So I'm back at it again with Pahkitew Island this time. And this time with a (mostly) new cast. Like with the previous season, the canon dialogue from Chris and Chef will remain mostly the same, but with a few tweaks. Everything else with the characters here will be different.
Fox McCloud, Wolf O'Donnell, Falco Lombardi, Leon Powalski, Panther Caroso / Star Fox
Shadow the Hedgehog, Silver the Hedgehog, Fiona Fox, Drago Wolf / Sonic the Hedgehog
Lapis Lazuli, Holly Blue Agate / Steven Universe
Hokey Wolf, Cindy Bear / Hanna Barbera
Angelina Mousling, Alice Nimbletoes / Angelina Ballerina
Mao Mao / Mao Mao: Legends of Pure Heart
Rarity / My Little Pony
Courtney / Total Drama
Blitz / Road Rovers
Incineroar / Pokemon
Sylvester Cat / Looney Tunes
Bloom / Winx Club
Chapter One: So, Uh, This Is My Team
[On Pahkitew Island]
Chris: Welcome, Total Drama fans! Put on some clean undies, 'cause things are about to get wild! Yeahahaha! With a few returnees from last season, we've also got ourselves some fresh, spanking new contestants AND a totally new location: a Cree island in western Canada. [as the scene shows a brief flashback to the All-Stars finale] As you recall, during our heroes vs. villains finale, someone, and I prefer to remain nameless, accidentally destroyed our whole island. [the scene flashes back to Pahkitew] So, this is where we landed. No shacks, no showers, no hotels, NO hot tub. The only things we managed to save were the outhouse confessional and the horrific scents that live inside it. [a chubby intern gasps out of the confessional with a plunger]. It'll be the roughing-est roughing that's ever been roughed on Total Drama! So, buckle up, this is Total...Drama...Pahkitew Island!
[cue theme song, the episode continues]
[an air zeppelin is seen cruising through the sky. Inside of it are the contestants: Wolf O'Donnell, Shadow the Hedgehog, Fiona Fox, Lapis Lazuli, Panther Caroso, Angelina Mousling, Sylvester Cat, Alice Nimbletoes, Leon Powalski, Rarity, Mao Mao, Hokey Wolf, Silver the Hedgehog, Holly Blue Agate, Fox McCloud, Blitz, Cindy Bear, Drago Wolf, Bloom, Falco Lombardi, Courtney, and Incineroar]
[Rarity is brushing her mane, Courtney is reading a book, Mao Mao is cleaning his sword, Wolf and Incineroar are sharpening their claws while Fox watches with an uncertain expression, Falco and Leon are glancing coldly at each other, Panther is twiddling at a rose, Blitz is prepping himself up and Alice is eating a bag of sweets]
Alice: Mmm. [pulls out a sweet to give to Courtney] Want a sweetie?
Courtney: Oh, why thank you. [takes the piece of candy]
Alice: [turns to Holly Blue Agate] You want one?
Holly: Hmph, I don't indulge in what you earthlings call "eating."
Alice: Oh…?
Angelina: Alice? Alice! [runs up to her]
Alice: Huh? [gasps] Angelina! [runs up to her and the two exchange a big hug] Oh, I didn't know you were coming back to the show!
Angelina: Well, I got pretty far last time, why not go the full mile this time? And it's so great that you're competing as well.
Alice: I hope that we'll be on the same team. After all, like birds of a feather-
Angelina and Alice: -ballet dancers stick together!
Falco: Hmph, that is so cheesy.
Fox: Oh, come on. You know you'd do the same thing with me.
Falco: [sarcastically] Oh, yeah. In fact, next time, let's wear matching tutus.
Fox: [chuckles] You would not catch me in a tutu.
Wolf: The only reason you're saying that is because you know you'd fit well in one. [bursts out laughing with Incineroar joining in]
Fox: [blushes and scoffs] Wolf. What are you doing here?
Wolf: Isn't it obvious, pup? I'm returning for another go at this game. Only this time, things will be more interesting when I beat you.
Falco: Pah! You won't be saying that when we beat you and take home the prize!
Leon: Them's fighting words, birdbrain. We all know you won't last a day here, mark my words.
Falco: [sarcastically] Oh, yes. Lizard breath is definitely gonna outlast the entire competition with his creepy voice.
Leon: That tongue of yours? I can easily chop it off if you want.
Rarity: [shudders] Must you discuss this so close to me?
Leon: Stay out of this, pony.
Rarity: [gasps] I say!
Panther: My dear Leon, that is no way to speak to a lady. You'll have to forgive my compatriot, he's not, how you say, familiar with the etiquette required when speaking to such a fine specimen as yourself.
