Well, everyone is trapped inside and our society is crumbling, so this is me doing what I can to bring a little levity to this, the end times. In service of keeping spirits high and standards low, I'm going to do my best to write and upload a ridiculous and absurd drabble each and every day that we're all locked in our homes. (Full disclosure: I do have a small child, and parenting is time consuming, so I may not actually be able to update every day. But damn it, I will try!)
I need your help for this, gentle readers. Hit me with your drabble prompts. It can be a word, a phrase, a sentence, or an improbable scenario. For once in my life, YES, I am taking orders, and I want to hear about all your awful, terrible, no-good-very-bad ideas.
And so... Take a number, any number. Hop in line, folks, and request your trash now. As far as our first piece of nonsense goes: Order up!
Drabble I: Order Up!
The brightest part of every day for Zelda was going to the coffee shop around the corner from her office.
True that the coffee shop wasn't precisely on her way to work. Actually it was a little out of her way, and Midna— her colleague— hadn't understood why Zelda didn't stop at any of the four other perfectly good coffee shops on her way into work each morning… that is, until she tagged along one rainy Tuesday morning.
"I mean, we just passed another one. What exactly is so special about this coffee shop that you're dragging me out in the rain? If my heels get wrecked, I'm invoicing you." Midna scowled as she twitched the cowl of her tragically fashionable trenchcoat a little higher around her face.
"Just trust me, OK?" Zelda said. She paused with her hand on the doorbar. "And do me a favor. Don't make it awkward."
"Don't make it awkward? I never make anything awkward. I can't believe you would accuse me of such a thing. Now hurry up. We're getting wet."
Zelda pushed into the coffee shop, Midna hot on her tail. Inside, it was warm and soothing. Mellow jazz was trickling out of a series of hidden speakers. Well-tended houseplants overflowed from their pots. A cascade of artfully-arranged edison bulbs brought a cozy light and warmth to the space. On a wet, cold morning like today, the cozy furniture and round tables were packed: students, a bible group, retirees, and commuters alike angled for space.
And above it all…
"Good morning, Ms. Bosphoramus," said the barista. "You're a ray of sunshine on a dark day like today."
"Ohmygod," Midna hissed over Zelda's shoulder.
But Zelda ignored her friend. After all, long habit had taught her that was the easiest way of dealing with her when attractive men were involved.
"Good morning, Link," Zelda said brightly. "You're too kind, as always."
Link winked at her. "The usual?" He peered over Zelda's shoulder and smiled at Midna. "Ah, a friend of yours? What'll it be, Miss?"
"What would you recommend?" Midna asked. She swept Link a long look, top to bottom— or, at least, as much of him as she could see over the counter. "I'm in the mood for something… hot and steamy."
If Link heard the sly innuendo in Midna's voice, he didn't react. Instead, he continued smiling that thousand-watt smile.
"You look like you like chocolate," Link said. "Dark, bitter, rich and decadent. We have an excellent mocha latte that I think would suit you perfectly."
"Oh, good," purred Midna. "Make sure it's nice and frothy."
"Of course," Link said. He looked back at Zelda, and was it just wishful thinking, or did his smile brighten and his eyes soften? Probably just wishful thinking. The man was so sinfully handsome, he'd singlehandedly kept Zelda coming back to this coffee shop every day for over a year.
Well, that, and the coffee. It was damn good coffee.
"I'll have those ready for you right away," Link told her.
"Great," Zelda said, pulling out her credit card. But he waved away her payment with a hand.
"My treat today, since you've brought a friend," Link said.
Zelda still tried to push the credit card at him. "Are you sure…?"
"Absolutely," he said, and there was no mistaking the kindness in his eyes now. The man was just a genuinely good person.
Zelda wanted to reach over the counter, grab him by his apron, haul him forward, and kiss him.
"Thank you, Link," Zelda said instead, because assaulting the best part of her day was not on the menu for this morning. "You're a lifesaver."
He winked again. "Anytime." Then he turned off to bustle around behind the counter, providing both Zelda and Midna with a prime view of his utterly perfect back end.
"Zelda," Midna hissed as they moved down to the other end of the counter to wait for their drinks, "you've been holding out on me."
"And you're embarrassing," Zelda responded. "Give me something hot and steamy? Make it frothy? Honestly! I can't take you anywhere."
"Mmmm," Midna hummed, watching Link appreciatively. "So have you asked him out yet?"
"Don't be absurd," Zelda said. "Talking to him is the best part of my morning. I'm not going to make it awkward by asking him on a date."
"Shame," Midna said. "You like him and he clearly likes you." When Zelda snorted with disbelief, Midna arched one perfectly-styled brow. "It's true. 'You're a ray of sunshine!' 'Your coffee is on me!' You know what else is on him, or should be? You."
"Please," Zelda scoffed. "He's probably got a girlfriend already. A man that perfect has to have a girlfriend." She paused, her mood sinking. "Or he's gay."
"You'll never know if you don't ask," Midna said. "Ask him to meet you for lunch sometime. Breakfast. Coffee. Or maybe not coffee. Maybe he hates it since he works at a coffee shop. But the point is. Ask him. You have nothing to lose."
"I don't know," Zelda said. She deeply regretted allowing Midna to tag along on the morning's coffee jaunt. "Maybe tomorrow."
Midna shook her head, but didn't otherwise say anything. A few moments later, Link called out, his voice pitched to carry: "Order up!"
They stepped forward and grabbed their drinks from the counter. Link smiled at Zelda one last time as she scooped the warm cup between her cold hands.
"Have a great day," he said. "See you tomorrow?"
"You bet," Zelda agreed, thinking privately that maybe she'd ask him out then. If she could work up the courage. Maybe.
"I'll look forward to it," Link said, dimpling.
Fortified by that warm smile, bolstered by the fragrant brew in her hands, and accompanied by Midna's irritating whispered admonishments, Zelda wandered back out into the cold and rain, feeling like she was glowing.
Coming up tomorrow: At the request of my first and best customer, CrazygurlMadness, we'll have a nice bit of Arranged Marriage trash. Until then, stay safe, stay inside, and WASH YOUR HANDS! Air smoochies to all, and to all a good night.