This is less a fan fiction and more a way to describe what a dear friend of mine is going through. For that reason, it's less artful than what I would normally do because I'm just trying to be informative. Consider it an AU of sorts.
To help my friend leave this situation and start fresh, I'm putting together a fundraiser. Even small donations are welcome. I've put the link in my profile page, and it will remain there until the fundraiser is over.
Also, trigger warning: Emotional, mental, and verbal abuse, threats of physical abuse
Disclaimer: If Zootopia were mine, I wouldn't need to do a fundraiser for this.
At this time of night, Judy certainly wasn't expecting a knock on her door. She also wasn't expecting to see Nick standing on the other side. She'd seen less and less of him lately, but the last time they'd hung out together, he seemed to be his normal self. Right now, though, his fur was disheveled, and there were bags under his eyes.
"Nick?" she blinked. "Are you okay?"
"No," Nick answered right away as Judy stood aside to let him in. Immediately, her heart plummeted at this rare instance of bare, unhesitant honesty.
"Um," she began as she closed the door, "what's going on?"
"Donna," Nick replied right away, referring to his wife. Judy didn't know her terribly well—she had always been suspicious of Judy and resented the fact that Nick spent any time around her at all—but she knew that Nick nearly always seemed to be quarreling with her about something. Consequently, Judy had needed to buoy his spirits and restore his self-confidence many times over the course of her friendship with him, so admittedly, she already didn't have a high opinion of Donna.
"What happened?" she queried, motioning for him to have a seat on the couch. He acquiesced, and she settled herself near him.
Nick chuckled quietly and mirthlessly. "Where to start?"
Several hours and a few mugs of tea later, Judy—as organized as ever—had several pages worth of notes.
"Okay, so let's review," she said, holding up the front page headlines with the word "Donna" and beginning to read.
- She criticizes literally everything that you do to clean the house and take care of your kits, then criticizes you when you lose the motivation to do anything at all
- She criticizes every single one of your ideas for family outings, then criticizes you for having no initiative when you stop trying to contribute
- She criticizes you for being goofy and fun, saying that you're immature, but she also says that you need to "loosen up"; occasionally, she suggests that you do this with alcohol, despite knowing that you don't like it
- If you suggest something she doesn't like or agree with and try to let it go when she starts getting worked up about it, she insists that you must first admit that you are stupid before she'll let it go
- She constantly compares you unfavorably to other men, especially one in particular who is married to a close friend of hers; he simply smiles and obediently follows the orders his wife barks at him in a humiliating and degrading way (for example, "Hurry up and do this! You never do anything right!"), and she thinks you should be more like him, even claiming that your marriage was better when you allowed yourself to be "henpecked"
- She gets mad at you for not liking the friend who humiliates her husband, rolling her eyes and saying "What's wrong with you?" or "Why are you like this?"
- She tells you that you should stop exercising because she preferred you chubbier, and now you're just too skinny
- When she knows that you're on a diet, trying to cut down on sugar and carbs, she criticizes that as well, insisting that you're only making yourself miserable and she's concerned for your mental health; she pressures you into eating food that you don't want so that she doesn't "have to eat it alone"
- She calls your passions (especially writing) "stupid" and "annoying," and she thinks that you shouldn't nurture any interests or hobbies that aren't guaranteed to make you a lot of money
- In fact, she doesn't care at all about your writing until you tell her that you're writing a book with a female friend; all of a sudden, she wants to know everything about the book and insists that you get the idea copyrighted, just in case the friend tries to steal it from you, and she insists that she just wants to protect you
- She tells you that if you don't make a lot of money someday, your kits will grow up to resent you because they won't get to travel the world or have a luxurious lifestyle
- When you get into an argument, or if you make even a small mistake, she will say every single hurtful and cruel thing that comes to her mind because she believes that it's "healthy to get all those feelings out" and that she's just being "honest," even though you often end up locking yourself in the bathroom and crying for a while afterward
- She doesn't understand why you're upset after incidents like this, claiming that she didn't mean any of it anyway and that she only said those things because she was mad (despite her supposed commitment to "honesty"); she claims you're the one making a big deal out of it and blowing things out of proportion
- In general, she says that she doesn't consider an issue resolved until you've fought about it, so she'll provoke you unnecessarily until you argue; when you explain how distressed you are about the frequency and intensity of your arguments, she dismisses your concerns by saying that every couple argues
- There was a time when you smoothly stopped her from publicly berating an office worker by calmly explaining your concerns about the situation you'd gone there to have resolved, and she later accuses you of being unsupportive and embarrassing her
- If you bring up how hurt you are by her words and actions, she either brushes them off by bringing up things that you did that were hurtful in the past (for which you've already apologized profusely, and you have stopped making those mistakes), runs away crying about being made into the "villain," or counters with some derivative of the following:
(a) "Well, how do you think I feel?"
(b) "How hard do you think this is for me?"
(c) That's just the way I am!"
(d) You're trying to censor me!"
