Disclaimer: I don't own Doctor Who. I am simply borrowing the BBC's wonderful characters.
The Doctor was no stranger to love.
His granddaughter Susan. His friends from Gallifrey. The many companions who had joined him on his adventures throughout his different incarnations. He had loved them all, and still did.
But Rose Tyler was different.
Part of it was the war. Everything changed when he transitioned into his ninth body. The loss of his planet and his people left a hole in his heart, made him need others in a way he hadn't before.
Part of it was just Rose, though.
The Doctor had never expected Rose Tyler. But then, suddenly, there she was – bright and beautiful and brave, flawed and stubborn and loving, and oh so very human.
She burrowed her way into his heart before his grumpy ninth body fully understood what was happening. And by the time he truly realised it … well, he was in too deep.
Romance hadn't ever really crossed his mind with his previous companions, and for good reason.
The Time Lords were a long-lived race, and human lives were like brief flickers to them.
"I don't age. I regenerate. But humans decay. You wither and you die. Imagine watching that happen to someone who you …"
"What, Doctor?"
"You can spend the rest of your life with me, but I can't spend the rest of mine with you. I have to live on. Alone. That's the curse of the Time Lords."
He had tried to keep his distance, tried to make Rose understand the reality of travelling with him.
And yet she never left, never even seemed to consider it a possibility.
"How long are you going to stay with me?"
"Forever."
She had meant it, he was sure. There had been the adamant conviction in her voice that only came out when she was truly serious.
He had tried to be realistic nonetheless, to remember that she was human and he would lose her eventually.
But he never imagined it would be so soon.
Time Lords didn't need the same amount of sleep or food that humans did, but when he had companions in the Tardis it had become a habit. Besides, the Doctor found he had developed a taste for certain human foods, especially chips (he blamed that entirely on Rose).
Now, though … he hadn't slept since the day he lost Rose. The only things he'd eaten had been a few bland nutrition bars the Tardis produced, and that only because his ship had locked him in a cupboard until he finished one of the bars.
He hadn't bothered to look in a mirror recently but he imagined he looked more than a little stressed.
Finally, though, he had completed his goal to find the last gap he could use to get a message through to the parallel world.
He had one last chance to say goodbye to Rose.
The projection came out on a beach, empty save for Rose and her family.
But he didn't have eyes for the others, though he was honestly glad they were all ok. No, his focus was all on the woman moving to stand in front of him.
"Where are you?" she asked.
"Inside the Tardis," he explained, "there's one tiny little gap in the universe left, just about to close, and it takes a lot of power to send this projection. I'm in orbit around a super nova."
He paused for a moment, looked straight at her, "I'm burning up a sun just to say goodbye."
"You look like a ghost," Rose murmured.
She looked a little like one herself, he thought. Pale, dark smudges under her eyes indicating she probably hadn't been getting much more sleep than he had.
Before, when they had been travelling, he would have talked for half an hour about the importance of a good amount of sleep, even if it did waste valuable adventure time. He would have insisted on reading to her from one of his old Gallifreyan school texts (absolutely dull and guaranteed to put any sane person to sleep) and suggested she eat a banana or two to perk her up. But time was precious now and he wouldn't waste it babbling away.
"Hold on," he said instead, using the sonic screwdriver to improve the image.
Rose stepped towards him, lifted a hand, "can I?"
He shook his head regretfully, "I'm still just an image. No touch."
Oh but how desperately he wanted to be able to touch her again, even if only for a moment. He couldn't, though, and his hearts ached.
"Can't you come through properly?" she asked.
"The whole thing would fracture," he explained, "two universes would collapse."
"So?"
He couldn't help but smile, despite the sorrow he felt. She didn't mean it, of course … except that he could see in her expression that there was a tiny part of her that wanted to be reckless with the consequences.
He understood that. He had no doubt that the same expression was mirrored in his own face.
The Doctor well knew how devastating the consequences of trying to come fully through into the parallel world would be, but that didn't stop the desperate yearning in his hearts, the deep desire to do something drastic just to hug Rose one more time.
"Where are we?" he changed the subject, determined to keep it together, "where did the gap come out?"
"We're in Norway."
"Norway. Right."
"About fifty miles out of Bergen. It's called Darlig Ulv Stranden."
"Dalek!" his eyes widened.
"Darlig. It's Norwegian for bad. This translates as Bad Wolf Bay."
She shook her head with a rueful smile. He never knew whether those words should scare him or not, but he had started to accept that they would inevitably appear where Rose went. And somehow it seemed fitting that their meeting now should be in this particular place.
"How long have we got?" she asked.
"About two minutes," he answered regretfully.
He wished it was longer, but even with all his vast knowledge it was the best he could manage.
"I can't think of what to say."
They both laughed, though there was an almost hysterical quality to it.
He looked over at the group standing by the truck, "you've still got Mister Mickey, then?"
She nodded, "there's five of us now. Mum, Dad, Mickey, and the baby."