Rarity: Oh, [giggles] how sincere.
Leon: [sarcastically] Oh, boy. Here we go.
[scene cuts over to Mao Mao bragging to Hokey and Silver]
Mao Mao: You see, as a legendary hero like myself, you have to be vigilant, always on your guard, ready to LAUGH in the face of danger! Such as WHA-PAH! And a little WHA-ZOO! And a little WA-TA-TA-TA!
Hokey: Huh, interesting. [whispers to Silver] He'd be great
Silver: Yeah, but would you mind being careful of that sword? I don't wanna end up being on the cutting edge of it.
[lightning flashes outside as the zeppelin enters storm clouds. Chef Hatchet, noticing the danger, turns on the intercom]
Chef: Hang on! This might get hairy!
[the zeppelin begins to rumble, causing the interior to fall apart]
Blitz: [gasps]
Cindy: AAH!
Rarity: [shudders]
[suddenly, Chris appears out of nowhere]
Chris: Hello, newbies and oldies! Ready for some fun?
Wolf, Courtney, Angelina, and Fox: NO!
Chris: Good. Glad to know we're on the same page. [walks over to the door] Let's get started. This aircraft stinks and is equipped with two emergency exits. Here and at the end of the cabin. At said exits, you will find parachute packs. Only half of them contain actual parachutes, the other half contains surprises, that will be utterly useless when falling from the sky.
Alice: [uncertainly] Well, hopefully, we won't need them.
Chris: [shrugs] Who knows? This season is full of surprises, like this! [presses a button on a remote control that destroys one of the zeppelin's engines]
[the zeppelin begins falling, causing the contestants to panic and run around. They break open a crate that has the packs and take one each]
Lapis: [pushes Blitz out the door as she jumps with Sylvester following] Move!
Fox: [as Angelina jumps out the door] Okay, if this is your idea of comedy, guess what? I'm not laughing!
Chris: Well, I guess it sucks to be you. You see, I'm actually a hologram.
Chef: What?! Why ain't I a hologram?! [pokes Chris to reveal the hologram] (gasps) ABANDON SHIP! [grabs a pack and jumps out the window with Fox following]
[the contestants and Chef are seen screaming as they fall down]
Angelina: Oh, please! Don't let me die today! [pulls the cord to reveal a parachute]
Hokey: [pulls the cord to reveal a chicken] This can't possibly be legal! And I'd never thought I'd say that!
Courtney: [while clinging onto Holly's leg] AAAAAHHHH!
Holly: Gah, get off me, human! [kicks her off]
Courtney: [pulls the cord to reveal a bunch of plates] ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!
Panther: [pulls the cord to reveal a parachute and just happens to catch Courtney by the arm] May I be of assistance, madame?
Courtney: [breaths a sigh of relief] Thank you.
Leon: [pulls the cord to reveal a parachute]
Falco: [pulls the cord to reveal a bunch of feathers] SERIOUSLY?!
Leon: [snickers]
Wolf: [pulls the cord to reveal a parachute. He notices Fox screaming from above and catches him by the leg] Need a lift, pup?
Fox: Shut up…[sighs]...balloons.
Chef: [pulls the cord to reveal a bunch of meat] Oh, that's just wrong!
Rarity: [pulls the cord to reveal a parachute] YES!
[Silver is seen clinging on to Drago's leg]
Drago: Ugh, get off me, wimp! [kicks him off and snickers darkly. Pulls the cord to reveal a bunch of hotdogs] Ah, damn it!
Shadow: [pulls the cord to reveal a parachute] Hmph.
Incineroar: [pulls the cord to reveal a bunch of trophies] Normally, I'd accept a trophy, but right now, not so much!
Sylvester: [pulls the cord to reveal a parachute] Wait, I'm gonna live? I'm gonna live!
Chris: And here they come now!
[Hokey, Holly, Silver, Drago, Falco, Cindy, Blitz and Chef are seen falling in the water]
Drago: [spits out water as he resurfaces, only for Incineroar to fall on top of him] Watch it, you klutz!
Incineroar: Sorry, bro. Soft landing by the way.
[meanwhile, Panther, Courtney, Wolf, Fox, Leon, Lapis, Sylvester, Rarity, Shadow and Mao Mao are seen landing safely landing on the beach. Angelina follows shortly]
Angelina: Oh my goodness, I did it!
Alice: [from above] Watch out, Angelina!
Angelina: Huh?
[Alice bumps into Angelina, sending her to the ground]
Alice: Oops, sorry!
Angelina: No harm done, it wasn't a hard shove!
