Hello!
Special thanks to Isa Yodice12 for encouraging me to update this and change it to make it better. Frozen 2 did a good job of portraying grief in a children's movie, so I could never top that. But here's me trying to process what the grief might be what certain grief might be like for Elsa, especially how that might affect her powers.
Warning: This may come across as very morbid, but I do mean to convey hope in the midst of tragedy.
I don't own the Frozen characters.
I'll never forget the time I still understood happiness
Oh, to repeat that time - From the song 'Maanlicht' (Moonlight) by Kinga Bán (My own translation of the Dutch lyrics)
A little girl in this kingdom maintained her distrustful gaze while she sat on a bench, when a woman dressed in a black dress came and sat stick still next to her on the bench. The little girl tilted her head and narrowed her eyes, but when the elegant lady continued to stare blankly forward without appearing to notice her, she relaxed.
So now the bench was seated with two people, staring ahead at nothing in particular, until several minutes passed. The girl tilted her head to look at the lady again. Her dress was not from around, with silver diamonds on the waist and vertical stripes that started from the bottom of the dress and faded at her waist. From the shoulders down, a silky cape hung behind her. Her white hair was braided over her shoulder.
The little girl from the kingdom wore a delta blue cap that hid most of her hair besides her raven bangs. Her steel blue dress had a white frilly apron attached to it from the waist down.
The lady was from another country. Wearing black. And staring with nothing in her expression. The little girl nodded again, as if the lady had spoken to her.
Several more minutes passed, and the girl tilted her head again.
"Did someone you love die?" she asked her, but the lady in black continued to stare blankly ahead. The child nodded again. "I'll show you around the kingdom? You don't have to say anything."
Still the lady remained like stone, not even lifting an eyebrow.
The little girl nodded with a mellow expression and stood up, which was when the lady glanced at her and noticed her white eye-patch.
Movement made the girl turn back and see the lady stand facing her.
"Elsa," she gave her name, looking at the girl now but still with no emotion.
"Maartje," the little girl replied. With not quite a smile, Maartje (pronounced Maar-chuh) gestured with her hand to follow her. "Come on. I have my own small boat. "We can sail on the canal."
Elsa closed her eyes, opened them again, and followed Maartje as they walked along the canal they had been sitting next to.
"I saw the way you were looking," Maartje told her. "Kee lost her parents so she's all alone."
Elsa looked down, then at Maartje but said nothing in response.
"I could tell by your dress that you're not from our kingdom. And when you spoke to me, I knew you were different from most people."
"Observant," Elsa replied for once. Maartje nodded appreciatively.
"I have to be," she explained. But it didn't really explain everything.
They came to Maartje's small boat. She pulled out a creamy pouch.
"It's candy. Do you have chocolate where you're from?"
"In Arendelle? Yeah." But she didn't reach for the chocolate.
"Well then you know you'll need it," Maartje practically shoved it in her hands.
"Thank you," came her numb reply. She didn't take any out yet.
They sat there in Maartje's boat as they sailed through the kingdom. For a long moment, Elsa stared at the squished-together houses they sailed past. Eventually, she kept her gaze on the water. As they sailed, Maartje stared at a dark-skinned man possibly following them on a bike. When she lost sight of him, she shrugged.
"Being on the water can be very soothing," Maartje said randomly. Not that she hadn't been random before. But the statement made Elsa tilt her head slightly. "I know. It can drown people too."
Elsa simply shrugged. And in a dream-like state, she put her hand in the water and closed her eyes. Then she shook her head, pulled her hand out and almost frowned. Maartje wasn't expecting Elsa to speak then.
"People treat you different?"
"All the time." She sucked air through her teeth. "Before I wrote this, some people would gag. Babies would cry. Even now. And so I'm the ugly mean girl."
By now she was angrily wiping her eyes and nose.
"You're not ugly. And you're not mean," Elsa countered, still mostly numb but with a hint of firmness. Maartje scoffed at her statement.
"When I saw you weren't reacting to me, I noticed you were going through too much to react."
Elsa stood up, stepped closer to Maartje, and sat directly in front of her.
"You are not ugly," she repeated.
They were silent. Then Maartje said, "I should be the one making you feel better."
"That won't be possible." Elsa turned towards the water beside the boat again. "I just lost the rest of my family."
"Oh. That's a huge loneliness. I'm sorry." They both looked in opposite directions.
"If I did start to feel anything, you wouldn't want to be around me." Maartje shook her head at this.
"I just cried in front of you for petty-" she stopped when Elsa aimed her blank stare at her with mild intensity.
"Everyone experiences different pain," Elsa said after a few minutes. "Besides, loneliness and I are well acquainted."
Suddenly, Elsa swiveled to the left suddenly.
"Bruni." She meant it as a question. Her eyes narrowed for the first time that day.
