Saturday, April 18th
Lincoln (Narrating) "Lori and Leni dropped me off at school at 6:57 PM last evening for the lock-in party, and the minute I walked right through the door, I knew I made a super big mistake. It was like 99% young boys and 12% young girls. And even worse, CHANDLER was there.
I turned back to leave, but Ms. Johnson had already locked the door. so I was stuck there for the entire evening with the others.
I'm guessing that most of the young girls in Ms. Pham's class decided not to go to the lock-in party and the 1s who DID show up just didn't get the word in the nick of time.
I decided I was gonna need to make the best of it, and I walked right into the auditorium, where everybody was taking their belongings. The 1st thing I noticed that there was at least 1 single grownup for every single young boy and young girl, which wasn't really a super good situation for wild times.
Most of the chaperones were parents, but a few of them were teachers and other faculty members. but something told me the teachers and Principal Huggins were only there 'cause they never had 1 single choice.
I put my belongings right down on the auditorium stage, where all of the other young boys and young girls were sitting. Then I noticed that Chandler was there, so I moved my belongings to the other side of the auditorium stage.
I thought most of the young boys and young girls had already written off the entire night, 'cause just about everybody was playing with whatever electronic gadget they brought with them.
Lincoln: "Aw man, I didn't even THINK about bringing my portable video games, and I don't have a comic magazine or anything to entertain myself with!"
I asked Ms. Johnson what I could do around here.
Lincoln: "Hey, Ms. Johnson? is there anything I can do around here?"
Agnes Johnson: "Well, Lincoln, there's an activity center right in the corner for anybody who needs a fun relaxing break during the entire night."
I went over to the activity center, but all of the activities were just younger kid stuff.
I decided to just sit right down on my sleeping bag with my hands folded on my lap instead.
At 7:00 PM, the grownups said it was time for fun thrilled party games, but nobody else heard them because everybody else had headphones on their heads. Coach Pacowski said other people needed to be more social, so he confiscated all of the smartphones, music players and whatever young boys and young girls had and put them in a duffle bag.
Then we all sat right down in a super big circle right in the middle of the auditorium stage. Ms. Johnson said we were gonna play some ice breakers that would help all of us get to know 1 another better.
Agnes Johnson: "Tonight, we're gonna play some ice breakers that will help all of us get to know 1 another better."
But the truth is, all of us young boys and young girls know 1 another really well, 'cause we been together as always since our elementary School years back from when we lived in Royal Woods. In fact, I thought we knew 1 another a bit TOO often.
Ms. Johnson said we were gonna begin with something called the name game, where everybody goes around and gives themselves a nickname that begins with the exact same letter as their 1st name, like Sporty Shawn or Fast Freddie or something like that.
Ms. Johnson: "We're gonna begin with something called the name game, where everybody goes around and gives themselves a nickname that begins with the exact same letter as their 1st name.
The idea was that your nickname would say something about your true personality.
Chandler went 1st…..
Chandler: "Comic Chandler."
It was very confusing for me to try to come up with a super thrilling nickname, and my turn was coming up fast. I finally settled on Lookout Lincoln, which I know is a bit lame, but it was very hard to think about a decent nickname that begins with the letter L."
I guess Sid Chang was having the exact same problem as me.
Sid: "Secret Sid."
Lincoln: "I can't use the exact same word as Sid, it just doesn't make any sense at all."
And so I sat there for a little while trying to think about some L words, but everybody was staring at me and my mind just went blank.
Then Ms. Pham chimed in and she gave me a wonderful idea.
Miss Pham: "How 'bout lucky?"
Lincoln: "That's it! Lucky Lincoln."
Everybody seemed real proud with that, even though I'm a super lucky person, and it makes you wonder about our education system, especially since Ms. Pham's the science teacher.
I knew Lucky Lincoln was a super GOOD nickname, and I never gave it up.
So right now I was sticking with a super good nickname for the rest of the entire night, and probably 'til I go off to Great Lakes City Community College.
Right after that, we played a super fun thrilled game called 'I Never Told Anybody This Before', where we had to tell everybody 1 secret. Mr. Bolhofner said the game would help all of us bond with 1 another, but I think the REAL purpose was to let the chaperones know who the trouble makers were.
Zach: "I was the 1 who spray painted graffiti art on the front of the entire school!"
My theory was proven right later on when Zach Gurdle went right down the hallway to the young men's washroom and Coach Pacowski followed him.
Coach Keck: "Subject approaching, the corridor 3: young men's washroom."
We played a few more ice breakers, but nobody could concentrate, 'cause every single 5 minutes, 1 of the smartphones in the electronics bag would begin buzzing or ringing. then Coach Keck would fish right through the bag and try to find the smartphone that was ringing so he could turn it off.
Unfortunately, he just gave up and locked the bag in the teachers' lounge. Right after the games were over, we had a 27 minute rest break right before our next activity. a few of us had brought snack foods, but there was a strict no snack food policy, and we had to eat them under cover.
