It was late, too late, but she knew she had to do it. It was time, it had been nearly two weeks.
Teddy Altman was broken, devastated and suffering from her past and present. She hated herself. She had never felt so disgusting.
How could she have done this? This wasn't her. She was loyal, and faithful with everything she touched. Until now. She destroyed that. She was now a cheater, she cheated on her fiancé, the love of her life, the father of her child, Owen Hunt.
"I'm going to lose everything. God dammit, Altman! What the hell is wrong with you?!" Teddy cried to herself in the bathroom as quietly as she could, off their bedroom.
She just arrived back home from the medical conference in LA with Pierce and Webber, where she happened to run into an old friend from her days at Columbia, in New York.
As they caught up in a friendly manner, recalling the last 20 years, Teddy ended up breaking down and telling Nadine everything...including her recent endeavors. Nadine knew and understood Teddy, she understood her pain and confusion and how that clouded her judgment. And though of course it didn't excuse her actions, she believed they were forgivable, but she had to be honest with her fiancé.
And now it was time, she had prepared herself for what was about to take place.
She was prepared for Owen to scream, and cry. She was prepared for him to fight to take Allison away from her, because of course she had been too selfish to think of how this would affect her 5 and a half month old baby daughter.
"Just tell him." Teddy whispered to herself, as she wiped her eyes and took a deep breath, stepping back out to the bedroom.
"Hey. Teddy, are you crying? Honey what's wrong?" Owen was stunned as he saw how hard she had been crying. He took her hand and guided her to sit with him on the bed.
She slowly allowed herself to sit beside him, but kept her distance. The guilt and shame was already tearing her apart.
"Teddy, you're scaring me. You've been acting strange and distant for awhile now...what is going on? Is it that patient you had a few days ago, is it Amelia? Because the baby is Links!" He implored.
"No...no..." Teddy waved off.
"Is it Koracick?" Owen asked suddenly and caught Teddy off guard.
Koracick? Why would he ask about Tom? What did he know?
"Owen..." Teddy started.
He shook his head.
"Dammit, I knew it! I knew it was Tom...Teddy what the hell did he do to you this time?" Owen snarled.
Teddy finally composed herself and looked at Owen head on.
"Owen, Tom didn't do anything...it-it was me..." She stated.
Owens confusion increased.
"You, what do you mean it was you?"
Teddy couldn't take it anymore so her mind and mouth just imploded.
"Owen I was worried from the moment I found out that Amelia was pregnant that the baby could be yours. I thought about it all the time! But you didn't seem to question it and she never said anything, so I tried to let it go. But then things got weird between her and Link and then she disappeared for a week or two...so my suspicions grew again. Then that night we had that pregnant patient, we almost lost her and the baby? That triggered my anxiety and PTSD even more. It was snowing, so I went out to get some fresh air and enjoy it but I couldn't stop hyperventilating. Tom...Tom, he saw me and came out to talk to me. I shared with him my fears, that I'm broken and full of doubt and fear for us, for our future and believe it or not...he reassured me how much you love me and are committed to me. I felt at peace, for a moment. But then later...I panicked again, so I asked Maggie as Amelia's sister...I asked her if my gut feeling was correct...if I was just seeing things and now I know it was a miscommunication..." She stopped.
"Miscommunication...?" He encouraged her to go on.
Teddy took yet another deep breath, trying to calm her never ending racing pulse.
"When I asked Maggie if my gut instinct was correct...she thought I was simply asking about Amelia questioning the paternity of her baby but, I thought..." she sobbed.
Owen took her hands.
"Teddy, what did you THINK?" He asked, his face already looked pained.
"I thought...I thought that you knew Amelia might be having your baby and that you were keeping it from me...to protect me or because you were conflicted and that if the baby was yours...that you'd leave me again, for her." Teddy cried.
Owen was in shock. He couldn't believe that Teddy had been suffering like this for so long.
"Oh my god, Teddy! How could you possibly have thought that?! I love you. I have ALWAYS loved you...I was just...I was broken too and didn't understand my own mind and heart. But now I do, and I've meant every word and action since I told you how I feel as you brought our beautiful daughter into this world, when I asked you to MARRY me. Teddy, you and I have a DAUGHTER! Not that we're together just because we have a baby but to me, our baby girl, that's the most intimate thing you can share with another person. A child. Teddy, we made a child out of love and she is proof of our love. Do you understand me? It will always be you. Like I said to you a couple of weeks ago, you are not a replacement...you are...well, Teddy, everything. You hear me?" Owen said and kissed her softly on the forehead.
But her tears wouldn't stop.
