Easy Living
It was a simple idea. Go to a drive-in movie on a Friday night.
Chloe had mentally mapped out the evening she desired. They would go in Beca's red pick up truck, park in the very back of the lot, bring a soft, wool blanket to share. They could bring their own bag of chips, a story or two about why they were out together, alone, with no men at such a late hour. She had thought ahead and knew what to say and do if anything were to turn awry. Though, who would know what exactly it was that they were up to if they acted coy and unassuming.
They were eating penne pasta and drinking cheap Madeira wine late one night. Chloe decided she would mention going to the drive-in as there was a lull in their conversation. A glint in Beca's eyes told her she was looking through a rose-colored lens.
Maybe it was far fetched, but it wasn't like Chloe was asking to go to the theater and hold Beca's hand and cuddle and share a coke. She would love to, of course, lord, how she would love to. If they could not go to the theater, she figured a drive-in was relatively inconspicuous.
Chloe picked up her glass of wine, swirled the last mouthful. Waiting, wondering, watching, as Beca stabbed at a few noodles and soaked up excess sauce. She sipped unhurried, savoring the smooth caramel taste. With not much of an answer from Beca, it seemed any promise of her ideal date was dwindling. The bottom of the glass hit the surface of the coffee table. Chloe turned towards Beca, her leg bent and resting over Beca's thigh. She wiped excess sauce off of Beca's chin.
"It was just an idea," Chloe said, resting her head on her palm. She simply looked at Beca, in no rush for anything.
Beca seemed to be earnestly contemplating. Chloe understood. They didn't do things like this. Sure, they went out in public together. To the market, the library, that morning they went out to breakfast before work. None of that roused any suspicion, not in the vein a drive-in movie might. They went to the few lesbian bars they could but never for long periods of time, never for more than a drink or two. And they had friends who tried going to fancy dinners; some were seated, some were not. It was the sheer reality of being with another woman.
"We can go, we just - you know - we'll have to sit at either end of the seats," Beca said as if it's the bane of her entire existence - being two feet apart, rather than say, how they were then, no space, all heat.
Chloe smiled, wrapped her arm around Beca's neck and kissed her.
"Do you think you can handle it?" Chloe teased against Beca's lips. "Not touching me at all."
"That's what I'm afraid of," Beca said, pulling Chloe's body closer by her unbuttoned blouse.
Chloe's heart was in her throat. It hit her when Beca picked her up what they were doing. A date, an out in public date. Not in the comfort of women such as them, but people the complete opposite. Scenario after scenario ran through her mind. She knew if grounded in a clear headspace she would dismiss these fears as nothing more than fears. Trying to distract herself, she looked over at Beca as she drove. She was dressed up, it seemed an unspoken agreement that they would both dress fancier than usual.
"Are you second-guessing?" Beca asked, glancing at Chloe. "Cause I have been waiting to watch Sabrina for months now."
"No," Chloe said, smiling at Beca's quip, "you just look - I'm admiring you, is all."
Beca smirked and straightened her posture. Strands of her tied up hair brushed against her neck. Her flannel shirt collar turned up at the point, fastened at the bottom for an air of femininity. Chloe had to stare. She wanted to touch Beca, to lay a hand on her thigh, to have Beca look at her, too.
They arrived at the drive-in. Paid, parked, waited and talked, Beca would simply look at her off and on - if she stared too long, Chloe began to get nervous. Of course, Beca sensed when. She reached for Chloe's arm, gave it a squeeze, and said, "We're gonna be fine, baby."
The windows were still rolled up. Chloe had to check.
A few other cars were in front of them, but none too close. In a moment of blind confidence, Chloe wrapped her hand around Beca's and said, "I love it when you wear pants."
There was something thrilling about saying it while out in public. Not at home, or in bed, the shower, in privacy. It wasn't like no one could have heard, but where fear usually resided, adrenaline took over. She welcomed it.
She inched closer.
Beca shifted away but never left Chloe's gaze.
Chloe wasn't offended, only looked around to see the increase in cars. She decided that she was safe to sit this close to Beca. It wasn't that strange, maybe a little funny. Twenty minutes ago she was on the verge of heart arrhythmia. In the swing of the moment, it did not feel quite as dangerous.
The cartoon with the food started playing so Beca rolled the windows down. Chloe laid the blanket over their laps, and whispered, "This is pretty romantic, isn't it?"
"So is drinking wine at my place, or going up to the roof at yours," Beca said as she pulled the blanket up to her chin.
"Oh, hush," Chloe said, mirroring Beca. They weren't at opposite ends of the car. Not quite in the middle, but near. Sharing a blanket. It was fine. As long as they kept their - Chloe tensed, completely caught off guard by Beca's hand on her thigh. In a millisecond it was gone.
Beca's face flushed. "I'm sorry," she whispered.
"It's fine," Chloe whispered back. Beca's body was as stiff as a board.
