Dreams

Rey woke up in a cold sweat, her chest heaving in and out as she gasped for breath. She bolted upright so she was sitting straight up. Her body shook and her skin had a light sheen of sweat. Rey tried to slow her breathing but then realized that she couldn't stop gulping air. Her eyes widened and she began to struggle for breath.

Kylo Ren was just glad to be pulled out of his restless sleep. Then he heard a gasping sound. He sat up quickly and almost summoned his saber before he saw Rey next to him. She was hyperventilating and she looked terrified.

"Kriff, Rey!" he said. Kylo took hold of her arm and turned her to look at him. She jumped at his touch and began to panic even more. Kylo took her hands in his, they were so small and cupped them over her mouth.

"Hey, hey" he soothed. "You're ok. It's ok." He gently rubbed her back as Rey struggled to calm her breathing.

"That's it. Just inhale and exhale. Slowly," his voice cracked slightly on the last word, as his heart twisted to see Rey in pain.

This was one of the few moments where her mind was occupied elsewhere, and he stole a few seconds to just look at her. She was stunning, truly stunning. Her tan skin from Jakku's sun showed her freckles that sprinkled across her face and shoulders. Her shoulder-length brown hair which was normally tied up out of her face in her regular 3-bun hairstyle was let down across her back. There were so many different specks of color in her hazel eyes. Kylo could see flecks of gold, green, brown, grey, and even a hint of blue. High cheekbones formed her oval-shaped face and her slim, strong hands covered her mouth. She was small, but strong and lithe, hardened from a lifetime of survival. Rey was the most beautiful person he had ever seen in his life.

A large hand covered Rey's arm and she jerked in surprise and fear. She turned to see Ben's eyes staring back at her. He looked alarmed and worried. Normally, Rey would have a rush of emotions whenever he showed up, but as of right now, she was only focused on getting air into her lungs. She felt her hands being enveloped in Ben's large and warm hands. He brought them up to her face and cupped them over her mouth to try to help slow her breathing. Rey obliged and desperately tried to slow her gasps. She could feel his large hand rubbing circles on her back, and barely registered the soft words of comfort from him.

Eventually, her breathing slowed to a normal pace and she was no longer gasping for air. Her body still shook as she held herself in a fetal position. It was only then when she became aware of Kylo's hand on her arm and his other hand rubbing her back. She turned to face him and then stopped short when she realized how close he was.

He must've realized their close proximity and drew back, her skin growing cold from where his hands had been.

While she was no longer hyperventilating, she was still trembling and visibly shaken. Rey realized that this particular Force Bond had connected them so it appeared that they were on the same bed. Rey shifted so her back was against the wall and so she was facing Kylo. He mirrored her position.

Rey felt a flood of emotions wash over her so quickly, it was overwhelming. She felt the tension coil in her shoulders, but at the same time relief washed over her arms as she loosened her grasp on her knees. She felt angry and frustrated but also she was happy to see him. Part of her wanted to push him away, while another part wanted him to hold her close in his strong arms. She was so confused, and only then noticed that Kylo wasn't wearing a shirt. Again. She blushed and buried her face in her hands and groaned.

Kylo looked down at his bare chest and then back at Rey's red face and smirked slightly. A piece of hair lay against her cheek and he almost moved his hand to brush it away, but he kept his hand in his lap. He met her swirling hazel eyes and his face softened to an expression of concern.

"Hey," he said softly. "Are you ok?" Rey seemed surprised at his question and blinked in confusion for a moment.

"Y-yeah, no. I'm fine," Rey answered shakily. She bit her lip as she watched Kylo's eyebrows raise in skepticism.

"You can't hide, Rey," he said quietly before his dark brown eyes pierced her soul. "Not from me." Then his face softened and he gently said. "Tell me," he paused ever so slightly before whispering, "Please."

Rey looked up at him then, remembering his words on the Supremecy. His dark eyes were soft and pleading, and damn, she'd be lying if she said that she didn't want to open up to him. To escape the suffocating loneliness that tormented her every day. She inhaled shakily before giving in and opening her mouth.

