Disclaimer: I don't own Nothing
Pairings: Seifer/Zell
Warnings: Angst, male/male pairing
Summary: Seifer has come to terms with his feelings for a certain martial artist, But how will Zell react when he finds out?
Title: My Chicken-wuss
A/N: Hey so my previous account I got locked out of SeiferAlmasysLover86, So I had to make a new account. Then, as I thought, I'm gonna be redoing some of my stories, starting with Making A Confession. I was gonna do a sequel bu then decided to just redo the whole story entirely. But Its been what, five years. Its be a while. Well, I hope you'll enjoy.
It had been about six months since the war had ended, and Seifer being brought back to Garden. In that time, however, he had been mostly keeping to himself. Although, he will say he had gotten closer to Squall and the others in the short amount of time he'd been back in Garden.
He was honestly glad to be back, though he hadn't outright said it. It was a shock when Squall had came and searched him out. He couldn't say he had been doing all that well up until Squall sought him out, asking him to come back. He'd been living in a not so great area in a dingy little apartment in Deling city, people often wanting nothing to do with him and often treated him like shit. So, honestly, he had been keeping a low profile up until he came back. Even still, he had still mostly kept to himself, save from the few people at Garden. Squall, Quistis, Selphie, Irvine and Zell…
Zell…
Now, that was a name that was constantly on his mind. He really didn't know when his feelings became more for the other man, other than the teasing and bullshit he's put him through over the years. If he had to wager a guess, he's suppose it was soon before the war ended. He hadn't fully understood his feelings at first, thinking that there was not way in hell that he was having these kinds of feelings for another man, especially, that man being Zell Dincht, whom he'd he'd constantly pick on and tease relentlessly. His teasing had stopped for the most partt though, and they had grown closer.
He had never brought up his feelings with him; he couldn't...what would he say?
'Hey, Zell, just wanted to say that I have the hots for you.'
Seifer shook his head at his thoughts. Yeah, that'd go over real well. After he regained contiousness from the blow he was sure he'd get for that little comment, he'd lose what friendship he had with the other man and he didn't want that to happen. He cherished the closeness he had with the other man. Not only that, but he was thankful for the few friends he did have. And what would they think finding out the great Seifer Almasy liking men? He was already hated by many anyway, he didn't want the few who seem to tolerate his existence, hate him, too.
So, as it stands, he just keeps his feelings to himself, opting instead to just pine away for the overly hyper male in secret, hoping these stupid fucked up feelings would just go the fuck away, but, as he already knew, those hopes were in vain.
"Hey, Seifer," a blonde woman said, coming to stand sit next to him in the grass just outside of Garden, which was parked for the rest of today.
He just looked over to her, a little surprised by the sudden interruption from his musings. The blond just nodded to her, not trust his voice to speak.
"How are you? I haven't see you much lately." Quistis said, eyeing the tall man with what he thought to be a concerned look.
He shrugged his broad shoulders. It was true; the last week or so he had barely left his room, instead only leaving when he had to. He hadn't wanted to associate lately. He really wanted to just be left alone, but knew this question would come up eventually. He knew he hadn't been himself since he'd gotten back, but lately it had just gotten worse. He had just closed himself off from everything, especially his feelings. He didn't want to deal with any of it.
"Seifer?"
The handsome man blinked, having forgotten the woman was even there and decided to say, "Sorry. What were you saying?"
"I just said we haven't seen you around much lately. Any reason?"
'Just leave me alone.'"Not really," he decided to say instead of voicing his other thought. "Just been tired." That was partly true at least.
"Hmm." The elegant woman gave him a quizzical look, as if saying she didn't believe him. "You know," she started. "I think you need to get out some more. It's not good for you to stay cooped up all the time.
He mentally rolled his eyes.
"Look, I know that it hasn't been easy for you to be back here, but you can't just stay in your room all the time, Seifer."
"Says who?" He raised his eyebrow. "I think I've been doing a pretty good job of it so far." He briefly wondered if he could make an escape. He really didn't wanna sit here and listen to this anymore. 'Nah..this is Quistis.' The gunblader gave a mental scoff.
