Notes: Batman is owned by DC Comics and was created by writer Bill Finger and artist Bob Kane. Nightwing was created by Marv Wolfman and George Perez.

One evening, the inmates of Arkham Asylum were lounging around in a large room. Some of them played board games, while others read books. Poison Ivy was taking care of Arkham Asylum's plants. She was one of the few people, who actually cared about the plants. The other inmates thought plants were silly, which was a sentiment she didn't appreciate it. She carefully watered each and every plant.

The Joker and the Riddler sat across from each other, while playing a card game. As to be expected, Joker won a majority of the card games they played. Joker was so proud of his victories, that he constantly bragged about what a great card player he is. This upset the Riddler, because he had a fragile ego and didn't like people beating him. Riddler looked around and saw Poison Ivy. She appeared to be sad. Riddler rubbed his chin, while saying, "I wonder what her problem is."

The Joker replied, "Everybody in Arkham has problems. If we didn't, we wouldn't have to be in this stupid place."

Riddler smirked, while saying, "It appears you admit you have flaws."

Joker tried to defend himself, by replying, "My problems are so small, that you'd need a microscope, in order to see them. Sadly, Batman has a microscope."

Riddler looked at Poison Ivy's plants and noticed that one of them was in the shape of a bat. He walked up to her and said, "Nice flowers."

Poison Ivy looked annoyed, while replying, "They're plants, not flowers."

Riddler said, "You might be upset by my mistake, but people often mix me up with the Joker, so show me some sympathy."

Poison Ivy folded her arms and asked, "What do you want?"

Riddler decided to lie, which was something he regularly did. He put his hands on his hips and said, "I'm a great admirer of plants. Back before I became a criminal, I stared at the world's most lovely plants. I was looking at your plants and noticed that one of them is in the shape of a bat. That means you like Batman, don't you?"

Poison Ivy had a secret crush on Batman. She hadn't told most of her inmates, but she trusted the Riddler, so she said, "Yes, I do think he's pretty special. Please don't tell a bunch of people, about this little secret of mine."

Riddler replied, "I'm an honest, good person."

Riddler walked away from Poison Ivy and started running back to Joker. Joker had an amused look on his face, while saying, "I only heard a bit of your conversation, but I did overhear you gushing about plants. Thinking about dating a plant?" Joker did a crazy-sounding laugh.

Riddler frowned at Joker and replied, "I'm not talking about my own love life, you goofy clown. I'm talking about Ms. Ivy's feelings. She's got a crush on Batman."

Joker responded, "Then her taste is even worse than I thought. Liking plants is bad enough, but liking Batman is such an absurd notion."

Riddler said, "Indeed it is. Now that I know her little secret, I can embarrass her and Batman."

Joker asked, "You're going to embarrass Batman? Well, it appears you're useful, after all."

Riddler started prancing towards a nearby phone. He grabbed the phone and started calling Gotham's newspaper company. One of the newspaper company's employees was an ex-con, who remained friends with Riddler. Riddler told his friend about Poison Ivy's crush on Batman and he said his friend should print a story about it.

The next day, Bruce Wayne was lounging around Wayne Manor. He sipped on some tea and watched some cartoons. Alfred Pennyworth walked by and delivered Bruce's breakfast. Bruce looked down and saw some eggs, cereal, waffles, and a couple of muffins. Bruce asked, "Do I really have to eat all of this? I'm only a little hungry."

Alfred sternly replied, "You need to stay healthy, Master Wayne."

Bruce said, "I don't approve of a well-balanced diet, Alfred. Go get the newspaper."

Alfred replied, "Yes, sir."

While Alfred started heading towards the newspaper, Bruce whispered, "I better get rid of this dumb breakfast, while the old man's distracted. However, if I throw the food away, he'll probably notice. He likes to observe the contents of the trash, for whatever reason. I better hide the food." Bruce put the eggs in some vases. Afterwards, he threw the cereal into the bathtub and put the waffles in the vacuum cleaner.

