A/N: hey guys, this is my first attempt at writing something that has been plaguing my mind for quite a time so i thought why not have a try at it. i don't know if i have done the ideas justice here, but i would be really grateful if anyone who comes by this piece would give her/his opinion. critics are graciously welcomed. flames too, actually. so if you are here , have a try and let me know huh?

And 'therealwisewolf', thanks for looking this over.

see ya!

Who…am I?

What?

What am I?

A blank canvas for a mind and an eye-less sight. I was left floundering like a kite whose line had been severed.

Who am I?

Some deep part of me asked those questions again, only to be rewarded with a haunting silence over and over.

Slowly bits and pieces of pictures started to trickle in, filling up the blank canvas that was my innocence, smiles, sadness, desperation, bonds,…blood all started to come back in a slow drip.

My mind desperately clutched onto the proof of my existence...alexis .

Alexis ...my name, my existence...that was no more?

Confusion trilled in me.

I searched for my pillars, my bonds , and I found no sign of them. The canvas was slowly filling up yes but was still not complete.

Panic extended its thirsty claws along the forts of my mind.

I tried to shove it back but my efforts were in vain. More than the absence of my bonds, what aired the flames of delirium that was starting to set in was the absence of …me.

The signs of panic and fear , the signs that I had long suppressed in me, I searched desperately for them.

My mind was pushing the tears to form, but to no avail.

The watery pearls that I had learned in blood, to never set free,I begged for even one drop to run down my cheeks.

The fierce pulsing of the bloody flesh,

The sweaty sheen of the palm,

The tingles of nervousness,I yearned for them to appear.

Frustration bubbled up in me and I wanted to yell and claw and rip apart the world to bloody shreds.

I wanted to feel , to touch , to see,... I wanted to exist.

I wanted to cry.

Where am I?, again and again the question desperately reverberated in me.

Was this existence the destiny I was supposed to look forward to?

' then I don't want it, oh Morgana'

I saw darkness, I sensed nothing, I heard emptiness, what was this void I had been tossed to?.

The long agonizing years I had cast aside myself for my duty, my people, all seemed to go down in drain.

I had no sense of time.

Every second seemed a decade, as if I was living my own special brand of immortality.

The life that I thought I had left behind , bits of it replayed over and over in my mind like a broken record.

The carefree and the grim smiles of my brothers,

The solemn proud glint in the eyes of dad,

The firm belief of my people, my allies….

The cruelty of my enemies,

The treachery of those that I considered mine,

The shuddering agony for the lives I had left behind for this place.

"knew you could do it ally"

"don't swell up your head too much lex"

"so so proud of you, precious"

"stumble and trip but, never ever bow Alexandra"

"we trusted you alexis"

"how could you do that""

"we were yours yet you did that?"

"why alexis?"

"you are just like them, betrayer of blood"

"everyone near you would burn alexis"

"monster"

"freak"

"why alexis?"

"why?"

"monster"
"why"

Why?...

Why indeed…if only I knew what did I do. So heinous that I had been cursed to this pointless existence of eternal insanity.

The words and the few pictures revolved in my mind.

Madness started to stealthily creep behind me…and I let it.

What reason was there for this mind to remain anyway, for there was no body to assist.

I resigned myself to the seed of bitter truth that I had been childishly ignoring since the beginning.

A floating mess of broken will and cracked mind in the sea of nothingness.

I wanted to weep.

I wanted my brother to be here helping me up.

Suddenly I felt a warm sensation behind my eyes…wait...my eyes?

Hope bubbled up in me. I tried to feel something in where my hand was supposed to be, nothing.

The hope shriveled up a little but the feeling in my eyes didn't let it die yet.

There was coolness and light that I sensed through my pulled hard to peel off the skin and look and feel that mind chuckled, I never knew opening eyes was this hard.

Desperation licked at my insides.

Like a child throwing a tantrum,my orbs were being restless to break free of their protective and resigned, I let my eyes rest in the familiar darkness, yet the curious presence of coolness remained.

Going by a hunch, I remembered the tragically learnt lesson of anatomy from the few pictures forming my memories and imagined tracing back the coolness through the different veins and cells of my body.

