Moonpie

by Mr. Aanonymous

Family, Duty, Honor. Those are the values of a queen, and our only friends. In Mewni every decision made must come from the queen. Like a hive. And like in a hive, the queen must be seen as perfect or she'll be deposed. But that's hard when your family is a pair of golden morons, your people are lazy bums, and your advisers see you as a mouth piece. Who can help? Beta requested.

Moonpie

Chapter 1- Home

"Finally, I'm done."

Queen Moon sighed, putting the final loop on her signature at the bottom of the document. Leaning back into her royal office chair, Moon looked down at the 'out' bin that held all of the documents she had read through and signed that day. Moon imagined setting the stack down on the floor and wouldn't be surprised if it rose up to her knee, even wearing her royal boots. Leaning back even more into the chair, Moon felt her writing hand clinch into a cramp. Taking a deep breath, Moon clamped her hand into a fist, smiling at the feel and sound of the feather quill pen crushing in her grip.

"Queen Moon." The Butterfly matriarch's eyes almost shot out of her head as she heard her name announced through the door to her office. "Queen Moon, are you still there?"

"Yes, yes I'm here." Moon sighed, relaxing back into the chair for a moment before straightening herself up, her posture perfect and stiff as a board. Remembering the broken quill pen in her hand, Moon flicked the pieces away with one final smile before correcting herself back into a perfect blank mask. "You may enter."

"Ah, Queen Moon." Manfred announced as he entered the Royal solar. "I'm glad I caught you."

Manfred Roach was a man that lived up to his name, at least physically. He was on the short side, brown bug eyes that matched his matted mud-like hair, a round belly that hung over and hid his belt under its girth, pink puffy lips, all of his limbs, legs or arms, just looked like sausages wrapped in linen, even his fingers. All of that with a nose that looked like it belonged to a swamp beast missing a horn tying it all together. Looking at the small waspish man, Moon could only think that no matter how well he dressed and groomed himself, Manfred would always look like an artists first failure at trying to create a sculpture.

Of course none of that ever impeded Manfred's ability as the royal high steward. If anything it actually aided him in his duties. Moon could remember plenty of times where the slow palace bureaucracy was hastened by the man's simple appearance in a room. The queen of the kingdom always had her paperwork readily on hand, whether or not anyone liked it. Especially the queen herself. Very similar to now, as the royal high steward walked over to Moon's desk, a large stack of papers in hand and dropped it dead center on the 'in' bin across from its 'out' box counterpart.

"I have the documents for Cobbsday." Manfred said, taking a step back from desk. The queen looked down at the new stack of papers and seeing how it was even larger than the mountain of paper she had just completed. Moon did her best not to let her desire to scream and rip apart the stack with her bear hands show. "I'm glad I caught you before you left. There are some signatures and approvals that need your attention before tomorrow."

"Wha-I." Moon glared down at the new stack before turning her gaze to the clock on her desk, next to a framed group picture of her and her family. Seeing how late it had become, Moon closed her eyes as she stood up, not allowing her annoyance and contempt for either stack show. "Manfred, I am not doing another pile tonight. Just take what I did for huskday and go."

"Oh, its not those papers my queen." Manfred announced, shaking his head at the parchments he had brought in. Instead he pulled out a clipboard from under his arm. "Its these."

"What are they?" Moon asked, sheer defeat in her voice.

"Its time for the annual visit from Clan Moth. Their representatives have sent a list of requirements for the meeting." Manfred explained, calmly shifting through the lavender colored documents. "Nothing too out of the ordinary. Amount of bunting, seating of guests, and the joint chanting of the celebratory creed of the family's and kingdom's victory over the savage monsters."

"So the same as last time then."

Moon rolled her eyes as she stepped around her desk and Manfred before walking out to the hall. Turning a corner and through an archway past her royal knights acting as the guards for the floor, Moon could hear the royal high steward already squawking even more about pointless documents, forms, and other mind melting wastes of paper. The more he prattled on the more effort had to put in not to scream. Finally making it to the flight of stairs, Moon almost sighed in relief as she saw the exquisitely carved door to her royal bed chamber. Of course that quiet moment of relief quickly died when they made it about half way up the stairs, as Moon had to actually restrain herself from turning around and strangling her loyal steward when she heard the words 'in triplicate'.

"Manfred, those forms are the same every year. They haven't changed since I became queen." Moon announced, interrupting the royal steward. The queen had tried to retain her practiced calm mask, but she could tell by the look on his face that Manfred knew exactly how close the very powerful mage was to losing her patience. "You know my signature, you know the traditions. You have my permission to sign them for me."