Ms. Johnson and the others seemed to know EXACTLY who had the snack foods, and they confiscated about 97% of them. Ms. Pham even found my gummy bears, which were hidden in my pillow case.
We finally realized that 2 peculiar critters was ratting us out. It was Rocky and Rusty, and they were being paid off with the snack foods the grownups collected.
The only young boy who still had snack foods was Casey, who had a big bag of twisted cheese puffs. I think Casey knew it was just a matter of time right before he was caught, so he locked himself in the young men's washroom and tried to enjoy his snack foods. but the grownups figured out what was going on around here, and Casey panicked and got rid of the evidence.
Gladys Pham: "We know you're in there, Casey!"
Right after our relaxing break, we got back right into the circle, and Ms. Johnson told us we were gonna play a fun thrilled game called guess who? then she split all of us up into 10 different teams. I was on team 5 with Clyde, Rocky, Rusty, Ronnie Anne and Sid.
Lincoln: "I'm just lucky I don't need to be on the exact same team as Chandler, because that would be super crazy."
So here's exactly how the game worked: Every single team had to go into another room and take a photo of 1 of its members. but the photograph had to be a close-up, like of a left or right ear or a nose or left or right arm or something like that. then every single team would bring their photograph to the library room, and the other teams would need to guess who was in the photograph.
Agnes Johnson: "The winning team will get free good ice cream bars from the freezer in the school cafeteria kitchen."
I gotta admit, it sounded like a super fun exciting game. but when she handed out the cameras, there was practically a riot, ever since it had been almost 6 hours since any of us had access to any kind of technology.
Then we found out they were those old-fashioned instant cameras that develop your photographs right away, and everybody was a bit disappointed, because those kinds don't have a screen or anything on them.
Our team went right down to the science room where we could take our photo in private. the 1st thing we had to do was figure out who was gonna be in the photo.
Sid said we should take a photo of her sparkling bellybutton gem. but everybody thought that would be way too obvious 'cause she's got a shiny sparkling bellybutton, and all of the other teams would know EXACTLY who it was.
Rocky: "I'm not really sure about this 1."
We tried taking photographs of different young boys and young girls in our group, but most of them were way too obvious.
Ronnie Anne wanted the photograph to be of her, but her right arm's super powerful. we took a photo of Rusty's back, but we caught 1 of the team 6 members spying on us and we had to pick somebody on our team.
Sid: "Hey, you, no peeking!"
We took an entire bunch of photographs of Rocky, but the best 1 was of his right elbow.
Rocky: "Yeah, alright! you go, dudes!"
You couldn't even tell what the photograph was of, so that's the 1 we went with.
When all of the teams got back together as always in the library room, we put our photograph up on the wall with everybody's. and just as soon as we saw the other photographs, we knew we were gonna win the entire game.
Some of the photos were so easy to identify that it was actually kind of crazy. in fact, don't ask me what the other people on Chandler's team were thinking.
We were willing to get on with the guessing part of the game, since we knew nobody would be able to figure out who was in our photograph. but Coach Pacowski just stood there looking at our photograph.
Coach Pacowski: "I wonder who's in this photograph."
Then Coach Pacowski said that he didn't appreciate team 5's juvenile stunt, and that we were disqualified from the competition.
We all looked at 1 another trying to figure out what the heck Coach Pacowski was speaking about. But Ms. Johnson was angry and upset about it as well too.
Agnes Johnson: "It's completely inappropriate to take a photo of somebody else's posterior.
Nobody on my team knew what posterior meant, but luckily we were in the library room, so we looked it up in the dictionary. and you'll never believe this, but it means behind. In fact, we found out that there are about a million OTHER words for behind too.
Lincoln, Clyde, Ronnie Anne, Sid, Rocky and Rusty: [Laughing Wildly]
But the other teachers were angry and upset about it. they actually thought we took a photo of somebody's behind, and I guess if you held the photo at 1 certain angle, you could see how a young person could make 1 single mistake like that.
Coach Keck said he was gonna call our parents and tell them to come take 1 of us home, and he said that the young boy whose behind was in the photograph was gonna be in SUPER big trouble.
I knew that if Coach Keck called my parents at 11:09 at night time, they weren't gonna be thrilled about it, and I could tell a lot of the other young boys on my team were thinking the exact same thing. Then Sid made a run for it, which kind of put everybody into a state of panic.
So the rest of us ran for it too.
Coach Keck: "Hey, come back here!"
It was every single young man for himself, and I ended up hiding in the creative arts room with Clyde. we turned the lights off so that nobody would come looking for us in there.
Clyde was really terrified that the teachers were gonna do a behind line up to try and match the photograph to the right young boy. but I told Clyde he didn't have anything to worry about 'cause he pulls his pants all the way down when he uses the urinal, so everybody already knows what his behind really looks like.
Me and Clyde were in the creative arts room for a super long time, but we were finally caught by a couple of teachers who used Casey to sneak us out.
The chaperones brought all of us down to the library room where all of the other team 5 members were already rounded up.
