Lily wanted to call Marlene and wish her happy birthday the muggle way. She had already owled her gifts with a letter. She groaned as she heard Petunia's laughter ringing through the dead night from some corner of the house. Why would it be a corner when clearly the sound was coming from the drawing room? She was obviously talking to Vernon on the phone. If she wouldn't shut up soon she would wake their parents up. It wouldn't be that bad, would it? Oh, whom she was kidding? They wouldn't say a word to their daughters. They would probably smile at Petunia, proudly, now that their elder daughter was clearly in love. They would cast a glance with a hopeful smile at Lily as well. They would wait for her to fall in love and she would wait with them.
The idea of love sounded so wrong at the time. She looked up through the sky window. It was a clouded night. Filled with all grey and black colors. Not a single star visible. The more she looked, darker the night grew. She wished she could go for a walk. She could, if she planned it neatly. She could walk through the backdoor.
To be honest, it was a reckless idea. The last attack had happened just around the corner. She was positive that it was a death eater attack and the Daily Prophet had kept it quiet just as they had ignored the previous. Not a single word was mentioned.
She wouldn't have found about it if she didn't know that the Breezers worked at the ministry. The daily prophet had said that they went on the vacation. They didn't say when were they coming back or where they went. The Prophet wouldn't have even mentioned about their vacation, if they were not proposing a vacancy for the positions occupied by Breezers.
Moreover The Empire, muggle newspaper, had published a news about the housebreaking at the Breezers' place. Police were adamant that it was for the money, though they never found any signs of forceful entry. The doors and the windows, all were intact. Everything was in the place, except for the Breezers. They had vanished from the face of the earth without a trace. All of them, even the toddler. Lily had put two and two together and she had started to study news closely. From the both worlds. And more she paid attention, more the furious she became, as she concluded that the attacks revolved around the muggleborns. If you stretched it too far, there were few attacks on the half-bloods as well.
Petunia's laughter echoed in the night again interrupting the train of Lily's thoughts. She sighed and turned to look out of the window. She needed to sleep in order to wake up early tomorrow. And she dreaded the thought, for the first time in the years. She dreaded to board the train. She dreaded to face her fellow Gryffindors. She dreaded to carry out the Prefect duties. She dreaded to see Sev. She dreaded to see Potter. Most of all she dreaded to face Sandra.
Everyone was almost sure that Potter would ask Sandrah out. They were sure that Sandrah would be Potter"s first girlfriend. But then suddenly out of nowhere Potter had asked her out. She had lost her temper again in the common room and in their dormitory as well. Which only resulted in her being rude to Potter which she regretted. And if Mary and Sandrah would not even listen to what she had to say then they could endure the silent treatment she was giving them.
She turned again towards the sky glass and she sighed. She reminded herself that she was a Gryffindor. She would not let even the shadows of fear run through her veins. It would be odd, not to talk with Sev, on the grounds of Hogwarts, but she had made it sure to burn down all the bridges. It was already coming to an end. She had seen it. She was just surprised at the fact that how cold she had treated him. Sev had apologized to her. Begged her. Yet she didn't feel a thing. She just blamed herself for the fact that she could have been a savior. For both of them. She could have saved him from taking that path. If only she had been there for him from the start of their first year, maybe the things would have been different. But they weren't different. She had left him alone. She had deprived him of her friendship. She had laughed at him, insulted him. Yet he had come back. Every single time. He was the first to make the amends, to apologize, to break their silence. The more he tried to fix things with her, the more she broke them. Practically she was the one who had propelled him to take the path he had chosen. She was not at all affected by him when he had called her mud blood. It was in the heat of the moment. She knew, he didn't mean it that way. But he had given her the perfect excuse to finally end the things. She was ashamed of him. And she was ashamed of herself, maybe even more than she was of him.
And then there was Potter. James Potter. Always the laughing one. Playing with the snitch, running his hand through those messy hair, pleased with himself without the care for the world. She hated him. Everyone thought she hated him for he was being annoying. For he was always asking her out at every chance he got. No, she didn't hate him for this. She hated him; because for him, it was just a joke. For him, she was just another girl who he was making fun of. But above all, she hated him because he was the pure-blood. He was safe from the upcoming threats. She hated him because it was easy for him, to be happy, to be confident, to ace all the classes, to play the quidditch, in short to be popular. And she hated him because none of this was his fault and that she couldn't have any of its security.
She needed to stay away from all these things. From all these people. And she promised herself that she would just do that. Because for once it was her fault. Her and her alone.
Lily glanced at the wall clock. It was past two in the morning. Petunia's laughing and mumbling had stopped ages ago. Leo's, her kitten's, white fur was shining in the moonlight beside her. She needed to go back to sleep, yet it wouldn't come to her peacefully. She looked through the sky window again wiping a single tear that had managed to escape. Not a single star was out there to grace the maddening black sky.