"What does 'Bruni' mean?" Maartje wondered.
"I must have imagined it. We're not in the Enchanted Forest." Then Elsa turned back to Maartje. "Bruni is the fire spirit. It takes the form of a salamander."
Maartje raised her eyebrows in fascination.
"We have an enchanted forest here," she informed Elsa glumly, "but I don't go there because no one wanted to change my eye for me."
Once again, Elsa's eyes narrowed in concentration, as if listening for something. She looked down in deep thought.
A shout made them look over to the street along the canal.
"Hey! Maartje? You're Maartje, right?" A man in his forties, wearing a furry cap with ear flaps was speaking to them from on his bike as he rode alongside them.
Maartje's distrusting gaze returned and she glared at him.
"Yeah, and?"
"I've been trying to find you to thank you. Oh, I'm Tom, Kee's nephew," he explained. "You made such a difference to her. I can never thank you enough."
Maartje looked surprised before shrugging.
"I just didn't want her to be alone."
He smiled in friendly bewilderment at her. "Well! My wife would like to meet you too. Come to our bakery any time and we'll give you free poffertjes." (mini pancakes)
"Would that include chocolate milk?" Her dry question made him laugh.
"Yeah 'course! Poffertjes and chocolate milk!" He was about to bike away when his gaze fell on Elsa, who had been hiding her face from him.
"Hey, do I know your companion?" he wondered. Elsa kept her face turned away.
"Unlikely. She's from another kingdom," Maartje replied. But she was surprised when he gasped in recognition.
"Your highness! I heard the news...My deepest condolences," he said sincerely.
Maartje shook her head frantically. "Highness? What? You didn't tell me you were that Elsa!"
Elsa ignored her and turned her head towards Tom but kept her gaze on the water. "Thank you, Tom. I've come here to get away and think."
He sighed. "I wish you lots of strength." He turned to Maartje. "Don't forget to stop by, Maartje, our poffertjes are served with magic and gezeligheid." Then more quietly to the both of them. "Goodbye." And he biked away with a wave, after they waved goodbye.
"That's why people were staring at us," Maartje interrupted Elsa's thoughts. "They think they know you from somewhere. And that person I saw earlier must be your security guard following you. Why didn't you tell me who you are?" She winced when Elsa blinked at her.
"Right now, I don't know anything," she sighed.
"I'm so sorry." Maartje looked down. "If you lost everyone, that means...your sister-the one from the stories from up north-Anna?-for once her voice was weak, "...died?"
Elsa closed her eyes, hugged her middle, but then let go and continued to stare emotionlessly.
"My sister, my best friend. And Kristoff. And even Sven."
A tear slipped from Maartje's eyes as she ducked her head. She looked up again and noticed where they were; near the dikes.
"Well...Here-here's one thing I wanted to show you...The dikes that..." she felt very uncertain now.
A hand on Maartje's hand pulled her gaze to Elsa's still mostly expressionless face.
"Thank you, Maartje." She pulled her hand back. "Show them to me. And tell me all about them." As they docked, Elsa narrowed her eyes again, searching. A few random raindrops landed on Elsa's face, and she closed her eyes for a moment, before they stepped onto the doc.
Ahead of them was a man-made hill stretching across the horizon, with grass covering much of it. Maartje led Elsa to the top. A stony slope went into the water on the other side.
"Not a super impressive sight," Maartje said dryly. "But ik keeps our kingdom from drowning again. Most of it is below the sea level, so if these walls weren't here, it would flood badly. My mom says there's a hero with a magic touch that keeps the dikes in good shape."
That's all she said, before they both stared out at the sea, both expressionless again.
"Well, come on. Let's go somewhere else-" As they made their way down the hill again, the rain suddenly began pouring.
Both of them held out their arms and tilted their head up. Maartje realized what they were both doing and stared at Elsa who continued to stand there like that. Maartje didn't want to interrupt Elsa's thoughts this time. After a few minutes, the rain stopped pouring, turned into a trickle, and then stopped...
Elsa gasped intensely and almost fell down.
"Elsa?"
She held a hand over her mouth as her eyebrows knit together sadly. Tears welled in her eyes.
"A-Anna," she whispered before holding her clenched fists to her head. She dropped to her knees, and began to breathe quickly. "Anna, I-" Ice began to spread underneath her. " I can't-I can't..."
"Then breathe, Elsa," Maartje said in her smallest voice. "That's enough for now. Just breathe." Her voice carried through Elsa's mental anguish.
She noticed her breathing, then noticed the ice underneath her and was astonished.
"My magic..." She began to melt her ice, stood up, and looked at her hands. A few tiny snowflakes released from her hand, before she took a deep breath with closed eyes. "Breathe life..." And more snow was released from her hands to form a shape.