Doubt formed a lump. ' if I have eyes, then I have a body too…right?' with fear coursing through my mindscape, I shied away from the question.

Tracing back the coolness, I found it not coursing through my veins but overlapping it, like it has its own circulation…?. from the few memories, I didn't think I had it before. Then what was it?. Its heaviness and coolness made me think of mist.

Going a little further, I felt it encasing something light and huge, like an endless well. 'is that what I think it is?…but it wasn't shrouded by anything before, then what is this mist?'.

Since I had no sense of time, I couldn't know how long had passed, but I was relieved that I was not in that void any longer. I didn't know where was here but anywhere was better than there. Doing those little excursions within me was tiring and I was getting increasingly frequently tired. I had enough sense to not question it. I ended up tracing the veins of the mist over and over, and before long it felt like I had it since birth.

I kept my distance from the endless warm white light, the absence of bonds were painful enough, I didn't need any solid proof of what I had lost.

I knew I was being childish but it was my body, my mind, my light…my right.

Every unknown second went by slowly and along with tracing the veins, my mind began to replay the incomplete fixtures of my memories.

Alexis. Alexis. Alexis.

My soul whispered it over and over in an effort to cling to it in the slowly eroding sands of my mind, but how could I have forgotten it , when in that place , I had no one besides that name…and the mist and light.

During the process of redoing my constant routine, slowly I began to feel a watery feeling coating my arms and trying to move through it was like waddling against a roaring wave..I flailed my arms and kicked my legs towards the sheen that was stuck to my skin which rewarded me with sounds, sounds which made me go still. Its been so long without any stimulation that I had all but forgotten about anything else besides myself.

Awareness trickled back into me , and along with it came the slow barrage of memories, memories that I drunk up like a thirsty man in a desert.

Magic,...home...oh god ...tears built up in my eyes, dracoo…a maelstrom of emotions ripped through me. I couldn't think straight. That night and the events that built up to it, the sheer helplessness , the deep yearning to look into those gray eyes again, even for once, shook me.

I lost myself in the dark abysses of agony so much that the rippling motions around me did nothing to jarr me. The light at the end of tunnel was lost to me. The moment gusts of air flowed above me .my mouth opened and an agonizing wail tore out of me. Convulated sounds met my ears but did nothing to faze me.

The widened gray full of horror and anguish, the bloody twisting runes surrounding my body and the feeling of something inside my body getting so painfully squished that I craved to claw my way out of the cage yet the pain grew, and it grew in so insurmountable levels that I couldn't stop the greedy fingers of insanity cruelly ripping my mind apart till I knew... nothing.

I felt myself relieving every moment, every feeling that rippled through me that night…and the phantoms of the pain,…like then, it just didn't stop!.

My cries didn't cease and I could feel the disturbed tremors in the air around me yet I didn't bother to do anything about it. I just wished to drown in my mourning, but my body had its own ideas . I was defenseless against the waves of tiredness and against my better judgement I gave into it.

The next time I opened my eyes I was blinded by the clash of colors imposing on my retina. My mind was still clouded by the past but I had learned enough from my life that I couldn't afford to loose myself before understanding the situation. After getting my answers … I left that stream of thought there. For the answers the first step would be to find out where am I, why can I still feel all these and…dread pooled in me at this… but I shouldered on, and who am I...?

Was I even still alexis ...?

A rustling sound distracted me and I tried shifting my eyes to find the source but couldn't . All I could see were the huge colorful shapes hanging over me. Even though I was confident in my magic I was honestly scared for one second at that. During this, the source, it seemed it had moved to hover over me and I got a view of a face of giant.

Why is everything in this place so so huge?. I scrunched up my face in thought and a small whine escaped me. It seemed I still couldn't control my body. How…unfortunately inconveniencing.

A distressed pout formed on my face unnoticed by me and I was startled when the giant's lips curved up.I tilted my head in thought. The shape seemed like a…smile? I was confused.

My eyes went impossibly wide when huge hands encroached my personal space disregarding my very vocal and physical aggravation and worse, lifted me up. I was irritated how easily she ignored my reservations. Was I a child or what? A frown formed on my face and got stuck there. The question looped inside my mind till it got impossible to negate. To prove the absurdity of it I lifted my arm up, all the while ignoring the distorted sounds coming above me.