Fiona: [from above] Break my fall!
Angelina and Alice: Huh?
[Fiona bumps hard into Angelina and Alice, shoving them both into the sand]
Fiona: Yes, made it!
Angelina: [growls and mutters under her breath]
[Bloom falls down onto a tree branch and slides on it, landing safely in the water]
Bloom: Phew! That was a close one!
Chef: You coulda at least given me one of the parachutes!
Chris: Shoulda, coulda, oops, didn't! BUT, you're right and I forgive you. Let's see…[analyzes the contestants]...huh, no one missing. That's a new record!
[scene cuts to Chris introducing the contestants to the island]
Chris: Welcome to Pahkitew Island, on the right, everyone who had actual parachutes: Angelina, Alice, Fiona, Lapis, Wolf, Leon, Panther, Sylvester, Rarity, Mao Mao, and Shadow.
Angelina: [irritated] By the way, thanks for the heads-up. I am NOT a landing target.
Fiona: Whatever, it's not like I could control where I was going to land.
Angelina: Alice also fell on me and she didn't even land that hard!
Fiona: If you wanna be a little baby about it, by all means, be my guest.
[static buzzing]
Angelina: ARGH! That Fiona Fox drives me absolutely insane! She's rough, rude and repulsive! Why the host chose to bring HER back of all people simply baffles me!
[static buzzing]
Chris: Your team will be the "Pimâpotew Kinosewak." Which is Cree for "Soaring Eagles."
[a logo of an eagle appears]
Courtney: No, that's incorrect. It means the "Floating Salmon."
Chris: Oh, heh-heh, then I guess you're the floating salmon.
[the eagle logo is replaced by a salmon logo]
Chris: Those without chutes: Fox, Silver, Hokey, Falco, Holly, Drago, Cindy, Blitz, Incineroar, Bloom, and Courtney. Your team is the "Waneyihtam Maskwak." Which in Cree means "Ferocious Ti-"
Courtney: The "Confused Bears?"
[a logo of a confused bear appears]
Chris: [rips up the paper] This is what ya' get for using a free online translator.
Chef: [sniffs] My bad.
Courtney: Also, what was with the added emphasis on my name?
Chris: Well, if you must know, it was sort of a surprise to see you of all TD veterans back here. After all, you don't exactly have the best track record.
Courtney: Wait a minute, I have-
Chris: -a history of yelling at people, kicking people in the crotch, backstabbing people, shall I go on?
Courtney: [covers her face in embarrassment] Um, I'd rather you didn't.
[static buzzing]
Courtney: This is so unfair, I volunteered to get back on Total Drama to make amends with the people I've wronged, but since I'm the only one here, that's gonna be near impossible. [sighs] No matter, I'll just start over on a blank slate with these people. Surely, they won't hold any resentment against me...right?
[static buzzing]
Chris: Anywho, seeing as there's no room for any of you to sleep tonight, we figured your first challenge should be...to build your own shelter.
Cindy: Why, I do declare, that shouldn't be too hard.
Courtney: Um, I'd recommend not saying that within earshot of Chris. None of Chris' challenges have ever followed the "this shouldn't be too hard" saying.
Blitz: Well, if you need any assistance, mein pretty bear lady, I shall be at your service.
Cindy: [awkwardly] Oh...well, I appreciate the gesture...I guess…
Panther: Tsk, tsk, tsk, hombre. You needn't be so upfront about it. Let me show you how it's done. [goes up to Cindy with a rose in hand] For you, mademoiselle. Though we must be on separate times, I wish you the best of luck.
Cindy: [blushes and giggles] Well, I say that you, good sir, are truly knowledgeable in the art of southern gallantry.
Falco: Hey, you. In case you've forgotten, he's on the other team.
Cindy: Oh, calm down, sug. I was just accepting a little old gift. Nothin' wrong with that, now is it?
[Falco is about to say something, but Fox cuts him off]
Fox: No, nothing wrong at all. [chuckles nervously]
Chris: Hey, hopeless lovers! Yeah, I was talking!
[scene shows Chris standing on a pile of debris and scrap with the contestants following shortly]
Chris: Each team may take supplies from the common area before they begin to build. BUT, these supplies are guarded by Chef. [scene cuts to Chef with a machine gun] Armed with a powerful tennis ball blaster! [Chris jumps down] A glancing blow will stink.
[a tennis ball gets shot, hitting Sylvester on the head]
Sylvester: OW! Watch where you're pointing that thing!
Chris: And a direct hit can take you right to the ground.