"My queen, are you-"

"I am finished with paperwork tonight." Moon waved a hand, dismissing her steward. "Just go."

The queen didn't wait for her steward's parroted courtesies as she all but raced up the stairs to her room, but remembering the rare look of fear her short outburst gave him on his otherwise calm unflappable face, Moon turned around, hoping to see it one last time before. But she was surprised to find he was already gone and out of sight from the short time it took her to climb the stairs. It didn't take long to find him, Moon heard him before she saw Manfred just around the corner mumbling to someone. Peaking over, Moon saw Manfred gossiping with a serving girl, the clipboard tucked under his arm. Disappointed, Moon sighed as she went into her room.

As soon as she heard the door click shut, Moon leaned back into the carved hard wood and with her eyes closed she groaned, feeling the stress of the day cringe inside her body. No more so than her hands, chest, and the splitting headache that she'd been forced to deal with for the last part of her day. The unending hours of micromanaging her staff, the pampering to her nobles, the lip service to her commoners, and of course the endless games of protocol and negotiation to her fellow royals from the neighboring kingdoms. All of it. All of it made Moon feel like collapsing into a puddle, if not ripping things apart with one hand as she blasted the rest with the other.

Opening her eyes, Moon saw the portraits of her family. The warm memories of her time with her husband and daughter. As well as the short time she spent with her mother as a child. That combined with arm chairs, couch, and wardrobe next to the bookcase filled with her favorite novels. Each and everything in that room belonged to her. Not by others that she had to appease. All of it lazily organized and hand picked by Moon herself. Not as a mother. Not as a wife. Not even as a queen. But as herself. As Moon Butterfly.

Taking a deep breath, Moon could smell the familiar scent of the barely organized bed sheets, the mountain of pillows, and of course the centuries old mattress calling her name. Her legs all but collapsing from just the thought of relaxing sleep just a few feet away, Moon waddled over to her bed, unstrapping her large bell shaped dress. Revealing her trim riding pants underneath. Making it to the foot of her bed, Moon pulled out the pin keeping her hair in its stiff and confining heart shaped bun, she felt a shiver of relief as her blue locks fell down her back. Moon smiled as she dropped onto the bed, happily feeling herself sink into the magically enchanted material.

"Y-yeah, yeah I'm done."

Moon groaned face down in the mattress, her words muffled by the soft material. This, this right here was the best part of her day. The one part of the day she had to herself. No responsibilities. No duties. No keeping up appearances. Nothing but her and a soft bed. A bed that Moon, a powerful and veteran mage, would swear that it was actually eating the sheer stress from her body. Absorbing it like a sponge. Her heart, which felt like it was going to burst out of her chest from how hard it was pumping less than a minute ago, slowed to a snails pace. Her breathing, which was a short and shallow afterthought, was now deep and fulfilling. Even though the material of the bed.

In the short time that Moon had spent on the bed, her body had become relaxed and limp like wet corn noodles. All but her feet, which were dangling off the mattress and in the air, were still stressed and tense to the bone. Will all the strength she could muster, Moon grabbed hold of the bed post and hauled herself up just enough so every last inch touched the enchanted mattress. With a groan, Moon stretched and felt cracks and snaps throughout her body as muscles tensed before finally releasing. It was heavenly. Like her body was actually melting on the mattress. After a final yawn, Moon eagerly awaited for the sleeping spell to take her-

-WHISP-WHISP-

"OH COME ON!" Moon growled, her jaw snapping shut as she grinnded her teeth. Forcing herself up, Moon felt the stress of the day flooding back with a vengeance as she turned to the mirror on the wall. The sapphires embedded in its enchanted frame glowing as it chimed an alarm. Feeling her right eye twitch, Moon howled. "What is it?"

REMINDER. QUEENLY INSTRUCTION. REMINDER. QUEENLY INSTRUCTION. REMINDER. QUEENLY-

"Just stop." Moon ordered, the magical device shutting down.

Looking over to the clock over to the clock hanging above the fireplace, Moon saw how late it was and rubbed her eyes as she sighed for what had to be the thousandth time that day. Forcing herself out bed, Moon walked over to the mirror as she felt her body angrily screaming at her to go back. Moon shook her head, ignoring it as she tried to wake herself up. Making it over to the mirror, Moon saw how exhausted she was. How defeated by duty she had become. Moon almost didn't recognize herself. The queen, mother, and leader who gazed back at Moon from the enchanted glass looked tired, worn, and alone. Even old. Moon was ready to summon her power and blast the cold intruder who dared enter into her warm home, but then realized it was herself.

