Here it is. I am currently in the process of moving to a neighboring state and my last day I'm allowed to be in my current residence is March 31st so I'll be busier for the next couple of months. However, I'm planning on taking a month or two off work to kind of make it easier to get settled which should (hopefully) mean that I'll have a little extra time to catch up on my writing. Also I got a new laptop which is extra motivation because I'm so excited to use it^^
I own nothing but the tears in my eyes as I watched the scene that inspired this and the tears in my eyes as I wrote this..
Levi sighed for what felt like the hundredth time that day. It seemed like everything that could go wrong, had. He threw his bag over his shoulder and headed towards the elevator to head down to the lobby.
He had been racking his brain since the incident, trying to see if he could have seen this coming. He couldn't have. Nico seemed so together, sure of himself and what he wanted in life, he had seemed so..so..confident. He had asked him to come visit his family next Christmas for God's sake! Was he trying to humor him? Put him off the trail of what was really going on? He had said he loved him. Did he even mean it?
Levi would be the first to admit he had been weak last night. The idea of losing Nico or leaving him terrified Levi. Nico had made Levi who he was in a way. All the confidence Levi had acquired wouldn't be possible without the man he loved.
However, Levi sighed again and fought back his tears of frustration, as much as he did love Nico, it was time for Levi to love himself more. He had thought about it and thought about it and thought about it. He had honestly considered living the way Nico had suggested but too many things stood in the way and he hated that.
He stood in the lobby of the hospital, thought about leaving and putting this conversation on hold for another day but decides against it. He had already built himself up for this upcoming moment.
''Levi,'' Nico called out, making his way towards him. ''You wanna grab some dinner on the way to my place? We can watch My Girl again?''
Levi closes his eyes for a moment before he turns towards the only man he's ever loved, ''Nope. I want to go home, not eat anything, and cry myself to sleep.''
''Why? What's wrong, baby?'' Nico asked, putting his hand on Levi's arm.
To Levi, it felt like a burn from a stove, instant and quick pain that won't go away.
''I am not going to try and change you. I am not going to give you any ultimatums. You and I want different things and it isn't right for either of us to continue to try and please the other. You don't want to come out to your family and believe me I know how scary and worrying it is so I get it. You shouldn't come out until you feel absolutely sure and ready but you shouldn't have lied to me either. Did you think I wouldn't understand?''
''Levi, I-'' Nico tried to start but Levi interrupted him, ''And I'm not angry about that anymore. At first, I was furious. You made me out to be a fool. I feel like every moment of every day since that moment in the elevator, you've just been lying over and over. I feel manipulated but I understand how scared you must be in order to do that to me so I've forgiven that, however, you said what we are now is all you can give. I want more. I need more and since you can't give it to me, our relationship must end.''
''Levi, don't do this. Please,'' Nico choked out.
''I'm not doing anything. You and I want different things that we can't compromise on. There is no other way Nico don't you see? I love you. So much. You are my first love, and you are my first heartbreak,'' Levi felt his lips tremble as he leaned up and pressed a kiss to Nico's cheek. ''I'll see you at work tomorrow, Dr. Kim.''
Levi walked away and let his tears finally fall down his cheeks, leaving Nico behind.
Nico watched as the love of his life walked away from him. It felt like he was taking all the air in the room with him.
''Nico?'' He heard Link call from behind. ''Nico? You still here? I thought you and Schmitt would have already escaped together like you usually do.''
Nico fell to his knees and felt his whole body shaking with sobs.
Levi whimpered and sniffed up the snot threatening to come out after all the crying he had down.
It was for the best. He knew that but..why did it have to hurt so much?
He groaned when he heard a knock on his door.
Couldn't he fall apart in peace?
Levi froze when he heart a familiar voice come from the other side of the door.
''Levi? Levi, please. Just talk to me one more time. Please, baby!''
Call Levi weak if you wanted but he couldn't stand Nico sounding so desperate so he forced himself up out of bed and carefully opened his door, immediately feeling Nico wrap his arms around him.
''Levi, I didn't mean to make you feel so awful. I-I honestly didn't think we would get this far. I wasn't looking for all of this but you were so..perfect,'' Nico moved to look down at Levi.
''I appreciate that Nico but I told you back at the hospital that I had already forgiven you. You didn't have to come all the way down here for that,'' Levi attempted to smile.
''Why can't we be together then?'' Nico questioned.
''I told you, we want different things in life. I thought about whether or not I could be content with the way things are because at least I would know that you loved me but the more I thought about it, the more I realized there was no way I could. I'm not asking for a white picket fence, I could even live without having children together but think about it Nico, what's gonna happen if you pass away before me? I would go to your funeral as what? A friend? A coworker? What about marriage? And living together? Forget about it. Your family would want to visit and I'd have to go to some random hotel until they decide to leave. I can't live hiding who I am forever. Nico, I sincerely hope you find someone who wants what you want but that person isn't me,'' Levi explained.
''If I tell my parents about you will you be with me again? I'll tell them right now!'' Nico reached into his pocket for his phone but Levi stopped him.
''Nico! You aren't ready for that or you would've already done it. You don't have to do that,'' Levi stressed.
''I don't want to be without you!'' Nico choked out.
Levi looked up at Nico, ''You said what we are now is all you can muster and if I wasn't satisfied with it then you would leave. You said that.''
''I know, I know I did but I didn't mean it. I was..baiting you. I knew you would hold me back,'' Nico looked at Levi with guilt on his face.
''You were manipulating me,'' Levi's lips trembled. "You are such a fucking hypocrite!''
''I know, I know but I realized that I can't live without you. When you left me in the hospital it felt like I couldn't breathe. I hated it,'' Nico whimpered.
''You think I felt any better when you told me you could just leave me and not look back? Like I was nothing to you?'' Levi cried out, pushing Nico away.
''I'm so sorry! I'm a fucking coward Levi! I wanted to able to keep you without having to tell my parents about me. I am an asshole and a coward. I always have been but..you make me want to be brave. If I have to tell my parents who I really am in order to have you by my side for the rest of my life, then I will. I want forever with you Levi,'' Nico confessed.
''You shouldn't do it for me. You should do it for yourself,'' Levi responded.
''Tell me what to do, baby. Tell me how to keep you,'' Nico pleaded.
Levi looked at Nico before letting out a deep breath,''You can give me some space. I need to think. I'll go to you if I want to talk.''
''I understand,'' Nico choked back before turning towards the door.
''Nico, do not come out to your parents while we're apart. It will not affect my decision,'' Levi said.
Nico nodded, ''Got it...I love you.''
''I love you too,'' Levi replied.
TA-DA! I have not completely decided if this will be as is or turn into a chapter story so review and tell me what you think^^ REVIEWS PEOPLE, REVIEWS.
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