- When you mention that you've thought about committing suicide by walking into oncoming traffic, she scolds you for being selfish
- She pesters you multiple times a day about having another child with her, despite the fact that you've repeatedly said you do not want one (at least not with her) and have begged her in tears to stop bringing it up because you're so tired of talking about it
- She feels like a victim of a cruel, unsupportive husband because you don't want more children with her, literally saying that you are ruining her dreams and chances of happiness (but she says she can't imagine you not agreeing eventually and/or that she will have to come up with an "intrigue" to coerce you to agree)
- She complains that you don't want to go out drinking with her because you don't like alcohol; when you point out that she's perfectly welcome to go drinking with friends by herself, you don't like feeling forced into doing things that you don't want to do, and she immediately replies, "Well, you're forcing me to not have another child"
- Despite this, the other people around town gossip with her about how you're obviously "controlling her" because she doesn't drink with them as often as she did before marrying you, and she doesn't correct them
- One night, she responds to your steadfast refusal to have another kit with her by texting you from another room about how much she hates you and wants to "beat the hell" out of you
- When you decide to go stay with your mother for a few days because you don't feel safe or welcome in your home after receiving the aforementioned text, she accuses you of "going crying to Mommy" and just wanting a "vacation" from fatherhood (even though you were over at your home to take care of your kits when your wife was at work and only went back to your mother's house at night after the kits were asleep); she says she's hurt and upset because you're the one making a big deal out of something that she only said because she was understandably, justifiably angry that you haven't impregnated her yet, insisting that you have to make accommodations for her hormones because she's the woman and you're the man, and because her biological clock is ticking
- She expects you to spend every waking moment of your free time doing things with/for her and your kits; if you ever try to have any time for yourself, even in the evening when the kits are in bed and all she wants to do is watch Nutflix, you are being hurtful, mean, selfish, or uncaring if you don't give her your undivided attention
- She also hates it if you bring books anywhere because it means that you're not talking to her; besides parenting articles and the Fifty Shades of Grey series, she doesn't like reading anything in general, and she thinks you're boring and rude for reading books
- If you (or anyone) suggests that you don't have to do everything together, she responds, "What kind of couple is like that?"
- If you mention offhandedly that you wish there were more hours in the day, she gets mad and responds, "So what you're saying is that being with me and the kits is a waste of time?"
- She even scolds you for taking time to bring your mother a gift and a nice poem for Valentine's Day because she's the one who's supposed to have all your attention on days like that; she even says flippantly, "We are the ones in a relationship! Your mother should just find her own!"
- If you tell the kits to do or not to do something, she will sometimes immediately contradict you; when you ask her not to do that because it undermines your authority as a father, she dismisses it by saying that it's good for kits to see their parents disagree
- She keeps track of the time that you spend at work and grills you about every extra minute
- She gets deeply jealous of literally any interaction you have with someone of the opposite sex, however innocuous it is, and she hates it when you have female co-workers
- Anytime one of your kits cries about something, her immediate assumption is that it's your fault, and she'll argue with you about it
- In fact, when you were all riding on a subway one evening, you kept trying to get one of the kits to sit properly so that she wouldn't fall, but she didn't listen; when she falls down during a sharp turn, your wife accuses you of pushing her just to prove your point, and she takes your stunned silence as proof of your guilt
- She'll also say things like, "I hope the kits don't grow up to be like you"-and still expects you to want to have another child with her (when you bring this up later, she claims she simply doesn't want them to have depression, like you do, but she actively tries to pressure your younger kit out of her clearly introverted nature because it's too much like you)
- She treats introversion in general as a terrible character flaw that you need to correct, disapproving anytime you want quiet time or privacy; she also assumes that you're in a bad mood anytime that you're quiet, and pesters you to cheer up until you actually are in a bad mood
- When you're feeling especially depressed, she gets upset and tells you to simply "think positive" so that you're not inconveniencing everyone else
- When you say that you'd like to volunteer to read or do writing workshops at orphanages or schools, she says that you already have kits of your own, so you shouldn't give your time to others-that's somebody else's job, and your only job is to care for your family
- Her family is always critical and rude to you, and you hate the fact that they talk loudly and cuss a lot, but she gets angry when you're not talkative around them or want to have a break from socializing
- You are never allowed to have bad or depressed moods, but she can have them all that she wants (because she's a woman, and her "hormonal nature" is therefore excused, and/or because you're a terrible husband who's ruining her life by not giving her more children, so she has every right to be in a constantly terrible mood)
- After losing your job, she believes that she is justified in constantly berating you and talking about how useless you are, and she'll say things like, "Your flaws were more acceptable when you were at least bringing in money"
- When she finally gets a job to help keep the family afloat until you can find another one, she laments that she "can't count on you" to cook and clean while she's gone (even though you do clean)
- If you suggest that you could learn to cook, she gets mad at you because cooking is "her thing"
- When you buy yourself some ingredients to learn to cook anyway, she criticizes your attempts; the first time you make something and it doesn't turn out quite right, she says, "See, this is why you should just let me do it-you don't even know what you're doing"
- Then she continues to complain about how you never cook and how your home would "fall apart without her"
- When you find a new job, she insists that you have no marriage problems anymore, so why wait to have another kit?