A moment later, Bruce sat down and started eating one of his muffins. Alfred walked inside, while having a nervous look on his face. Bruce asked, "What's wrong?"

Alfred said, "Today's newspaper is about you."

Bruce had a smug smile on his face, while replying, "I don't mind that."

Alfred replied, "You probably will mind, when you find out what the story's about."

Bruce grabbed the newspaper and read the headline. It said, "Poison Ivy is in love with Batman!" Bruce looked shocked, while saying, "This is quite the story, Alfred."

Alfred replied, "This is dreadful news. Poison Ivy's such a nasty and vile woman."

Bruce stuck his hand in front of Alfred's face and responded, "Hold on. Sure, Poison Ivy's done some bad things, but she has some good qualities. She's intelligent, powerful, seductive, and incredibly beautiful."

Alfred looked amused, while replying, "It appears you might like her, Master Wayne."

Bruce sighed and said, "I'd be lying, if I said I didn't like her. However, people's feelings are supposed to be personal. A newspaper company shouldn't report these type of things."

Alfred asked, "Why would Poison Ivy tell the newspaper company about such private emotions?"

Bruce said, "I know Poison Ivy, so I suspect she wouldn't do such a thing. I think somebody tricked her. I'll have to do some detective work, in order to find out what's really going on."

Suddenly, the Batcave's intruder alarm started beeping. Bruce said, "It appears an intruder is entering the Batcave."

Alfred nervously replied, "Oh, my. What should we do?"

Bruce said, "We should play the intruder a visit, but we better change outfits. If somebody sees Bruce Wayne in the Batcave, my secret identity might be revealed. However, if I wear my Batman costume, I might find a way to save my dignity."

Alfred asked, "Do you want me to join you?"

Bruce said, "Yes, but I'll need you to wear Robin's costume."

Alfred could hardly believe what Bruce just said. He raised his eyebrows and asked, "Why would you need me to put on the Robin costume?"

Bruce said, "Since Dick Grayson's not here, you'll have to be my sidekick. You can't be the boy wonder, but you can be the old wonder, considering your advanced age." Bruce chuckled, while Alfred rolled his eyes.

Bruce put on his Batman costume, while Alfred got on the Robin costume. The Dynamic Duo went into the Batcave. Batman and Alfred walked around the cave, while hearing sounds. Batman said, "The intruder's in here. We need to attack our mystery man, right away."

Alfred asked, "Shouldn't we see who the intruder is, before we make our move?"

Batman shook his head and said, "We know the intruder's a bad guy, so we can't hear him out. Let's not even look at who we're fighting. Let's just get to work."

Alfred replied, "If you say so."

The visitor was Dick Grayson, who was in his Nightwing costume. However, Batman and Alfred didn't know that. They jumped on Nightwing and started clobbering him. Nightwing asked, "What's going on?" Batman punched Nightwing in the face and threw him around. Batman and Alfred kicked Nightwing and used various attacks moves on him.

After attacking Nightwing, Batman and Alfred looked down and realized who they just beat up. Batman looked embarrassed, while saying, "Oh, no."

Alfred looked horrified, while saying, "We hurt Master Grayson."

Batman said, "Give him a hand." Alfred nodded.

Ten minutes later, Nightwing was resting on the living room's couch. Alfred gave him milk and cookies. Nightwing looked at Batman and Alfred, while saying, "I'm afraid I forgot how to turn the security alarm off. I'm sorry about that."

Batman replied, "Don't even try to apologize. This is my fault, not yours. I was being stupid. I was so upset, because of the newspaper, that I wasn't being smart."

Nightwing smiled, while saying, "I can hardly believe that Alfred was wearing my old Robin costume."

Alfred said, "It was one of the most embarrassing moments, of my entire life."

Nightwing said, "I came by, because I was wondering what you were going to do, in order to stop the newspaper's rumors."

Batman replied, "I'm not sure. I'm not eager to admit this, but I do have some feelings for Poison Ivy. If I tried to tell the press I didn't care about her, I'd be lying, which is something I don't think I should do."