It was that moment, that singular space in time, that broke her spirit more than anything else that day. Turning over to the bookshelf, Moon stared at the framed picture standing next to the 'history of Mewni' tome. It was Queen Comet Butterfly. Her mother. This queen was young, strong, ready to face the world.

"H-how, how did you do it?" Moon asked, picking up the picture of her mother. She heard no answer, but the smile of Mewni's greatest queen warming her heart was all she needed. It gave her what she needed, at least for her final duty that night. Putting down the picture, Moon turned back to the mirror and took a deep breath as she straightened her hair back into her usual heart shaped bun. Noting how the mirror wouldn't show below her waist, Moon didn't bother putting her bell shaped dress back on as she silently fixed her make up with a spell. "Alright, lets get this over with."

Activating the mirror, Moon made her recording to her daughter. The message tonight was about etiquette, respect, future responsibility. Moon didn't even know anymore. It was all just words to her now. But it was something she knew for a fact her daughter needed. Of course star would disagree with her. She always did, ever since the child could talk. No one liked being told what they had to do. Especially children. but it was something Mewni's Queen, leader, and royal mother had to do for the future heir of the kingdom.

"Moonpie!"

"Gah- W-what?" Moon stuttered, startled. Turning over to the door, Moon saw none other than her husband walking through the arch as the door swung fast toward the wall, bouncing off it and back into River's face, splattering mud and sludge everywhere as he fell on his behind. "R-River?"

"Moonpie, guess who's back?"

River, her husband and king of Mewni, cheered waving. River himself was covered from head to toe in mud. What part of his royal robes weren't slathered in the thick wet soil was stained brown, none of the traditional Royal azure blue was visible through the filth. What was visible was that wriggling under or inside of the muck clinging to her husband. When the clods dripped off the small king, the wriggling fallowed the clumps on the ground. Moon herself could only guess on the smell of her husband, but whatever it was, it was strong and unpleasant. Moon couldn't decide what was worse. The filth, the odor, or the vermin wriggling through it all. She decided on the vermin, as from the movement in her husband's beard alone she knew River was a walking hive by now.

"River...oh-" Moon stopped herself, remembering what she was doing, pused the recording. "I was in the middle of my daily reminder to Star."

"Phhh, you're still doing that?" River waved a hand as he got back up onto his feet, leaving an outline of his lower body in mud on the ground. His 'little angles', as River liked to call the vermin, continued to wriggle. Shutting the door behind him as River walked into their room, a smear of grime was left under the door's frame. "Sweetie, if Star hasn't figured out 'burning stuff is bad' yet, I think we have bigger problems then which is the right spoon to eat soup with... its the shiny small one, right?"

"Its not about that River, and you know it." Moon said, planting her hands on her hips. The queen learned long ago that it was the best position when speaking to her husband for him to know what she said was important. "We need Star to act like a proper queen."

"I think I know what you're saying." River nodded, twiddling his beard, showing he truly was thinking about what she was saying. It would've been a rather nice moment, if he wasn't tracking mud by the handful as he did. "Should we add 'no pillaging' to the list?"

"River..." Moon sighed, rubbing her temple. Turning back to the mirror, Moon took in a deep breath as she regained her composure and resumed the recording. "As I was saying Star, Respect, etiquette, responsibility. Those are the values of a queen... oh, and your father wants add 'no pillaging'. Good night."

"Whoah Whoah, wait there Moonpie." River said, waving his hands, flinging mud around him. "I wasn't serious. Nothing wrong with a little pillaging. Puts hair on your chest."

"Yes, I'm sure our daughter would love that." Moon tried not to roll her eyes, but she couldn't help it. "As would the people we're beating and stealing from."

"Not people Moonpie, I'm not a savage. Just monsters." River said proudly, not noticing his wife's eye's roll. "Honestly, you've been spending too much time indoors. Remember how much you used to love pillaging."

"I remember, about as much as a love flags." Moon nodded as she pulled out the pin and letting her hair down again, the memory of her sitting on a stump nibbling on a piece of corn. The queen bored out of her mind as she watched her husband to be and soon to be in-laws burning a monster village as they raided the food stores. "Its hard to forget. How did your lecture go?"