They sat in silence - the cartoon hotdog dancing - nervous tension plentiful. It reminded Chloe of when they first met and didn't know how to behave around one another.
The atmosphere grew louder as more people showed up. When the movie actually started, a melodious tune accompanied the opening credits. Beca commented on how many cars were in front of them.
"I wonder if people are gonna actually watch the movie or..."
Beca smirked at her. "Or what?"
"Or you know," Chloe said, trying not to look at Beca, mostly avoiding a blush.
"No, really, I'm lost..." Beca said, turning inward towards Chloe. She tilted her head like a confused puppy. "Or?"
"You know," Chloe whispered. She was nearly pouting.
"Oh," Beca whispered back. She smirked again. "Now I get it."
Audrey Hepburn barely appeared on screen before Chloe felt sleepy. Thankfully, the music in the movie was lively, it's what kept her awake - along with the chatter going on outside the car.
Every so often a person or two would walk by them. It was as expected. People needed more popcorn or soda refills or a bathroom break. What was not expected though, was to see someone Beca knew. Chloe had not anticipated running into people from their lives - she wasn't sure why she hadn't. Beca looked as if she was ready to bury herself alive at the sight. Chloe knew immediately there was an issue. This man Chloe narrowed in on who Beca was staring at walked by the car, passed them, turned around and yelled, for some reason, "Beca! I knew that was you!" Without a social cue, he leaned his forearms on the sill of the door. Chloe had no idea of who he was, but he knew Beca and Beca him. Beca's reaction frightened Chloe. She was not acknowledging him, she looked as if she was trapped as if she was not there anymore.
"Haven't seen you in a while," he said. It was hard to make out his features in the lack of light.
"Months," Beca said in a snap, "I haven't seen you in months."
Chloe tried not to fix her look on Beca, but she didn't want to look at the man, either, so she kept her eyes on the film.
"What have you been up to?" he asked. Nonchalantly, as if Beca was not in the middle of watching a movie!
"Well, I've been working, and just - life, really," Beca said. No hint of please continue, no cordial tone. Chloe knew Beca wouldn't tell him to leave, she did not want to say such things either, but it felt rude of him to interrupt.
"Pardon my manners, Beca, who is your friend?" he asked, smiling.
"Co-worker," Beca said, arms crossed. Chloe felt nerves ripple through her chest.
"Oh," he said, "where are you working now then, Beca?"
In an exhale, the smoke on his breath was in the air. Growing worried he might catch onto something, anything, that could give it away, Chloe cut in. "We kinda would like to get back to watching the movie, if you don't mind."
"Not a problem," he said, bowing his head, "Great seeing you Beca - you ladies have a nice time tonight."
Once he was out of earshot, Chloe said, "Who was that?"
"I used to work in the department store with him," Beca said, quietly. She looked as if she wanted to continue - hesitantly, she did.
"We were together for a few months."
"Oh."
Beca looked at her, guilty almost. "It was before..."
"I assumed," Chloe said, smiling softly. "He had one of those flat-top haircuts, didn't he?"
Beca laughed. "I think those look horrible."
It was difficult to get back into the film. As minutes passed by, Chloe could not stop wondering if he thought anything of the two of them. It was likely the possibility hadn't even crossed his mind. Maybe she was overreacting, being over cautious.
She started tapping her foot.
Beca glanced over at her. Chloe stopped, apologized, but started back up again within the minute.
"You okay?" Beca gently asked.
"Do you think he is still interested in you?" Chloe asked, staring at a crying Audrey Hepburn.
It was silent in the car then.
"We only went on a few dates," Beca then said, head tilted in an attempt to make eye contact. "I was scared to say no."
Chloe nodded at this. Her heart leaped to her throat as Beca explained the circumstances.
A hand moved under the blankets, a finger brushed her knee cap. She knew Beca was purposeful with her movements. Her touch told her not to worry about a man. To stop watching the movie, the gorgeous Audrey Hepburn. Beca's gaze determined while Chloe was unsure where to look.
The picture went on like this: Beca's hand brushing along Chloe's thigh, never going anywhere holy. It kept Chloe alert. She began to realize that this was Beca reassuring her - still, it was no less tantalizing.
(A hand stilled for the remaining runtime.)
It seemed to be nearing the end of the movie. There were many cars gearing up to leave. On impulse, Chloe grabbed Beca's hand, gave it a squeeze, and moved it, so she could take the blanket off of the two of them.
"Let's go for a drive?" Chloe said.
As they pulled out of the lot, hitting a bit of traffic, Chloe began thinking about her life with Beca.
It was difficult. Three people in their lives knew about them - the crucial role they played for one another. They couldn't go on the typical date. Nerves were on a rampage if they did anything out of the ordinary.
She found it unfair.
They were cultivating a life together that no one could see. Though it saddened her, she ultimately knew that the life she dared to live was fulfilling and wonderful. So much more so than her life before Beca, or than it would be living without her.
Living was easy, as long as Beca felt that way, too.