so today's the day I say goodbye. today's the day I say goodbye in the first person that I ever loved and loved me back. I say goodbye to A daughter's first love. my dad my rock my everything. Clay gave me permission to sing the song i wrote at the funeral today. I guess funerals for a first nine member is a little different from a normal patch funeral. I don't know if I can. I'm not ready to say goodbye. I'm not ready to lose my dad. and knock on the door jolted me from my thoughts.
" Novalee are you ready?" Donna asked.
Donna , Opie , and Jax are my bestfriends. They just had their first kid a couple weeks ago. I cant beileve it before the age of 20 Opie was married with a rugrat. I cant say anything Ellie is amazing. I love her so much.
" I'm ready as ill ever be." i said opening the door.
Donna drove us to the funeral home. Jax and Opie were riding. Prospects had to we pulled up i could see all the bikes and cages. Their was alot of people here paying their respects. I'm not ready. i don't want to say good we finally made it inside everyone stopped talking at looked at me like I was going to loose it. I stood tall and walked up to Opie and Jax. Jax put his arm around me and pulled me into a hug. Clay yelled quieting everyone down.
"Welcome Everyone as you know my name is Clay and I will be reading the eulogy for Dennis Henry Johnson. Dennis lost his almost 5 year battle to cancer. He fought tooth and nail. Never letting it stop him form being happy and Making sure his daughter was happy to. Dennis is preceded in death by both his parents. he leaves behind his spitfire of a daughter Novalee. Dennis served 10 years in Vietnam. after the war he joined The Sons.. Through his life he has made many friends and became a brother to all of us. He will be Missed. I love you brother. His daughter wrote a song she'd like to sing. Come on Nova." Clay said sitting down.
"Hello everyone my name is Novalee. This is for you Daddy.
Wind blowin' on my face
Sidewalk flyin' beneath my bike
A five year-old's first taste
Of what freedom's really like
He was runnin' right beside me
His hand holdin' on the seat
I took a deep breath and hollered
As I headed for the street
You can let go now, Daddy
You can let go
Oh, I think I'm ready
To do this on my own
It's still a little bit scary
But I want you to know
I'll be ok now, Daddy
You can let go
It was killin' me to see
The strongest man I ever knew
Wastin' away to nothin'
In that hospital room
'You know he's only hangin' on for you'
That's what the night nurse said
My voice and heart were breakin'
As I crawled up in his bed, and said
You can let go now, Daddy
You can let go
Your little girl is ready
To do this on my own
It's gonna be a little bit scary
But I want you to know
I'll be ok now, Daddy
You can let go
You can let go." I fell to my knees at the last you can let go and screamed as I cried.
Everytime someone would come over to try to get me up i would scream for them to let me go. I was going to stay right here with my daddy. That way he could never leave me. Yeah I told him it was ok to let go. but I wasn't ready. What girl is ever ready to loose her daddy. everyone walked up and said their goodbyes before heading their separate ways members of the club went to the clubhouse others went home. I was the last person in the room. I looked down at my daddy one last time.
"im sorry I was such a bad kid. I'm sorry I couldn't make you proud. I'm sorry I couldn't help you and make all the cancer go away. I feel like I failed you. Like I'm a bad daughter." I said as I began to cry again.
"Your not a failure sweetheart, he loved you so much, he was very proud of you." Gemma said coming to sit next to me pulling me into a hug.
I just sat their crying into her arms. I didn't have the energy to stand.
"Jackson, Donna went home to check on Ellie take her to my Escalade. I don't think she has it in her to walk thru the crowd. I'll pull it around back. Skeeter's coming to get him for cremation." Gemma said standing up.
"No Gemma. I want to be with him when he's cremated. i don't want him to be alone. I can't let my daddy go through that alone. I know it's just his body that his soul is gone but it's still my dad's body and I wont leave him alone."
I stood there and watched as Skeeter took my dad away. Jax help me to the crematorium and I watch Skeeter load up my dad's coffin. as soon as he turned it on I felt completely numb. there were no more tears I just felt empty. like I had nothing to be joyful about. it feels like my life it's over with him. Jax handed me my dad's cut and I hugged it into myself. it was all I had left of my dad. after it was over we went back to the clubhouse. I've been living there with my dad since he got diagnosed. when we walked in I ignored everybody and went straight to my room. I was done with the day and just wanted to sleep.