"Oh, uhhh..." River grumbled, pulling at his mustache, scraping away the gunk as he looked everywhere but at his wife. A clear sign he was about to lie to Moon. It was honestly amazing how similar River and Star were. Their daughter would do the same thing every time she tried lying to her mother. Though the girl twiddled with her hair falling behind her head, not on her face. Eventually the short goof managed to come up with what he needed as he smiled, meeting Moon's gaze. "Crowds, cheers, words and whatnot. You know how my lectures go."

"Riveting, I have no doubt." Moon said, her tone flat. 'I'm sure the monster villagers listened to your every word as you plunged the Johansen royal spear through chief's chest on your 'lecture tour'.'

"Ha-ha!" River laughed obliviously, the mud shivering off his beard like a wet dog drying its fur. "Darling, how do you come up with such wordplay?"

"Wordplay?" Moon asked confused, until she remembered her husband's name was in the word she just used. River always did get chipper when that happened. Another thing her husband, the king, shared with their daughter. A child. Something that grew less and less endearing over time. "Oh, when I'm around you it just comes to me."

"Always delighted to be the muse." River took a playful bow, a large clump fell off of him in a loud plat as he did. Fallowed by a roach the size of her hand crawling out of it and scurried under the door.

"Alright, that's enough!" Moon said, trying not to glare at her husband. "River, go wash up. You're filthy."

"But darling, I've had a long hard trip during my lecture." River said, giving Moon the puppy dog look. "I want to spend time with my Moonpie."

'Is that what the Johansens call their after party mudslinging fights now?' Moon wondered. "I-ugh, I can understand long days River."

"Splendid!"River cheered, coating even more of their room in his gunk. The good news was most of it was off him now. Aside from his beard, which continued to wriggle around. "I have the perfect way for us to blow off some corn husks. Just like the old days. Me making death catapults while you whip up those exploding strawberry death pies."

"Hmmm." Moon felt herself smile, the memory of a monster settlement exploding. The rotten huts and matted shacks bursting in flames as those talking vermin screamed for mercy. Moon couldn't deny, she was tempted by the idea, but then she looked at the clock again and shook her head. "River, it would take too long and its already late. We both have too much to do tomorrow."

"Dear, you can shove off paper pushing for a day." River waved a hand. "Who would notice?"

"River..." Moon grinded her teeth, remembering her first year as queen. When the young child monarch left for a day of shenanigans with none other than River himself, leaving a stack of paper not unlike the one currently sitting on her desk at the moment as she floated out the window. Only when she returned later that night for dinner to discover the palace burning with all her staff and servants panicking, demanding leadership and screaming about the end of days. The paperwork she left behind adding on to the even larger stack the next day was the butter on the corn. But that was beside the point. "May I remind you, again, that you have a diplomatic mission with the Spiderbites."

"Oh-oh, yes. No need my dear. I am quite aware." River said, looking away from Moon and lying to her face yet again. "And not to worry Moonpie, I assure you there will be no threats of war... this time."

"Glad to hear it, like every other time." Moon said, her tone as dry as salt. "Would you like Manfred to accompany you?"

"That gossip?" River frowned at her, rolling his eyes. "He'd likely start a war the moment he hit a cute looking serving wench."

"Too true..." Moon sighed, the action so repeated it was starting to hurt. "As I said, big day tomorrow. For both of us. Lets just go to bed."

"Ohhhh Moonpie, you're forgetting something." River said with a cheeky smile. Moon tilted her head at her husband, confused. "Don't forget my dear, we've got the whole night to ourselves. No threat of fire, collapsing buildings, or someone barging in here whining about which thing a certain princess couldn't do that night."

"Y-yes." Moon smiled, her eyes wide as dinner plates as a wave of relief almost as wonderful as the enchanted mattress washed over her. It was true, ever since Star could walk she made it a habit of barging in, no, crashing into their parents room and throwing a childish tantrum about which obstacle to her fun annoyed her the most that day before tiring herself out and falling asleep. Like with most things with their daughter, it was adorable when she was young but only grew less endearing as time went on. Her and River would actually make a game of it, guessing which reason for the hissy fit that night. It was one of the things that bonded them when they became parents. After Star was sent to earth, Moon hadn't even noticed. Though looking back it did explain how Moon gained an extra hour of sleep. Moon didn't know what surprised her more, that she forgot such a detail or that River himself didn't."I did forget about that, you're right River."