I would have pinched myself if I could. Draco?u won. I am an officially certified insane. But the signs were all hard to ignore.

I started to calm the beginning panic attack building up in me. I am a child? No big deal right?... At least one of the questions got answered. Now for where am I. right yeah. I swiveled my head towards the giant or ..if I am a child then shouldn't she be my mother?maybe . I left it at that. Now what to do about the sounds coming out of her mouth. It would seem I am not English . great again. First child then not English. Of-course its great. I was just waiting for this incredible experience to drop on me in my life. I smacked the smart-ass resting in my mind and tried to understand what the heck is going on in my shitty life.

My speculations were stopped when I sensed another presence in my vicinity which was followed by the entry of another giant, okay person into my room?. his face literally lit up the moment he caught sight of us while before it was shadowed. Knowing the results it would get I lifted my arm toward him and let a toothless smile bloom on my face. His reaction before paled in comparison to now seeing as he was glowing in so much pride I wondered if my head just got suddenly bigger.

I wanted to snark, 'papa dearest u don't need to be so proud of the fruit of your traumatizing actions', well for me if I would have truly been a child , but of course my body is a traitor. Their joy overwhelmed me and I let out a low keening sound signaling my distress. Those simple acts were already weighing down my body as I could feel my eyes drooping. I leaned against the warm arms holding me and allowed myself to lower my guard for this last time.

Rebirth reincarnation these words were familiar to me. The moment I accepted the crown it was my fate but I had all but forgotten about it till it hit me like a ton of bricks.

I am a baby now, it should have been glaringly obvious and its just a sign of my recent carelessness but considering the events that built up to it , I should be excused shouldn't I?.

But what got me concerned was which one of the two it was. If reincarnation , I would be in my home but different time and if rebirth, it could be anywhere anytime. Though both were equally a pain I would have preferred my home. But seeing I have encountered something new within me I would bet my core I have been reborn...what a pain the situation is, I unhappily grunted prompting my new mother to burp me.

I scrunched my face up at the unpleasantness .

As much as caring my new parents are, going through the same process and with an adult mind at that was getting tedious. Endless hours wasted on unbeatable tiredness and lethargy. I was literally doing only three things...sleep eat and poop. Though it would have been a treasure sometimes in the past, its frustrating now when I was itching to bring this new body back to my level. Because I knew wherever I am the base rule must apply here too. Power prevails. As long as there was power, which I was guessing the mist thingy is , there would always be scuffling going on for the peak and I had neither the patience nor the aptitude to be chased by some mighty predator when I was one myself.

I didn't have the most precise knowledge of time but I would guess it was almost two months since my rebirth. Life had been going on an extremely slow pace and I was sorely tempted to say fuck it and go beat some shit.

The call of the blood running within my veins had me twitching at every second. I had forgotten how hard it was to control the blood lust. And the lack of information about my location had me on my toes, metaphorically of course. On top of that now that my mind was a bit clearer than my birth time the consequences of the mist interweaving with my magic had me internally freaking out. In the meantime I was poking the mist and trying to find its limits and what I found was that it might be lot thicker than magic but slippery like hell . it made want to pull my hair out. It is residing in my body and had no bloody right to resist my will, with this thought I tried making it move in different ways.. .and so went on my days of experimentation .

On a side-note this child body was overriding my logic and sometimes I couldn't do anything but let the instincts run its course but those times were rare and so treasured by my new parents.

And oh yeah...I caught on some bits of that language, and viola its Japanese...one of the few languages I had turned my nose on...wow fate I hope you suffocate on that stick in the ass , but still I took it in stride .

Saishi sorano got that? …That's my ah new name...a beautiful and delicate name.I honestly didn't know what to think of that. It didn't suit me but at-least till I get stronger,it would help in making people undermine me.

3 months…

The silky blue sheets clumped in my tight fists. I was trying to stand holding the railings of the pen but never knew such a simple task could be so difficult. Tilting my head up in thought I gauged the distance I had yet to cover, which seemed to tower over me. Scrunching my nose up I pouted in displeasure at that. Pursuing my lips I breathed in deep and attempted to climb the bars . slipped once, twice and many times, fell back with a sore butt. It seemed this much exertion even was too much for my body and promptly fell asleep.