"I saw my parents," she said softly. "But at the same time I couldn't. I knew they were there, but I couldn't feel them." Rey's hands shook slightly and Kylo gently grasped her trembling fingers. Rey shuddered as she recalled her dream. It had been so vivid, so hauntingly real.

"Then I just saw, people. They were everywhere, and-" she stopped and squeezed her eyes shut before forcing herself to say it. "They were all dead. Bloody, burnt beyond recognition, and I looked down and I saw a red saber in my hands." Rey could feel Kylo's gaze on her, but he wasn't judging, just listening.

"I saw myself then," she continued. "I was in all black, I had a double-bladed saber, like my quarterstaff, but it was red" Rey cringed as she remembered the horrifying sight. Her skin had been deathly pale, her teeth had been fangs, and her eyes were a sickening shade of yellow. She had blood all over her dark robes, and even on her face.

"And I saw the blood all over my hands, and I knew…" she trailed off. Kylo gently stroked his thumb over her wrist. Rey looked up and met his gaze and inhaled shakily.

"And I knew that I had killed all those people. And the blood on my hands," her small form trembled as her eyes began to water. "The blood was from my parents. I just knew it was." Rey felt tears stream down her cheeks as she looked at Kylo.

"It's my fault they're dead." Rey buried her face in her hands as she cried, too ashamed to look Kylo in the eyes anymore.

Kylo's heart twinged at the sight of Rey's tears. He slowly moved over so he was sitting beside her, and tentatively wrapped his arms around her.

Rey didn't even try to resist the urge she felt this time. She leaned into Kylo's embrace as she felt his warm arms encircle her.

Kylo let her cry into his chest as he rubbed his hand on her back to try to comfort her in any way he could.

"Hey, shhh," he soothed. "It wasn't your fault. Please don't ever think that." He could remember the glimpse he had gotten of her parents when they had touched hands. He didn't know exactly what happened to them, he just knew they were dead. But he knew that it wasn't Rey's fault. Rey looked up at him with a tear-filled gaze.

"How can it not be?" she asked. "I could feel that it was them. I don't even know what happened to them but all I know is that they're dead, and it's because of me."

His heart broke when she said that. He lifted one of his hands to her cheek and gently wiped away a tear with his thumb. He knew what she was feeling. The guilt that threatened to swallow him every day from when he murdered his father. He pulled her closer to him.

"Exactly, we don't know what happened to them. It's not your fault, Rey." He took her face in his hands and turned her face to look at him. "They died because they loved you. They wanted what was best for you." He looked at her pleadingly. "It wasn't your fault." She looked at him and he knew she was struggling to believe him. But she relaxed further in his embrace and allowed her arms to hug him as well.

"Thank you," she whispered softly. She let her head rest against his chest, and she could feel his steady heartbeat. Rey felt his arms tighten their embrace and she felt a warm sensation on her forehead, as he gently pressed a kiss on top of her head. Rey sat up straighter and turned to face him. He looked at her softly and she suddenly felt an overwhelming feeling that this was right. That they both belonged here, right now, in this moment, together.

Their Bond sang at their contact and everywhere they touched felt electric. Kylo allowed his hand to brush a strand of hair behind her ears. He kept his hand on her cheek. She smiled ever so faintly, her hazel eyes shining. Her hands were resting on his chest and he hoped she couldn't feel his heartbeat accelerating every time she looked at him or touched him.

Their Bond slowly pulled them towards each other as if they were joined by an invisible tether. Rey found herself leaning closer and closer to his face. His arms were locked around her as he gazed at her with an intimacy that made Rey's heart stutter. Her hand was resting on his chest and she slowly moved it up to touch his face. There was barely any space left between them.

"Ben," Rey breathed, her voice barely above a whisper. Kylo leaned down towards her, too. Their noses were mere inches apart. Kriff, she was beautiful. Her fingertips left trails of fire on his skin.

Rey looked at him and then glanced at his full lips. She blushed and moved her gaze back up to his eyes. Damn, she wanted to kiss him.