[another tennis ball gets shot, this time hitting Drago in the stomach]
Drago: GAH! [growls]
Silver: Now you know how I felt when you kicked me off!
Lapis: Wait, I have wings, why didn't I just-
Chris: [clears throat] Getting back on topic, on with the challenge! Team Maskwak will build their shelter further inland. Team Kinosewak, towards the beach. Best shelter, according to me, wins the challenge. [blasts airhorn] Begin!
[Chef begins firing tennis balls at the contestants]
Bloom: Bears! Follow me!
[the rest of the team follows Bloom going left]
Wolf: Let's move, salmons!
[the salmons run off into the bushes going right]
Wolf: Okay, we need a clear plan on how we can get all our supplies and avoid Chef Psychopath.
Lapis: Well, I could just fly over there and knock him out with a rock.
Wolf: Or...that works, too.
[scene cuts to the bears hiding behind some rocks]
Courtney: Okay, one pass each. Grab something useful and-
Falco: Whoa, whoa, whoa. Who said YOU were in charge?
Courtney: Someone whose a real CIT and have been a team leader before.
Falco: Really? How many victories have you won for your teams in the past, Miss "Team Leader"?
Courtney: More times than you've stopped complaining about needing Fox's assistance.
Falco: Oh, you wanna play that game? Does "Chart-ney" ring any bells?
[static buzzing]
Courtney: Why that arrogant, condescending loudmouth! He just HAD to bring up the chart from the All-Stars season. But rest assured, if we lose this challenge, he is SO out of here!
[static buzzing]
[scene cuts back to the salmons]
Panther: The wood is the most important thing out there, so I'd say we send out our quickest and strongest players out to retrieve it.
Mao Mao: I volunteer to lead the charge. If I can take on a gang of sky pirates, I can easily bring back shelter for all of us. Ha-ha, to arms! [rushes into the common area and begins searching]
Lapis: [sighs] I'd better go with him. [runs off to join Mao Mao]
[scene cuts to Fox trying to maneuver his past the oncoming tennis balls]
Fox: [grabs a can of soup] Gotcha!
Bloom: Yes! Way to go, Fox!
[static buzzing]
Fox: [sighs] This reminds me of the days back at the academy. Except for the instructor looking less like an escaped criminal. Anyways, I grabbed some soup…[reads the label]...good chicken noodle.
[static buzzing]
[scene cuts to Angelina struggling to find anything with the tennis balls being shot at her]
Fiona: Hurry up, ballerina! They take less time getting coffee back at the police station than this!
Angelina: Oh, why don't you put a cork in it already and help me?!
Wolf: [hauls up a wheelbarrow with wood in it] Get a move on, you slackers! This shelter isn't gonna build itself!
[just then, the machine gun short-circuits]
Chris: [sarcastically] Nice going, man.
Chef: Oh, hush up while I fix this thing!
Chris: Will Chef be able to actually fix something? And which team will turn out victorious? Find out when we return on Total...Drama...Pahkitew Island!
[The screen goes to black, the episode continues]
Chris: We're back! The players are moving, Chef is shooting, pick your favorite team and start a'rooting!
[scene cuts to Cindy calmly prancing around the area]
Cindy: [gasps] Good news, ya'll! I found a bucket of sparkly ol' glitter!
Courtney: [sarcastically] Oh, that would be good news...if we could ACTUALLY build something wi-![freezes and then clears her throat]...I mean, good effort, Cindy, but we need something that we can actually put together.
Falco: Huh, didn't expect the hothead to not give out a thrashing.
[Courtney's eye twitches at the remark]
[static buzzing]
Courtney: [muttering while rubbing her forehead] Shove it all down, shove it all down…
[static buzzing]
[Holly is seen rummaging through the pile as she finds some wooden boards]
Holly: Ha-ha! I found-[gets hit by a tennis ball]-hey, watch it, miserable earthlings!
[Chris and Chef chuckle as they high-five]
Alice: The coast is clear, hurry! [runs as Angelina follows her with some supplies]
[Drago dodges several tennis balls, picks up a plank of wood and uses it to hit a tennis ball right back at Chef, hitting him in the face]
Chris: Wowzers! That guy's got some skills, huh?
[scene shows several members of both teams rummaging through the piles when the airhorn sounds]
Chris: [off-screen] IIIIIIIt's building time! [on-screen, to Chef] You coming or do you only wanna get paid for half the episode? [chuckles as Chef groans while following him]
[scene cuts to the salmons constructing their shelter]
Wolf: Panther, Lapis, glue the boards! Leon, help me with the support beams! Angelina and Alice, faster!
[scene cuts to the bears constructing their shelter]
Courtney: No, that board goes on THAT side!