Nightwing responded, "I think I can help."

Batman asked, "What can you do?"

Nightwing said, "If the press start focusing on somebody else, they might forget about this silly rumor."

Batman asked, "Who are you going to make the press focus on?"

Nightwing answered, "Me."

Batman looked at Alfred, while saying, "This might lead to trouble."

Alfred replied, "But it might also get rid of your problems. You should give Master Grayson a chance."

Batman responded, "Maybe you're right. I've been too hard on that youngster."

The next day, Bruce was dumping his cereal in the bathtub, once again. Suddenly, he heard a knock on the door. Bruce and Alfred walked to the door. Dick Grayson came inside and said, "I managed to get my name in the headline, but the press is still focusing on you."

Bruce grabbed the newspaper and read the headline. It said, "Nightwing brags about his girlfriend, but the real news is Poison Ivy's crush on Batman." Bruce sighed and said, "It appears Nightwing wasn't able to save the day."

Dick sighed and replied, "I'm sorry."

Bruce patted his shoulder and said, "Don't be hard on yourself. If anything, "I've been hard on you. Go rest up."

Dick replied, "Okay. I think I'm going to take a bath, first."

A moment later, Bruce and Alfred heard Dick say, "The bathtub is full of cereal."

Alfred looked amazed, while asking, "How could the bathtub be full of cereal?"

Bruce said, "That sounds like quite the mystery, but let's not focus on that. The Poison Ivy story is bad, for both her and me. I have to make the press forgot about that story, but how?"

Dick walked by to the living room and said, "It was quite the hilarious sight, to see Alfred in my Robin costume. Maybe Alfred should wear the costume, while in public. That way, people will be focusing on him, instead of you and Poison Ivy."

Bruce replied, "That's a great idea, old chum."

Alfred asked, "Do you actually think that'll work?"

Bruce said, "I'm sure it will. An old man wearing a little kid's costume sounds quite amusing." Bruce and Dick pointed at Alfred and laughed at him. Alfred sighed.

An hour later, Alfred started running around the streets of Gotham. It was quite an odd and uncomfortable, but Alfred was willing to do it, since Bruce insisted he do it. He started dancing around a crowded street, while saying, "Look at me, citizens of Gotham. I'm a really old guy, who's pretending to be Robin." The crowd burst into laughter. They started recording Alfred. Some photographers started taking pictures of him.

The next morning, Joker and Riddler looked extremely excited, because the newspaper was being delivered and they wanted to read about Poison Ivy's romance gossip. However, they grabbed the newspaper and saw that the main story was about an old man wearing a Robin costume, while dancing around the city. Joker looked at Riddler, while saying, "It appears the public has forgotten about the rumor you spread. Seems like your scheme wasn't useful, after all."

Riddler replied, "This is hard to believe. It was such a juicy piece of gossip. How come people aren't talking about it?"

Joker said, "As interesting as your little story was, it couldn't compare to an old geezer wearing a Robin costume." Joker burst into laughter, while Riddler shook his fist at him.

Meanwhile, Batman entered Poison Ivy's cell and dropped off a couple of plants. Poison Ivy said, "Batman, it's so good to see you. I figured you'd be trying to avoid me, because of the newspapers."

Batman replied, "I was upset, to hear what the paper's been writing about us."

Poison Ivy had a guilty look on her face, while saying, "I'm sorry about that."

Batman replied, "I don't want you to feel bad, because it wasn't your fault. Also, I do care about you."

Poison Ivy looked excited, while asking, "Really?"

Batman explained, "The most important things in my life are my secrets. One of my secrets is my identity and another secret is the feelings I have for you. I could sneak into your cell and drop off some plants, every once in a while."

Poison Ivy replied, "That sounds wonderful. I have a surprise I'd like to give you."

Batman asked, "What is it?" Poison Ivy grabbed Batman and gave him a kiss. He smiled and hugged her.

After Batman left, Poison Ivy said, "Batman's the best secret, that I've ever planted."