"So its decided, wonderful!" River cheered, rushing toward Moon with his arms open ready for a hug.

"Stop right there." Moon ordered, her arm stretched out and bopping River on the nose when he ran into her hand. "You know I hate it when you're covered in filth. Go bathe."

"Oh, Moonpie. I'd rather- oh wait." River smiled, getting back up to his feet and like before, leaving an imprint of his legs in mud where he landed. "I'll shake off the muck with the old twirl pole. We haven't used it in years and I can't think of a better excuse. Should still be on the closet."

'Twirl pole, what- ah, the other little reminder from my go-go days.' Moon thought trying to remember the last time she used the blasted thing, but couldn't quite place it.

That wasn't what concerned the queen though, but the thought of her pulling out one of her little routines, something she knew river liked to stretch out for as long as he could. Even after years of no practice it would be no real effort, not with river of all people watching. Regardless, just the idea made her body ache. All Moon wanted to do was sleep. Looking down at her husbands face, the eagerness shining through the filth. There was no denying him, at least not without hearing him gripe and mumble next to her all night, which was even worse.

"Alright," Moon conceded, feeling her heart sink into her chest as her eyes grew heavier by the moment. "I'll even use a spell to clean you up so you never have to touch the dreaded soap and water. I'll use the pole to get us in the mood."

"Ah-ha! I've waited so long for this." River cheered, all but ripping off his royal robes which revealed a second layer of soil covering his person and even more wriggling vermin than she had seen before.

"Oh my goodness." Moon cringed, slapping a hand over her mouth as she held back a fit of gagging. Turning away from her husband, Moon could tell the smell was even more potent now with a little something extra she hadn't smelled before. Forcing herself back to face River, moon saw that like before with the beard, that the wriggling of the vermin was most prominent in his hair. On his chest and... below. 'For corn, magic, and all that is decent what kind of man comes home like that!'

"Everything alright Moonpie?" River asked, his face even more cheerful than before.

"I, I..." Moon cringed, covering her face with her blouse collar as she took in a deep breath. The effort doing little to hide the rancid odor. 'Oh whats the point?'

Moon thought as she raised her hand to River and blasted him with a beam of azure light. The stream of pure royal butterfly magic enveloping him and for the tiniest of moments, it appeared that River Johansen, the king of mewni and her husband, was gone. Only for him to appear not a moment later standing before her completely naked and clear of both the much and vermin that covered him for who knew how long. Standing in the place of a filthy wildman was a warrior of stalwart strength with the face of a goof. The ernist smile on his face did warm Moon's heart a little. At least until she took another breath and the burning smell of animal musk filled her nostrils.

'There it is, that little something extra.' Moon thought nodding. It was not the first time Moon had cleaned River with a spell like that. She did it quite frequently actually, and it always rendered him as polished as marble. But without the perfumed clothes she had set out for him, or the soap of a recent bath, this is what River naturally smelled like. The odor of a beast in heat. Something Moon had known about for decades now and could still only force herself to tolerate it. "Well, lets get started."

Moon snapped her fingers and instantly a azura blue aura engulfed the door to the closet and the twirl pole hidden inside it. As the door shut and the pole floated into the room, Moon took a shallow breath and did her best to ignore the smell. It wasn't enough and she cringed. With the focus broken the spell broke with it, the azure aura crushing the pole with her cringe. Turning it into little more than twisted metal.

"No." River wailed. "What happened?"

"Sorry River, I..." Moon thought quickly, her eyes gazing everywhere but at her husband. "I sneezed."

"Oh, oh its quite alright dear." River said, depression in his voice. "I'm sure we can have it repaired."

"We could just purchase another one. Its just an old piece of metal."

"Egad. How can you say such a thing Moonpie?" River gasped, outrage and hurt in his voice. "We've had this old girl since we were married. It will be restored."

"Very well. If its what you want." Moon shrugged. Truth be told, Moon was ambivalent at whatever happened to pole. Something that hadn't seen the light of day in over a decade. She was actually a bit confused at River's attachment to it. "Come now river. Put that frown away. I think I know how to make it up to you."

River had done just that as he saw lovely wife unzip the back of her royal blouse and slide out of her pants. Honestly, the butterfly queen wasn't doing much more than sliding off her clothes and twisting around a bit, but it was more than enough for the son of a barbarian chieftain. If the drool sliding down his face and what was rising out of the mound of fur like hair below said anything. It was actually rather endearing, even making Moon a little frisky herself.

"Are you ready River?"