- When you go out shopping one day, you decide to buy yourself some shirts; she becomes hurt and angry that you didn't get her opinion first, saying that it makes her feel unneeded and unimportant
- She continues bringing up the shopping incident for days afterward, and when one of your kits starts acting stubborn and disobedient, she says that the kit gets this trait from you, citing the fact bought your own shirts without her approval as proof that you are stubborn, controlling, and simply must have things your way
- Even when she admits to being a control freak, she insists that you are an "independence freak"
- When you say that she's being emotionally abusive, she says, "Well, when you're depressed, it dampens my mood, so you're emotionally abusive to me, too"
- Although she does try to improve her behavior, it never lasts very long, and she constantly complains about how much effort it takes and how inconvenient it is to treat you better
- She suggests that you should spend some time away from her and your daughters, cut off from them entirely, so that you "have a chance to miss her" and maybe learn to love her again
- When you tell her that you want to get therapy for your depression, she discourages you because (a) it costs a lot of money, (b) it will take away from "family time" (which is also why she hated it when you donated blood once a week during your period of unemployment), (c) it will probably hurt you before it heals you, and she obviously doesn't want you to be more hurt because she loves you, and (d) she's afraid that the therapist will encourage you to leave her
- Despite her complaints about the cost of therapy, she begs you to agree to a long weekend vacation at a resort with her friend (specifically, the wife who verbally abuses her husband in public) and her family; it's equivalent to the cost of five therapy sessions, but she insists that it will help your marriage to have a vacation
- When you spend a week home from work sick with the flu, she encourages you to rest, sarcastically asks whether you really are sick when you offer to help with the chores and child care despite not feeling well, and cries about how "ungrateful" you are for all she did for you because you want to continue resting alone at the end of the day rather than in front of the TV with her
- At the end of that week, she criticizes you for sitting on the couch doing something on your phone, although (a) your daughters are happily playing on their own with each other, (b) you checked that there were no chores to be done at the moment, and (c) you asked her if she'd like help with cooking, but she said no; she connects the incident to how you spent the whole week resting with the flu, leaving her with all the work
- When you tell her that you've been having sharp pains in your heart recently and would like to see a doctor for a full-body checkup, her immediate response is, "When would you have time for that?" —and when you get upset and continue reporting sharp pains for a few days afterward, she claims that she's been concerned the whole time
- One night, you were doubled over the dinner table due to the pain in your chest, saying that you thought you were having a heart attack; your wife hugged you, encouraged you to lay down, and covered you with a blanket, after which you fell asleep; when you woke up, she expressed anger at you for scaring her and letting her clean up the house by herself while you slept
* Context: You had stayed up far too late the night before, but since your heart had continued experiencing these pains even on days when you got enough sleep, it's not very relevant to the fact that you fell asleep after an attack
- She frequently claims that she is normal, that you are the crazy one, and that everyone else would say the same; she says that her friends often agree with her, but she dismisses your friends' opinions as irrelevant because she doesn't know them
- She also continues insisting that she loves you more than anyone, frequently crying that you haven't said the same thing to her and that you don't "open up to her"
- She also says that since she put up with your immaturity and mistakes during the first years of your marriage-which she pressured you into when you were both barely out of high school-you are forever obligated to stay with her; she claims that she cannot reasonably be expected to let go of the past, but she expects you to enthusiastically build a future with her
- Upon finally accepting and admitting that her behavior toward you is toxic, she says that she is "so sorry," apologizing profusely, but also states that she intends to continue being toxic because she can't let you leave her
- She refuses to get individual therapy for herself, but she wants to be part of yours
"Did I get everything?" Judy finished with a question, arching a brow.
"Actually, no," Nick said, smirking tiredly. "There are some things I haven't even mentioned. I've already heard you cuss more tonight than I've heard in all the time we've known each other. No point in upsetting you further." He shook his head, mumbling, "When you lay it all out like that, it's... so much. It's surreal. Almost like an out-of-body experience."
Judy stared at him with wide eyes. Then she glanced back over the list. "Well, this alone is more than enough to conclude that you need to get out of there."
"I don't know if I can, Judy," Nick sighed, holding his forehead in his palms. "Divorce is expensive, and I don't have much support. And I'm worried about how it would affect my daughters."
"Your daughters will someday appreciate the example that you set of leaving a toxic relationship. And you can do it," Judy insisted, laying a gentle paw on her shoulder, "because you're not alone in this. We're getting you out."
Again, please check my profile for the link to the fundraiser. Thank you so much for reading.
P.S. My friend doesn't wish to see a lot of negative comments about his wife, so please keep them to a minimum. Thanks again.