So she gently, carefully pressed her lips against his. He froze for a moment before he relaxed and pulled her closer to him. They held the soft and gentle kiss for a few more moments before Rey pulled back slightly. He looked at her in wonder and amazement. She smiled softly, and her eyes held so much warmth and tenderness.

Rey looked at his face and was pleasantly surprised when she saw a tender smile on his face. Her fingertips gently caressed his cheek.

"Hi," she said softly.

"Hi," he smiled back at her. They both only had a moment to look at each other when they felt the slight rumble in the Force, the telltale sign that this connection was about to end before they were left alone again.

Rey threw her staff on the ground and yelled in frustration. She sank to sit on a rock nearby. She was angry and confused. It had been a week since that night when Rey had kissed him. Why the hell had she kissed him? Rey rubbed her temples in frustration. Wasn't he supposed to be her enemy? So then why were there moments like that where he was so gentle and kind to her? Why were there moments where he was Ben Solo, not Kylo Ren? Kylo Ren was her enemy, but Ben wasn't. Rey groaned and put her face in her hands. Suddenly, BB-8 rolled up next to her and beeped inquisitively. She looked down at the small, orange and white droid and smiled sheepishly.

"No, I'm alright, BB-8," she told him. He beeped some more, as if not believing her. "No, I really am," Rey said. "I'm just tired, that's all." The round droid rolled in circles around her and she laughed. BB-8 was the first friend she had encountered since Jakku. Even though he was Poe's droid, she still had a special bond with the little astromech.

BB-8 beeped excitedly and Rey smiled. "Yes, I think I'll run the training course." BB-8 liked to follow her whenever she ran it. Since Luke's lightsaber was still not fully repaired, she just took her quarterstaff with her. She paused for a moment and looked over her shoulder as if expecting to see something. Her brow furrowed slightly and she reached out to the Force for answers. All she felt were the sparks of life from the Resistance base and the plants and animals on Ajon Kloss. She thought she had felt something, a ripple maybe, but when she didn't find anything, she simply ran into the forest with BB-8 close behind.

Kylo Ren stormed into his quarters, seething with rage. He flung his cloak to the ground and ripped his helmet off his head, letting it fall to the floor with a loud clang. It took every ounce of self-control within him to not ignite his lightsaber and obliterate everything in front of him to pieces. The incompetent red-headed weasel, Hux, never ceased to infuriate him at every opportunity he could. He winced slightly as he moved his arm. It had gotten clipped from the battle he had just come from.

Kylo had become more and more agitated with each passing day since seeing Rey. Since the kiss. Why had she kissed him? Didn't she think he was a monster? And didn't he think that she was nothing? Then why…

"Ugh, dammit," he groaned as he sat down on the edge of his bed.

He tossed his filthy outer shirt to the floor and he kicked off his muddy boots. Kylo stood up in his pants and light undershirt, before pulling the torn shirt over his head and winced as the fabric rubbed against his open wound. He soon found himself in the refresher, scalding hot water pouring down on him. He let the water wash over his body and soothe his sore muscles. But the hot water did nothing to ease his anxiety and restlessness he felt. The water shut off and he grabbed a towel and stepped out of the refresher, drying his hair.

He stood before the mirror with the towel wrapped around his waist. He saw a broken reflection in front of him. Too weak and conflicted to be Kylo Ren, but not hopeful and good enough to be Ben Solo. He clenched his fist by his side, before slamming it into the mirror. The glass shattered loudly and came crashing to the floor. Shards of glass lay around his feet now. His hand was bleeding and the red liquid dripped to the ground. Kylo drew from the pain to fuel his anger and frustration with himself. He shut his eyes tightly as he tried to rid himself of the torrid conflict within his mind.

Later that night, Kylo stumbled back to his quarters. He was wearing loose-fitting black pants with a light undershirt on to keep his arm from being exposed. He was exhausted from the events of the day. But he dreaded sleep even more because that allowed the nightmares to consume him. He lay on the bed and tried to meditate to calm his mind. But almost as soon as he closed his eyes, he drifted off into sleep.