Owen felt lost, helpless. He couldn't understand after all he'd said to his beautiful fiancé and knowing that all parties knew Link was the actual father of Amelia's baby, that she was still falling apart right in front of him.
"Owen..." she sobbed, shaking her head.
"Tell me." He said.
Teddy looked up at him with her huge green eyes, swollen and red.
"When I thought that you'd leave me for Amelia, and have a baby with her...I went to see Tom...at his hotel room."
Owen froze. He felt as if an ice cold bucket of water had been poured down his neck...
"Owen listen...LISTEN to me," she implored as she saw him spiraling and pulling away from her, "I was, I AM not okay! I'm...I'm broken, I'm triggered, I NEED to talk to someone and I know that now! But-"
"But?" He asked coldly and painfully.
"But...I kissed him...because I was trying to save myself from feeling what I thought was the inevitable. The inevitable pain of losing you, losing my dream life that I thought we finally had. He didn't stop me, I didn't stop me. I should have stopped it but it was such a blur, Owen. I wasn't even there, in my right mind that is. It was like an out of body experience. It's not like he took advantage of me but-"
Owen cut her off.
"But he did, he did Teddy. You can't deny that. You said it yourself, you weren't in the right state of mind. He took advantage of your poor mental state...and that is, unacceptable even for him. God, I'm going to KILL that guy..." Owen trailed off. But when Teddy remained silent, with a sniffle here and there, he sadly looked up at her and asked the question he'd been dreading.
"So...? Did you sleep with him?"
Teddy broke down again, and so did Owen. He sobbed along with her. He felt partially responsible for this. Sure, he had clarity now but he spent years implying to Teddy that she was no more than a second option, only a friend, a consolation prize...no wonder she had doubts, and fears of being tossed aside yet again. God, he hated himself for making her feel that way all these years.
"Owen, I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry. I'm sorry I slept with him...and I'm sorry for kissing him again the next day. I'm sorry. It's not an excuse but he was pain relief, nothing more. A...friend, a safe place to land. But I USED him, and I can't forgive myself for that. Just like I can't forgive myself for doing this to the one man who has ALWAYS made me feel the most intense feelings of my life, the good and the bad, the beautiful and ugly. All of it. The father of my child..." Teddy cried.
Owen took a deep breath, he was deeply hurt that this happened but he knew Teddy better than anyone, and somehow...he understood.
"Teddy, Teddy look at me. Take a breath. I forgive you, okay? And I love you. Remember my answer will always be that I love you."
Owen tilted Teddy's chin up gently so she'd look at him.
"No Owen, it can't be that simple. I did a TERRIBLE thing. I destroyed our family, I destroyed us. I betrayed you, Leo and OUR daughter! You can't possibly love me after this!" She cried.
Owen gently shushed her.
"Well, it is for me Teddy. It is that simple. Because I know you...I know your guilt, triggers, fears and I didn't help with that all these years. I am to blame for some of this. Sure, I'm devastated that you were brought to that point and with HIM. But I know you Theodora Grace, I know you...and I can get past this because, it's us. It's always been you and me, and I've cheated before and didn't even have a good reason. I'd be a hypocrite to say the least if I held onto this bump in the road. But here's the thing, I do love you, so we're going to get you in with Dr. Wyatt and work on this trauma and pain you've been carrying once and for all. When was the last time you talked to someone?" He asked.
Years. It had been years.
"Professionally? Not since the 10 sessions I got after coming home from Iraq and even then...all I talked about was Iraq...I didn't really delve into losing my parents...or Allison." She said shamefully.
"Right. Teddy, you've had all this unresolved pain building up inside of you for almost 20 years...you were bound to unravel at any moment. Not to mention...you just had a baby..."
"Post Partum Depression...yeah I've thought about that too." She agreed.
"It's going to be okay, I promise. I've got you," Owen wrapped Teddy close in his arms, "we're going to get through this, all of it. I love you, I forgive you, we're going to get married and have more babies..."
Teddy smiled and wiped away her tears.
"More babies?"
Owen laughed nervously, a little embarrassed.
"Uh...yeah? But only if you want to!"
Teddy laughed sweetly.
"I want to."
Owen beamed and kissed Teddy deeply.
"I love you so much," she said in between kisses, "I'm so sorry."
"I love you more than life itself, and I know things moved fast for us after Allison was born but this...all of this, is no accident. This has been nearly 20 years in the making, Altman, and we're going to make up for all our lost time and mistakes. Especially me." Owen nodded.
"How'd I get so lucky?" Teddy whimpered.
"Because you loved me back to life, Major."