The World Will Be Right Again
Rey is about to start her meditation when she feels it: a sudden, strong wave through the Force, a sense of anxiety and fear, touched with sadness and something else she doesn't quite understand. Because the feeling is coming from the base, and it's coming from Poe.
He's not injured, and she doesn't think something else happened or she would have felt that as well, but Poe is clearly upset about something. Though a part of her wonders if she should practice setting aside distraction and continue with the meditation Leia set her, Rey can't ignore it. Poe is her friend, and Finn's friend, and something is so very wrong that she needs to check on him, wants to check on him.
Besides, she is struggling with the tasks Leia has set her. She welcomes the physical challenges—rebuilding the lightsaber, combat practice, running the training course to hone her skills—but some of the other techniques try her patience. Like meditation. Or setting aside her fear and anger. Finding that place within her where the Jedi and the Force reside.
So no, she doesn't mind the distraction at all, not today. She may struggle with her own feelings and issues, but maybe she can help Poe with his.
She finds him sitting on a fallen tree on the edge of the landing area, where the Falcon usually rests. He is alone, leaning forward with hands on his knees as he gazes away from the base and out into the jungle. Rey can feel the swirl of emotion around him, though the initial wave of panic isn't as strong now. Still, he looks like he could use a shoulder to lean on, and he's been there for her several times.
Their relationship is sometimes strained—they bicker like she imagines siblings sometimes bicker—but she suspects it's because they are both very similar: stubborn and impulsive (yes, she can admit it now), but also strong and passionate when it comes to what they believe. Poe wants her to train, but also needs her fighting more; Rey does want to fight more, but needs to train if she's truly going to make a difference. So they fight, and then they laugh, and poor Finn doesn't know what to make of them half the time.
Right now, Rey tells herself Poe doesn't need to be antagonized when he's clearly worried about something, he needs a friend. And maybe some light teasing, depending on what's bothering him. She sits down beside him and smiles when he looks up at her.
"Hey," he says immediately, sitting up straighter. "Everything all right? I thought you were on the training course?"
The funny thing is, he's not deflecting from his own troubles, which she's seen him do many times; no, right now he's genuinely concerned for her despite them. It's one of many things that makes him such a good person, and a strong leader, and something she often doesn't give him enough credit for. Poe cares—sometimes too much.
"I was about to start a meditation," she said, rolling her eyes because she's still getting used to the idea of silence and stillness. "Leia thinks I need to do more of them. But I was distracted." She turns toward him, hopes he doesn't back away. "By you."
"By me?" Poe asks in surprise. "Well, I know I can be distracting, but I've been sitting here for a while. Thinking."
"I know," she says. "I felt it—you were suddenly so worried, so scared."
His eyes widen before he shuts down and she can almost see his defenses go up. He does turn away, and his voice sounds flatter, somehow. "I'm fine," he tells her, and now she can sense him practically itching to get up and leave. So she lays a hand on his knee to keep him with her; he looks at in in surprise, since he is usually the more tactile one.
"I wasn't intruding," she says softly. "And I don't mean to pry. But if something's bothering you, I can try to help. I know Finn's gone and maybe you would rather talk to him—" She trails off as she feels that spike of worry again. "That's what you're worried about. Finn."
"And Chewbacca," Poe says immediately. "They could have a rough time of it. That whole planet is a cesspool." She can't remember exactly where Finn and Chewbacca have gone to meet their contact, but it's obviously not a bright spot in the galaxy.
She raises an eyebrow. "When don't we have a rough time of it?" she asks, thinking about some of their more challenging missions and the mishaps they often barely survive. He frowns, and she squeezes his knee to keep him centered. "But you always make it out, make it back. Finn can handle himself, he is—"
"The strongest man I know," Poe interrupts, his voice defensive, and so certain: if anyone believes in Finn more than Rey, it's Poe Dameron.
"And Chewbacca is with him, and Vi, so they'll be even stronger together. They'll be okay, Poe."
"Know that for sure?" he asks, his voice dry, though she also senses his hope, that maybe she does know for sure. She hates disappointing him.
"No, I'm not that good yet," she replies with a smile. "I can't see the future, I can only see the present. And I can see how worried you are. How scared. They've gone out before for things like this. What's different about this mission?"
He glances sideways at her, but is silent for a long moment. She is almost surprised when he answers.
"I have a bad feeling about this one," he murmurs. "I…I don't know why, just a bad feeling," he repeats.
"We're not going to lose him," Rey tells him, and he gives her an exasperated look.
"You're not reading my mind, are you?" he asks.
"No, I can't do that either," she admits. "I'm reading your face. Poe, I know he means a lot to you—" There's that flash again, of fear and something else….longing, maybe? Oh. Maybe that's it. Suddenly, it all makes a heartbreaking sense. "A lot more than you think, or admit," she suggests. The flurry of panic from beside her confirms it, especially when Poe stands up and starts pacing, arms waving about, hands on his hips, even a dramatic tug at his hair.
"I'm worried about all of them," he says. "About Finn and Chewie and the mission. And I'm kind of sick of worrying about them all the time, worrying about someone not coming back. It's…" He flails. "It's exhausting."
"It's war," she says softly. "We're all scared for something."