Falco: More like you don't know anything about carpentry!
Courtney: Excuse me?! Who are you to tell me what I'm not capable of?!
Hokey: Fellas, can you PLEASE stop arguing for like...ever?!
Incineroar: Seriously, the people who lose to me in wrestling matches don't go for this long!
Fox: Look, Falco, I know YOU can't stand her.
Falco: Affirmative.
Bloom: And Courtney, I get YOU don't agree with HIM.
Courtney: Absolutely.
Bloom: But we REALLY need to fix this shelter before the other team does.
Drago: [clears throat] If you wouldn't mind turning around…
[they see that the shelter has been completed]
[static buzzing]
Drago: Yeah, while Tweedle Dum and Tweedle Idiot were bickering with each other, I took the liberty of constructing the rest of the shelter. Those two are really getting on my nerves.
[static buzzing]
[scene cuts to Wolf hammering in the final nail on the roof]
Wolf: There! All done!
Chris: [on a jetpack] This is nice and a smart move building it above ground level.
Sylvester: And why's that?
[the ground starts to shake, causing the team to gasp]
Chris: Here comes your answer!
[a pack of moose stampede across the area]
Chris: This island is a little more wild than our last one! [chuckles]
[Chris then goes over to check the bears' shelter]
Chris: Not too shabby. The question is...is it moose-proof? [chuckles]
Courtney: I beg your pardon?
[the moose come running towards the shelter as everyone runs. When the dust settles, the bears' shelter is totaled]
Holly: UGH!
[scene cuts to the two teams sitting on logs opposite sides of each other]
Chris: I'd like to say it was a hard decision, but let's keep it real. Team Pimâpotew Kinosewak wins the challenge!
[the salmons cheer for their victory]
Chris: The winners of each challenge will be rewarded this season with a deluxe dinner cooked up by professional caterers and chefs.
Angelina: So, we get to eat actual food that isn't Chef's disgusting slop?
Chris: Yes, that is correct.
[the salmons cheer again while the bears groan]
Chris: Team Waneyihtam Maskwak! Please go vote, one member of your team is heading home today!
[the salmons cry out in outburst]
Courtney: Oh, come on!
Falco: Seriously!
Holly: Ugh, disgraceful!
Fox: [sighs]
[the scene goes to black, at the Campfire Ceremony]
Chris: Welcome to the Pahkitew Island elimination area! This is where we determine who stays to play another day and who gets a one way ticket home.
[static buzzing]
Falco: You were a right pain in the ass and I'll be glad not to deal with you.
[static buzzing]
Courtney: You're about to find out what happens when you mess with the CIT.
[static buzzing]
Holly: Honestly, I don't care who gets kicked off, but one thing is for sure, I'm not going anywhere.
[static buzzing]
Chris: Alright, the votes are in. If I hand you a marshmallow, you're safe: Bloom [catches the marshmallow], Hokey [catches the marshmallow], Cindy [catches the marshmallow], Mao Mao [catches the marshmallow], Holly [catches the marshmallow], Drago [catches the marshmallow], Fox [catches the marshmallow], Incineroar [catches the marshmallow], and Silver [catches the marshmallow], you're safe. Courtney, you continue your mean streak by arguing with your teammates and preaching about being a CIT. [Courtney's face morphs into a sour frown] Falco, you were particularly cocky today and pretty much did the same thing as Courtney.
Falco: It's not my fault she doesn't know when to shut her mouth.
Courtney: [scoffs]
Chris: Okay, the last marshmallow goes to…
…
..
.
[the scene cuts to Courtney watching intensely, then it cuts to Falco doing the same thing]
...Courtney!
Courtney: [breathes a sigh of relief]
Falco: Wait, what?! You kept her over me?! [looks to Fox for support, only to find him staring sadly at him] You know what? Forget it! I'm out of here!
[the scene cuts to Falco boarding the Boat of Losers with the bears watching onward]
Chris: Any last words?
Falco: Hey, Fox. You better not end up on this boat so soon, you hear me?!
Fox: [gives him a thumbs-up as the boat departs] I'll try not to!
[static buzzing]
Leon: I knew the bird was gonna end up fried, didn't expect it to be so soon. But no matter, with him out of the way, that's less of a pain in the ass on my end.
[static buzzing]
Chris: You know what's weird? I already don't miss him! [chuckles] Well, that's one down and twenty-one to go! Who's the next unlucky chump to board the Boat of Losers? There are just too many good choices, tune in and find out yourself, here on Total...Drama...Pahkitew Island!
[The screen goes black as the episode ends]