Kylo found himself staring at an eerily familiar wall. He sat up and his stomach clenched when he realized where he was. The Millenium Falcon. His father's ship. He swung his legs over the side of the small bunk and stood. He walked around cautiously, and with every step he took, memories overtook him completely like a punch to the gut.

He saw the Dejarek board and remembered when Lando, Chewie and his father would play. He passed the closet which Lando had claimed to be his old "cape closet." He'd called him Uncle then. He passed Chewie's quarters and noticed a small holodisk showing Chewie with a young child in his arms. Kylo's breath caught when he realized that the child was him. His mop of black hair stood out against the Wookie's brown coat, and his ears stuck out slightly and he was wearing a wide grin on his face. Kylo couldn't remember the last time he had smiled. Chewie had also been family, his Uncle.

Kylo walked down the corridor some more and paused at the maintenance room where he knew the hyperdrive was and the numerous additions that his father had made to the Falcon that barely held the ship together. He remembered his father teaching him how to handle the sensitive hyperdrive, which fuses were which, and that he had to pull a certain handle forward slightly before turning it to get it to open.

Kylo passed the gunner's position and he remembered going down there whenever his parents would fight, or to just get away from everything. He was even allowed to be the gunner at times, and Han let him and laughed that it was ok as long as his mother didn't know. Then Kylo stopped short. The cockpit was there before him. His breath shaking, he slowly entered the small space, needing to duck slightly because of his height. He looked at the captain and co-pilot chairs. Memories of the thrill he felt when he was at the console with his father, or with Chewie came back to him unbidden. A lump formed in his throat as he remembered searching the ship on Starkiller base. He looked up and saw his father's golden dice hanging there. He reached up and held them in his hands for a moment. Remembering how they had felt so real on Crait.

Suddenly the dice became unbelievably hot and he dropped them as if it burned his skin. Kylo looked up in confusion and then felt like all the air had left his lungs. The captain's chair was no longer empty. The limp body of his Han Solo sat in the chair, with the blade of a red lightsaber impaling his chest. Kylo stared in shock and horror as his father's unseeing eyes seemed to follow his every movement. He stumbled backward and was suddenly torn from the Falcon and then he was on that long walkway again. His father staring back at him with a pleading look in his eyes before a crackling red saber stabbed his father's chest. Kylo looked in horror at his dad's shocked face, which then filled with resignation. He felt Han's hand on his cheek and saw love in his father's eyes. He forgave him, even as his own son killed him where he stood. Kylo watched his father fall from the walkway and plummet into the abyss until he could no longer see him. Kylo inhaled shakily but then gasped again when the scene replayed itself over and over again. No, he didn't want to see this. But he saw himself murder his father over and over again.

"BEN!" he heard his father call out to him. Kylo shook his head violently and clenched his jaw. No, he would not listen to this, not again.

"BEN!" his father's voice repeated. Kylo screamed in rage and pain as he tried to push everything away from him with the Force.

"Ben!" he heard again, but it wasn't his father's voice.

"Ben!" the voice repeated again, sounding desperate. It was a female's voice as she desperately called out to him.

"Ben!" she shouted one last time. With that, he bolted upright and opened his eyes. On instinct, he summoned his saber and ignited it.

"Ben, no!" He stopped short when he realized that Rey was sitting beside him, but had moved away at the sight of the glowing red blade. She must have woken him up. He switched off the lightsaber and panted heavily, out of breath. His hair was stuck to his forehead and neck from a sheen of sweat that dripped down his face.

He flinched violently when he felt something touch his arm. Rey drew her hand away and looked at him in concern.

"Ben?" she asked softly. "Are you ok?" He turned to look at her for a moment, her eyes were soft and her voice was sincere. He shook his head, not trusting his voice and wiped at his face with his hand. Rey's eyes filled with sympathy as she tentatively put her hand back on his arm.

"Do you want to talk about it?" she asked gently. Kylo stared at his wall for a moment before moving his gaze downwards as he shook his head again. "It's ok, you don't have to," he dimly heard Rey say.

"Can I," his voice sounded fragile and weak. "Can I just show you?" he asked Rey. She looked at him kindly and nodded.