When she opened her eyes, fresh tears poured as she looked at Olaf, who looked back at her with his sad frown.
"Elsa?" She threw her arms around him and wept bitterly.
The man Maartje thought was a guard, came up to them.
"Your Highness..." He lowered his head sadly.
"Elsa?" She pulled away to look at Olaf. "I love you." He smiled sadly, and held out his twig hand. "I don't know how we'll get by without them-without Anna, but...together?"
She took his hand and nodded. "Together, one step at a time."
Since the bakery that Tom and his wife owned was closer to them than the inn Elsa had been staying at, they stopped there. Maartje learned that the guard was actually a general named Destin Matthias. While Elsa was cleaning up in her room at the inn, Maartje sat with Destin and Olaf in the lounge.
"How did they die?" she asked him.
He sighed and his normally rigid posture drooped.
"That family. They're always ready to do whatever it takes to protect their people. Including Elsa." He sighed again.
Olaf continued the story. "A shadowy beast-the shape of a spider with wiry legs and as big as the average person-came seemingly out of nowhere. The source of it is disputed. The beast would leave invisible webs, and when they were stuck, it would come." Olaf stopped, horrified at the memory.
Destin continued, "The creature slowly drain those stuck in its web and kill them. Elsa caused another, more controlled winter, to cover Arendelle to make the webs visible. The Queen and King raced to take down the webs in people's homes before the spider could reach them. As they were taking them down, the creature found them. Before Elsa or the other spirits could get to them, the creature had almost finished draining them."
"We tried everything to stop their last strength from draining. Anna, Kristoff, and Sven. They chose to be on the front lines," Olaf shook his head with a sad frown. "When Anna died, it hurt all the spirits."
"Elsa's magic was out of control at first, but then it all just...disappeared. Including Olaf. The other spirits were not seen or heard from."
Maartje was in tears again, and Elsa came out and sat with them, no longer numb but clearly grief stricken.
Elsa had been numb for days after the initial shock, and couldn't make any magic because of it, Olaf had disappeared, and the spirits weren't responding, so she traveled to get away and think.
Now, she could feel her emotions again, but she was overcome with grief. A tiny light now flickered in her mind. The spirits had somehow reached out to her all the way in this kingdom.
At first while sailing with Maartje, she had thought she saw purple flames. Then she heard that mystical voice, but mournfully that day. The mystical voice caused her to remember the last water memory she looked at before traveling.
A blue white memory Elsa was holding a blue white memory Anna. "I'm so sorry for everything," Elsa wept. "I'm sorry, I wasn't careful," a weak Anna replied. "I don't want you to be alone." Anna's last strength was slipping when she looked desperately at Elsa, "I love you."
That last memory of Anna was what the mystical voice reminded her of. When the rain had poured, the mystical voice sang normally like the first time she heard it, and it reminded her of Anna's bravery at the dam. And the stone beneath only Elsa's feet had trembled.
When Maartje had told her to breath, she remembered both Gale and Olaf.
Now, even with all her grief, Elsa was ready to return home. So they said their goodbyes.
Maartje now had two new friends and planned to visit her own enchanted forest again.
Before they left, Elsa took both of Maartje's hands.
"Whatever happens, don't trade your compassion." And for the first time in days, Elsa smiled, although a small, tired one.
"Okay. Then don't give up, Fifth Spirit," she smiled for real, a warm dimple smile.
"Goodbye, Maartje! When we see you next time, I'll share all the trivia I've learned over the years."
Maartje returned to the Enchanted Forest she'd been avoiding before. She stopped when she saw a green headed duck.
"I came to apologize," she said to the duck. He quaked behind him. She nodded and walked past him, where she saw a tree with a face in it. The face had a long nose and what looked like a beard, but was just the way the bark appeared.
"I know, Maartje. It's okay," he warmly smiled. Maartje sighed.
"I would rather have a normal eye," she sighed. Then took off the eye-patch to reveal a pale iris and around the eye, wrinkly scarred skin. "But now I can practice being brave."
People were standing at the dock, waiting for the ship to come in, and Honeymaren and Ryder stood at the front. They could see Elsa, once again in her white dress. As soon as Elsa stepped onto the dock, they ran to her. They both hugged her.
"Welcome back," Ryder said.
"We were worried for you," Honeymaren said. "We missed you."
Elsa couldn't say anything and only thanked them with her eyes.
Yelena came up behind them.
"I know this doesn't change anything... but we're here for you."
The spirits all agreed.
The elegant lady in white and the brave girl both returned home.
Maartje, Tom, the tree-face, and the creature are my original characters.
Maartje is named after a girl in the Dutch book Secrets of War by Jacques Vriens. Tom is based off of the Dutch book and movie series character from Snuf de Hond. And the tree face was inspired by a picture I saw of the Efteling Park in the Netherlands.
Thank you for reading!