"I'm not scared," he snaps. "And I know this is war, I've been doing this long enough to understand. I've lost people, good people, so many people…" He trails off as his voice breaks. "But this is different," he whispers, the unspoken meaning hovering between them: Finn is different. His head drops to his chest, fists curling at his sides as he tries to hold back the emotions that are raging inside him.
One stands out stronger than all the others, and this time it is not fear, but love. Rey watches him struggle with it, try to push it away and deny it, until his shoulders sag and he stands there, consumed by it, but not yet accepting it. It feels wrong, that they live in a world where it's so hard to love for fear of losing everything. She suddenly hates the war more than anything, that it can do this to so many people, to her friends.
Rey stands and goes to him, touches his arm so he can tell her to back away if he wants, but he doesn't. He looks up at her, his eyes bright, though he is not crying. His jaw is set tight, holding everything back, his emotions slowly returning to wherever he keeps them tucked away so he can function as a leader, but also as a man in love who is fighting for the freedom of the galaxy. She should have seen it before, it's so obvious now. She wonders if Leia knows.
"It's different, because you're fighting for something you love," she says, then amends it. "For someone."
He meets her eyes. "I can't lose him, Rey. I don't know what I'd do without him…what I'd be fighting for anymore."
"You'd be fighting for the rest of the galaxy, to keep their loved ones safe and free," she tells him. "Like you always have. It's harder now, when there's someone you can't lose more than anyone else. But he'll be okay, Poe. Finn will survive this—this mission, this fight. You both will."
Poe stares at her, and a cross between a sniff and laugh escapes him. "I really wish you could see the future," he says.
"I'd see you together, standing side by side as the First Order burns and a new world rises from the ashes," she tells him, and her voice is strong and confident. It's as if by saying it, she can see it. Somehow, she knows it's true.
Poe nods, but he still seems shaken, unsure, and she reaches out to pull him into an embrace, surprised when he hugs her back, tight and warm. They stand together for a long time, wrapped close, and both drawing and giving support. Rey can once again sense Poe's worry, his fear, and his love. For everyone—for his pilots, and Leia, for Chewie and BB-8 and his father, even for her. She is touched, but it is not nearly the same as the love he feels for Finn. It makes her want to fight harder for them, to bring about that future she's promised him.
Finally, he starts to pull away, but not before whispering something in her ear. "Please don't tell him," he says. "Ever."
She steps back and studies him. He is calm though perhaps resigned that she knows, but he is also completely serious: he has no intention of saying anything to Finn. "Maybe I should, if you won't."
He shakes his head. "We're fighting a war," he says. "It's a distraction. It's motivation, yes," he says, holding up his hand to stop her protest. "But now is not the time. Maybe someday."
"Maybe someday," she echoes. "Then I guess we had better win this."
"We will," he says, sounding much better than he had only moments earlier. It is yet another thing she admires about him, his unflagging ability to move on, to stay optimistic in spite of any setbacks. He truly carries the spark within him. "Especially with a Jedi on our side." He offers her an elbow, which she takes, even though she has no idea where he plans to lead her. "Although that Jedi needs to get back to her training if she's going help destroy the First Order."
Rey makes a face, playing along with a groan. "You're an even worse task master than Leia, aren't you?"
"Nah," he says. "I just want to go sit and cry alone now."
"Poe," she starts, pulling him to a stop, worried that nothing she said or did has helped. He laughs at her, squeezes her arm.
"I'm kidding, honestly. I feel much better, thanks to you. And I have a lot to do. It helps to stay busy." He walks her back to the path that leads to her training course, where she had been about to start her meditation. But she's not interested anymore; maybe it's one reason she's not very good at it. Poe seems to sense her hesitation. "Unless you wanted to ditch duty and do something else," he offers with a slow grin, the one he uses when he's planning something he probably shouldn't.
"Like what?" she asks, hoping it's a good idea and not a dangerous one, because now she really wants to set aside her training, just for a day, maybe even do something fun.
"Well," he says. "It's been a while since you were up in one of the X-wings, hasn't it?" She's only gone up a few times, before she'd settled into her training; most of her flying has been with the Falcon. "Probably should get you up to speed on the new ones, in case we need more pilots. Practice some maneuvers, maybe a few races…" He trails off, eyebrows raised in question.
She loves it. She loves him, though not like he loves Finn. Sometimes Poe drives her mad, but right now she can't imagine anything better than leaving everything behind—the worry, the fear, the hard work and waiting—for the freedom of flying with him. It's perfect, and she nods with an eager grin. They hurry off to get ready—flight suits, helmets, BB-8, maybe R2. She is happy, excited to be doing something different, and she can feel the same from Poe. Though the worry remains, it is in the background now, where it will hover until they finally end this war. At least they can have their moments of peace.
"Thank you," he says before they stop to get ready for their flight. "For the distraction."
"You're welcome," she says. "I'll try not to outfly you."
He laughs, and she joins him, and she knows without a doubt that everything will be okay. Poe will get through this, waiting and worrying about Finn—not only that day, but every time he goes out on a mission. They will survive, and they will win the war, and then he can tell Finn everything, and the world will be right again.
But first, she's going to fly with the best pilot in the galaxy.
Author's Note:
Well, this was supposed to be a short drabble, but as often happens, it kept going. I picture it as happening not long before The Rise of Skywalker. For a diehard Finn and Poe shipper, I really love the idea of Poe and Rey as close friends who love and support each other, who drive each other mad, but still have their moments together. I hope you enjoyed it, thanks for reading!