He shut his eyes and opened his mind to her. She closed her eyes as she reached out to him mentally. He felt her consciousness, she was careful to be gentle as she watched his dream. After a moment, she quickly withdrew. She opened her eyes but they were glistening, filled with unshed tears. Rey looked at him in understanding but seemed unable to bring herself to talk. He cringed internally as he suddenly realized how painful that must have been for her, that the memory would only prove her right, that he was a monster.

"You're not," her voice cut through the silence. She must have sensed his thoughts. She met his gaze tearfully and moved to sit closer to him. "I'm sorry," she whispered softly.

He blinked in confusion, not expecting that reaction. But then she took his hand and squeezed it gently as if to reassure him. He slowly let go of the tension and the weight of the guilt he held slowly lightened, if only by a little bit.

"Is there anything I can do to help?" she asked. Kylo paused for a moment before he hesitantly squeezed her hand back.

"Just stay," he said softly. "Please." She nodded and pulled her blanket over her as she leaned herself against his arm. He winced in pain and she quickly pulled away.

"Did I hurt you?" Her eyebrows were furrowed like they did whenever she was concerned. Kylo shook his head and showed her the wound on his arm.

"No, it's just from something earlier today." She looked relieved but still concerned and shifted so she was still touching him, but she was careful to not put any pressure on his wound. Then she shocked him by wrapping her arms around his torso. Kylo stiffened for a moment before carefully wrapping his arms around her in kind. Rey's head was resting on his shoulder. An unspoken message seemed to go between them. She knew the guilt he was feeling and understood why his dream had been so painful for him. He was grateful that she didn't push him on it further. So he just let his chin rest on her head as Rey hugged him.

Rey wasn't sure what had prompted her to hug him so suddenly. Maybe because of how he'd helped her last time? It had been difficult to see Han Solo get murdered over and over again, but the pain she was feeling was probably only a fraction of what Kylo was feeling. She had felt this way about her dream last time, so she knew that no words needed to be said to comfort him.

She felt his chin on top of her head and his strong arms encircled her completely. She had that feeling again. That sense of belonging. Rey lifted her head to look at Kylo to see if he felt it, too. He met her gaze softly. His brown eyes were so expressive and so intense that she almost wanted to look away. The corners of his lips turned up ever so slightly as he gazed at her.

Suddenly, she didn't feel close enough to him. She sat up straighter so she was more eye to eye with him. He looked at her and raised an eyebrow in a silent question. Rey simply wrapped her arms around his neck and hugged him tightly. This was different from their previous embrace, she had been at his side, next to him. Now their torsos were flush with each other. Rey buried her face in the crook of his neck as she held him to her. Only after a few moments of hesitation, she felt Kylo's arms wrap around her waist as he returned her embrace. His fingers toyed with loose strands of her hair as the other rubbed her back.

They held each other for a few moments, just taking comfort in each other. Rey reluctantly broke their embrace and leaned back so she could see his face. She moved her hands to his cheeks as his eyes stared at her, just waiting. Their faces were only inches apart from each other and Kylo's eyes held tenderness, turmoil, and fear. He was afraid of what she would do. Rey stroked his cheek with her thumb and then slowly leaned in. She stopped just before her lips connected with his and hesitated slightly. Then Kylo decided for her and pulled her against him.

He had been afraid because he didn't know what she was going to do. She held so much power over him and she didn't even know it. Her hands were warm against his skin as she tenderly caressed his face. He didn't want to try to force himself on her or push her to do anything, but he was still surprised when she leaned in again. His breath hitched slightly as she stopped just before touching his lips. She seemed hesitant and she looked at him, questioning. He decided to give her his answer as he pulled her to him and closed the rest of the distance between their lips.

Rey's lips were warm and soft as they moved against his own. He wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her so that she was sitting on his lap. He felt her smile against his mouth before he pulled her tightly to him. Her hands held his face close to her as she sank deeper into the kiss. Kylo slowly, carefully, parted his lips against hers. She responded by parting her lips as well, allowing him entry into her mouth. He kissed her deeply, finally tasting her mouth. He moaned slightly and one of Rey's hands released his cheek and entwined itself in the dark locks of his hair.