"Not quite my dear." River smiled slyly, walking up to her before getting down on his knees. "You gave me a show, I'd like to do something to return the favor."

"River, that's quite sweet but really-"

"Nonsense Moonpie." River waved a hand before shoving his face between her legs. "Let tomorrow wait and enjoy ourselves tonight."

Moon cringed again almost as terribly as before, as while the sentiment truly was sweet, the act was something she always hated. River's face had been a bushy beard since he could first grow one and whenever he tried this it only felt like someone was shoving a broom between her legs with something wet in the middle. It was anything but arousing. She had tried telling him this before in the early years of their marriage but he would only become offended and sulk for days. Moon soon learned she had only one option when he tried this. Holding back another gag, Moon turned toward the clock and waited eagerly- desperately for enough time to elapse. Second by second Moon waited. Waited as River's stench filled her lungs. Waited as River shoved his disgusting bushy and vermin infested beard against her. Waited until her stomach turned and all but climbing up her throat.

"Enough..." Moon whispered before letting out a moan and shivered, pressing River's head against herself and backing away. Moon looked down at her husband, doing her best to smile and hide her disgust. "Well done sweetie."

"Whaoh, new record!" River cheered, his fists in the air. Completely oblivious to how close he was to his wife spilling the contents of her stomach onto him out of sheer disgust. "Now, on to the main event."

As River made his way past his wife and to their bed, Moon noticed that the small picture of her mother and where it was facing. As quickly and quietly as she could, Moon turned the picture away as she faced her husband. River was laying on the bed, spread out waiting for her with the same sly smile as before. As she walked toward the bed, she didn't see a king, or even her husband. Not even a man. Only the fur and smell of a wild beast with the mind of a child waiting to mount her. A thought that disturbed her more than she could say.

"Sweetie..." Moon forced herself to smile. "Lets try something different, get behind me."

River eagerly did as Moon had asked of him. Getting behind his wife as she got down on all fours on the bed. Moon needed this. Not the act itself, that she could live without. But the position, she knew it was River's favorite and quickest for him. But more importantly, it didn't require Moon to actually look at her husband. Something she just couldn't do that night.

Moon bit her lip as she felt River grab her hips and squeeze, hard. Moon did her best to hold in any sound that could be thought of as displeased as she felt River's actions behind her, though she doubted he would know the difference. Moon tried not to remember all the other times her and her husband shared their bed like they were doing now. River's stone faced gaze as he silently thrusted into her harder and harder every time. The act only getting more painful as time went on, and what wasn't painful was disgusting+ as she felt the mound of fur like hair shoved against her. Moon tried not to remember that, but it was useless, especially as she felt River's jagged fingernails digging into her skin and the smell of his animal like musk only growing stronger.

"R-river, I-"

"I'm, I'm almost there... just- ohhhh!" River grunted with a final thrust, his grip all but breaking her skin before he finally released. Moon felt a wet plop against her flesh as River sighed and collapsed next to her. Panting like a pig, River stuttered. "Wh-what a wonderful night. Was it good for you too dear?"

Moon couldn't find the strength to answer him, only forcing herself to smile before kissing her husband... on the cheek. Snapping her fingers, the lights to the room vanished, leaving the Monarchs of Mewni in the dark. It took less than a minute before Moon felt river turn to his side and begin snoring like a beast.

Sighing for one final time that night as she lay there unsatisfied to her core, the stress of the day refused to be ignored and fade like before. Moon knew exactly what she needed. Reaching over and under the mattress, Moon pulled out a wand. It was a special kind of wand. Not one for magic, but something much more... personal. Rubbing a sapphire on the side, the knob like end at the top started to silently vibrate. Its crystal like material was actually absorbing the small amount of light around it. Biting her lip in anticipation, Moon lowered the non-magical wand down below but the moment before it touched her skin a loud high pitched tooting sound erupted next to her. From her husband. The screech echoing in the small room as a new putrid stench escaped and began mixing with the rancid sweaty musk scent already in the air.

"Yes, yes that does sound about right." Moon said, gripping the side of her head, fully prepared to rip her hair out.

"N-not so loud Moonpie." River said, groggily. "Riverbed is trying to sleep."

Yanking herself up and on her feet, Moon looked down at the glorified caveman sleeping in her bed. Her eye twitching, Moon knew she had to leave or she would become a widow that very night by her own hand. Stomping off to the private royal wash room and after closing the door, Moon casted a spell of silence as she screamed.