For a second or two he went cold. He didn't know exactly how long it had been for her since that terrible day at Canary Wharf.
Maybe she didn't feel the same, maybe she had found someone else, maybe …
He tried to force a neutral expression onto his face, "you're not?" he whispered the question, not sure he wanted to hear the answer.
"No," she laughed a little bit and shook her head, and relief coursed through him, "it's mum. She's three months gone. More Tylers on the way."
"And what about you? Are you …?"
He didn't know how to finish his question. Are you ok? Are you safe? Are you happy?
"Yeah, I'm back working in the shop."
"Oh, good for you," he said softly.
He didn't understand her answer, because he knew from previous conversations that she had found her work at Henriks dull. He wanted to tell her that she was capable of anything, that she would be wonderful, amazing, fantastic at anything she wanted to do. But he also didn't want to offend, not in these precious few moments he had with her.
"Shut up. No, I'm not," she gave him that little smile he adored, before she turned serious again, "there's still a Torchwood on this planet. It's open for business. I think I know a thing or two about aliens."
He smiled, though it was a bittersweet thing, "Rose Tyler, Defender of the Earth."
"You're dead, officially, back home," he continued, trying to sound businesslike to mask his pain, "So many people died that day and you've gone missing. You're on a list of the dead. Here you are, living a life day after day. The one adventure I can never have."
She started to tear up and it wrenched at his hearts, "am I ever gonna see you again?"
"You can't."
How he wished it was otherwise. All the knowledge in his head and when it came down to something that truly mattered to him, he couldn't do a thing at all.
"What are you going to do?"
"Oh, I've got the Tardis. Same old life, last of the Time Lords."
He tried to say it like it would be easy, like life could ever just go back to how it was before he met her. He knew better, though – Rose was lodged into both his hearts, and he knew she wouldn't ever leave them.
"On your own," she said, looking distraught.
She'd always been perceptive. Right from the start she had known it was better for him to travel with others. "Better with two," she'd told him, right back at the beginning of the travels together. She was right, he was better with two … better still with her.
Still, he didn't speak, just nodded in response to her words. Perhaps he should find someone else to travel with, but he wanted to be alone for a while. He just didn't think he could muster the effort to deal with anyone else with his emotions still so raw.
"I –", her voice broke, before she took a breath, I love you."
In that moment he would have done anything, said anything, given anything, just to be with Rose in person, rather than as a projection.
They hadn't ever said it before, not properly. He knew, and he was sure Rose did, that there were a thousand ways to show someone you loved them. The Doctor remembered every single little moment with her, every touch and glance, the words (spoken and unspoken) between them, all the hugs and the handholding.
"I'm left travelling on my own 'cause there's no one else." "There's me."
"I'm so glad I met you." "Me too."
"I could save the world but lose you."
"I wouldn't have missed it for the world."
"What use are emotions, if you will not save the woman you love?"
"Rose." "Yes, Doctor." "I'm coming to get you."
"That was our first date." "We had chips."
"Give her back to me."
"You just leave us behind. Is that what you're going to do to me?" "No, not to you."
"I don't age. I regenerate. But humans decay. You wither and you die. Imagine watching that happen to someone who you …"
"They left her in the street. They took her face and just chucked her out and left her in the street. And as a result, that makes things very simple. Very, very simple … Because now, Detective Inspector Bishop, there is no power on this Earth that can stop me."
"If you get back in touch, if you talk to Rose, just tell her. Tell her … Oh, she knows."
"If I believe in one thing, just one thing, I believe in her."
"There's a lot of things you need to get across this universe. Warp drive, wormhole refractors … You know the thing you need most of all? You need a hand to hold."
"How long are you going to stay with me?" "Forever."
"I made my choice a long time ago and I'm never gonna leave you."
He remembered it all.
But despite everything, neither of them had ever said it out loud.
He was always so aware of Rose's humanity, of the short time he would have with her. He'd told himself that admitting his feelings to her and allowing himself to consider a relationship would only mean it would hurt more in the end.
Clearly, he was a fool. He should have been more honest in the time he had.
But he wasn't going to make that mistake again, not now.
"I suppose," he said, "if it's my one last chance to say it –" he almost broke at those words.
One last chance. He had to make it count.
"Rose Tyler … my Rose …"
She looked up at him, expectation warring with fear, "yes, Doctor."
He always had so many things to say, but for this he felt it best to be direct. Simple, sincere.
"I love you too, Rose."
There was barely a split second for him to register the devastating combination of joy and despair on Rose's beautiful face.
And then she was gone, the connection broken.
"I love you, Rose," he repeated to himself, "I love you, I love you, I love you."
He was back in the Tardis, stood absolutely still as his mind tried to catalogue and remember every inch of Rose Tyler, of the way she smiled, of how she looked when she told him she loved him.
He could feel the tears trickling down his face. He didn't try to wipe them away, because Rose deserved to be mourned.
Not dead, thankfully, but still gone.
Gone forever.
She deserved all his tears.
Thanks for reading. Hope you enjoyed it.