh, if it had never happened—the better to live without ever knowing! But, she shouldn't live like that. She glanced at Caspian. He looked back at her, and she saw in him, too. She walked to him, and held out her hand.
His fingers were strong, and warm, and gentle as they closed over hers. She held tight. The wind buffeted around them, against them, and over them. The crowds were quiet. Susan stared at her siblings.
Peter went first, then Edmund. Lucy cast back over her shoulder, full of reluctance to leave—but her eyes weren't on Susan. Lucy stared back at Aslan with sadness and longing. Aslan bowed his head, and smiled. She stepped through the door in the air, and vanished. Aslan roared, and the crowds cheered.
Susan pressed her fingers harder around Caspian's, and he pressed back.
"I'm sorry."
"No." She turned around, feeling the skirt of her dress hit against his legs as she spun. "You don't have to be sorry—I want this." She leaned up, reaching out.
It was a slow kiss, softer and less full of hungry yearning and shattered hope. His hands were steady on her waist, and she lay her fingers across his cheek. When they parted, she smiled up at him. He let out an unsteady sound—caught between a laugh and a breath, and half-smiled back.
"Does this mean. . . Well," Trumpkin blustered, growly and gruff but fond, too. He tapped his pipe against his chin. Caspian and Susan looked at him.
"Yes, DLF?" Susan smiled, teasing kindly.
"Well, does this mean now we've got a wedding to see to?"
Caspian shifted, caught unexpected by the words. He looked down at Susan. What would she think? She only smiled, laughing.
"I'd certainly hope so!" She looked up at Caspian. He wanted to kiss her again, and spin her about off her feet. The heart in his chest felt full-to-bursting.
"Why should it not?" Aslan replied to them all in hearty joy. "Narnia, give ear! Narnia, come! Today is a day of celebration and good-cheer!"
The crowd pressed in close, exclaiming in delight. Aslan uttered a roar, tossing his maned head back to the vast blue sky.
Susan leaned into Caspian, putting her hand over his at her waist, as they watched the Narnians and Telmarines alike burst into celebration and merry-making. Music sprang out and dancers began to dance. Birds whistled and women sang.
It was the best moment in the world, and it belonged to them.
A/N:
This is a rewrite and reposting of the original fic that I first published in 2014. I've had this unfinished series staring me in the face for years now and decided I should make an ACTUAL stab at trying to finish it (now that I've got a better grasp of writing). This fic is an AU fitting both Movieverse and Bookverse. It has a lot of my own personal headcanon in it too to make Narnia a little more elaborate (because I'm elaborate and ridiculously so). If you enjoy it, please leave me a review; they make my day and I always love hearing from my readers! I make it a point to reply to everyone who has an account. As this story develops, there likely WILL be things you'll have questions about (if you're not one of my old readers/followers). I'll leave answers down here for a lot of things, but if there are more, just ask! :)
~ Windy