This event repeated over the next many days and finally one day I touched the railing and held on to it with my tiny whitened fists. I started slipping, panicking held on tighter, then realized i was holding up quite easily . attempting to move from that spot , I was shocked. My palm had stuck to the pen bar and it wasn't coming out. In my panic I let out a loud distressed wail. Big fat drops of tear rolled down from my eyes.

My distress caught the attention of my parents and they rushed in , worried. What they saw shook them to their core. A child frantically trying to pull her arms from the railing bar and bawling her eyes out.

The woman moved to embrace her child while soothing her slowly. The adults could clearly gauge the situation as it is. A 3 months old baby demonstrating physical chakra was unheard of. Soaking in the pride of the moment for a bit the man went to assist his wife.

The man knelt to her level and spoke in a low deep voice "sora chan tou san is here ne? calm down hime , you are safe". the baby's eyes started shifting among the two and her cries slowly got replaced by watery hiccups.

He smiled and took in her red puffy sapphire eyes, trembling pouting lips and tear streaked full cheeks. It was quite a pitiful sight but to his eyes she just looked more precious than ever.

My magic was going haywire in response to the perceived threat. Not understanding something within my own body was resulting in this. A mistake I swore to rectify at the earliest chance. Now how to get my arms back and placate these adults who are reveling in my unwanted calls for help. My lips curved into a pout and I decided to heed the man's words and calm the heck down. Then blinking stupidly I saw them smile which just made my pout deepen.

" Now just listen to my voice okay?. Try to unfold those fingers one at a time." he said, placing his bigger palm on mine. after some thought and internal grumbling, I did what was I told to do and slowly unfurled the unruly digits. Then blinking at the now free fingers I promptly fell on my butt. Tilting my head up I thought about what I was going to do. They did come when I called, by will or not, so they deserved to be gifted something at least right?

So I widened my bulbous eyes and let a big happy smile get plastered on me , then stretching my arms towards the kneeling man I let out a garble which might have sounded a bit like 'tou' in a silent request to pick me up.

A pleased smile grew on the man's roughened face and he looked into mother's eyes having an obvious silent conversation.

'U bet on your daughter's first syllable? Tsk tsk so mean papa dearest', I was crowing in glee internally. At least I didn't have a stuck up father this time .

After getting comfortable in his arms I promptly pressed my face to his neck and breathed in. Even though he is my second father and will never replace daad in my heart and mind , he was still my father… he and mother, they were mine and I would give my everything to shield them... anything. My lips curved up against his warm skin.

And that was the day I officially became tou san' s little hime.

All my thoughts suddenly came to a standstill when a weight settled on my head, squishing my face further into his neck. Irritated I twisted my body slightly in tou san' s arms and squinted my eyes at the new presence I had not detected in my home, making the palm resting on my head ruffle the sparse curls there. This made me squirm inside. Though I was a child now I couldnt risk lowering my guard ever.

The face peering into my eyes was a new one. Wispy raven hair framed a face with firm cheekbones and the lips wore a soft smile. The man radiated a familiar aura, actually he felt like blaise in his nice dick persona.

"Rieato sama this is", my mother smiled at the father-daughter duo fondly "sora chan"

"you have a beautiful child, tomeo kun, yuruchi chan" the smile could be heard in his voice.

Wariness filled me at the sight of him. He did wear a smile on his face but I didn't like the calculating gleam in his eyes. At that moment he felt like… me, which was not good in all kind of ways. Screwing up my face at him I let out a whine and pressed myself closer to tou san. Hearing them chuckling at my expense I frowned at them and pouted which just served to amuse them more. What was I, a clone? bloody adults... I grumbled irritated inside. And at his next set of words my ears perked up.

"she will make a fine hime indeed"

I didn't know why I felt a weight settle onto my soul at these words. It felt familiar. It felt like …when I accepted the crown . Dread pooled in the pits of my stomach at this. 'Oh Morgana what have they gotten me into'... was the only