As soon as she saw the envelope, Meredith knew this was going to be a goodbye. And it was going to be one she didn't know how to prepare for, one of the hardest she had faced in a long time now.
Her heart skipped a beat as she read "Evil Spawn" in the top corner right before she turned it over and began to open the letter from Alex. Her mind ran through a number of thoughts as her fingers broke the seal to the envelope including how their last conversation had gone to how she wondered how she was going to face him telling her he wasn't coming back.
There was no other reason for him to contact her like this.
Meredith' heart felt like it was in her stomach as she slowly read the words on the page in front of her, and then it jumped a little as she read the shocking first bit of news from him, "I'm with Izzie."
Her eyes left the page to stare around the house trying to let that sink in. Izzie? Alex and Izzie? That might have been the last thing she thought she was expecting, and yet, it felt right somehow. Like... of course he was with Izzie. That's why he'd disappeared, why he wouldn't answer even her when she tried reaching out. That was the one thing that could truly keep him from coming back to Seattle, to the life he had built here, to his friends, his family and she knew it.
She had asked him to stay for selfish reasons so many times, she'd cried and yelled, she'd begged. They both brought up the fact it was just them to one another so many times over the years, her much more than he had. He'd stayed out of guilt more than once now, out of not wanting to leave her by herself, afraid of what would happen, afraid of a certain Doctor Yang coming after him for not taking care of her after she'd put him in charge... And it was terrifying right now. It shook her to the bones to think about how he wasn't going to be there anymore, that everyone was gone and she didn't know how to... how to simple just be without Alex Karev yet.
But in that moment she knew she would have to figure it out starting today.
If he gave any other bullshit excuse under the sun she knew she might have had a shot to hop on the first flight to wherever, talk some sense into his thick skull, bring him back to Jo and to her and to the hospital that helped them grow into the people they were today... but no, no, this was really goodbye.
At least for now, at least in the way of their lives being how they had been, a goodbye to what was and what they thought it would always be.
Meredith sat down as she read more about how these two reconnected and couldn't help that little bubble of happiness that struck her. She had played a role in this reunion between them, it felt like another one of those giant curveballs from the fates, the powers that be, whatever it was out there. She knew Izzie had always left him wondering, he'd always had that hold in his heart from when she'd taken off. They didn't talk about her as much anymore, God it'd been about a decade since they'd heard a peep from the blonde, but she was always haunting back there in the corners.
"They're my kids, Mere," she read. "Izzie's and my kids. She had our kids."
Meredith let out a slow breath as she let that sink in. Alex was a father, to twins no less. And with Izzie.
He had a family.
Izzie. Eli and Alexis.
Just like that.
She was proud of him, so happy for him in that moment. But God, was it a lot.
She loved reading about these babies she hoped to hell one day she would meet, she loved how he described his little boy and his little girl. Meredith could almost picture them clear as day in her mind... twin five year olds that were the perfect mix of Doctor Model and Evil Spawn. She imagined the farm he spoke of, Alex looking at Izzie like she was what made the world go round, kids laughing at their dad as he told jokes and when he messed up and how he would try again. She imagined so much love he must be surrounded in right now.
It brought tears to her eyes as she read more about them, about Izzie, about this life he was now going to have.
She felt them keep coming as he began to build her up, knowing she was going to feel lot and alone, and he said all the perfect words to make her feel like maybe it wasn't going to be so bad. She could hear his voice so clear in her head, could feel how bad it must kill him to not be able to tell her all of this in person, to hug her and wipe away these tears running free. He'd do that thing with his eyes if he were here, she could nearly feel his hands on her arms as he got all in her face and told her all of this, that she didn't need anyone to help guide her through this life, that she was strong enough to do it, to tell her how great he thought of her as a mom, as a person.
"So, I hope you do come here one day. But not to ask me to leave. I hope you come to meet my kids, and they get to call you Auntie Mer..." Meredith knew one day this would come to be. It wouldn't be for awhile, they probably wouldn't even be able to speak again at all for awhile, but she knew that one day she would load up these beautiful children of hers and they would go to Nowhere, Kansas to this beautiful farm he spoke of and she would see him again, she'd see Izzie, she'd meet these two new children who were now her family and she would fall in love with them. Her heart would burst as she watched them play with her four, she would catch up with Iz, she'd hug the hell out of Alex and tell him face to face how thankful she was for everything he had done for her, the role he played in her life, how she'd always need him to be her person whether he liked it or not.
After that... after they saw each other again she knew it would be easier, they could visit more often, they would write and they would call and they would be okay. It'd be different than everything they'd known so far, it'd be different than what they thought with being here, raising kids across town from one another, the breakfasts on Sundays and everything... but it would be even better than all of that. Because he was Alex, and she was Meredith, and this was what was supposed to be.
As she finished the letter, as she felt the mix of every emotion under the sun coarse through her body, she folded it back up and thought about how much she was going to be miss him and how she was going to get through today, tomorrow, the day after that. She had to, she had to give them both some time, but it was going to be hard.
She silently spoke her response to his letter out into the universe, hoping somehow he knew...