"Seifer…"
"Look, I'm fine instructor," Seifer said, not even looking in her direction, instead amusing himself by playing with a few rocks on the ground by his feet, trying blatantly to ignore her presence. He didn't need this on top of everything else. Couldn't she see that he just wanted to be left alone? That's how he always was; always by himself, not really wanting people to get too close to him. Instead, often handling things on his own, and the was no exception. He'd prefer it that way. Nobody needed to know shit about him. It wasn't their business anyway.
She just shook her head, a frown adorning her beautiful face as she watched him for several silent moments. She wish he'd just open up to the people around him. He shouldn't keep everything to him.
"What?" The man frowned, hating to be stared at. 'Why the hell is she starring at me like that?'
"Nothing," she waved a perfectly manicured hand. "Just thinking. When was the last time you went out anywhere?"
"Does it matter?" He didn't really liked to go out much. It suits him just fine staying inside his room. Thank you very much.
A sigh was the response given to his question, him being rather difficult. "Well," the blonde woman began, "Would you like to come out with me and Selphie tonight? We were going to go to the new place that recently just opened up in Balamb."
He stared at her for a moment, honestly considering it. "Would that be such a good idea?" He knew there was bad blood everywhere he went, and Balamb was on that list too. He'd really rather avoid going anywhere and getting into another fight.
He had gotten into quite a few fight over the months before his return to Garden, and his still had some of the scars from some of those fights to prove it. He knew he could more than hold his own in a fight; he could take care of himself pretty well on his own. But, he just didn't have much left in him anymore. He lost count on the number of fights others have instigated because of his mere presence. He was just...tired. That was one reason he didn't like going out. He knew people hated him and wanted him dead. He wasn't to keen on getting into another fight. Luckily, since he'd been back, he hadn't gotten into any fights.
He had changed quite considerably since the war. He had become an introvert and a loner, much like Leonhart. He scoffed at his thoughts. 'Great, just like puberty boy. Can it get any better?'
Damn, also another little trait he'd picked up from said man, all these musing and inner monologues he'd have. He really didn't relish the idea of becoming like Squall. He scowled to himself, unaware of the other presence right beside him, looking at him with a questioning look.
"Are you ok?"
"Fine," he grunted, not willing to elaborate on that.
"Well, I still say you should come with us. It'll be fun," she tried again, hoping that he'd agree.
"I'd rather not…"
"Why?"
"I don't know if you've noticed, Quistis, but I'm not exactly welcome most places right now."
She sighed, knowing he was right. "I know. But.."
He ran a hand through his slicked back golden blond hair, sighing. He decided to lay back on the grass, relishing in the feel of the warm sun beating down on his face, "Maybe some other time." He gave a slight smile to her, hoping that she'd leave well enough alone for now. He just wanted to be alone right, left to himself to think.
She looked like she wanted to argue with him on that, but to his relief, she let the matter drop with a nod of her head.
"I'm gonna head off now." Standing up, he dusted himself off and marched off before she could say anything else.
He decided that he had spent a sufficient amount of time in his room and decided that he needed to stop thinking so much, so he grabbed his gunblade and headed towards the training center for a little time away from his head.
"Seifer?"
"Squall."
"Where you headed?"
"Where's it look like I'm going?"
Said man narrowed his eyes. "You've been acting odd lately?"
"Odd?" Seifer echoed. "The hell's that suppose to mean? You tryin' to say something, Leonhart?"
The smaller of the two shook his head and corrected himself. "I mean, you haven't been yourself lately. I know I'm the best person to talk too.." He trailed off with a shrug, not one for being great with words.
"Aw, is Squally worried about me?" Seifer chuckled, finding it rather easy to goad the boy. It was one thing he never grew tired off; pissing Squall off.
Cue the expected glare. ""Hardly. Just something I've noticed." Squall shrugged his lean shoulders.
"Well, I'm fine."
"Whatever."
They were silent for a few moment, both having different thoughts playing around in their heads.
"Would you like to spar?" Squall's sudden question startled Seifer and he cocked his head to the side waiting for a response.
"Uh, Sure...but why?" Not that it was unusual. They just haven't done so in a while, so it was confusing with the abruptness with which Leanhart said it.
Another shrug. "We haven't really had the chance."
"Alright." He decided that he didn't care for the reason. It was better than fighting grats anyway.