Well, everybody else except for Rocky, who for all I know is still hiding behind the soda pop machine on the 2nd floor.
Clyde told Coach Keck that the photograph was of his right elbow, but I don't think Coach Keck would've believed in him.
Right after Coach Keck looked right at the photograph and Clyde's right elbow a few more times, he said he made a super big misunderstanding and that any reasonable person would've done the exact same thing. It seemed like a pretty crazy apology to me, but I was just super lucky he wasn't still thinking about calling our parents.
Right after that, the fun thrilled party games were over, and the grownups said it was time for us to turn in for the entire evening. I thought everybody who went to the lock-in party was planning on staying up all night long, but at this point, I was super lucky to go right to sleep if it meant the entire night might go by faster.
I went back to the auditorium to get right into my sleeping bag, which was parked right next to Ronnie Anne and Sid's, which isn't really bad looking.
but the grownups said the young girls needed to take their stuff and move right down the hallway to the library room and the young boys had to stay in the auditorium.
I was just hoping I could get some beauty sleep, but a lot of the young boys and young girls began horsing around, and it was impossible for me to fall asleep.
At 1 point Sid began chasing other people around with her shiny sparkling bellybutton, which was very disturbing.
Other Middle School Students: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH
See? this is the kind of thing I can't stand about young boys and young girls my age. when it gets right down to it, they're just like an entire bunch of wild critters at the zoo.
When Sid began chasing other people around, I excused myself to go to the young men's washroom so I could brush my teeth. the young men's restroom was in the back of the auditorium, and the lights were off, so it was super dark back there.
I heard this crazy sound, and I got a bit freaked out for 1 2nd, 'cause our school has a problem with city rats. but it turned out to just be 1 of my sisters, Lynn playing by herself in the ball pit.
Lynn: [Chuckling A Bit]
Around midnight, Principal Huggins told everybody to get right into their sleeping bags and settle down. then he said there was no speaking, whistling or laughing for the rest of the entire evening and he didn't wanna hear 1 single peep outta anybody.
Every single once in a while, somebody would cut the cheese, and that made Principal Huggins angry, upset and annoyed 'cause he couldn't figure out who was doing it.
Right after what just happened earlier with the photographs, I think the grownups were just really sensitive about anything having to do with behinds.
Rocky: [Farts A Bit]
Clyde: [Laughs A Bit]
Wilbur Huggins: "I heard that, young man."
Principal Huggins said that if anybody needed to pass gas, they had to go right behind the auditorium stage curtain to do it.
So then a lot of the young boys began taking turns telling Principal Huggins that they needed to go right behind the stage curtain, and they would make the most obnoxious sound you could ever imagine.
That went on for quite a while, and it kind of reached its peak when Rocky went right down to the music room and brought back a tuba.
I don't know if it was a coincidence or not, but right about that time the heat went off in the auditorium.
In fact, I think somebody turned the air conditioner on. all I know is that everybody stayed right in their sleeping bags right after that.
Right after a little while, Principal Huggins fell asleep, but all of the young boys were still awake. Some of them were saying this was exactly like a prison house, and other people were speaking about busting outta there and going back home to our separate apartments.
The exact problem was that all of the exits were padlocked. I guess we should've known what we were getting into when they called this thing a lock-in party.
Zach said he'd seen a movie where some guy busted outta prison with a wooden spoon, and a lot of other people got pretty excited about that idea.
But it turns out that was just a bunch of Hollywood baloney, 'cause we got some wooden spoons from the school cafeteria kitchen and we couldn't even make 1 single hole in the linoleum floor.
At about 1:39 AM, somebody noticed flashing lights coming right from outside, so we all went to the back of the auditorium to see what was going on around here.
There was a young man from the tow truck company, and he was walking around Principal Huggins's car, which was parked right in a handicapped parking lot.
We tried getting the towing man's attention so he could break us outta the school.
But the young man never heard us, and he towed Principal Huggins's car. I thought about waking Principal Huggins up to tell him, but I figured we should just let him get his beauty sleep.
By this time it was super cold in the auditorium that us young boys packed ourselves together as always like sardines to preserve body heat.
I figured it was probably nice and toasty in the library media room, and I was seriously thinking about going back there and joining the young girls.
But I figured I would get caught and I would just be back to where I began.
I think I probably fell asleep around 2:36 PM. Then at 3:01 PM there was a pounding on the back door that woke everybody up. Principal Huggins unlocked the door, and there was an entire bunch of angry and upset parents standing outside.
Apparently, they'd been trying to call their sons and daughters to make sure everything was alright, but the young boys and young girls weren't answering, 'cause Coach Keck took everybody's smartphones. so then the parents called 1 another and everybody got right into a state of panic.
To make a very long story short, the parents who came to the school took their sons and daughters home with them. and that left the only 2 young boys who didn't have their smart phones: me and Clyde. so that was super crazy.
Something tells me that this entire lock-in party idea was just a scheme set up by the parents and teachers to turn us young boys and young girls off to young boy to young girl parties. and if that's really true, then mission completed.
End of narration sequence…..