Rey felt like she was floating. When Kylo had slipped his tongue into her mouth, she practically melted in him. Both of her hands were in his hair now. His dark, raven locks of hair were so soft, but not as soft as his lips. She explored his mouth in return and tilted her head slightly to deepen the kiss.

Eventually, they broke apart for air. Rey's arms were around Kylo's neck and his arms were wrapped around her waist. Rey sat back in his lap for a moment to look at him. Both of them were breathless and exhilarated by the kiss. Kylo's hand left her waist and gently touched her cheek. Rey's heart skipped a beat when his hand touched her skin. At every point in which their bodies were in contact with each other felt as if it were on fire. Rey looked at him tenderly.

"Ben," she said softly. Kylo tucked a strand of hair behind her ear and he gazed at her lightly freckled face with her bright eyes and pink lips. Kriff, she took his breath away. He didn't want to ruin the moment with words, so all he did was pull her back to him. He lightly kissed her forehead and cradled her face in his hands. He barely even remembered his nightmare anymore. She made his demons go away. He looked at her tenderly and smiled. He couldn't remember the last time he had smiled. Like really fully smiled, dimples and all. But here he was, grinning like an idiot but it didn't matter, because he was here with Rey.

Rey felt happiness bubble up inside her as she took in his smile. Her hand gently touched his face, trying to memorize the feel of his smile. He had never really smiled before. She loved it. She loved the way his grin split across his face, his dimples, the little crinkles that formed around his eyes as his cheeks moved up. Rey smiled in return and then moved her hand down. She took a fistful of his shirt and pulled him down to her. She claimed his mouth instantly this time, running her tongue across his lips. He opened his mouth and Rey kissed him hard. Her hands were clenched in fists at his shirt, and his hand had gone to the back of her neck as he pulled her to him, locking her in place. He tilted his head slightly to sweep his tongue across her mouth. She let out a faint whimper as she molded her body to his. She moved her lips against his, almost frantically as if she were afraid he would disappear. She let go of his shirt to wrap her arms around his neck, pulling him even closer to her. She let everything fall away from her. What had he said on the Supremecy? Let it all die. Rey smiled into the kiss as she let herself have this one moment. She cast aside the Resistance, the First Order, the Jedi, the Sith, all that mattered was that she was here with him.

Kylo's arms tightened their embrace to make sure there was no space between their bodies. Their Bond was on fire, and he surrendered everything to Rey at that point. Because, kriff, he had finally felt like something was right with his life. So he relished in the feel of her lips on his, her warm skin, her silky hair, the heat of her body against his. He paused slightly and pulled away to look at her face. Damn, she looked beautiful. Her lips were slightly swollen from their hard kisses, her cheeks were flushed and she was looking at him like he was the only thing in her world right now. It made his heart melt slightly, but then it turned into pain when he remembered where they really were. He was on a Star Destroyer, she was at the Resistance base, they were on opposite sides of the war. She must have sensed what he was thinking because she put her forehead against his and gently touched his jaw. He opened his mouth to say something but she just leaned in and kissed him again. As much as he wanted to succumb to her touch, he pulled away gently and looked at her sorrowfully.

"Rey," he said softly. "We can't do this, we're supposed to be enemies and I-" He was cut off when Rey just kissed him again, stopping his voice. She pulled away and then grabbed his shirt as she lay down on her back, pulling him on top of her. Her hands touched his face tenderly as she brought her mouth to his.

Then she whispered into his ear, "To hell with that." He looked at her in surprise. Then she smirked slightly. "You did say to let it all die. The Resistance, the First Order, the Sith, the Jedi." He couldn't help but smile at that.

"I did say that," he answered her playfully, his voice low. Her hand reached up to brush the hair away from his eyes.

"To hell with all of it," she said, looking at him seriously. "Just be with me," she pleaded. "Please, Ben."

Kylo relented and smiled gently. He leaned down to meet her lips.

"I'm here," he murmured against her mouth and kissed her tenderly.