They made their way to the training center in silence, neither needing to say anything to the other. Seifer liked the brunets quiet nature, especially because he didn't feel much for a conversation anyway. He had expected to go to the training center himself, but was secretly happy that he ran into Squall. Training with the other gunblader was something he rather enjoyed.
"So,I heard Quistis asked you to hang out," the brunet casually stated.
"Yeah.." Seifer wondered why he brought that up. "Decided not to go." The had reached the training center by this point.
"Why?"
"Squall, have you forgotten that I'm not welcome most places?" He was growing sick of repeating him. He figured if anyone understood, It would have been the quiet Commander.
"No, but I don't see what the problem is." He took a fighting stance.
"No, you wouldn't, would you?" He quirked a brow, wondering why they were even having this ridiculous conversation.
"What's that suppose to mean?"
"You wouldn't understand, just like I said."
Squall narrowed his eyes, watching as the other male got into the ready. "Hey.."
"That's enough conversation," Seifer decided, charging at the unsuspecting brunet, who just barely managed to avoid the slash.
'Hey!" Retaliating with a slash of his own, Seifer managed to parry the attack with his own blade, knocking Squall back a couple of steps.
"Don't let your guard down, Squally boy."
"Bastard,' Squall glared.
They both continued to lose themselves in the heat of the spar, Block after block, attacking each other
Seifer enjoyed this more than he would admit to, finding this was a decent distraction from what's been going on with him, and the constant thoughts that plagued his mind ever day and night. He needed this. But he knew it wouldn't last long long, Pretty soon their spar would end and Squall would go back to to his room and he'd just be left with his thought again. Thoughts that'd he'd really rather not think about. Thoughts about himself and other things that he didn't want to think about.
"You alright?"
Seifer snapped back to himself, just now realizing where his mind wondered to, and mentally cursing himself for it. Won't it ever stop? Stop hurting so much? Stop thinking so much? It did nothing but him angry and sad, though he'd never admit any of that to anyone. He hated thinking so much about shit he couldn't change.
"Yeah." He waved a hand as if it was nothing.
Squall eyed him for a moment then nodded. "Okay, well, I'm gonna head to my room." He began to walk off and noticed Seifer staring off, wondering what could be on his rivals mind. "You coming?"
"Huh?" Seifer blinked, realizing Squall was talking to him. "Oh...nah, I'm gonna hang here for a bit. You know, catch up on some more of my training."
The other male in the area gave him a questioning look, but decided to shrug, figuring if Seifer wanted to talk about what was on his mind, he would, and deciding to head off. He needed a shower anyway.
Seifer watched him go and sighed to himself quietly. And again he was left with his own thoughts. He decided to just go to the secret area and just relax. He didn't feel up to going back to his room yet, and it was quiet in here anyway, with him being the only one in here. He would find himself frequenting the spot when he was not in his room. He just wished his mind would stop wondering to certain things that he'd really rather they didn't. One being his stupid unrequited feelings towards Dincht.
That'd probably the most frequent thought about subject.
He sat down and leaned back, stretching his longs legs while sighing to himself again.
He would have took Quistis up on her offer, but he didn't really want to. He'd thought about going out before, but knew with all the hostility towards him, it would be better if he just stayed inside and keep to himself. Not to say he was scared of any of those people, but he'd really rather just not get into it. The last thing he needed on top of everything else, was to get into it with some people who hate him.
He didn't realize how late it was getting.
"Seifer? What are you doing here, man?"
Seifer's heart sped up a little and he snapped his head over to one of the objects of his thoughts. "Nothing. Just lost track of time." Then he asked, "what are you doing here?"
"Couldn't sleep." Zell shrugged.
"Oh." And the winner of intelligent replies.
"Yeah.." Zell eyed him for a moment, feeling familiar feelings in the pit of his stomach, not really sure what they were or why they dared to come up every time he was around the taller blond. "So, why didn't you go out with Quistis and Selphie? I heard that she asked you."
"Come on, chicken-wuss," Seifer waved his hand. "You know why."
"Don't call me that, And no, I don't know why."
"Serously? Look around Dincht. I'm not exactly the most popular guy around."
Zell thought for a moment, and silently agreed that Seifer wasn't exactly well liked among most people these days. With him being the ex sorceress night, Zell knew there were still lots of bad blood with a lot of people. Zell was one of the very few that had forgiven him for what has happened, and they'd even grown a little closer these days, which was nice, the martial artist admitted to himself.
"What?" Seifer crossed his arms over his chest, suddenly feeling exposed by the youngers' intent stare.
He shook his head. "It's nothing."
Seifer didn't believe it was nothing, and gave him a look, wondering why the other was looking at him in such a way, making him feel scrutinized. "Out with it chicken-wuss."
"Must you egg me on?" The younger blond asked with a hint of annoyance in his voice.
"It's what I do."
"Bastard." Zell rolled his eyes.
"Short ass."
"Asshole"
"Chicken-wuss."
The younger of the two sighed. Wondering why he was still here with the other man, rationalizing that he'd lost his mind. He didn't know why he felt closer to Seifer, just that they got along better, which surprised him, but in a good way. He could actually have conversations with him that didn't result in punches being thrown. He just felt...like he bonded with him more. He himself wasn't the close to very many people. And he knew Seifer had been keeping to himself lately.
Seifer's thoughts were pretty similar to Zell's own thoughts, neither realizing it. He wondered why Zell was still here, or what he was thinking—he did like the company of the other man though, but he wasn't about to admit that out loud. Nah, his thoughts were just fine where they were.
"Zell?"
At the sound of his own name, Zelll looked up into Seifer's eyes. "It's not very often I hear my name from you," he said quietly, but Seifer heard him anyway.
"Don't get use to it." Seifer was feeling a little overwhelmed by the object of his thoughts, and briefly wondered why he does this to himself. Harboring unrequited feelings for someone was a bitch, Seifer concluded in his mind, But at the same time, he couldn't change how he felt either. Seifer cocked his head at the other, so many feelings and emotion swirling around inside his head, clenching and unclenching his fists as he tried to fight off these damn thoughts in his head.
He hadn't even realized his was doing it, or that he took an unconscious step forward.
"You okay?" Zell asked, seeing the actions with his fists and wondered what was on the mans mind, as he looked to be having an inner struggle with himself.
'"Fine." Seifer breathed out the word, wondering to himself how much longer he could keep this up. His feelings were beginning to be too much at times already but, with said person standing right in front of him, it became much harder to contain these feelings, and had a fleeting thought what Zell would do if he just wrapped his arms around him and kissed him. It was becoming harder for him to resist, and he knew it, too.
"You sure? Look, I know we haven't always been the best of friends, but you can talk to me if you want."
The genuine concern shown in Zell's eyes made him pause for a second, heart beating a little faster than normal. Was he really concerned? He can't remember a time when someone showed him concern like that before, and that fact that it was Zell… well, it made him feel these weird stupid butterflies in his stomach. How'd they get there?
"Yeah. I'm fine, Zell."\\
The second time in as many minutes the taller man used his name, which made the shorter man stare at him for a long moment.
"Oh, don't look at me like that. Do you know what that does to me?'
Seifer?" that snapped him out of his thoughts. "Man, what is with you lately?" He took a step closer and leaned in, trying to see if something was wrong with him.
"I—" Seifer stopped himself, realizing just how close Zell was. His breath quickened a little and he could feel the last remaining threads of his resistance snap He didn't know how much longer he'd be able to not pull him to himself and just kiss those pout lips, that looked to begging to be kissed right now.
"What is it?" The martial artist furrowed his brows, leaning just that much longer.
'Fuck it," Seifer thought, finding the last remains of his resistance snap at once. Reaching out, he snagged the younger by the waist and closed the remaining distance between himself and Zell, claiming his lips in a soft kiss.
Zell's eyes went wide and he gasped, letting Seifer slip his tongue inside his mouth. Without thinking, he wrapped his arms around the tallers shoulders, letting his eyes fall closed, sinking into the kiss Seifer gave him.
When it was apparent Zell wasn't going to push him away, he deepened the kissing, feeling things he'd never felt before. He'd imagined the scenario hundreds of times, but they all paled in comparison to this. He reached one hand up to the side of Zell's face, softly caressing it as he enjoyed the kiss.
Zell still couldn't believe what was happening, or why he wasn't pulling away. This was Seifer he was kissing. Did he like him? This kiss was unlike any others he'd had before; so powerful, full of raw emotion, yet soft and sweet. It said everything that needed to be said. When he felt a hand move and grab his ass, he knew it was time to pull away from the kiss,
"What the-I mean, dude,-" Zell tried to find the words but he was too stunned.
"Well, that's more than I expected anyway," Seifer sighed and ran a hand through his hair.
"Why'd you kiss me?"
"I'd think that's obvious," Seifer said, crossing his muscular arms over his well built chest. Then sighing he said, "I like you."
Zell wasn't sure how to feel about this current revelation. It was all happening so fast. His head was spinning and he couldn't keep track of his own thoughts right now. "Well, you can't just kiss me and expect me to not be confused."
"I know."
"I mean, you hate me…"
"Never hated you," was the quiet reply.
Zell supposed he never hated the other man either. Just hated the things he would. Actually in some ways he'd always admired the other man. And this new Seifer was completely different than how he use to be. He was just—he didn't have the right words to describe how he felt. It was a good feeling though, he decided.
"You're just-"
"Just what?"
"So unseifer like.
"Well, you didn't like how I was before."
"How long have you felt this way?" Zell decided to ask. He had a feeling it wasn't just recent.
"Since just before the war ended…" Seifer
Now that did surprise Zell. He'd felt that way this whole time and never mentioned anything? "Why didn't you say something before?"
"Really? How would that have turned out, Zell?" Seifer wasn't sure where this conversation was headed, but the reality sunk and he realized he'd just kissed Zell. Why had he done that anyway? He was just waiting for Zell to reject him, which he knew was gonna happen. He couldn't believe he'd let his emotions get the better of him and made a mistake.
He thought about it, the said, "yeah." It was true too. He probably punched him for it. But they'd changed over these months and he wasn't the same he was back then.
"Look," Seifer started, "I know I just fucked up what friendship you and I have but I-"
"Whoa! Wait a minute. Why would you think that?" He was honestly curious. Why the hell had that thought even crossed his mind?
Seifer frowned. "Because—I doubt after…. this you'll wanna be around me anymore and start avoiding me." That thought hurt Seifer more than he was willing to admit.
"Why the hell would I do that? Seifer, you don't think much of me, do you?" Zell cocked his head, giving him a look that made Seifer stare.
"What-?"
"Listen, I don't know how I feel about all this." He sighed and grunted to himself, unsure of where he wanted to go with this, but knew something needed to be said. "But, I also wouldn't avoid you either, asshole." He socffed.
Seifer let a smile grace his handsome face. He took a step closer.
"But I know that I enjoyed it." At this Dnicht blushed. He wasn't lying either. That kiss had left him feeling things, things he couldn't really describe, but he knew they were pleasant feelings. And he found himself wanting more.
Seifer's smile grew wider as he closed the rest of the distance between them and claimed his lips once again. This time it was a little less unsure and more of a desire that'd been bottled up for so long. He cupped Zell's cheek and pulled him closer.
Zell opened his mouth to deepen the kiss, allowing the other to slip his tongue inside his warm, wet mouth. He ran his fingers through Seifer hair and moaned when that tongue did amazing things inside his mouth.
Who knew Seifer could kiss like that?!
When Seifer felt the other moan, he smiled into the kiss. The kiss felt amazing. And the hands through his hair had him a little weak. He found himself groaning at the feeling of Zell's hands on him. No one had ever kissed him like Zell was right now. With all his kisses being with girls, this was a new experience. He wasn't used to the opposing pressure of another's tongue like the young man in front of him.
He was always the one taking the lead. So it was nice and the fight for the dominant tongue was a pleasant feeling.
Seifer tightened his hold around the other, not wanting to let go.
All too soon the kiss broke and they were both panting from the heated exchange. Seifer laid his head on the others shoulder, still reeling from the kiss.
Zell sighed and also felt a familiar tingling feeling in his lower regions and blushed.
Seifer noticed and chuckled, even though he was in the same predicament. "Liked that kiss, did you?"
"Heh, cocky bastard," was the instant retort.
"After that, don't you think I have the right to be?"
"No," Zell said. "Now, shut the fuck up and kiss me again, or I'll punch you."
Seifer wasn't going to argue with that and, for once, did as he was told.
A/N: Oh my, this was longer than I thought it was going to be. Well after a five year break I'm finally back. Please read and review. Lemme know what you think!